Job Centres

Having been made redundant, rang these tossers to ensure that my stamp is paid (for once something for nothing). Guess how long I’ve got to wait for an appointment? 10 fucking days, Jesus on a fucking Harley. Whatever happened to rock up sign up fuck off? 10 days probably dreaming up excuses or variations of saying no.

I suppose the druggies pill heads single mothers gimmegrants et all will be accomodated. One stumbling block I encountered early on nationality? Why English of course, you cant be that you’re British,hang on born in England ergo English. When did I become a stranger in my own land? Was it that cocksniff Antony Bliar and his cunting minions mayhap?

So anyhow, how much money I have in the bank is of no concern to you cunts, it’s taxed income so fuck off. Pay my stamp and anything else I’m entitled to. Knowing that the feckless get looked after I’ll be lucky to get 2/10ths of 5/8 ths of the square root of fuck all.

Epic motherfuckers and piss boilers bastards to a man or woman, knowing my luck it’ll be fucking ugly as well if it’s supposedly female.

Why the fuck do they want my passport, birth certificate, utility bill, council tax bill. Do they not appreciate CuntyMort is paying a state visit/ fact finding tour.

Don’t be surprised if I end up getting ejected from the premises after being verbally abusing the staff.

Fuck them all bar one, fuck that one twice

At this rate I can see me giving them an imperial fuck off and telling them my arse is now retired

Nominated by CuntyMort

51 thoughts on “Job Centres

  1. As soon as they know you’re white, English, have been gainfully employed and paid your taxes over the years, they just don’t want to know – and their demands for ID like passports is a fucking joke!

    However, when the Umbongos, goat herders and Booshkas arrive, its open season: no need to show passports, we don’t care about your lack of tax and NI contributions because clearly you are impoverished and therefore worthy of as many benefits as we can provide!

    • too right Techno. White – tick, male -tick, middle-aged – tick, British* – tick


      * proper British, unlike Mo Farrah or some such.

  2. I fucking hate Job Centres, made redundant once and had to register due to a bank loan.
    Fucking disinterested staff, adds for jobs that dont exist and a fuck off pile of wont works hanging round.
    Probably lowest point of my life.

    • Made redundant five times. Met all kinds of job centre staff, from the pleasant and helpful to the rude and disinterested total cunts. Retired now and never have to visit those fucking places ever again.

      • Do you have any Qualifications?
        Yes I hold an IPAF (International Powered access Federation) instructors ticket.
        Hmmm What is that?
        I am qualified to teach people to use various types of powered access.
        Ahh You are a forklift driver!
        NO (Fuck off and die, you barely speak English, I am dam sure you weren’t born here, You have no idea of what qualifications are useful and I think your employment was a tick box exercise for diversity)

        Time of my life it was.

  3. I had a job interview recently. I knew it was going well when the head of HR said “Your experience is spot on and we love your CV. It’s forty hours a week at £12.50 an hour, increasing to £20 an hour in six months. When can you start?
    I said “In six months”….

  4. I went in for a form for my brother and was confronted by someone who looked about 12 I asked her politely for said form she went away came back and told me the form did not exist? I showed her the form via Uk.Gov Website on my Ipone only reason we asked for the form was none of us own a printer Needless to say I eventually got the form but why is everything such a ball ache in these establishments I think they think we are all chavs and lowlifes I’d be happy for a full refund of my taxes and national insurance contributions and look after myself and they can then jog on

    • Sorry mate as soon as someone waves an Iphone at me my opinion of them plummets to the depths you have mentioned.

      • trust me I have just gone through 3 years of hell with the bosses mates son, who had a fucking Iphone glued to his hand whenever he could be arsed to come to work.
        I massively dislike them.

      • I just don’t like Apple. Have an old iPod which MUST use iTunes to put music on it, but I hate its habit of arranging all your digital music how Apple want it, so I just don’t use it anymore.

      • I hate macs. I hate their display. I hate their logic. I hate their screen organisation. I hate their fucking mouse. I hate that ANY useful software won’t run in them. Macs are the biggest hindrance to efficiency, communication, clear thinking, education and progress where I work.

