Modern Day saints are cunts, aren’t they?

Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today to ensure the parish understands its lowliness, to remember those holy enlightened to the Lord, and to further anoint their hallowed heads.

Ah-men. Let us pray.

Above reproach, unable to be criticised, they hover above everyone, holier than you, cleaner of spirit, purer of heart. When they shuffle off this mortal coil, there is a lengthy mourning period where, like the Mandela-thon from a few years back, you are unable to speak objectively lest you be cast out and biblically ostracised by lachrymose tyrants. Indeed, when the Princess of Hearts was splattered all over the dashboard, the country ground to a halt and the airwaves were festooned with endless lugubrious music and clichéd eulogies. For a fucking fortnight.

Ahh-men Let us pray for:-
Saint Greta
Saint Barack
Saint Jo Cox
Saint Oprah
Saint Mandela
Saint Malala
and who can forget, the doe-eyed self-promoting hussy herself, Saint Diana.

Thou shalt not criticise these eminent Reverends. May God’s love forever shineth a light on each venerable grace whilst reminding thee of thy unworthiness. Thou pile of festering, unrepentant cunts.

Ahh-souls.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Tom Allen is a smug, self-satisfied, snide little cunt. Who is he you say?

Well, he’s one of the new breeds of comedian – which is newspeak for he’s not funny. He’s a regular on shit panel shows, like ‘8 out of cunts do cuntdown’ and now apparently, so my lady friend tells me, on ‘The Great British Bake Off: An Extra Slice’ with Jo (John Sergeant in drag) Brand.

With his affected, wannabe upper-class accent and his natural talent for looking down on everyone who isn’t him, he has firmly established himself as being a complete cunt. Being a spiteful, poisonous little queen in a smart suit doesn’t make you funny sir. It makes you a spiteful, poisonous little queen.

Given the fact that he looks like ‘Brain’ from the 90’s cartoon ‘Pinky and the Brain’ (I grew up in the 90’s, so please indulge me. You’ll find the resemblance is uncanny) he shouldn’t be quite so smug and quick to put others down.

Also being gay isn’t a substitute for a personality. I’ve a friend who is gay and he’s fairly straight acting. He hates the gays that live up to the stereotype.

In his own words he said that Kenneth Williams did the haughty, sneering old queen act better and that Tom Allen is taking the gay stereotype back to the days of John Inman and Frankie Howerd. But no doubt the MSM will think he’s fucking brilliant and worship the ground he minces on.

He’s probably sort of cunt that would read this website and then use it for his own material.

If you’re reading this Tom: you’re a cunt.

Nominated by Harold Steptoe

A pass the sick bag, Alice, can’t believe my eyes cunting please for this pushing 40, wannabe amateur prostitute, slack-arsed, dim-witted trollop:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/6802123/kerry-katona-topless-thong-bikini-marbella/

Now I like a nice pair of jugs just as much as the next ceramics fan does, but this heap of misshapen lard is a truly repulsive sight. You can almost smell the B.O. in the flabby folds of flesh from this Toby jug of a woman.

She was never a beauty, but she now looks like a desperate, ugly, cheap tramp. What will happen when the tabloids tire of seeing her expose her mounds of putrid flesh?. It is a great pity that British Telecom removed all the phone boxes in Soho and the West End because she could have touted her worn out carcass in them. As it is, with the Iceland adverts a thing of long ago, it will be postcards in newsagents windows – “Large Chest For Sale” or “French Lessons with Full Correction – O’ and A’ Levels”.

As it is, love, give it up. I shouldn’t think in your state an old lag doing a ten stretch in the Scrubs would get the horn looking at your photo in the Sun today, and wouldn’t have done any time in the last 15 years.

Granny porn at it’s stinking worst.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

British expats are cunts.

Now I know there are at least a couple who frequent this very site, however, I’m tarring everyone with the same brush, for I am a cunt and don’t care.

Anyway, British ex pats are kicking up a fuss in Spain, saying that the British government have “forgotten them” in the Brexit process. They’re worried they won’t be able to access free health care once we leave the EU. My response would be, tough shit. If I left my job I wouldn’t expect them to keep paying me, so if you leave Britain to live in Spain, why would you think you’re still entitled to free health care?

Nominated by elboobio

Emergency cunting please for Jon Snow, who was interviewed, and brought up that vile old cliche about old Brexiteers dying off, thus replaced by fresh young blood who, of course, are all going to vote remain.

Interviewer commented that it was “tasteless”, and that many older people quite probably voted to remain.

What an odious, objectionable arsewipe this apology for a human being is.

I hope he ends up in a care home run by the great humanitarian of our age, Lord Fiddler, and that his daily care needs are attended to by Nurse Ratched. In fact, I think Snot is already post-lobotomy. Just chuck him out with the clinical waste.

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard