Modern Day saints are cunts, aren’t they?
Dearly beloved,
We are gathered here today to ensure the parish understands its lowliness, to remember those holy enlightened to the Lord, and to further anoint their hallowed heads.
Ah-men. Let us pray.
Above reproach, unable to be criticised, they hover above everyone, holier than you, cleaner of spirit, purer of heart. When they shuffle off this mortal coil, there is a lengthy mourning period where, like the Mandela-thon from a few years back, you are unable to speak objectively lest you be cast out and biblically ostracised by lachrymose tyrants. Indeed, when the Princess of Hearts was splattered all over the dashboard, the country ground to a halt and the airwaves were festooned with endless lugubrious music and clichéd eulogies. For a fucking fortnight.
Ahh-men Let us pray for:-
Saint Greta
Saint Barack
Saint Jo Cox
Saint Oprah
Saint Mandela
Saint Malala
and who can forget, the doe-eyed self-promoting hussy herself, Saint Diana.
Thou shalt not criticise these eminent Reverends. May God’s love forever shineth a light on each venerable grace whilst reminding thee of thy unworthiness. Thou pile of festering, unrepentant cunts.
Ahh-souls.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
Good Morning
Saint Rory of Stewart springs to mind.
The BBC seems to have taken over from the Papacy as the nominator of Saints.
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Well, they know rather a lot about diddlers, that’s for sure.
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To be fair Diana only became a saint when she snuffed it and they paraded her y-shaped coffin through the streets. It’s always the same with dead slebs…….they suddenly acquire saintly qualities but, if that is too much of a leap of the imagination, then they are sadly missed geniuses. Think of how many two bob comedians have achieved the genius status once they are safely stuck in the ground, even though the last time they raised a laugh was about 20 years before their unfortunate demise. You just know that Jimmy fucking Tarbuck is going to be a genius when the cunt snuffs it don’t you?
Jimmy who?
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Jimmy Tarbuck has robbed a living.About as funny a breakout of leprosy.
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What about St.Harry? -scourge of the tabloid, mental health expert, advocate for mixed marriages,disabled sports *icon*, man about town, world peace envoy and Prince?
There is also of course St Tom patron saint of same sex marriage and child-rearing, and a bit of diving once in a way (and that’s so he can cruise in the locker room)
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Nicely written Cap!
This building someone up into a saint or a genius once theyve snuffed it?
Makes me laugh!
Patron saint of Batley Jo cox can see there is a agenda behind that sort of thing, martyr to the far right,
But the genius thing?
Bit free an easy with the term genius..
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St Gary of Lineker believes he is a living saint and doesn’t need to die to be eulogised by other lefty cunts. Preaching his right-on sermons from everything from Brexit, ‘child rapeugees’ and defending his obscene salary from the boorish medium of the Twatter echo chamber.
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Playing football for a living must give you deep understanding of socioeconomic problems, and the answers to set the worlds problems right.
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Morning chaps.
St Gary of Lineker. He sits at the right hand of Pope Jean-Claude in the New Rome.
What a cunt.
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Bloody hell Miserable. Have you been reading those Open University units again?
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Let’s not forget the biggest hypocrite of the lot.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
This bitch kept sick people in squalor praying over them when in a lot of cases readily available medicine would have cured them.
she didn’t opt for the same treatment herself though, and her sicknesses were treated in modern hospitals.
Also, most of the millions in funding this snake oil nurse received, (a lot of it from crooks trying to buy their way into heaven), has mysteriously vanished.
Ugly, poisonous, lying, thieving, Albanian cunt.
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Thanks for the heads up Cuntflap.
I’ve just ordered a copy.
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That raisin faced witch was an evil old bag. Letting fools suffer, so she could hobnob with the rich and powerful. She thought wanking was as bad as abortion for fucks sake. But then again, has anything decent come out of Albania? Every time I see the word Albanian, it’s normally followed by one of these words; gangsters, drug cartel, people smugglers, burglar, rapist, cashpoint robber, and murderer. It seems that they are up for membership of the EU, but they already appear to have free movement of people.
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Too right Gutstick, no point in those nasty fuckers joining the EU, they’ve already got free movement. There can’t be many of the cunts left in their miserable country.
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Diana loved peaceful cock. By now she’d have been viewing the world through a letterbox.
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Gandhi, hero of the Left, veggie, pacifist, advocate of passive resistance?..wife beater! Oh an hated blacks!
Che Guevara, jim Morrison lookalike and revolutionary icon?
Bloodthirsty gun happy nutter, also hated blacks.
Get them to a spin doctor…hey presto!! Sainthood!!
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The grinning saint?
No end to his selfless work to better the world.
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There are all those kids who grew up in the aftermath of the Kosovan War being named after warmongering Tony after being lionised as a saviour. Have they not suffered enough?
