Yesterday the wife and I took our five year old granddaughter out to a local café for her favourite lunch, pancakes with bacon. This necessitated leaving the jam jar parked nearby and paying the exorbitant fee demanded by the council mafia.
A good brunch was had by all, but just as we were about to leave, our little treasure announced, in a whisper loud enough to be heard in every corner of the café, that she ‘needed a poo’. Time had to be allowed for said evacuation to take place, and consequently we arrived back at the car about ten minutes past the expiry time of our ticket. There we found what is laughingly referred to as a ‘parking services attendant’ writing out a ticket.
‘Come on mate’, says I, ‘we’ve only overrun by a few minutes. The little ‘un needed to go to the loo’. ‘Can’t help that’, comes the reply, ‘I’m only doing me job’, at which point he hopped onto his little scooter and fucked off in search of his next victim.
Now to be honest, I wouldn’t have minded if he had just been ‘doing his job’, but you could tell from the smug, triumphant smirk on his spotty face that it was much more than that. No, this was someone not so much doing his job as acting the cunt because he could. No way was he going to exercise a bit of discretion or flexibility. Here was a little shite who loved every second that he could spend vindictively exercising that one little bit of power and authority that he possessed in his otherwise pathetically meaningless existence. I’d bet that this sad individual still lives with his mum and finds it extremely difficult to relate to women. His best boner will be like a three inch string bean.
Congratulations, Mr Parking Cunt. You showed yourself to be an outstanding example of your kind; those small minded, hidebound, pettiflogging bureaucratic types whose sole purpose seems to be to make life that bit less tolerable for the rest of us. I’d like to see you and your kind fucked off asap, preferably to a gulag in Siberia, ideally to a galaxy far, far away.
‘Only doing my job’. The self justification of every jumped up jobsworth in history. To paraphrase the great Jewish poet Rabbi Burns, ‘a cunt’s a cunt for all that’, but it takes a special kind of cunt not merely to be one, but to realise the fact and relish it. So my closing heartfelt comment goes out to all jobsworths everywhere; ‘I hope your next shite’s a broken brick’.

Nominated by Ron knee

33 thoughts on “Jobsworths

  1. Jobsworths!
    Loads of them about and always of a type.
    From the parking cunt who spoilt your day, to the security guard in a supermarket who thinks hes chief of police,
    To the wardens in old peoples homes who are probably wanted nazi war criminals.
    Tiny bit of power goes right to theyre head! ‘Cant park there!’
    ‘Cant use the lifts’
    Your not allowed, …fuck off.
    And why do parking attendants always have a limp? Serves em fuckin right!

    • Yup, always makes me laugh when people say the British would never have succumbed to Nazism. They would have been on for it like a fucking shot. Every cunt with some jumped up little job title thinks they are Heinrich Himmler. They love it. It seems an unfortunate trait that we now seem to have in this country. I can’t say I’ve seen it elsewhere with, perhaps, the exception of the USA. As to those parking cunts, next time get their scooter plate – I think you’ll find most of them aren’t insured for business so, surely, makes the ticket illegal?

      • Imagine if we had sided with hitler in ww2?
        No gyppos so less cultural rich!
        Trannys definitely wouldnt be screaming and shouting, well not about equality anyway,
        Nazis were forerunners for animal rights& green ideas,
        A shaming scheme for people who didnt contribute to helping older people,
        Health scheme & gyms for the workers.
        Think we’d of adapted.
        Although similar to corbyn when it comes to jewish people i believe?

  2. It’s the first (and ony) question on the application form
    ‘Are you a cunt

    Had a run in with one of these cunts…. Fat twat, I asked him politely two questions, the cunt was as difficult as he could be.

  3. Unfortunately cunts like this are all over the place. The council is one of the only places where they rely on jobsworths like this, they’ll actively look for someone matching the aforementioned profile of desperate, lonely, unwashed wanker with a chip on his shoulder.