      • You are a wise and prudent man. I would encourage others to take your advice.

      • I massively dislike the sheep herds that buy an iPhone because its an iphone

      • I got the form we wanted so who gives a fuck what you think and I’m not your mate

  5. You try being self-employed and then the contracts drying up. All the thousands and thousands and thousands of pounds of fucking tax and NI I’ve paid over the years. What am I entitled to now I am effectively unemployed? Fuck all. They need it all for Somalian refugees or summat. Cunts.

    • I refuse to pay tax for the rest of my life. I’ve not paid NI for 20 years. I looked at my actual retirement pension to see how much I would lose….£10 a week.

  6. I remember having to visit the job centre 5 years ago. It’s all geared to helping the feckless avoid work. They dont seem interested in helping anyone who is actually looking for a job.

    They’re all scruffy, dopey, half-dead bastards as well.

    • If you mean the staff, I’d say, “scruffy, dopey, half-dead, poorly-educated, fat-tongued, rude, failure bastards with no sense of humour.”

  7. The hierarchy used by these places is upside down, it shouldnt be the rag heads and booshkas at the top, if you were born in the UK and have a genuine work record then you should be at the top of the list for help to find a job and make sure you have enough funds to live on… Why?

    Beacause you will be employable, will want to have a job and wont be sitting on the dole forever.

    The rag heads and dooshkas are not!


  8. I was enumployed a few year ago and my SIA security licence ran out. So I asked them to help with the funding I also offered to pay them back out of my money I was getting. They said no, so much for helping someone into work, I bet if I was from an African or middle East shit hole I’d have got that, a house and a fucking car

    • True they do have a Loan facility available too! I also did not qualify on similar grounds

  9. Awwwww fuck Noooo!!! Not the fucking Knobcentre Morty; you are white, you’ve grafted all your life, you’ve played the game, done “the right thing” and paid unto Ceasar all that he demanded therefore you are irredeemably fucked.

    I had (very brief) dealings with these bastards when I was a sprog fresh outta school and even then in my young unwordly eyes I could spot that as a collective entity and as individuals these people were intergalactic cunts of the very first water and possessed of protozoan intellects!
    Thirty years later circumstances drove me against all my better instincts to approach them for some meagre and urgently req’d assistance… upshot… we went from me doing 70hr weeks and pulling in £40k.p/a. to street homelessness in the space of 18 months! We rebuilt from subsistance level to the point where I could resume my career and fuck me they did it again!!! Plunged us into screaming poverty by dint of their basic administrative incompetence.
    Now I’m the sort of cunt who will download the Jobseekers’ Act and all its appendices, dissect their “Standard Operating Models”, rip apart their Guidance notes for JSA staff and then present the steaming entrails of their failures and departures from adequate (never mind good) practice to them and expect an answer followed by redress for the life affecting chaos they visited upon us. Of course that requires a degree of professional and personal integrity on their part which they simply do not possess and is in fact completely alien to the craven, spineless, box-ticking, system driven, room temperature I.Q.s that fill its staff roster both horizontally within each office and vertically all the way up through the management hierarchy to director level. It’s the practiced apathy they all display which is the signal feature of any face-to-face encounter, (there must be a whole week long training module devoted to it) You know you’ve hit their intellectual wall when they start rolling their eyes a la Flabbopotamus and looking over your shoulder at the clock on the wall.
    At this point you know that to pursue your point any further and rub their nose in the reeking ordure of their own ignorance will result in instant umbrage being taken and the summoning of some 5ft pencil necked streak o’ piss in a G4 uniform who will summarily ‘threaten’ to call the police and have you arrested, which they WILL. I wonder if the police think it an appropriate, nay legitimate, use of their resources to underwrite the gross incompetence of DHSS staff? I did in fact write to the Chief Insp of WMP to ask that very question… the cunt didn’t answer.
    Slowly and yet again, we rebuilt our lives from what we could rescue from the debris field. Then fuck me sideways, through the simplest of administrative fuck ups they did it again in 2005!

