Loud Co-workers

I’d like to nominate loud co-workers, the type who have to shout instead of talk. There’s two for a nomination in my office, both wimminz – one always sounds like she’s having an argument when she’s on the phone. The other is the most pleasant person you could meet, but is she bloody annoying !!! She talks loudly, especially on the phone, where her conversation is always punctuated with loud laughter.
A typical phone conversation as follows :
”Hallo? Haaaaaaallo, hahahahaha, oh did you? oh my god hahahahahaahah. o-o-o-oka-a-a-ay hahahahaah etc…..’ on and on ad nauseam.
Whilst on the subject of co-workers, also a nomination for those who eat smelly food in the office and stink the place out, got some of them in my office too, cunts.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

46 thoughts on “Loud Co-workers

  1. Never worked in an office or with woman because I am a cuntcreter. I work with Greeks and Italians. Loud cunts with garlic breath, so I kind of get what your saying.

      • Had a fling with a lovely lady from Crete whist in Cyprus… Went straight in bareback…lovely.

      • No RTCP, I wasn’t on a bender that night so no debauched acts. We both met in the hotel and she paid for the room… I obviously offered to pay but was quite glad to accept her paying, she was actually the receptionist in my hotel but we went to a different hotel for our sordid night… We both obviously assumed the other had brought some condoms… Not missing the opportunity I gave her one bareback… I made sure she got some extra pounding for her generosity in paying for the room.
        I stayed at the hotel and she fucked off… Had a nice breakfast and returned to my Hotel where she was in reception. Those were the days.

      • “… extra pounding for her generosity in paying for the room.” 😂

  2. I used to work with a woman who liked to spend the day telling people, “I speak my mind” and “I say as I see” and “I’m salt of the earth, me” and the classic “people like me cas I tell it how it is”. No sweetheart, people don’t like you for all the reasons you think they do. Now shut the fuck up and put the kettle on, there’s a good girl.

  3. There’s always at least one gobby cunt in every office; and they usually sit not too far from me!

    And if they’re not giving it large down the phone, they shout across the office to a colleague to talk about something completely un-work related like the football or some shite reality program from last night!

    And then you get the cunts who steal your milk from the canteen fridge next to the office; or help themselves to your food without asking! Feel like adding some rat poison to kill the cunts at times.

  4. And yet they are capable of turning into a tight circle to gossip with such a low whisper that you can’t eavesdrop a damn word. Women are baffling and infuriating in equal measure

  5. As I sit and ponder another day at work in an office this is just a cunting too far. This brought work home to me on a Friday!! Before I’ve even got there.
    Imagine a coop full of chickens. Then throw in a fox or 2 and imagine the noise. This is where I work. All the wahmen are so friendly to each other at this time. Once our doors open to the public they hate each other. Uncivil servants

  6. I’d rather be on the dole than work in an office, unless your in a good job most offices I imagine are full of wankers who think they are the going to be the next big business genius… and they are still there years later in the same cunt office with all the other boring wankers.
    I also imagine you have ‘The lads’ who banter about football and show each other WhatsApp porn, the tarts who gossip all day, scoff cakes and spend most of the day on Cuntbook, the weirdo cunts who don’t talk to anyone and the lefty, vegan, non smoker types whose idea of a wild night is to have a glass of wine and a nice meal.
    What a pile of cunt and I actually feel sorry for most office workers…working for some company who don’t give a fuck about you, most will never get any promotion or will get some made up promotion to make them feel important and stay, and those desks where you look at your screen and some other cunts is facing you looking at their screen… probably end up catching each other’s eye all the time.
    I might get a job in an office for a laugh and on the first day tell the ‘Boss’ to fuck off in front of the whole office.
    Go fuck yourselves.

    • I forgot… The team building activities, and the office party.
      Go fuck yourselves you cunts.

      • The list goes on and on RTCP, what a nightmare working in an office must be.

      • and having to put to some cunt’s collection just because it’s either their birthday or they’re fucking off to a better paid job (which irks me even more! Why give this cunt a few extra quid just because he’s leaving to a better paid job anyway?)

        Of course one small bonus during the summer months is when some young wench leans over her desk facing you so that you cop a good view of exposed cleavage from her partially unbuttoned blouse.

      • …Plus secret Santa.

        Whuch I’m sure has been cunted here in the past as it goes.

  7. I used to work in the design “department” of a magazine publishers.
    In their wisdom the management decided it would be great to have an huge open plan office with us designers lumped in with the sales staff.
    Fuck me it drove us nuts with all the mostly female sales reps jibber-jabbing and cackling. The cherry on this cake of shite was frequent themed tele-sales days when the reps dressed up in costume and sold space over the phone! To much shouting and raucous laughter.
    Never mind if we had a print deadline or even the need to concentrate on our work.

  8. A lot of my cunt workmates scrape their chairs across the floor as they pull it out to get up or sit down and it makes that god awful noise.

  9. Off topic but the Liberal DEMOCRATS have just signed their own death warrant with their EU election slogan: ‘ Vote for us to stop Brexit’. Byeeeeeeeeeee.

      • They don’t seem to recognise the hypocrisy between their party name and their main ambition.

