British Porn Stars

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I was perusing the “Recently Featured” section on Pornhub and noticed that several of the performers were labelled as ” British……”. Looking at the “taster clips”, I was struck by what a bunch of Mingers they all looked to be. Tattooed,hard-faced,multi-pierced,out-of-condition trollops,in the main.

Now I’m not expecting them to all look innocent and sweet,and the odd tattoo on a tart doesn’t bother me,but compared to other nationalities of porn stars,it seems that Britain leads the world in producing cheap looking slappers. I wouldn’t care,but some of them would have been far bonnier without all the ink and stud work.

I’ll happily watch most porn,but if these British “stars” refuse to smarten themselves up,they’ll discover that this is one old Wanker who won’t be leering at their contortions.

Won’t Fuck them.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

56 thoughts on “British Porn Stars”

  1. Make the most of viewing porn online! Our nanny government wants to introduce age-verification checks on all porn sites accessible via UK ISPs.

    The only way to do this is by giving the porn site your personal details (credit card etc) as proof of your age in order to prevent underage cunts from continuing to wank away watching porn on their phones!

    The new law is supposed to be enabled this month but has been put back while experts and MPs discuss it further. Complete load of bollocks of course because if you have a VPN you won’t need to worry. Plus, who the fuck is going to give their details away so that GCHQ can find out what kind of perversions you like!

    And yes, British porn stars are all fucking ugly goons that were probably working at the local Aldi store until some shady geezer promised them fame and stardom …..

    Cunts

    • This new law is all about shutting down alternative media and populist political parties. The internet has enabled both to compete on almost a level playing field with the establishment parties and the mainstream media, and they desperately want that to stop. This law is just to grant themselves the powers they need to do so.

  2. I agree Mr F our bedroom gymnasts do look a bit frayed around the edges , compared to euro whores. But we still look a league above the Americans, Bonny rotten from the USA looks particularly filthy.

    • ‘bedroom gymnasts’ ; that’s fucking priceless Alcatraz.
      Made my day 🙂 🙂

  3. Only Japanese girls for me Dick.

    Cute, beautiful, fun, great figures, no plastic surgery, no tattoos and most unshaven in the downstairs department.

    Just as nature intended.

    Also no stupid faces when being boned.

    • Yeah but their high pitched whining during a good bone session is a little off-putting. (Puts me off my stroke anyway)

      • I had that in Hamburg, I raised my eyebrows and she got the message.
        Mind you its worse when they shout out the answers to the radio quiz whilst you are banging them.

  4. Admin… I’ve got ask…. why is Mr, Bean in the header photo? If it’s to placate The Gays, I really have underestimated the depths of their debauchery.

      • Probably getting noshed off by actress and partner Louise Ford (aged about 36), ex girlfriend of James Acaster.

        Not bad considering Rowan is 28 years her senior.

      • I’ve often wondered how on Earth did Rowan Atkinson go from God tier comedy like Blackadder to dross like Mr Bean.

      • ££££££££££

        Mr Bean sells all around the world. Atkinson’s collection of Aston Martin’s aren’t funded by ancient clips of Blackadder c1985.

    • someone told me he appears in the porn out takes videos (when the “actors” go off script and venture further than permitted)

  5. I have to admit British trannies are a tad on the rough side. Not that I make a habit of checking out trannies.

    I’ll get my coat.

    • strange, most are tall and slim unlike the rotund crew cut things that claim to be women in aldershot, you are probably viewing revenge porn

  6. I was studying in London in my 20s and this big titted fellow student was in the same college. Could tell she wanted a bit, and I had a party round my flat. There was something in my gut telling me not to try and bang her. Anyways fast forward a few years and in a coked up mess I decided to save a look on some porn site and after a while I saw said girl with her tits hanging out getting a good seeing to. Thank God I didn’t get involved… The slaaag.

  7. “When a man is bored of Pornhub, he is bored of life itself”, as Dr Johnson famously said.

    I was channel surfing the 900 or so shite satellite numbers the other evening – bored senseless – and arrived at the cluster of sites where overweight British tarts – mainly Northerners or Essex girls – perform ‘erotic acts’ in response to viewers/subscribers goading them on.

    This is a truly horrible and fascinating place – the Vauxhall Conference League of English Adult Entertainment – where the grimmest, flabbiest, least talented collection of tattooed old slappers; the ones that can’t even get onto the lowest rung of the proper porn industry (and that is fairly fucking low, as per Herr Fiddler’s observations), cavort on a battered old sofa and try to lick their own armpits whilst doing their ‘Sexy Face’.

    Absolutely fucking horrible. What sort of dodgy, desperate cunt spends time and money trying to communicate with these farm animals is beyond me.

    I went back to the snooker and bashed one out over the female ref instead. Sorry Ronnie.

    • I did text ‘come home mum, dad’s worried’ to Babestation and it made the cut.

  8. I’ve been of that opinion of British porn stars ever since I first worked up the courage to buy a copy of Fiesta.

    Which was last week.

  10. An elderly woman sits down in a Diner and is just about to order, when she notices the one armed chef flattening the beefburgers under his armpit.
    Heading for the door she complains to the proprietor, “your chef using his armpit to flatten the burgers is absolutely disgusting!” she screams, “It’s worse than watching porn!”

    “Disgusting!!?”, replies the proprietor, “best you don’t come by at breakfast then when he’s making the doughnuts.”

