Irish Pubs

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‘Irish’ pubs

Wherever you go now there are ‘Irish Pubs’ There used to be one at Dubai airport (still there?) There is one called Mulligans or similar at Faro airport. About as Irish as the Irish Teashop, whatever the cunts name is.
Usually the only thing Irish is the green colour but there is the odd one that blasts electric diddlyeye out of the speakers. Which is fucking dreadful.They are fucking everywhere, they are shite and nothing like a proper Irish boozer.
The ‘Craic’ is mentioned but fuck knows what that is unless it refers to over-pricing the drinks.
The world doesn’t need the fuckers anymore than it needs English pubs on the Costas.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

55 thoughts on “Irish Pubs”

    • Cant understand why itd be appealing? Guiness is like liquid shite, dont wanna go to irish anything, and if i did id just go to ireland?! Putting irish infront of pub doesnt sell it, same as somalian pub doesnt, isnt ireland full of religious loonies, horses on council estates, and nail bombs?

      • Speaking of peter sellers picked up a old vhs copy of the party last Saturday after i visted my dad at the hospital along with a few other flicks like wrath of khan,blue lagoon and a animated batman superman. That film would today be considered racist with a capital R and if Mgm ever decide to rerelease it will probably come with a didn’t mean to offend anyone warning. I didn’t care for sellers pink panther series but the party was pretty funny

      • The first two or three Clouseau films were alright but they got dragged out for too long. They even cobbled one up from leftover footage after poor old Peter kicked the bucket.

        Blake Edwards. Greedy cunt…

      • Wrath of Khan is still the best Trek movie….
        Also has the best musical score bar none.

      • Tits haven’t seen wrath of khan yet only the first original motion picture one and like half of generations probably watch it this weekend

        Mr bastard I saw the first pink panther but i didn’t care for it sellers in dr strangelove and the party are his best i think but i’ll have to revisit pink panther cause i was really young when i watched it like 16 maybe i just didn’t get the jokes at the time

  2. One such dump in Manchester called O’ Shea’s…. Was in there once in 97, about six months after those Fenian filthfuckers bombed St Mary’s Gate and the Arndale Centre… This pissed up Motorway Mick gets talking to my lot and he says ‘So, what d’ye tink of de cause?’ I said I quite fancied their drummer (I thought the Spudfucker was talking about The Corrs)… Then he went on about how he meant the ’cause’ as in those provo vermin and their murderous antics… My mate (who the Mick didn’t know was an ex-Marine) said he could shove his ’cause’ up his Irish arse… The Spud replied ‘If ye were in Belfast, I could have ye shot!’ To which my pal replied ‘You’re not in Belfast, you cunt! You’re in Manchester!’ And he nodded the Spudfucker right in the hooter…. Splendid…

  3. If you want to go to a fucking Irish pub, go to fucking Ireland. The place is full of the bastards, so it is.

    • Only for the prevailing westerly winds,
      Ireland would have made a perfect nuclear testing ground.
      Oh yeah.

  4. Apparently the Booshka Booshka mob have also now infested ‘Eire’….
    Soon there will be a civil war of Gyppos versus Gyppos….

    • That’s cheered me up no end Norman.
      The thought of pikeys killing pikeys leaves me with a warm glow.
      Cunts.
      Oh yeah.

  5. Your quip about ‘The Craic’ fucking Craicked me up, so it did.

    I remember being a student and the influx of Irish Pubs were somehow considered to be a bastion of a long-forgotten/never-existing Irish stereotype ideals, where fiddlers played in front of a roasting fire as you supped Guinness by the flagon and the buxom barmaid kept you well on barsnacks, tall tales and handjobs (probably) as you had a haughty time, so you did.

    I never did find out exactly what the fuck ‘The Craic’ was, or is. Hyperinflated prices could be it, or cheap as fuck, tourist trap decor; perhaps ‘The Craic’ is the fact that most of these Irish pubs are in fact run by non-Irish proprietors.

    If anyone ever understand what ‘The Craic’ is, do write it on the back of self-addressed stamped envelope and post it to Leo Varadkar.

  7. Reminds me I need to go on a fresh meat tour of Ireland…Banged a lovely Irish lady abaaaaht 15 years ago, well when I say banged I was under the influence of some shite I cant remember and lasted about a minute…what a cuntload of cunt.
    She was the sort you fuck every night and twice on sundays…If your reading this, I cant remember your name but come back…I’ll meet you on saturday.

    • Be careful, you might get a response from Mince Pie Guy if he believes you were plastered.

      • Thanks for the warning Allan, I’ve noticed an increase in ‘offers and propositions’ lately.
        I’m keeping away from it.

