The Whole of Humanity

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I’d like to cunt absolutely everybody.
I’ve long despised humankind, and all its associations. I’m no Catweasel fan, before all the Mail readers start frothing at the mouth. There are mostly very good posts here but occasionally the real cunts surface. Dick Fiddler’s recent post for example.

My Mother “died” recently due to Cancer. 4 Fucking years of chemo, operations, hospital twice or three times a week. Vomiting shit at the end, couldn’t talk, eat, drink or do anything basically, then came the agonised breathing (which I wouldn’t want anyone to witness). So… next time you hear someone say they “lost” someone, don’t find it amusing and bear in mind that some people find “lost” easier to deal with than the reality of what they’ve just witnessed.

Note to the Mods. I realise this has as much chance of getting posted as me pissing in the Pope’s Hat, but have a little think please. It needs saying.

You have our support, Dont think you are alone in this one.

Nominated by Dick Malleter

Admin note: Post has been edited to make it acceptable for posting. Wasn’t sure about this one but I’m posting it because if nothing else it will spark a lively discussion. Keep things civil everyone.

114 thoughts on “The Whole of Humanity”

  1. Hi Admin, I rather think you’ve edited this nomination into being somewhat hard to understand…who’s the target of the cunting? Am I being a thick cunt here?!

    • Maybe a link to Mr Fiddler’s offending post might bring some context / clarity?

    • True though, Dick Fiddler is a grade A arsehole. Probably a plant sent in by the EU to give us a bad name.

  2. I shouldn’t worry about it.

    No doubt the normal group of boring cunts will have hijacked this nomination and turned it into a Brexit moanathon before long.

    • Ho ho, yes probably GS. That’s one of the reasons I don’t post much any more…if I hear any more about fucking B****t, I’ll scream like a mis-gendered transbender!

    • Agreed Gunner Sugden. I voted to leave and I’m sick to fucking death of hearing about it and especially sick of people derailing every nomination in the direction of brexit.

      • Its difficult not to keep going back to Brexit, its on the media every minute of every day…… it should have been over by now but sadly not.
        As for this post, it is difficult when people bring up personal tragedies, most people will have had personal experiences of death of a friend or family member and it isnt anything funny.
        I would say its best to avoid being too personal in any post especially if it relates to death, this is not that kind of site
        My take on DF is that a lot of what he says is tongue in cheek and I am sure he very compassionate (I am sure he will slag me off for saying this)

      • Cunting Dick Fiddler for cunting euphemisms is the last thing I’d imagine Dick would be cunted for.

        Unkind remarks concerning a certain ethnic minority and cockroaches following a nuclear holocaust perhaps, but euphemisms?

        Btw, anyone know how Brexit is going?

      • The remark regarding cockroaches and Nuclear events was actually a compliment on a certain group’s tenacity and durability…..

        🙂 .

        Good Afternoon, RTC

      • Not sure it was taken quite that way at the time… 😂

        Afternoon Dick.

  3. Dick M, you have my sympathy and empathy regarding relatives with cancer as this has been a problem with several of my relatives too.
    Whilst I agree that humanity is generally a bunch of cunts, this site is where we come to express our opinion of those things we find cuntish.
    Not everyone will agree with all that is written on this site, but where else can you vent your spleen?
    Your post being moderated may have lost a lot in the translation, apologies if I’ve misunderstood the original cunting.

    • Dick M and Duke of Cuntshire (Your Grace). Yes this was to do with euphemisms. As somebody who agreed with the original poster, I should apologize for any distress I might have caused you. I am sorry to hear what you went through, and I went through something similar with my parents, and cancer is the biggest cunt where health is concerned.

      My main point though, was about the slovenly way we have adopted American expressions.

      Likewise with B****t. I am one of the man offenders where that is concerned but it has REALLY boiled my piss. Nothing else has ever made me as angry. All I would say today is that I wish Yvette Cooper’s constituents would strip the old cunt naked, get her handcuffed to a lamppost and let every one have a good laugh at her flat chest. She probably has a minge like a Hackney hipster’s beard.

      • “She” often has Balls too, so perhaps is somewhere “on the spectrum”.