  11. I serviced the air conditioning units at one of those porn site places in white city london (you subscribe and pay for private things done on request)
    The girls were nice, their boss was a hag that didn’t pay the bills and my boss was a cunt because he made me service the condensers outside the building whilst he went room to room servicing the evaporators inside the building.
    I do wonder about the black taxi porn though, I would like to think its real but having been bought up on “confessions of a window cleaner” ect, I found subsequent life very disappointing not once have I been offered a random fuck by a woman ( Top tip do not hang round German train stations late at night)

    • And I wouldn’t hang around Bristol airport late at might for a bus home…
      I saw some right dodgy females early this morning; am not entirely convinced they’d just flown in…

      • Mr.B, I’m endlessly more interested in that desert shithole or that commie paradise.

        This is starting to feel like the Princess Di fortnight. When that hussy kicked the bucket you had to avoid any news for weeks.

        How convenient after six months of failing to control the protestors. Fuck off, attention-seeking snail-bakers.

      • It were fucking Macron wot dunnit!

        To deflect the Frog’s attention from the fact that he’s a cheese eating oxygen thieving waste of space surrender minkey CUNT.

      • That’s terribly Minkey-ist and an insult to minkeys the World over.

        Afternoon, squire.

      • Surely you’re not suggesting the snail-botherers would trash their own heritage to bury bad news?
        Did they ring up Alistair Campbellend for advice? 😁

      • A welcome distraction from the tedium of the Australian election. 5 weeks of bullshit from a robot and a snake handler.

  13. Compared to the Czech stars they are fucking tattoed munters. What is this craze about tattoo’s on women, it makes them look like cheap muppets, and will look crap in 20 years time when their skin goes fat and wrinkled.

    • Speaking of Czech Pornstars, Abigaile Johnson (stage name) is an absolute stunner and a cutie who can take a lot of cock.

      The lasses on Czech casting not so much.

      • Devoid of tits though, TITS. Like Little Caprice, Sasha Grey et hoc genus omne

    • saw a “Woman” with a devils face tattooed round her muff, very scary muff it was too

  14. Much prefer watching the homemade/amateur/webcam stuff with ordinary girl next-door types getting absolutely pounded.

    Fuck scripted, rehearsed porn “starring actors”.

      • Funny you should say that. I remember as a 12 year old lad being round at a mate’s house with another mate and the mate whose house it was showed us his older brothers fine collection of jazz mag hidden under the floor boards.

        Even in 1994 a few years before the Brazilian took off in the UK I remember looking at the those top perms and matching bottom perms and thinking “that is fucking hideous”!

  16. I have to agree with Willie Stroker, Japanese girls are the best, apart from their whining and squeaking noises that is. And there’s always the mute button. What puts me off about British and American porn stars are the obligatory tattoos, piercings, false tits, ugly shaven fannies and all the powder and paint they hide behind. It’s as though they think if they go under a ridiculous name and use tons of make-up, their families won’t recognize them. If you know a girl who looks natural and who actually looks like she’s enjoying it, tell me her name.

  17. British Porn can be quite off putting when you get characters such as Ben Dover going round some dirty old sluts flat with his studs Pascal and co talking in Cockney accents and constantly making jokes and wise cracks ( excuse the pun )
    I take my Porn deadly serious and a good wank is nothing to laugh about.

  18. Can’t do owt but agree at the ultra-roughitude of British porn “stars”. STARS??? The closest they get to being star-like is one at the end of its life a black-hole that sucks in the money of the congenitally gullible.
    Unkempt, covered in ghastly fucking tattoos and worst of all pierced all over the place, my pet hates, navel, lip and tongue piercing cheap, Cheap, CHEEEEEEEEAP. Worst of all, those those vile snot-hanger nose-rings and worse still, hanging metal bogie “septum piercings”.
    What stands out is the complete lack of any form of attractiveness, all utter mingers to a person. At least they are natural mingers, which brings me to…..
    American plastic porn stars who all look the same.. plumped lips, fake tits, no bush, designer Barbie paedo surgically altered fanny, PLUS, I think they all have an Alexa type voice box because they all sound the same “Yeah, yeeeah, yeah, ooo yeah YEEEEEAAAAHHHH, tits bobbing like a beachball seller’s display in a high wind…. Haven’t seen one worthy of a wafty crank.
    Once upon a time there was some reasonable preferably amateur stuff, now the usual boring, contrived, tweezed, plucked, shaved, implanted, beings that I’m convinced are android replicants made as a sideline by Tesla.
    Back to the British stuff, particularly the “Adult channels”, anyone who phones into these with their retinues of bored, obviously contemptuous “stars”, who look as if they’d rather be doing the ironing or peeling spuds, than jiggling their tatted tits and giving those stupid “selfie pouts”, is either a complete sexual inadequate or as close to a social leper as makes no odds.

    But for

    • Good point, Your Excellency.

      I wonder if Andrew “Nosey” Parker and his Junior Police Five underlings have cottoned on to surveillance of such activity as a short-cut to success.

      Put the freshness back

  19. Ben Dover’s career went downhill after he dumped the act with Orville and Cuddles though so he needs to get his laughs somehow.

  21. Alas, nothing could put the freshness back into that load of tired manky slappers.

  22. Nowadays I stick with the vintage stuff from the 70s and 80s – the golden age. No tatoos , no false tits and lots of hairy muffs.

  23. Brummie Kay Parker arguably the greatest milf/gilf in the history of porn? See Taboo.

    Sarah Louise Young ? Need I say more?

    Nici Sterling. Tidy piece but has difficulty sitting down these days I gather……

    And for the ladies on ISAC……Mark Davis

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