  8. Wretched places full of plastic Paddies or even worse – actual Paddies. Why are there photographs of tree-lined roads, fishermen pulling nets while smoking pipes, Yeats, and Samuel Beckett? There should be photos of drunken idiots blaming other countries for the potato famine, Catholic cunts abusing children, rainy towns full of Iron Curtain cunts doing cash-in-hand botchit jobs, and cars with bombs underneath outside busy buildings.

  9. It’s funny isn’t it that a typical Irish pub (in Ireland) is still boarded up. Like betting shops used to be in England. Or like a brothel. A place that you’re not supposed to be. There is a puritan streak in the Irish beneath the jovial image.

  10. Do you also have a problem with British pubs in other countries? I was in Spain last week and lost count of the amount of Brit pubs lining the streets, largely populated with fat, tattooed slobs and their dirty skanks in tow.

    • The question is are these Irish and British pubs owned and run by Irish and British? I think it’s tacky if an American tries running either with a kitsch feel for any visitors from those countries. If Irish people are running an Irish pub or Brits running a British pub abroad i have no issue, but ive never been into an O’Neill’s pub/bar because it has the aura of ‘plastic’ about it, as much as a foam Leprechaun at a Boston bar.
      I wonder what an Italian-American family from New York would think if they visited Britain and visited a Frankie and Benny’s.

    • I agree English pubs elsewhere in the world are cuntly.

      But in the UK, being sold ‘a sloice of Oirish loife’ is about as appealing as Ken Doherty eviscerating one with his 14” strap on and saying repeatedly “gud shaht, Willoi”.

      It’s bad enough having to fucking deal with utter fucking bastards like Bob Geldof and The Corrs, without being conned into thinking some two-bob shitshack on Portabello Road called ‘Fagan’s’ or similar is an authentic Irish experience. If I wanted an authentic Irish experience, I’d time travel back to the Brighton hotel bombing.

      But, loike da Murphy’s, oim naht bittar.

      • I think you could be on to something there Empire.

        Fed up O’Sheas then why not spend an evening at O’Fucks.

        Relax in a traditional Oirish pub where without warning masked men burst through the doors sporting armalites and Semtex.

        Or how about enjoying a relaxing evening at O’Fucks only to hear the phone behind the bar go, the landlord answers then screams ‘get the fuck out this play will blow in 2 minutes’.

        Or, you’ve had a great night and you order a taxi home, on the way the driver makes an unscheduled stop, you ask why he’s stopped here, he gets out and before you know it you’re being sprayed by 9mm bullets.

        Oh the Craic.

      • Sounds like the beginning of a beautiful business plan to me!

        Cunty’s Authentic Irish Pubs. The real-time bomb evacuation phonecalls would be a real hit.

      • Nights guaranteed to go with a bang. 💥💥

        Anyone who disputes the bill gets ‘knee capped’.

        It’s a cultural thing you see.

        A genuine Oirish experience.

      • Fuck me I wonder what a night out on the Shankhill is like? ‘Ni Surrender! Ni Surrender!’ A retelling of King Billy for the millionth time. Marching band music. No wonder people want to go to an Irish pub for some fiddle music and a bit of fun.

  11. It seems every Irish pub outside Ireland is an excuse to leave everything filthy, in need of decorating, and wanting decent bar staff.
    To qualify for this health and safety violation you just need to have an Irish tricolour pinned up somewhere and serve Guinness.
    I’ve been to many pubs in the South, and they’re nothing like the ones foisted on us in the UK. If they were anything like the ones elsewhere they’d be out of business the first week.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDTQQWSmo8s

  13. A touch of sanity still exists – the court case brought against Boris Johnson for the £350m bus bollocks has been thrown out of the High Court by the judges.

    Marcus Ball – shut up and fuck off and die.

    • Either thrown out due to common sense (one hopes) or more probably because they were terrified of opening the dam gates to the consequence of it.

  14. The only “craic” in a paddy pub is up the barman’s arse. Miserable fake fenian shiteholes. Gotta keep moving from one foot to t’other to stop one’s size tens getting glued to the floor by decades orf stale beer and vomit. Hence the 24/7 diddly doo de dum oite the speakers. Now as for oirish clubs…

  15. In a similar vein, back in the late 70’s I once stopped in at an ‘English’ pub in Rotterdam. It looked like the bar you’d get in any large chain hotel but sold Double Diamond and had a red telephone box in the corner, weird.

    • Red phone boxes were interesting for the commercial opportunities advertised within…

      eg. “Canning”; No thanks, I might cut myself on the sharp edges.