  5. I rather hoped that this one would come up when I read the original nom.

    I nominated “Euphemism users” and used “lost” instead of “died” as an example. If someone is so thin-skinned and self-indulgent as to see this as an attack on their dead Mother, well, I’m amazed and would suggest that they grow up or find a nice “safe-place” where the nasty real world doesn’t intrude.
    The nominator saw no problem is making a personal attack on me,so if anyone believes that I am being “nasty” to them by calling them self-indulgent,well…too bad.
    Perhaos any buzz words such as “dead,karked,brown-bread,stiff as a board” should be banned for being disrespectful to someone’s “lost” Mother.

    I make no apology for the nom.

    Fuck Off.

    • My Dad died in January this year, so I can sympathise with DM’s grief but I don’t say my beloved Dad passed away or some other phrase to “lessen-the-blow”. Tell it like it is – Had this nomination been titled Dick Fiddler is a cunt – I’d have read it with interest and awaited Dick’s (frequently laugh-out-loud) response.

      Quite what the whole of humanity has to do with it, I have no idea.

      • I find that humour can be a great help in dealing with stress or avoiding conflict.

        Even better if the language/tone has been carefully and sympathetically modernised so as not to cause offence, whilst still retaining the original impact and absurdity.

        May I recommend Monty Python’s newly re-released “Lost Parrot” sketch.

        A classic.

    • I’ve now built up a full head of steam.
      I’d add that everyone has “lost” someone close to them,I know that I have. However, I don’t start whining if someone should be so unfeeling as to refer to them as “dead” instead of some EUPHEMISM which was the original nomination.

      Pathetic self-indulgence.

      Again, Fuck Off.

      • My new favourite is when an animal “goes over the rainbow bridge”. It doesn’t. Your pet has been ill, you’ve taken it to the vet who has given it an injection to end its misery. Your life and your bank account is now poorer for it, but the animal is dead. Rainbow bridge. Pffft.

      • I seriously believe that I’d assault anybody who used that phrase in my presence.

      • I think the “rainbow bridge” is not inclusive. Where on earth do heterosexual pets go after they die?

  6. I read the title of the nom and thought “yes, people are generally stupid, selfish and can be capable of sadistic cruelty”.

    Fast forward to the end of the nom and I’m scratching my head, confused as to how it in any way cunted the whole of humanity when it just seemed to be one cunter cunting a cunter which is against the forum rules.

    Also what Daily Fail reader?

    • Indeed.
      Never knew the Fail had a reader…possibly a proof-reader, but judging by their website, s/he / it / shite is another abject fail.

  7. Everybody is a bit of a cunt at times * but I am a tad concerned about the personal attack. It doesnt sit comfortably.

    Obviously this excludes Aubameyang

  8. Off topic but thank fuck for the Government. They have just released a video extolling parents to talk to and play with their kids. I’ m sure that never crossed any parents minds so very useful advice . Thanks.

    • Most parents I see out and about nowadays have their face glued to a screen and wouldn’t notice their sprog being run over or even exploding.

    • They should tell the fathers of future architects to stay at home and look after their offspring instead of fornicating with every bint they come across and then bugger off afterwards like a tom cat.

  9. Fuck me, the Thought Police have arrived, all tooled up and ready for a ruck. Can’t talk about Brexit, can’t talk about death. Oh poor me, i’m upset……. don’t upset me please.
    Fuck that for a game of soldiers!
    I’m off to mums.net , you get a better class of whinging and moaning.

  10. While I don’t disagree that humanity is shit, the point of the post escapes me.
    Is Fiddler a cunt? Certainly. But then so are the rest of us.

    Now, how can I crowbar Brexit in?

    • Mr Fiddler started Brexit by refusing to give any Poles and Bulgarians any work you see. What a selfish man and it’s all his fault. 😀

  11. Think OP took a wrong turn. There’s some dark and dank backstreets one should avoid, the ones which smell like heated piss and anger, where optimism and idealism get eviscerated by cynical wordsmiths drunk on unadulterated malignance.

    Welcome to ISAC, cunt! – technically he called us all cunts so fair game.

  13. I don’t think this nom should have made it. Not because it doesn’t merit consideration but in the context of this site, there is no humour to be obtained from the poster’s grief. Grief is a very personal thing, difficult to share with strangers and it it will be overcome with the love of friends and family. I hope your faith in humanity is restored fairly soon DM. Ghandi once said “be the change you wish to see in the world”. Perhaps I should change my handle to the “Rev. Blunt”.

