The Public Libraries Act 1850 gave local boroughs the power to establish free public libraries creating an enduring national institution that provided universal free access to information and literature. I clearly recall my introduction to the local library as a six-year old by my primary school teacher on a Saturday morning. She knew my love of reading and understood that the volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica were much appreciated on the estate as a source of firelighters and skins for roll-ups when the Rizlas ran out. My enrollment in the library was accompanied by her cautionary advice never to let others know I could read and always keep my books hidden from public view.
You entered the library through oak-paneled swing doors and were confronted by a high wooden pulpit above which was a notice bearing the command “SILENCE” and in which sat the chief librarian, a lady of indeterminate age, with a visage that could sink battleships. The wooden shelves were crammed with books of all sorts. There was a separate newspaper room where all the quality dailies and magazines were available to read. In here, during the winter months, you would find the poor homeless souls, reading the papers and enjoying the warmth. The librarian was a woman of steel, in the Thatcher mould, but she was also kind and compassionate to the deserving. There was a separate children’s room full of treasures by the likes of Arthur Ransome and Enid Blyton. Everyone was considerate of other library users. Nobody spoke above a whisper. It was a quiet, peaceful temple of literature ruled over staff who enforced the required standards of behaviour. I have seen the chief librarian physically eject, through the unopened swing doors, a man who smelled of alcohol. Gone before he could start causing trouble. This library gave me a haven for many years.
Then to the present. The chief librarian is long gone along with the newspapers and magazines and most of the book collection. There are now rows of computers, where people used to quietly sit and read books or newspapers. The occupants are eastern European or recently arrived culturally enriching persons welcomed to our shores by successive governments. None, probably, have ever paid one penny in council tax. It’s like the fucking Tower of Babel with the all the booshka-booshka, jabber-jabber, from the cunts using Skype or enlightening each other on the UK benefits laws. In one corner, sat on the floor, is a group of local intellectuals, hoodies pulled up, whilst they arrange their collection of the latest recreational drug over their mobile phones.
There are hardly any books left in the library collection. Notices are everywhere advertising coffee mornings, English language classes, zumba fitness sessions etc all available at the library. Anything and everything that should not be held in a library. And notices asking users for donations of their old books because the library can no longer afford to buy new ones. But of course they can afford a free translation service for Cantonese, Urdu, Portugese, blah blah blah speakers.
The Public Library. R.I.P.
Nominated by Fimbriations
Oh shit, you must have lived in the same place as I did as a kid and you must live in the same place I do now!
No…….just the same fucking world in the same time frame.
Books? In the modern library? Do fuck off. You can get, or reserve, any fucking DVD you want, but fucking books? A pathetic collection of dog eared autobiographies by dead old cunts millennials have never heard of. David Niven anyone?
You might find the “rule of silence “ during the day but, come 3pm, everyone runs for the hills when the local chavkids turn up for a bit of trashing and computer gaming before they grab their KFC on the way home. It’s better during the winter because they need to get home before the stabbers emerge from the darkness to take their revenge on the architects who haven’t actually designed anything yet except “sum wicked graffing innit?”
Few people go to libraries these days so they haven’t got a clue. The whole principle of public education seems very old fashioned. You wanna read a decent book? Go buy it you cunt.
Who reads books these days anyway?
8
Our fucking library now only opens on three weekdays, and the junior cunts AND the infant cunts are in there making the air hideous by singing Baa Baa Black Sheep and The Wheels Go Round all afternoon. Why can’t the little fuckers stay in school to sing their putrid “songs”. I have never seen one of the cunts or their teachers or “teaching assistants” , the latter usually obese loud mouthed old hags wearing leggings, smelling of stale shit take one sodding book out. They probably can’t read anyway.
10
Still sounds like a decent place then seeing as I thought baa baa black sheep had been banned “cos it’s racist”. Was under the impression it was moo moo dairy cow now, until that pisses off the vegans….
2
Can’t really help too much with this one because I,of course, have a private library.