    I did a back o’ the envelope calculation a few years ago and the raw financial cost of my interactions’ with Jobcentre Plus (plus what exactly???) was the thick end of £750,000. Now I’m a persistant, articulate, thick skinned, curmugeonly bastard (you have to be if you’re gonna work in contract elec management) but that was it for me, what little faith I ever had in the professed good intent of governments of ANY stripe was excised in its entirety. luckily I kept my sanity. Mrs. Chops however is/was not so robust and the hellish stress they’d generated drove her by degrees into what eventually became full blown delusional psychosis. She remains on anti-psychs to this day thanks to the collusive, ruthlessly femocentric malevolence of this city’s MH practitioners is now locked into her delusional state beyond retrieval. These fucking bitches (male and female alike) will recieve their cunting in due course.
    The only redress we ever rec’d for the destruction of the life prospects of our two boys, the decimation of our Marriage and the crushing poverty they engineered was a begrudged half paragraph templated ‘response’ from some anonymous cock-juggling wonk who didn’t even have the bollocks to sign it!

    I suppose I should thank them really as in their slavish administration of the system they banished any residual respect I ever had in the ‘public sector’ and in my place created an enduring and deeply vengeful enemy of it.

    I’ll be shitting twizzlers for days now recalling the memory of that time but this is such a valid cunting that I had to impart my/our experience at the dead hand of these New Unhappy Lords. All I would advise to anyone contemplating making a claim is to read up the applicable Act/s which they will cite in defence of their iniquity (legal refs put off the proles who they know will never take the trouble to actually look it up and call ’em out) alongside their Codes of Parctice, SOMs etc, usually there WILL be a counter-propositional paragraph immediately below which they have conveniently ‘overlooked’.

    Your most valuable investment though will be a pocket sized digital recorder so you’ll have a permanent record of their monumental ignorance. Keep it charged and use it at EVERY face-to-face and on every phone call.

  10. Right CM, you can’t just roll up to these cunts like a pristine button, they can’t cope with that.

    You need to get yourself a back story, you’re a traveller (work on the accent, turn up in a tank top and smelling of ale and sweat), you don’t have an NI number and you need give them some background.

    D.O.B = Sometime around 1974, your names redrum you answer to Patrick or Padster

    Place of Birth = Me ma’s fecking caravan

    Previous employment = Never able to get a job due to the racism your peaceful travelling community encounters.

    They may just issue you an NI number and assist you to claim all you missed out on

  11. I’d love to know how these chavs live the high life on benefits because when I had to sign on for about 5 months in 2010 I got £104 a fortnight. I never got rent or any bills paid for because the girlfriend was working. £104 a fortnight! After reading the tabloids stories on benefits I thought I’d be booking a trip to Tenerife!

    I’m guessing with the terminally unemployed they’re either actually working on the sly for cash in hand and not declaring it or more likely dealing in illegal substances.

  12. I went in one about 15 years ago when Mrs Stroker went for a meeting regarding her National Insurance Number.

    Probably if not the only, certainly one of the most fucking depressing places I have ever been to ever. Made my mind up would never go there again even if my life depended on it. Desperate cunts smoking outside, and more desperate fucking losers inside.

    Greeted by what looked like a spotty 16 year old 5′ 5″ kid in a badly fitted suit told me I could not attend the meeting with her. Explained that she was Japanese and that English was very much her second language. He just repeated the words but louder as he stared at me “you can’t go in”.

    Not a violent person but really wanted to smash his cunt face in.

  13. Boris has just given Greg Clark the boot.

    Couldn’t have happened to a nicer dissembling cunt. 👍

    • And by all accounts Chris Grayling.

      What a useless and completely incompetent bell end.

      • Damian Hinds, Liam Fox, James Brokenshire, Jeremy Cunt – all gone, good riddance – excellent start!

      • Fox will have to live off his insignificant other, Adam Werritty, now. Miscarriage of justice. Should have been reduced to the Jobcentre. With extreme prejudice. I am beginning cautiously to warm to Johnson, all the same.

      • Werritty sounds very Oscar Wildean.

        “Very werritty, Dr. Fox’s acorn.”