  14. Aye. The cunting at issue was about euphemisms, not cunters’ dear departed* – guessing at the average age here, I shouldn’t think many have managed to avoid a visit by the reaper* – in one of many highly unpleasant forms – to those close to them. And the reaper* will one day come for us. Why beat about the bush? Where, if not ISAC, can anyone object to the use of euphemisms?

    *euphemism

    • Precisely. Both my parents have died, one in distressing circumstances of cancer, the other in relative peace.

      Neither of them ‘passed on’, were ‘lost’ or ‘passed away’. They died. My mother in particular reviled the use of such euphemisms.

      Except when it came to the dog. She didn’t say ‘it’s been killed’, she said ‘it’s been put down’.

      She was quite sentimental in her way.

  15. Humanity does need a cunting, especially modern humanity, ‘we’ have evolved into diverse society where in one country you can be free to say and do everything (within reason) and in another you can be arrested for calling someone an idiot and looking like a horse, WTF!!!!

  16. Morning all.
    My take on this is that Mr F was just having a go at euphemisms, and in doing so perhaps used an unfortunate example. I’m sure nothing personal was intended.
    Having said that, I think we can all feel for Dick on this one. I lost my mother, father, sister and father-in-law to the Big C, and going through this experience is like pouring salt into a raw wound.
    In short, Dick, I think everyone on here can feel your pain, mate, and we all empathise. Anyone who doesn’t is a cunt indeed.
    How about we put this one to bed and get on with cunting the real cunts of the world? Anyway, that’s my twopennoth on the subject.

    • Why was it an “unfortunate example”? Are you suggesting that any mention of death should be couched in flowery language for fear that somebody has had a “loss” in the family?
      Of course nothing personal was intended, how could it be? I’ve never met the Poster,and tbh. hope that I never have the misfortune. Anyone who deliberately finds offence where quite obviously none was intended isn’t someone for my company.

      • Dick;
        Merely an attempt on my part to suggest that this is a bit of a storm in a teacup and not much for anyone to get worked up about. I was trying to be conciliatory.
        Sorry if you thought any differently!

      • Afternoon, Ron.
        You’re quite right. I can be a bit of a Cunt sometimes when in full cry.

  17. Ah I see Mr Fiddler has upset some cunt.
    As we speak I am raising an Army of snowflakes and various Vegans, cyclists, cunts, and bearded hipsters… We are going to march up to his manor and lay siege upon Fiddler Towers and starve him out and poison his Guinness supply.
    When he comes out we will cook him in the big pot and feed him to the Hounds and I’ll keep some of the stew to sell at Carnival.

    • Count me in; can’t beat a bit of marching and a good siege.

      MIght even find a few volunteers to ‘nip round and take him in the rear’.

    • Pah….We Fiddlers have seen off better than a gang of malcontents and neer-do-wells…besides,there’s no chiggun shacks anywhere within a 30 mile radius,so you’ll sharp lose interest.

      Good Morning to you, B+W Cunt.

      🙂 .

      • Ah but we have arranged for a mobile KFC truck Mr Fiddler, Dianne Abbot offered to commandeer the vehicle but we all objected. I’d baton down the hatches and get the supplies in… It’ll be a long summer.
        Morning.

      • Flabbott couldn’t get behind the wheel…over my dead body.
        She’d have to go on the roof.
        Like one of those old gasbags that was used to fuel buses during the war.
        Suspect a certain Ayatollah of London’s dad would know about that…

    • I can see your carnival store now b&w cunt….
      Jerked dick.
      …just make sure no one gets the wrong idea.

      • @DTS 😆😀😆, I’ll call it Alan’s O’snackbar… That’ll keep the trannies away.

  18. Someone on here called me a Dark Key. I thought he meant he could lend me a key if I was in the dark and couldn’t get in my flat. I then realised the gravity of the comment and I was upset. I didn’t post for two weeks in protest. I am still awaiting an apology and compo.

    • You’re gonna need to develop a thicker skin if you want to survive in these parts, mate;)

  19. A wife went away for a ten day break, leaving her beloved cat & elderly mother in the care of hubby. Some days later she telephones home for an update.

    ” Hi sweetie, how are things. How is my cat?”

    “Cat’s dead,”replies hubby.

    “Boohoo, Boohoo,” sobs wifey, “you are such a blunt cunt. Boohoo, sob sob, you could have told me gently!”

    “Gently!!!,” barks hubby, “well how fucking gently do you want it?!!”