    I live in the city centre and I have a clear view of a pay and display parking bay whilst my neighbour has a view of a whole pay and display car park. Every time we see a traffic warden waiting by a car we go out and quickly buy a ticket for it. Usually we’d leave a note explaining why they have an extra ticket and a number to contact so we can be reimbursed. Amazingly, not every one bothers to call, despite having just saved them a 70 quid fine but it’s worth it to see the jobsworths face when they have to waddle off to the next car park. Those who do get in contact often offer more money than the the £1 parking ticket, we’ve been bought beers and even offered lifts and taxi rides. Nothing quite like good old community spirit, especially when it ruins a cunts afternoon.

    Traffic wardens are the leading profession for jobsworths, shortly followed by politicians, police, security guards, journalists, event stewards and teachers. Cunts the lot of them.

      • Don’t applaud me, I hate the public.
        I just hate traffic wardens and our useless Labour council more.

      • That works for me, applause still deserved, even if it’s for wanting to encase the cunts in concrete and drop them on their heads.

  4. You tend to find cunts like this got bullied at school and were too weak/shit/not gay enough to join the old bill.
    The desire of a uniform and some form of civil power makes them wet with glee and laying down this law onto joe public triggers a certain level of unholy pleasure both in their pants and their tiny peanut sized brains.

    I hate these fucking vultures and bottom feeders more than I hate lefties and that’s saying something.
    I believe the only way to deal with this filth is to resort to violence from the out set. A quick jab to the face followed by a kick in the genintal area tends to see them off. Just make sure you ain’t on camera.

    Fucking cunts all of them.

    • ‘..The desire of a uniform and some form of civil power makes them wet with glee..’

      Last week, as I approached what passes for my local bank branch, I espied two uniformed individuals lurking officiously at the entrance. From a distance I could see that they were toting far more equipment on their TEVs and belts than your normal plods, fuck, thinks I, something’s happened at the bank, they’ve got the ‘Shooty and Bang-Bang’ brigade out, but, as I got closer, I noticed the lack of H&Ks, then I spotted that their Hi-Viz gear had the fucking council logo on it…penny drops, parking enforcement muppets..

      It was hard not to snigger or laugh at how ridiculous and pathetically overblown this attempt at plastic ploddery was, so I didn’t even bother trying to suppress it.

      I’ve found over the years that these little Hitlers/Napoleons, whatever job they’re infesting, really hate being laughed at..and I got a right pair of dirty stares from these clowns as I passed them laughing and shaking my head in disbelief, but as I don’t drive and as laughing at cunts being pathetic cunts playing ‘dress up’ in public isn’t currently illegal, what were these pricks going to do?

      • Great bit of work, Magnus, and a tactic I will now employ whenever I see one of these cunts. Hopefully they’ll get the message about the depth of my disdain for them.

  5. If I was you Ron I would send the penalty notice, a letter explaining the facts and the parking ticket itself (take a photo of it in case the cunts lose it). I have had quite a few over the years but very rarely do I have to pay, they usually get rescinded.

    • Yep – appeal it. ATA registered ticket monkeys have to allow at least 10 minutes overstay before issuing a ticket.

      In any event, appeal it – make them do lots of work for the appeal and cost them more than the face value of the ticket!

      • I agree, Ron, all is not lost. I have experienced this myself, what is in your favour is that this particular fella is the one who puts a ticket on your car, he is not the person who decides whether you have to pay the fine.
        Contact the manager and, being unfailingly polite, explain the situation and throw yourself on his mercy. Sometimes it works.

      • Thanks guys good advice. Don’t know if there may be a time limit for appeals. Still have the ticket; the wife shoved in the glove compartment, muttering obscenities under her breath (largely questioning the parentage of the cunt and the size of his privates)

  6. Love the picture that accompanies this cunting as it’s pretty much what happened to me when returning from a family holiday in Majorca several years ago.

    Cabin bags had a 15kg limit, the airline was Ryan fucking Air.

    We’d weighed our bags with our own travel weighing scale which consisted of a hook a measure dial and a spring, you know the type.

    Both bags weighed 15kg but when placed on the baggage belt at the check in desk one weighed 16kg the other 14kg.