The hounds and I like to sit in the plush,green-leather armchairs in our smoking-jacket with a balloon of brandy in one hand and a fine Cuban cigar in the other,while the roaring log fire merrily burns.Not that we bother read much of The Classics which line the walls..we prefer an old Commando comic,or if we’re feeling particularly literary, a Sven Hassel.
My library even has one of those step-ladders on wheels contraptions that is used to access the top shelves. Handy for getting some old copy of Shakespeare or another of those unreadable old Fart’s drivel to chuck on the fire if our logs run low….amazing how long a copy of an old Windbag’s thoughts will burn.
I’d recommend that everyone should endeavour to set up their own private library….even if they only use it to cut coupons out of The Sun for their next holiday.
Fuck Off.
19
Surely your butler could reach the books by standing on the back of your footman? What next heating downstairs in the staff quarters?
You really are going soft in your old age Mr F.
6
I have a private library toooo!
You share a smoking jacket with your hounds Dick? My cats have their own personalised smoking jackets.
6
Good morning Messrs C & F. Quite my own thoughts RTC, but not only in re Noël Coward’s favourite attire.
The conjured figment of the private library, replete with hearth and hounds, was somewhat shattered by the phantasm of the hounds clutching balloons of Martell’s Cordon Bleu™ and Romeo Y Julieta.
I have neither pets, nor a library ladder, but do have some Cognac, Upmanns and a couple of tons of books upstairs and of anthracite in the cellar. We ned’s can only try to emulate our betters.
5
What you need is a nubile young filly to become your assistant librarian. Let her climb those step-ladders on your behalf, thus enabling you to enjoy a good upskirting while you fiddle with your mashie niblick!
8
‘step-ladders on wheels contraptions’ Your butler standing on the back of the footman should suffice.Next thing you’ll be putting heating in the servant’s quarters, are you going soft in your old age
Mr F?
1
What a wonderful picture you paint Mr Fiddler. I can almost sense the ghost of Jeremy Thorpe in the room.
10
It probably has one of those Terrestrial Table Globes with long past empires of Indochina and Zululand with huge wall map of the British Empire at its peak. A few mounted heads of beasts from Great Uncle Fiddlers expeditions and savages war clubs from the South Pacific. A time capsule of more civilized times.
8
Modesty forbade me mentioning such things,LL. As I said to The Duke of Northumberland last week while dining at our exclusive London club….I detest pretentious people.
7
Discretion is everything Mr Fiddler as an unguarded comment could trigger a request from ITV’s Keith Lemon for a Through the Keyhole experience at Fiddler Towers.
5
I’d give that Cunt an experience to remember. Never mind “Through the Keyhole”,more like “Steel Toecap Right Up The Hoop.”
9
Thanks for this enchanting glimpse into life at Fiddler Mansion. Blandings Castle it ain´t but I have the feeling that you and fellow landowner Lord Emsworth might have much in common. Maybe you could breed a pig that beats the Empress of Blandings at the next agricultural show and win a golden rosette.
4
I am currently reading your post Cuntflap
6
Apologies, I should’ve explained more fully – I meant I’m sitting by your front door opening your mail. I’m such a nosy cunt.
7
“Wolf among Wolves by Hans Fallada”, set in Germany in the 1920s, is my current read and it is pretty good. I have just finished “Child of the River” by Irma Joubert, set in South África just before WWII, which gets off to a good start but then becomes bogged down and sentimental.
2
A new library was built in the centre of Birmingham 4 or 5 years ago. Cost almost £200m and looks like 4 shoe boxes stacked on top of each other and covered in those hideously patterned wallpapers from the 1970s.
However, because it went over budget the local council couldn’t afford to keep the library open for more than just a few hours a day (usually 11am until 5). Which means all those hard working cunts who go out to work and pay their dues miss out by the time their working day is over because the grand-spanking new library is closed!