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You’re right there MNC about Che,murdering cunt. There’s a reason why he was called the Butcher of La Cabana and yet loads of leftie twats across the world wear his face on clothing.Should go out and learn the facts about him first.
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The Jo Cox ‘there is more that unites us than divides us’ that the cunts in parliament like to quote every five minutes.
Yes, I agree if she is referring to the white English population but if she was referring to peacefuls then she can fuck off.
There is nothing ‘we’ have in common with the followers of Islam unless you count pissing and shitting.
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Is that the same jo Cox that spent the last afternoon of her life showing her kids how to flip the finger at protesting fishermen from a rubber dinghy on the thames while saint bob did the same thing from a nearby floating gin palace?
They can both fuck right off.
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Saint Barack helped the poor and black and therefore must be canonised into a modern day saint. That’s if you look the other way when totting up the bombs he dropped in office. 100,000 in eight years. That’s one every twenty minutes but to say that is racist against the holy one.
Reckon they’re preparing his wife for office so expect photos of hospital visits where Saint Michelle will be seen hugging child cancer victims very soon. I despise the Obamas.
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I get confused between michelle obama and oprah, they the same person?
All look the same to me….
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Simian? I now have to add some more unnecessary words as it was too short on it own.
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Annoying, isn’t it.
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The fukwits also gave him a Nobel Peace Prize on about his second day in office. Coz he wuz black.
Cunts.
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Is that the same Obama who talked a lot but didn’t deliver a lot despite being in office 8 years a total hypocrite.
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I believe his golfing handicap came down a peg or two whilst in office !!!!
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Ahh St Barack of the Obama. Received the Nobel Peace Prize, increased troop numbers in Afghanistan and created the drone wars, killing innocent people in foreign countries he was not at with, personally approving the assassination of many people by blowing up a car or building they happened to be in, regardless of who was with them.
The massive Cunt.
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The dorks who kowtow to these cunts are cunts. Empty headed morons. There is something missing in their life. Fun I suspect.
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Jo Cox patron saint of the Labour Party. An icon of the Labour Movement
Closely followed by the wonderful living legend that is Jess Philips who lives every day in fear of her life such a shame
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The media treat the murder of Saint Cox as an aberration but, frankly, I fail to understand how there haven’t been a hundred more instances. Personally, I can think of at least 20 MP’s off the top of my head that I would cheerfully see lying in a pool of their own shit.
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Saint happening ? Oh it bloody is, and on a Sunday!
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Watched a documentary on Saint Andrew of Windsor last night. It’s a bit of a watch this space job. I’ve said before that it will probably just disappear due to connections. I will be careful due to moderation, but immense work with the vulnerable young females.
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Surely this is just an overt promotion for The Church of the Latter Day Cunts??
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St Josephine Swinson….(.the “lady” whose husband received a £3.5 million euro “donation” for his company. ( reported NYE-4/10/19. ) The press of course , are not carrying this story in the mainstream.)
Bless their little house, God gift them with divine virtue. Cross my palm with silver, and may your ragged cunt, fester at all delights.
Words to that effect.
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I stole this line but it’s worth a share.
The word legend has lost some of it’s gravitas when it now refers to someone who turns up unexpectedly with crisps.
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Rough Tough is always unexpectedly dropping round ours with crisps but they must always be Golden Wonder and salt and vinegar. He stocks up with his favourite digestives while he’s here as he can’t get them as an expat living in rural Wales.
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That’s a downright lie Bertie! I wouldn’t touch a salt & vinegar crisp if you paid me!
The crisps at Creampuff Manor are all Cheese & Onion. Exclusively.
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Morning Cap’n. Lovely spot of cunting, old son.
Might I suggest the canonisation of little Owen Jones, after his recent senseless and brutal martyrdom at the hands of the forces of the extreme right?
St Owen of Loonyleft. It has a certain ring to it, if you’ll excuse the expression…
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Morning Ron, St Owen might practice the tradition of kissing the Pope’s ring when paying respect.
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Don’t forget St. Megan of the Markle.
Her name’s already been put forward by Archbishop 2:2
Oh,fuck that! A writ’s just been dropped through my door.
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News just in, frenzied crowds of Labour supports and religious zealots are flocking to Magic Grandpa’s Islington allotment after a turnip bearing a remarkable likeness to the bearded one was dug up.
A nationwide tour is planned for the masses but reports of its healing properties are unconfirmed.
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Could turnip to be the healing, unifying symbol we’re all looking for. Let’s make a lantern from it-a lantern of peace and reconciliation. WTF am I talking about? Just off with Miles for Mass.
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The Turnip of Islington will surely acquire the revered status of holy relic. Bit like Magic Grandpa, who most certainly has already achieved the status of relic.