    I shit you not the Spik check in monkey made me redistribute the weight and was beyond fucking rude and aggressive in his manner.

    Sometimes in life you really have to check yourself and this was one of them.

    Btw I’m done for the day and the box is on, there’s a program on called ‘Tenable’, never heard of it.

    It’s hosted by Warwick Davis who definitely has special powers.

    It’s some kind of quiz show and the contestants are a bunch of Drag Queens.

    Just fuck off, deviant cunts.

    • Airports are total cunts these days. All the power lies with them, and they fucking know it. So much as glance sideways at some of the cunts (especially in the security check area) and you’ll be collared

  7. I had a friend who,when he saw a parking attendant writing a ticket,would rush across and unleash. He’d give them the full treatment.” Fucking Pavement-Admiral…jumped-up little Cunt…I’ll put you in a hospital bed if I ever catch you off-duty…how fucking dare you ticket my car..etc”..Really work himself into a frenzy of indignation and then storm off.

    The fact that he didn’t drive,let alone even own a car,didn’t bother him. He just enjoyed abusing them and pissed himself with laughter at the thought of the real owner having to explain to the Police why they had been so threatening and abusive to the Warden.

    • Afternoon Mr Fiddler, is your horse-drawn witch catching wagon exempt from the clipboard Stasi?

      • Unfortunately not,LL.

        However it does remind me of the old fella who used to go to the pub in his pony and trap. He used to tie the horse up while he got tight in the bar, stagger out and the pony would take him home. One night a couple of the lads had taken the pony out of it’s harness,poked the cart-shafts through the iron railings,led the pony through the gate further down and then put it back between the cart-shafts.
        Apparently the poor old fella had come staggering out of the pub and was totally baffled how the pony was on one side of the iron-railings,the trap on the other,and the shafts connecting them through the iron-railings.

  8. Have you noted how jobsworth’s usually have the worse jobs?

    They have low self esteem so they over compensate by pretending how upright they are in the performance of their worthless duties.

    If only our MPs were as scrupulous in the observance of their democratic duties.

    • Another category of jobsworth that boils my piss is private security around building sites or whatever. Now fair do’s if you’re actually trespassing on private property, but they seem to think that because they’ve got a shiny nylon jacket with ‘security’ on it, they’ve got the right to tell you not to stand outside their area, take pics etc, when you’re on the public highway. Youtube’s got hundreds of films of these cunts, trying to act like the fucking Gestapo in places and situations where they have absolutely no authority whatsoever. Some are fucking hilarious.

  9. Ron, worth checking the pepipoo website for advice on this. I believe the charges are harder to evade if issued by the cuntcil as a fine as opposed to an ‘agreed charge’ by some private cunting parking wankers.

    Good luck and I fully agree with your view of these spiteful cunts. A terminal dose of bollock atrophy would be a just dessert for the shitcunts.

    • Cheers PM. As I said, I wouldn’t really have minded, you could say it was a fair cop. It was the cunt’s attitude that got me, the jumped up little arsehole. He probably goes home and wanks off at the number of tickets he’s given out that day.

  10. As it’s quite near my house I’ve worked in an office full of these cunts for quite a long time
    Akways mithering over tiny details and following every rule to the last detail never mind they are paid peanuts plus the colossal waste involved..
    I do agree that if we’d done a Chamberpot and let the Nazis in then a lot of these cunts would have been right at home
    Fuck off

  11. As it’s quite near my house I’ve worked in an office full of these cunts for quite a long time
    Always mithering over tiny details and following every rule to the last detail never mind they are paid peanuts plus the colossal waste involved..
    I do agree that if we’d done a Chamberpot and let the Nazis in then a lot of these cunts would have been right at home
    Fuck off

  12. Had one of these tin Jesus types at my work, typical of his kind bald, speccy, middle aged virgin with a Star wars toy collection. A shop floor safety functionary, was useless as a prepper (turning rocks into dust for analysis), his boss was glad to be rid of him. The tiny bit of power went to the officious gits head, not realising what the rest of us did(to our collective amusement), that he was a muggins to be the scapegoat when something went wrong. A distant unpleasant memory now.