Admittedly the library does have a good range of books, however it is also full of the usual suspects who have no intention of reading; but just use the place as a “day centre” so they can idle about on the computers or piss about on their phones while eating shite food (despite the many notices that eating is forbidden)
An ugly fucking library that cost a fortune and full of cunts that can’t read, can’t speak English, do not work, and probably haven’t paid a penny towards the library’s upkeep -and yet complain bitterly if they can’t find a computer game or dvd they want to borrow (and never return)
10
The Sentinel. Arthur C. Clarke.
I wanted to see what inspired the film 2001.
4
Speckled band? Oh yeah. He solves that one, no problem.
4
Morning Cuntflap. Sherlock Holmes is the bees-knees!
I’m currently reading ‘A Dedicated Man’ by Peter Robinson. It’s an Inspector Banks novel. I’m on page 43 and so far it has not exactly set the world alight. Will next read ‘Where We Are’ by Roger Scruton.
4
Just finished “The Night Boat” by Robert R McCammon (ghostly U-Boat, Nazi zombies, blood n guts galore etc).
Currently reading “Odessa Sea” by Clive Cussler (surely a Dead Pool contender by now). Also have Tom Bower’s Branson biography on the go (what a cunt!) and a Clymer manual for the Honda CB350 which probably doesn’t count…😁
2
I wouldn’t be surprised if Tom Bower is an ISACer. His books on Blair and Corbyn are essential reading for Cunters.
3
Probably a Dead Pool contender too.
Natural causes of course…
1
I am reading “The One Hour Garden” by Laurence Fleming, as since Mrs. Boggs discovered arthritis and daytime soap opera repeats (is there a connection there?) she has given up the garden and I am trying to find ways of making ours ultra-low maintenance,
I can’t abide Kindles and it is almost impossible to use them for non-fiction books with diagrams at least for me it is, but I am a luddite old cunt.
2
sorry I had to share this with you all, the old ones are the best.
https://youtu.be/IF8uZQNMWl8
7
War in the Wilderness (The Chindits in Burma 1943-44)
by Tony Redding.
Probably the most complete accounts about the Chindits.
2
We live in an age whereby you can find all manner of information sources at your finger tips. For this reason I haven’t needed to go to a library for years.
5
Judging by your avatar, if you used all four fingers, you’d substantially increase your finger tip information source capacity !
4
He can’t. This is obviously a severe case of “Dupuytren’s Contracture” not to be confused with “Peyronies Disease”. Why the fuck are all these medical conditions named after foreigners?
3
Not used a library since the internet was invented .
2
Fucking Libry? can you watch Soaps at a Libry? Can you do Sun bingo at a Libry? No you cant, TV has dun away with ne need 2 reed n rite.
Fucking cavemen libry peeple need to join the 20th centry………cunts.
8
I’m currently reading ‘My Autobiography’ by Alex Ferguson, although I’m having trouble finishing the book because every time I get close to the end Howard Webb turns up and adds another six pages….
9
I’m reading the same book JR.
Turns out he knows fuck all about me. It’s all about him .the cunt.
4
The bit where he drops his keks to the Glazers is a particularly harrowing bit… The purple nosed old cunt….
2
Mr Fimbriations, I share your dismay at the demise of the local library. Only yesterday I passed another one that has recently been demolished. There used to be one in almost every district, pretty soon there’ll only be the central library left.
I too used to take out books by Enid Blyton when I was a kid and remember feeling guilty because of the dirty looks the staff gave me, as though they were expecting me to cause a disturbance because of my age. I wouldn’t have dared.
It’s rare for me to visit a library these days because it’s an uncomfortable experience with all the noisy talkers who are old enough to know better, but don’t even think about it. The days when you could actually read a book in peace are long gone because in today’s society, everyone, wherever they are, seems to have this urgent need to make their presence felt.