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That grim-faced blue-haired lesbo captain of the American wimmins football team who wants female players to receive the same wages as men is another modern-day saint for the media. CNN devoted 10 minutes of its 30-minute sports program to her on the day the FIFA player of the year awards were made. Viewers had to put up with gushy commentary and obsequious fawning before learning that Messi had won the award.
Oops I should have said the FIFA best “men´s” player award in case someone got confused and assumed we were talking about the world´s most popular sport – women´s football!
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St Greta of Thunderbird is surely the holiest of the saints listed by the Cap in his excellent nomination.
Her deranged visage is surely a sign that she is receiving holy visions and possesses the gift of second sight. Her touch instantly revives the credibility of third rate politicians. She has inspired and is leading the Holy Crusade of Snowflakes that will set the world to rights in accord with her holy inspiration. She is our new Joan of Arc.
Fuck off.
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And she doth scowl and foam at the mouth at the appearance of the Anti Christ Trump. And lo, is her saintliness apparent to all
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It won’t be long before some cunt claims that her touch cured him of leprosy or something. The Grauniad will clear the front page.
I see that Ginger Baker has carked…
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I don’t know a lot about Ginger Baker, just that toe-curling interview where he was an absolute cunt. The bloke interviewing him was from The Guardian and therefore also a cunt, but Baker’s cuntishness outshines even that of a Guardian hack.
Cunt.
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Krav and Mpg regularly join countless priests in saying “Ah, men”. And not just on a sunday.
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St. Greta is the one who is really doing my nut in lately.
She isn’t a bloody admirable warrior for climate change awareness, she is a spoiled, indulged, pandered to little cuntwaffle who needs a big kick up the snatch, to get back to fucking school and to open her mind to something wider than just how her sacred planet is being ruined by those big, nasty adults.
It is ridiculous how the Libtard element have canonised this sanctimonious little brat.
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I doubt she’ll ever go back to school, Nurse. Equally I doubt that she’ll ever have a proper job. I think she’s now found her career, whizzing around from forum to protest forum, get a book deal (inc. a ghost written autobiog “My Sixteen years As An Annoying Little Cunt”) , then a film deal, selling her story to one of those horrible American capitalist studios she hates so much. Flying first class no doubt, because she’s Very Important. The hoi polloi shouldn’t be flying at all; a necessary sacrifice to save the planet and that.
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Thing is with all her posturing about climate change, the knobheads who have canonised Greta will now see the little shit as an expert on everything… The little fucker will be on Match Of The Day next…. Mind you, she’d do a better job than Shearer, Phil Neville and that chocolate teapot/clown Ian Wright….
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She’ll be endorsing products as ‘environmentally friendly; as well (for a fee, natch).
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St Malala is a fucking benefits scrounger and so are the rest of her family…. ‘But… But.. She was shot’ the libflake lemmings will squeal like pigs…. Loads of people are shot… The lads who were at Londonderry, Port Stanley, Iraq and Afghanistan got shot… But they didn’t get to live in clover with all their relatives for free, did they? The social media cunts and the ‘system’ don’t give a fuck about them, eh?
Not only that, this St Malala is a little gobshite…. Takes everything Britain gives her, grabs it with both grasping hands… But she’s all too quick to slag off the British and our way of life… Her most laughable load of bollocks? Saying that British/Western advertising and pop music objectifies women… Saying all this while wearing a compulsory headscarf because her religion – run by men – has told her to… What a prize blue ribbon wearing gold plated cunt….
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I am SICK TO DEATH with The Left. The Left are EVIL, DEMONIC. INCULCATED, APPLE AND MICROSOFT ENSLAVED-ZOMBOID SCUM. George CHILD-FUCKER AND BLOOD-DRINKER SOROS says jump and The Left collectively asks how high. LEFTISM IS A MENTAL DISEASE. Stop trying to analyse it here, please. The time for nuance is done. What the Left, from the DUMBOCRATS to the Evil Union to the Far East has in store for it’s global plan, needs to be EXTIRPATED if rational and humanitarian mankind has any chance at all of surviving.
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modern day saints might explain explain the empty the empty church seats
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I was hoping that enlightenment was more likely, but it seems a lot of people have replaced one load of bollocks with another.
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Looks like TitSlapper has won the dead pool…
Ginger Baker RIP
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Just reading in one of the local Sunday papers that this Thursday will mark ten years since girly voiced Boyzone poof Stephen Gateley karked it. I remember watching his cremation live on RTE.
“The Gay Burn Show”.
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Has everybody forgotten about Saint Nadiya (Hussain), she of the cakes programme?
Un-fucking-touchable.
Mind you, Johnny wouldn’t want to touch it with anybody’s.
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Al Beeb’s go to peaceful for just about everything.
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