    “Well you could have said first off, the cat was playing on the roof. Then the next time I phoned, you could have said it had fallen off the roof and broken it’s leg. Then the next time, you could have said in a soft loving voice, it had been very quietly put to sleep, by a very kind and caring vet.” Sob, sob, Boohoo. “Ah well,” she cries, “never mind eh. Hows mother?”

    “Yu mother?,” says hubby, “oh, well, right now, she’s playing on the roof.”

  20. Yep I agree with Mr Malleter,The Whole of Humanity is a CUNT. Weve wiped out entire species out of greed,polluted Mother Nature beyond repair,we kill for fun not just for food like our fellow animals,we are breeding at such a pace that soon our annual sewage output will weigh more than the earth etc etc.
    What we need is a SUPER cunt to appear,a Genghis Khan, Tamerlane,a Hitler or Stalin,a genocidal maniac with a medieval mindset and modern military technology to wipe out as many of us cunts as soon as possible.
    RIP your mother Mr Malleter

    • I had to get counselling FTF, and tablets and went to a group meeting and after the meeting I realised it was the White man’s fault and also partly Brexit fault.

      • For fucks sake B&W cunt, you’re last one I thought would try pull the Obama race card.

        Next thing you’ll be down the Palace bowing to HMQ.

      • I’m actually identifying as a waterfall today SV, although tomorrow I’ll be Black and White cunt again and will be asking for my Windrush money from the Queen… Although I’ll accept that Ruby in the crown jewels.

  22. #Metoo
    It sounds as though she is better off dead rather than enduring all the pain and treatment. I’ve known people who couldn’t wait to die.
    I know that it’s incredibly sad to watch someone else’s demise, particularly your own mother or a child, and it’s a very personal thing, as you feel so helpless amongst all the so-called healthcare specialists merely monitoring things. You wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
    Nevertheless, our respective mothers simply carked it.
    So what? Everyone will pop their clogs at some point.
    Are you expecting some shared grief and sympathy from people that never knew her? Lots of people will die today and tomorrow too. And one day it will be you. Perhaps we should all light candles and attend all night vigils for all those venturing up to the Pearly Gates.
    Alternatively you could always console yourself with the usual, “Our thoughts and prayers are with the victim’s family…”
    Or then again, go off and find some solace in religion.
    But for your own reasons you simply chose the wrong site here and I doubt there’ll be any crowd-funding.
    Next nom please – nothing to see here

    • There will be many of us whose mothers had a very difficult time before the end came. I’m one and I believe our friend Norman is another. Having seen this happening at first hand, all I can say is I intend to make arrangements with Dignitas or some similar organisation because I see no advantage in suffering before the inevitable happens. Why this is not legal in this country I don’t know. We are able to stop the suffering of our pets but not that of our relatives. It’s a disgrace.

      • As usual it’s the UNREPRESENTATIVE CUNTS in Parliament who are standing in the way.

        90% of their constituents are in favour.

        “Parliament last voted on assisted dying in 2015, rejecting by 330 against to 118 a private member’s bill to legalise assistance for those who were terminally ill and likely to die within six months.”

        https://www.theguardian.com/society/2019/mar/03/legalise-assisted-dying-for-terminally-ill-say-90-per-cent-of-people-in-uk

      • It’s fairly clear that if there were a referendum and 90% voted in favour, the matter would be stalled until Parliament had voted for a no-death exit.

      • Clara the bearded girlfriend of Miles Plastic is last seen queuing up at ‘The Ministry of Euthanasia’. That’s where Waugh leaves her.

      • She wanted to live; she had a new appreciation of art, music, the ballet. But the government said it was best to kill yourself.

      • You don’t want to emotionally exhaust your relatives because of your prolonged illness. You don’t want to be a drain on finite resources. Just get it over with and kill yourself.

      • By the way Grandma have you remembered to leave out your life insurance from the will? We don’t want to get too confused.

  23. I lost my mother to cancer and some good friends as well. I think this site is a place where people come to let of some steam and has probably saved a few cunts a slap or a quick vocal appraisal of their status in humanity.

    Condolences for your loss Dick Malleter, as you rightly point out all of humanity is a cunt in someones eyes sooner or later and none of us on here is above that.

    I hope it’s helped you to unload a bit of the anguish you’re probably feeling, I hope in time your grief will allow you to find the humour in a post such as the one that given the current circumstances touched a very raw nerve for you.

