All that time on your hands and fuck all to do. You feel as though you’re missing out on all the things other cunts do.
As a late riser ISAC contributor, what disappoints me is how most posters contribute early in the day, typically between 7 and 9 am. After the noisy cunts next door wake me around this time to go off to work, I usually rise around 11am.
It’s worse in the Winter when you can hear these twats scraping at their windscreens like rats in an attic. One such bastard even had the cheek to ask if I could give his car a push ‘cos it wouldn’t start. I had to shout down to Mrs.B to tell him to fuck off as I was asleep and even I wasn’t, I’ve got a bad back.
Now, I can see why Mr. Fiddler needs to rise this early to tend his flock but I’m at a fuckin’ loss to see why all the other cunts do. It’s really inconsiderate as most of the action on the site ends around midday. By the time I rise, have a leisurely breakfast, read the paper and collect my giro cheque, I feel I have missed out on the action.
Retirement is truly a cunt.
Nominated by Bluntspeakingcunt
I assume Mr Fiddler posts when he can, a Witchfinder General raiding remote northern villages bringing to justice the blasphemous unbelievers must keep unsociable hours.
6
Indeed! Mr Fiddler bears a heavy burden trying to keep our countryside as pure, clean and scum-free as possible.
Over the last few years the burden has manifested at an alarming rate due to the mass exodus of the lower orders, naive young virgins, flocks of Gays (what is the collective name for Gays anyway?), and other unwelcome pond life from the big cities into the rural areas of England.
So it comes as no surprise that Mr Fiddler has to begin his purging, raping and pillaging of such dross at such an ungodly hour every day of every week. And by the time he returns home after gassing a few badgers and telling ramblers to get off his land, it is no wonder he is more than slightly vexed, shall we say, when he posts his invective on here.
I foresee no retirement for him until everyone in his vicinity just fucks off for good (apart from the naive young virgins of course)
Of course there’s Mr Ruff Tuff’s retirement plan of spending most of the day masturbating over photos of Katie Price, the Hunchback and Flabbott licking each other out and pissing on each other; or there’s B&W, who likes to probe his tongue up as many arseholes as possible in his spare time!
I am sure you will find something that will benefit you during the next 20 or 30 years of slowly losing your marbles, pissing in your trousers and generally being an awkward old cunt to a greater number of people!
11
I think the collective name for gays is a ring………
10
A “Ring of Gays”, certainly has a ring about it.
Would be interesting to know who the ultimate Lord of the Gay Rings is then?
7
I keep on hearing that it’s a murder of gays..
2
Or how about a “Bumming of Gays”?
2
I wish, LL. I sometimes think that I was born in the wrong century. I would have made an excellent Witchfinder,or Hangman,or Beadle at a Poor House.
Ah well.perhaps I was in a previous life…that’s a comforting thought.
6
Mr Bumble from Oliver Twist must be like looking at could have been.
3
If you ask me your a lucky cunt.
I wish I was retired.
4
Why has that pensioner in the nom. photo got a smile on his face? It’s nothing to do with that white sex toy on his table has it?
2
I actually do a lot less these days, someone else does most of the day-to day work. However, I have always been a sharp riser,even when I used to do a lot more forestry work,I always liked to have the saws started as soon as it was light,not dawdle about until yon time. I’ve never understood the appeal of sitting in bed once you’re awake,and as for people who eat breakfast in bed….well, I can’t imagine anything worse.
I love going out early just as the birds are waking when it’s still peaceful. Just this morning I stood and watched a couple of hares farting about in the front field…at least I did until the hounds noticed them,they weren’t long of moving on then . Feed the hounds and horses and then see where the day’s headed is about all that I’m obliged to do these days,and I love it.
Don’t know how people manage when they’re suddenly stuck in a house with the wife after years of going out to work. At least I just have myself to please and can do pretty much whatever takes my fancy.
6
Lucky bastard Mr Fiddler, lucky bastard.
7
I don’t want to re-inflame an old argument but I saw an item on the local news last night where a shepherdess( I don’t think it was Lostsheep) had lost 5 new born lambs. Crows had pecked out their eyes and tongues. I suggest taking some of these townies there to show them how ‘cute’ their furry friends can be.
5
Give back Mr Fiddler! Give back! These farming subsidies run to thousands of pounds I read. It is your responsibility (excuse the pun) to ‘plough’ back some of it into deprived urban communities. Maybe you could set up a youth club with special ‘Fiddler’s Fun Days’. Think of the warm fuzzy feelings you would get from that? What about secretly supplying little shell suits, trainers, X-boxes for needy offspring. Think of the children Mr Fiddler! What about a year’s supply of Pot Noodle to lessen the financial burden of the ‘food shop’ for the poor unmarried mother. Think of the children Mr Fiddler! They have their dreams, their aspirations.They need to be given the opportunity (forgive the farming metaphor again) to ‘plough their own furrow’ in life. Please help them.