  13. Nah we knew you were having a larf Cuntflap
    Er, you ARE having a larf, aren’t you?

  14. Took a trip to the 24 hour Tescos late last night to buy more wine and fags. Got there and saw that the fag counter was closed. I was disappointed as this was the only shop open and that happened to be 6 miles from home.

    Went up to this mature, I mean very old, shop assistant on duty at the self-service area, ‘Hello, is there anyone to help out at the cigarette counter?” The old bag with attitude responds in a smug, staccato voice ‘ NO, its- all- long shut’. Wow. Complete Jobsworth of course. Trained in her little self service area, unfortunately has never been trained to be pleasant or respond with a fully formed sentence. I just stomped off and said ‘tw-en-ty four hours’ in the manner of a gay man from California.

  15. Very appropriate that this was published Friday morning. I had a jobsworth come to install a dishwasher for me and take the old one away. It’s a Miele replacing a Miele that we’ve had for 13 years. The fucking jobsworth took one look at it and started off…

    “It’s integrated”
    “Yep. That’s what it says on the order and the jobsheet isn’t it”
    “The door’s not straight”
    “That’s the one coming off not the one you’re fitting”
    “It’s hard wired to the wall socket. I’ll have to ring the boss and see if I’m allowed to do”
    “No sweat. I’ll do it”
    “You can’t. We have to do the whole job”
    “The boss says I can do it, but there’s no isolator valve on the water feed”
    “Yes there is. You turn that with a screwdriver”
    “I can’t get a screwdriver on it”
    “Would you like to borrow mine”
    “I can’t do the job because it’s non standard plumbing”
    “What’s non standard about it?”
    “The isolator should be a proper tap otherwise I can’t do it”
    “But there’s a fucking great big tap on the main feed just next to it”
    “But if I rupture the joint then you’ll have no water”
    “Yes I will. I use the isolator valve and a screwdriver”
    “I can’t risk that. The joint might rupture when I take the hose off”
    …..two minutes later….
    “I’ve taken the hose off myself”
    “But I can’t put the new one on”
    “Install everything else and I’ll connect it”
    “Can’t do that. We have to do the whole job and test it all”
    ….two minutes later after cutting the power cord…
    “I’ve disconnected the power lead and the water hose. Bring the new one in and take the old one away”
    “Just leave the old one by the gate and we’ll arrange collection later”
    “No. I paid for installation and disposal – so dispose”
    …out goes the old one, in comes the new one in a box…
    “That’s it. We’re off”
    “No. Unpack the new one so we can inspect it and take the packaging away with you”
    “We don’t so that. You have to dispose of it yourself”
    “Read your jobsheet”
    “OK. We’ll take the packaging then!”
    … installers fuck off having dumped new dishwasher, uninstalled, in the middle of the kitchen floor…
    …four hours later, the new dishwasher is installed and working fine. There are no ruptured plumbing joints, no leaks and the power is hard wired.

    Interpretation :
    We’re on job and finish. It’s integrated which is a pain. It’s Miele. That’s pain. It’s Friday. Fuck this. Let’s find lots of excuses to fuck off, go to the next job and bugger off early for the weekend.”

    John Lewis – who used to employ their own fitters – now outsource the job. The outsourcers appear to be a bunch of useless cunts. Well done, John Lewis. Good decision if want to piss off your customers.

    We’ve lodged a complaint. I’ve had the £90 installation charge refunded but that’s hardly the point is it?…

  16. Whatever happened to “Angle Grinder Man”? a hero for our time and the antidote to such cuntery. If you got clamped in London he had a mobile number, call him up and he used to appear from the shadows masked, caped, gold undercrackers on the outside and a fuck off disc cutter in hand, 30 seconds later the clamp’s in the gutter and you’re on your way, fucking brilliant. Still some yootoob footage of him around and I think he spawned a few franchises in other cities/parts of the world.

    • Sounds like a hero for the millennium CC. Good one; must try and track him down on ytoob.

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