    Dick Fiddler wasn’t being a malicious cunt though, he was just cunting something he finds irritating but you are currently sensitive too.

      • ……… and in a sort of reverse experiment, I have found a website that offers counselling and support to those who have suffered recent bereavements.

        I have joined the forum and told them anyone who writes ‘Mum’ in flowers in a hearse window is a soppy cunt.

      • Exactly right GS, also these funeral companies need to get with the times and have flowers that spell ‘Non binary Auntie’ and ‘Gender neutral Grandad’.

      • When I snuff it my kids have the green light to have flowers spelling out ‘DAD’ visible in the hearse window, providing they place an ‘E’ in front of the ‘A’….

      • …..and any funeral where they play “My Way” the mourners should be taken out and shot. Clean up the gene pool.

  25. There are many similarities with Dick Fiddler’s comments and the upset party and………… Brexit.
    You see Mr Fiddler did not understand what he was commenting on and also the final destination of the comment. I think we should have a meaningful vote on the indication of the original comments destination and whether the comment was legally binding. Tim Farron and James o’cunt can be the independent judges with Blair cunt giving the final seal of approval.

  26. Good morning Mr Dick Malleter. I am writing this response without having read what others have posted above, contrary to my usual practice. I am doing so because I don’t want to be influenced by what others have said in response to your nom. I have a question for you. If you find Mr Fiddler’s comments repulsive to the extent that you call the said gentleman “a real cunt” (house rules, admin?) why do you inflict such pain on yourself by reading his comment? Not only do you read it and feel deeply offended but you then take the trouble to insult Mr Fiddler and let everyone on this forum know how deeply hurt you are. Why? Do you expect contributors to sympathise with you? Should we desist from being cunts because you are feeling hurt? You, Mr Malleter, are a big fucking girlie’s blouse.
    This forum is a godsend for its contributors. It is one of the last remaining places in this pox ridden country where people can express their concerns, dislikes, non-politically correct views without fear of arrest or being fired from their jobs. That I fear will not last much longer as the government starts to censor online content. It is a therapeutic site for people still capable of independent thought. Also, if you look carefully, it is full of humour and wonderful English vocabulary, a lot of it new and deserving entry to the Oxford dictionary. Above all, the nominations and comments on here should be viewed for what they are – the rantings, born of frustration, of the disenfranchised.
    The circumstances of your mother’s death were clearly deeply unpleasant and traumatic to you. But, Mr Malleter, that is part of life. Look around you, Sir. If you question people about their life experiences I guarantee you will find plenty of people who have endured far worse than you. The difference between them and you is that they choose not to advertise the fact on a public forum. My father died a horrible, lingering death from lung cancer. My brother died from a nasty cancer. During my working life I regularly had to deal with events that would make you shit your pants or throw up, or both. You are not unique, Sir, so fuck off. Take my advice, Mr Malleter, stop looking at this forum. An apology to Mr Fiddler would be in order. I have had my differences of opinion with the gentleman in the past but he can’t fool me. Underneath that curmudgeonly exterior I know their beats a compassionate, caring heart. (That’s called humour, Mr Malleter).

  28. A message for Mr C who C’s Cs (I’m too fucking lazy to write the whole name, on the other hand this has taken longer, BOLLOCKS). Anyway, I understand that the Vatican have picked up his posting and the Pope’s hat is in the post for Mr C who Cs C’s boiling micturitions.

  29. Every cunt upsets some other cunt sooner or later, there is no way to get through life without some other cunt upsetting you. We are all cunts to someone sometime. sometimes the cunt thinking you are a cunt is actually the cunt because that cunt overreacted to some minor cuntishness and out cunted the original cutnishness in a major way.

    Life is not sympathetic, it’s a hard knock life.

    We all lived through some pain and we sure got more to come.

    Life is a cunt sometimes, make sure to enjoy the days when it isn’t a cunt.

      • Seconded.

        You sir, and Sixdog Vomit above you, are cunts. As am I. Some days, in fact, I would seriously struggle to find a bigger cunt than myself. My own cuntishness shocks even me sometimes.

        That’s life. We can all be thoroughly decent people one day and then cunts the next. It all depends who is watching. And whatever shit is thrown in our path.

  30. Death is the solution to all problems. No man. No problems.
    Joseph Stalin.

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