      • Chris Grayling resigned – in a rare moment of competence, he managed to sign his resignation letter &avoid being sacked for gross incompetence – the useless fuckwit.

        He announced last year that the crossrail project (which he had been given to oversee) was running well behind the original December 2018 completion date & £1,400,000,000 over budget.
        Last week told Parliament that after all his hard work, it is now over 2 years behind & £2,800,000,000 over budget !

        This country really can’t afford to have him responsible for anything more complicated than making a cuppa (and I bet he can’t even get that right).

  14. Like a lot of these places now, once they did serve a purpose but now they are all rolled into multiple offices like benefits, scrounging, substance abuse, drop in centres etc.

    In Leeds they are called “All in One” centres or some such shite, I did a small contract in and around them a few years back and they are full of addicts, Eastern Europeans and scroungers. I remember one of the girls saying to me to me about the Ex Soviet lot that new families turn up EVERY DAY.

    Our country is roundly fucked up the ass.

  15. These cunts would only gove me £11 a week because my ex was living with me at the time. (both in my parents house)I was unemployed, fresh out of Uni and she was eligable for a £5k bursary as a student nurse. She didn’t get the bursary; but because there was a chance as she was eligable; they added it into our finances.

    I advised of she gets it later; can we update it. Of fucking course not. Without any proof; and 1 press of a keystroke; both my ex and the job centre fucked me.

    I ended up losing my benefits afyer I swore at the daft cunt and told her the truth about how I spend the money.

    I spend £1.50 in petrol getting to the town; I spend £1 in ASDA car park as the cunts don’t accommodate for people with private transport (this £1 was later traded in with the parking ticket for 4 x 250ml cans of low quality red bull) and then I go to Pizza Uno’s and get 2 donner kebabs on naan, 2 chips and 2 cans of Pepsi for £8.

    It’s fucking champion. These cunts raped my bonus last month of £3000, and they cried like fuck over giving a 20 year old white male £11.50 pcw for 2 months.

    Fuck this country and the horse it rode in on. I don’t know why any legitimate law abiding citizen would want to reside in this arsehole of a country by choice… maybe that’s the problem.

  16. iPhones are great I love mines
    I honestly don’t mind any other manufacturers phones as well
    What I don’t particularly like is CUNTS who sound off about them
    Get tae fuck

  17. Hi moderator that’s now 2-3 months with new email address
    How come EVERY message I write goes straight into moderation?
    Annoying as fuck

  18. Sorry to hear of your redundancy.

    After coming off the heel of 20 years owning my own business, I recently got involved with 2 types of cunt I never want to see again.

    1. Clueless, simpering, box ticking Job Centre cunts. Asking what you’ve been doing to look for a job in spite of the reams of applications you have just thrust under their nose.

    2. Recruitment cuntsultants. Greasy, emotionally stunted, money grubbing cunts with nothing but an eye to the main prize. Not got a degree? Well fuck off. Not got XX years experience in (insert vapid irrelevance here)? Well fuck off. “Oh, sorry, we don’t have any positions which suit your experience”. No, YOU fuck off.

    Good luck getting another job soon.

    • Agree r.e. Recruitment “consultants”. Absolute cunts of the highest order.

  19. 20 years ago I was really on my uppers; mortgage looking dodgy, no jobs available, so went – for the first time in my fucking life – to the Agency. They looked at me as if I was dirt – being white Anglo-Saxon and fully paid up social. I HAD to produce ‘evidence’ that I’d been actively looking for a job, before they’d even look at me for the dole or anything else. I gave them over 200 emailed and on-line applications. Eventually i was given my full rights, which basically saved me and my family. Now if I’d have been black or a peaceful, i don’t think I’d have had to jump through any hoops. Cunts – the fucking lot of them.

  20. Wonderful, I’m going to have to endure this shite soon. That’s great, I’ll have to witness the hive of scum and villainy that is these places.

    Fuck off.