7
Hell is other people for me , Miles.
I couldn’t give a tupenny fuck for most people…indeed, I actively dislike them. As for children and the deprived,well,they’re the worst. Children are spoiled.lazy,demanding Spongers and the deprived are idle,weak leeches.
I’m more likely to donate money to a “Buy a Gay a new frock” appeal than I am to give to children and the “deprived”.
Fuck them.
16
There must be room at Fiddler Towers to accommodate a bouncy castle for the rainbow whelps of ‘da comoontiee’ and B&WC with his jerk chicken and greens food stall.
6
The day that that particular vision of Hell materialises,LL,it’s safe to say that I’ll be in my box…probably safer to bury the coffin facing down over for fear that my rotting corpse manages to dig it’s way out and emerges to spoil the party.
11
ps….it would be just typical of that B+W Cunt to organise such a party just to spite me…he’ll probably turn The Towers into a home for Dark Key single mothers..or a giant KFC.
7
Point of order mods! Mr F should not be calling my honorary friend Black and White a cunt! I expect Mr F to be severely censured. Attention has already been drawn to how the law is applied differently to different groups in this country. Or does Mr F have Parliamentary privilege?
Noted.
3
Stuck in the house with the wife after years of going out to work. I know several people who have carried on working past retirement age for that very reason.
My FIL is a prime example. Sadly he will probably die on the job, as it were, than be stuck at home with the MIL fawning over him.
7
Retired at 52 and the best thing I ever did.
Working for some shitty power mad office politician while climbing the greasy pole is my idea of hell. I never managed to hang on to a proper job for long because i had the habit of being right too often,. They don’t like that. Makes them look bad when they frequently fuck up.
Spent the last 15 years working for myself as an hourly paid temp. Minted it. Fuck unpaid overtime. That’s a corporate piss take.
Incidentally we don’t get up at dawn to post. Admin schedules posts well ahead to cope with the volume.
And I’m with Fiddler. Kids should stand on their own two feet. Modern generation are pathetic.
5
Ah! The joys of retirement. Impacted bowels, piss stained shreddies endless tv repeats, rude care staff and shit food!
8
Agree Cuntflap, its not like there are hundreds of doddering pensioners claiming £300 a day to sit and sleep in leather armchairs in the House of Lords. The very thought!
3
“… most of the action on the site ends around midday.”
I don’t think the evidence bears that out Mr Bluntspeakingcunt. Quite the opposite in fact:
Yesterday (a typical day) there were 33 posts up to midday. But most of the action took place in the afternoon and evening, with approximately 100 posts.
Btw, I am retired, yet get up at 6.30am every morning, initially to feed the cats. There would not be enough hours in the day to do all the shit I need to do if I didn’t get up early.
Besides I suffer from senile insomnia, usually lying awake at 3am, tossing and turning with fear and loathing.
8
How long have you been taking part in threesomes then RTC?
4
I must admi Fim, I didn’t get that one. Read it again and in the words of Kriss Akabussi “still don’t get it”
2
Oh. The penny’s just dropped 🙂
2
Most of my life Fimbs. One of the many joys of MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) 😜
3
I talk to myself; sometimes I even argue.
I still lose the arguments…
1
I was only joking about all the posts being on the early side! In fact the mods deserve great credit for the way they space the noms out and keep interesting going. You could go on the site at 3am. and still find something that interests you. By the way Rtc, I think you would get more sleep if you didn’t keep taking your cats to bed with you. I know a good cats home in S. Korea which would indirectly help your insomnia.
😊
2
I want to say one thing to the British people, I want you to listen to me… I’m going to say this again:
I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THOSE CATS.
I never told anyone to lie, not ever.
Bluntspeakingcunt’s allegations are false, and I need to go back to work for the ISAC communideee.
Thank you and fuck off.
7
Miaow! 😄😄
2
Why does my arse hurt? And my tail’s bent.
5
Well past the official age, but can’t afford to retire. Not too bothered, except that the job is getting progressively shittier and the bastards won’t hand me substantial redundancy for the pleasure of seeing my departing back. But when I take a weekday off, and hear the rest of the world creaking into action early, I am only too glad to issue a collective telepathic ‘fuck off’, smile, and go back to sleep. I’m a night owl in a day job, and only too glad to obey my circadian rhythm for once.
6
Retirement?!?!
Jesus Christ, the way things are going I’ll be grafting until the day before they put me in the ground!