      • Ah phone boxes… I remember Miss Kane in the Edgware Road offering French lessons with full correction. Quite reasonable.

      • Was on my way back from somewhere on Edgware road and some older milf type asked if I was looking for a bit of cunt.
        She was ok but then I thought of all the remnants of other cunts fluids in there and made my excuses.

      • Besides Black and White, I thought you prided yourself on never having to pay for it before.

      • The George and Dragon (Ambassador Hotel,) in Dubai has a red phone box too! there are loads of fake Irish pubs too. Most of which are shite, GnD is ok 8 hour happy hour and the Karachi curry house 200m metres away, fond memories of a shit place.

      • I have paid before BSC, probably count the times on one hand.
        Never a good experience and usually whilst wasted.
        When the lady turns up its always a disapointment as well…unless you pay big bucks.

  16. I’ve never got the whole theme pub idea, why does there need to be a theme? How about a normal pub , not jam packed with fruit machines and the local wannabe pool sharks!
    Anybody abroad for a fortnight and feel they have to become a regular at the “ hopeless w…anchor” because “ it’s a slice of home” is fucking intellectually subnormal, if you can’t stand to be away from “ British/ Irish” or whatever the cunt faux public house it purports to be should stay at home!!
    The same sheeple can be found eating at “ Billy’s English cafe” morning noon and night , many wearing sports shirts from their country of origin, I presume it’s so they can remember where they are actually from?
    Personally when I’m abroad the last fucking place I want to be is somewhere that reminds me of home, unless of course I’ve been recently released from a Moroccan prison after being arse raped every night for the last 15 years!!
    Theme pubs? Oh fucking please 😡

  17. Red phone boxes were interesting for the commercial opportunities advertised within…

    eg. “Canning”; No thanks, I might cut myself on the sharp edges.

  19. Good cunting!
    Fuck the irish pubs and above all else, fuck the plastic paddys in England that celebrate St. Paddy’s day, if ireland’s so great then fuck off back across the water.

    Q: Why is the irish sea called the irish sea?
    A: Because when Greenland melts, it’ll be full of irish.

  20. Drank with some Irish bikers in the past and they were top blokes.
    Fuck, could they stick the beer away though. Frightening…

    • @Mr Bastard I got pissed with a dude from the Royal Irish Regiment once. I tried to drink him pint-for-pint of Guinness…….. I lost.

  21. In my “yoof” I travelled a lot abroad and frequently frequented these establishments as then it was was the closest you could get to a pub with a decent beer that wasn’t a lager or out of a bleeding can. (Australia take note).

    Most of them were full of junk and foreign tourists who would think that this is what an real irish pub would be like to drink in. most real Irish pubs I’ve been to drink in smell of piss, and have everything nailed down so you cant nick it.

    The other thing with these fake irish pubs is that they all seemed to have a sign marking how far Dublin was in km for some strange reason, like you really could give a shit that Dublin was 7654km away. Thank fuck.

    Maybe that’s what the “craic” is. Cunts.

  22. I’ve been in quite a few Irish pubs in my time and I can’t remember anything good about any of them, not even the Guinness. But as far as British pubs are concerned I can certainly recommend the HUB chain in Japan, good beer, good food and reasonable prices.

  23. I dont know about anyone else on ISAC but I always think the little bog trotters from the south when they say anything are lying they got that sort of way about them, especially the fecking tinker scum.

  24. There is one in Phnom Penh for fucks sake! Called ” Shenagigans”. Good breakfast though.

    • Pub ripoffs are pathetic flat pack chipboard-to-order decor in a container, trying to peg their Schtick to a worn out cliche. But it’s not just pubs or the west that get it so wrong

      There’s a McDonald’s wannabe in Almaty walled Scheggi’s; and their version of Ronald MacDonald is an malodorous Altai cavalryman chewing on a burnt gristle shaslick.

  25. ‘Irish pubs’ are for sheeple who think Ed Sheercunt’s ‘Galway Girl’ is a good song, as opposed to an aborted foetus in musical form.

  26. It’s not ‘craic’. In English, the word is spelled ‘crack’. It’s actually an Old or Middle English word, and has the same meaning. The word spread from Northern England, Southern Scotland and Belfast. Usage of the word remained strong in Belfast, while it became less commonly used in the rest of the British Isles.

    They hadn’t really heard the word much in Dublin until the 1970s and 1980s. The word ‘craic’ doesn’t appear in any Irish Gaelic dictionaries before the 1990s (because it’s not a Gaelic word). The word has been adopted in to Gaelic now, though.

    But the word is still crack.

    • Another spelling for this Irish Craic bullshit is ‘crock’ as in ‘of shite’.

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