  21. That’s why the “jobless figures” keep going down – it’s not that they find jobs; they just drop off the system.

  22. Several years ago i had the misfortune to go to one of those cuntshops (jobcentre) or to term it correctly employment exchange, anyhow i did the usual jumping through hoops bollocks then filled out the form, when i reached the ‘nationality’ part i put English! signed the form and handed it over to what looked voldermorts sister, she/it promptly put a line through the ‘English’ and wrote ‘British’, i looked and said what the fuck do you think you are doing, she/it replied you are british? i told it to fuck off and replied i was born in the capital missus, so i’m English first, a citizen of the uk second and a british subject lastly, and what you just did is illegal because when i sign your forms i have just entered into a contract with the government and you have no right to alter a signed contract have you! if you don’t change it back i’ll sue you, well the fucking look on it’s face was as if i’d just smacked her/it in the face with thors fucking hammer, it promptly fucked off and spoke with a ‘soooperviser’ and i was then escorted from the building by some fat fucking G4 ss fella!….. no monies for me then ..

  23. I’d gladly give my “client adviser” an all-over body massage, and go down on her.
    The diff is, she’s only been there a year. Doesn’t seem polluted, has a sense of humour, a brain. Very cuddly.

  24. If you want to be seen the same day, simply identify as trans and have your surname changed to Mohammed or Khan.

    Problem solved!

  25. A mate of mine was laid off and he had the misfortune to deal with these cunts… He was told his mrs would have to wait outside and that no food or drinks were allowed in the shithole… But then he sees some eurocunt and his moll in their designer gear… The Dooshka Dooshka is sipping on a big bottle of drink, feet on the desk and not giving a general fuck… But did the staff bat an eyelid? Did they fuck as like…. He also witnessed a starking panley type: giving it the wide eyed ‘no speaky english’ and handing in his bus tickets to claim his ‘travel expenses’… Said Pak A Mak was later seen on the phone talking perfect English and getting into his BMW… It’s also been known for foreign types to turn up without even their JSA book or any form of ID, yet they still get signed… If a white Brit did that they’d be bollocked and/or grilled…. And we won’t even start on the genuinely ill or disturbed people who shouldn’t have to go to these places… I think the death toll/suicide count since that Duncan Smith cunt is now well over a thousand… A country that bends over backwards for any foreign cunt, but fails so many of its own… Cunts…

  26. This latest one had me in fits, Job at a crematorium, go home thinking O.K> I’ll apply. W.T.F position closed? FUUUUUUUCCKK?.

    For a glorious minute I saw myself as Kenneth Williams in carry on screaming.

    Fucking Assholes.
    Still the weathers nice fuck this job search for a game of soldiers, If I apply I at least expect a fuck off cunt. We don’t want your wrinkly old ass.

    Oh and employment agencies are a bunch of lying cunts as well. BOLLOCKS

  27. Don’t get me started on the Job Centre, about 10 years ago my missus got made redundant and I talked her into getting JSA (having never claimed a penny in our life, but I had just gone self employed and money was tight). My wife and her friend, who had also been made redundant from the same company went to sign on. They were not allowed in together even though my wives friend had a 3 year old with her and the G4S security guard acted as though he was dealing with hard core football hooligans, cunt. Anyway when my wife got in the spotty little cunt behind the desk gave my wife a spelling and maths test, I kid you not, and then wrote in RED pen like a fucking teacher on the paper. Now my wife is a stickler for the English language and has an A level in English and the spotty little cunt was clearly wrong in his RED pen markings, my wife also explained to the little spotty prick that the job she had just left, she sold over £1 million pounds a year worth of construction products and was responsible for all of Scotlands sales. How my wife didn’t smack the little cunt in the face is anybodies guess. She did have the last laugh though, she was told by spotty cunt that because she could only work part time and not full time she was not entitled to JSA, well she kicked up a proper stink and said she was being discriminated against because she had children and could only work part time. They had to get a manager and he/she eventually said she could claim it. She did forget to tell them the kids were 14 & 16 lol, anyway she only claimed it for 1 month.
    On a slightly different note, I know a guy who is a manager at the JC and the cunt used to volunteer to be “on call” over the Christmas period, I kid you not he used to laugh and boast that although he was on call, all calls went to answer machine and weren’t checked until every one went back to work, but the arsehole still got paid triple time, CUNT.

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