4
My 80 year old grandad was a plasterer before retirement. Got so bored that he soon decided to go back to work as a lollipop man. Kept doing it until recently when he was fired after some snowflake parent took offence to a joke he made.
8
He sounds like a character!
3
Care to share details of the snowflake? Where he/she/it lives. Physical description. What time they usually cross the road outside the school. With head down reading txt messages. Didn’t see the vehicle coming.Just asking OC.
5
Don’t know that stuff as my mother only mentioned it briefly but I do know the joke was of the #metoo variety.
3
I’d love to hear that joke if you know it.
2
Sexual joke towards a Muslim woman apparently
1
I am retired and rise at 7ish.
I am always busy – Micro Brewery (Craft ales, natch) Baking (artisan bread of course) Cooking (chilli, curry, pasta, paella- all wholesome and semi-organic ie I often have a semi on my organ)
I also walk the dog in the countryside for at least an hour a day.
I can only conclude that Bluntspeakingcunt is a lazy get.
3
Do you put mushrooms in your curries Cuntstable?
1
Oh yes. And in the chillis. It’s the future.
1
YES!
I only ask because a few weeks back I received a serious mauling from fellow cunters when I foolishly let slip that mushrooms are a part of the ingredients in my award winning vindaloo curries.
People can be so cruel sometimes. 😢
4
You might have hit the nail on the head there Cuntstable! I wouldn’t say I was a couch potato, more a giant marrow. You couldn’t slip me a few beers from that micro brewery could you?
1
Nor sure you would appreciate my craft ales. Do you have a quiff, beard and topknot?
1
Oh, it’s one of those ‘quiff to quaff’ ales is it? Can’t stand all that pretentious nonsense.
3
——— IsAC Notice ———
As Mr. Blunt’s P.A, I have been asked to pass on a message as he is currently out of the country. He sincerely apologises for any offence he might have caused with his recent nomination on retirement. It was not his intention to cause any distress to ordinary working people. Indeed, as he points out, he used to be one himself before getting in to real estate some years ago. He is currently on a short holiday in the Bahamas having flown there recently with Emma Thompson. I can assure you that whilst there, it will not be all sand and sea as he also has to check on his offshore investments. I share your concerns and will pass on your warm words to him.
Thank you for your understanding. Yours truly, Tarquin Dickfoss p.p Bertrand Blunt.
4
I spent forty five years of my life working to earn money, getting out of bed on cold mornings to go to places where I didn’t want to be, doing things I didn’t want to do with people I didn’t want to know. So I had plenty of time to think about what I’d do when I retired, and getting up early wasn’t one of them. For me it’s 10am or after, and I have a variety of things to do which keep me occupied. I don’t need to spend all day in front of the television any more than I need to spend all day repeatedly posting to the same thread in ISAC. It would have been nice to have had money to start with, in which case those forty five years wouldn’t have been wasted. I could have visited every country in the world. I might have settled in one of them. But that’s how it was and I can’t change it. Now no-one tells me what to do or when to get up, and the days fly by.
4
I´d rather still be working but am now semi-retired and get up early every morning then head to mass at 7:30. I sit among a group of 20 regulars plus a doddery old priest and pray for the world to be a better place. As a Christian, I know I should love my neighbor and forgive those who have done me wrong but alas I am all too human and find this difficult. For example, how can I forgive those Moslem fanatics who attacked the churches and hotels in Sri Lanka and killed hundreds of people?. Thought for the day fellow ISACers.
7
Christians are the most threatened and persecuted people on earth.
This fact seems to get lost in the hand wringing over the occasional attack by non muslims on muslims (and they are very occasional compared with m on m outrages) and the sin of Islamophobia.
6
By the time I hit “retirement” age, I might just about have got my full sparks card.
I’ll die on the job; no-one else is going to pay my rent et al.
Otherwise it’s a long winter walk into the Highlands (and praying no-one rescues me); I’ll end up like the dead shepherd in that mawkish painting at Cragside. He looked like a stilton in a kilt.
3
Belinda, the Sparks card is the biggest con going. Mrs. B has got about 1/2 million points but you get fuck all for them don’t you? The only offers you get are 2p off a loaf of artisan bread and 3p off a donut.
1
BSC, because M&S have clocked me as being over 54, all I get is offers for cord trousers in a horrid baby-shit colour. And, yes, more points than the Albanian pikeys could hope to steal in the Eurovision Pong Contest, but worth fuck all. Maybe they’ll do “Dr. Kevorkian TM” Nitrogen and elasticated turkey bag self-deliverance kits.
1
Agreed, Mr P.
I try very hard to be decent to people. Give them the benefit of the doubt, even if only to find out after a few minutes that they are total bastards.
I reckon that’s why I feel permanently knackered (apart from my “use it or lose it” regime).
5