    • You just know these desperate cunts want to ride piggy-back with Labour in order to form yet another coalition government!

      Anything for a sniff of power these whiny little shitbags

      Fuck ’em

  10. When I make a call at home I don’t sit in the living room with the tv on loud whilst my wife is nattering, I go to a quiet room. I’ve never understood what genius decided that the one thing somebody on the telephone needs is a shitload of background noise, so they come up with open plan call centres with 500 people all talking over each other whilst trying to discover (in one job for Transco emergency call centre) where this gas leak actually is. Cubicles may not be pretty and the useless oberführer management can’t see you but they make making calls so much easier.

  11. Can’t think of anything worse than all that sneaky ‘office politics’ and wondering if you are in or out with the incrowd this week.

  12. I hate office nominations as it reminds me of the full horror of “office” life.

    Suit and tie.
    The fucking ever present politics.
    Board meetings
    Bored meetings
    Interviewing cunts
    Hiring cunts
    Firing cunts
    Team building retreats with people you hate
    The boredom
    Sunday evenings knowing work starts tomorrow

  13. One of my favourite things about being a wagon driver is minimal human contact, it’s almost like a little holiday, no mider.

  14. One of the worst things about working in an office is becoming besotted with someone who isn’t besotted with you. Not that I am speaking from personal experience of course.🤓

  15. Thank feck I’ve worked outside my whole life and have been lucky enough to drown out the twittering of horsey women and poofs with my hammer and roaring gas forge. Would be numerous corpses scattered about if I worked in an office, self important tossers with their lanyards with job titles like ” keyboarding skills team leader” , a letter I had from bank was signed by someone with that title on it.

  16. Most of the offices I’ve worked in you have the perennial big breasted gobshite slapper who preaches their virtuous principles at their co workers and bang on about their kids, and how happily married they are, while having an affair with a colleague behind her husband’s back.

  17. The joys of being self employed and working (mostly) at home.
    Just a big shed with a music system and a kettle with no boss or annoying assorted other twats milling around asking fucking stupid questions.
    Today have an old 2 stroke bike on the bench and, when I’ve got it running, going to rev the nuts off it as a tribute to those climate protest wankers.
    Suck it up hippies….

  18. Office work – been there. Done that. Never want to go back. It’s like being back in high school. You have to be friends with a load of people you don’t like, and half of them will stab you in the back anyway.

  19. Worked in four different offices in my 30 years in central London.

    Worst experience of a loud co worker was a guy named Gary. Noisy cunt who had fuck all to say. So loud that when I was with a broker (who was sitting just the other side of the desk), still all I could hear was a Gary. On more than one occasion went over to tell him to shut the fuck up. “Empty barrels make the most noise” was a saying invented for this cunt.

    He also once brought his shotgun into work, got it out of its case and started waving it around. But that is another story.

    He (and my boss) both received telephone calls one morning from HR. Each went over to their offices, and never saw either again.

  20. January is the worst month for working in an office. Every woman’s on a diet that consists purely of lettuce and soup and lasts maybe a week before they consume their own weight in chocolate and question why they haven’t lost weight without putting a single bit of exercise in.

  21. One positive aspect of office life is the possibility it presents of getting to meet cleaning girls and receptionists who work unsocial hours. I used to be the first to arrive around 6:30 every morning and got to know a number of gorgeous dark-eyed beauties who were so used to being ignored and despised by the snooty office staff that they were flattered to be chatted up. When I quit after two years I invited none of my colleagues to my farewell drink but had an unforgettable night with a couple of Brazilian sisters and a group of their mates.

    Of course nowadays the politically correct brigade would ensure that any superior/subordinate office affair was regarded as sexual harassment.

  22. I worked in large office once and used to pretend to have phone conversations….Partly to not work and partly to spin yarns to the nosy cunts listening. My fake calls generally centred around but not limited to:-

    “Celebrity Party”, “Drug Running”, “Armed Robbery Driver Required, “Shagging – my wife’s sister/ mums friend/ uncles wife…and so on “Outlandish Purchase” was a good one – I once had a fictitious call about buying a race horse called ‘Pilgrims Passage’ that was gonna make me a fortune…..Nosy cunts!!

  23. I am so glad I don’t work in an office anymore.

    I work externally on the road in engineering. So very male dominated industry.

    When I worked in internal technical sales on a team full of men (first proper job) I thought; Christ, this is terrible. All talk a load of bollocks (but there was some very knowledgeable conversations about mechanical / electrical and civil enginering).

    That was until I saw my arse, left and ended up working temporarily as a recruitment consultant. Biggest bunch of cunts going; not all of them, but it’s 80 / 20 pareto for sure.

    I went from discussing material properties and fluid dynamics one week, to listening to Scouse women talking about their fucking stupid obsolete lives, their new shit car on P.C.P that was well out of their price range (but the Jones’ got it) and love island. I felt my I.Q dropping with every hour. And as for the men, they were not much better; unless you were up for ‘bants with the lads’ . (Men were were than women for being mardy arse tarts)

    And now. I am my own friend. Me and penguin cafe and Chopin albums in my car whilst I’m stuck on the motorway. I love it.

    The best word of advise I can give anyone is this: be your own best friend. No onelse wants better for you now than yourself.

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