8
The Sunnybank Library between Manchester and Bury has now closed… One of the most unusual buildings of its time (one of those pieces of 60s architecture) and a great little library… Away from town centres, so there were no loud speaking iron curtain muck swamping it (I hear you, Fimbriations… Prestwich Library is infested with the fuckers)… But the council cunts decided they ‘couldn’t afford’ to keep Sunnybank going…. Yet they are building – and giving away houses and flats to all those ‘Booshka Booshka’ and ‘Bogo Bogo’ cunts…
And people actually vote for these cunts?!! Fuck me….
5
The demise of the local library goes hand in hand with the complete disappearance of the community centre… And to some degree the local public house..
All places of social gathering, a place to meet friends and catch up on things… In the modern world of anti social media we are, as a society tied
to our phones or some other devices… Which have ultimately killed off all these types of places…
And now with the growing closure of big name shops before long our entire lives will exist on the internet… Sounds ridiculous but 30 years from now the world will be unrecognisable from what it is now…
God bless technology…
Cunts..
8
Zuckerberg should be charged with crimes against humanity…. And Apple (Mac not Records, that is) are cunts and all…
6
Doesn’t sound ridiculous at all. Never mind. You’ll be able to get a brain implant to make all your decisions for you by then. And connect you permanently to HMRC and your fridge.
I’m getting more Luddite by the day.
2
Last time I went into our local library there were three obviously drunk Eastern European cunts.
Not outlandish behaviour but loud and weird enough to draw attention.
Predictably none of the library staff wanted to get involved or take control of the situation so needless to say it was uncomfortable for all for quite some time.
Today discovered our local Eastern European friends are able to vote in the up and coming local elections despite many of the cunts not working or able to speak the language.
This country is finished.
8
A Study of Reading Habits
Philip Larkin
When getting my nose in a book
Cured most things short of school,
It was worth ruining my eyes
To know I could still keep cool,
And deal out the old right hook
To dirty dogs twice my size.
Later, with inch-thick specs,
Evil was just my lark:
Me and my cloak and fangs
Had ripping times in the dark.
The women I clubbed with sex!
I broke them up like meringues.
Don’t read much now: the dude
Who lets the girl down before
The hero arrives, the chap
Who’s yellow and keeps the store
Seem far too familiar. Get stewed:
Books are a load of crap.
1
I’m re-reading the Flashman books for the umpteenth time. Currently on Flashmans Lady. Funny as fuck, gloriously un-pc and you can really learn about history from them too.
I wasn’t an academic as a kid and spent most of my time bunking off school and reading in public libraries which is basically how and where I educated myself, so this cunting is quite a sad and poignant one for me.
6
Fucking love the Flashman books. My favourite is Flashman and the Redskins.
Harry Flashman…… the only whiteman to survive Custer’s Last Stand……and gloriously English!
4
I nominated libraries some time ago and fully agree with this nom.
I can only get to my library on a Saturday morning, when it’s full of bloody little sprogs and their parents singing their stupid songs from 10-10.30. Once this wailing and caterwauling has stopped the little fuckers are running around shrieking or playing with loud toys. Add to this the ‘arts and crafts’ session, which is basically a big table in the middle of the library, occupied by about a dozen middle aged and elderly women, knitting and yakking loudly from 10 – midday. Then there’s the foreign students who don’t pay council tax but use all the facilities, mainly computers free of charge. Oh yeah, don’t even get me started on the people who bugger about for ages at the check out machines….
4
‘Picking Up The Brass ‘ and ‘The Map Of Africa’ by Eddy Nugent. Comedy gold. Use my library all the time. They’ll get any book, (virtually), for free. Worth my Council Tax payment on it’s own.
2
Slaves of Solitude by Patrick Hamilton.
Holmes is shit. It’s always Holmes solved this case or that without the author bothering to actually feel the need to describe the process of how he solved it. He either has a supernatural instinct or it’s something that occured elsewhere.
0
Farenheight 451 is coming to pass. When the government bans books, don’t want the people being able to think for themsleves after all, nobody will even notice.
4
Lot’s of them are either closed down or used as creches for breeding, benefit-reaping scratter scum.
0