Faeces Transplants

Shite Transplantation

Most orf the cunts orn here are full orf shite so start squeezing for Blighty!

Our guts house millions of bugs that live inside us as a community. This diverse microbiome is unique to each us – no two are exactly the same. Although shite transplantation is still a relatively new field of medicine, evidence from the studies that have been done hint that only some donors make the best shite for the job (could that be you?). Dr Justin O’Sullivan (Shite Hound Auckland Uni) says some super-donors achieve clinical remission rates of perhaps double the remaining average.
“Our hope is that if we can discover how this happens, then we can improve the success of shite transplantation and even trial it for new microbiome-associated conditions like Alzheimer’s, multiple sclerosis and asthma.”

Dr Jon Landy is a consultant gastroenterologist for West Hertfordshire Hospitals NHS Trust and helps to co-ordinate their shite transplant unit. He agrees with the idea of a super-donor, but says finding one could be tricky.
“We do not understand yet what makes a super-donor, or why. We always make sure our donors are healthy and not carrying any disease, but we don’t test all of their microbiome to see what that is like. These are the sorts of investigations that might need to be done.”

Dr O’Sullivan says a larger number of species in the donor’s shite has been shown to be one of the most significant factors influencing shite transplantation outcome. And patients who respond well to the transplants develop a more diverse microbiome too.
“Some cases of recurrent diarrheal infection have even been cured with transplants of filtered shite, that has had all the live bacteria filtered out but still contains DNA, viruses and other debris. These viruses could affect the survival and metabolic function of transplanted bacteria and other microbes,” says Dr O’Sullivan.

Dr Julie McDonald, a microbiome expert at Imperial College London, has been studying how to boost the success rate of shite transplants. Currently most donations are used to treat a dangerous bowel condition caused by an infection called clostridium difficile. This infection can take hold when a patient’s own “good” bowel bugs have been wiped out by antibiotics. For the most vulnerable, it can be deadly. She found patients suffering from clostridium difficile infections had virtually undetectable levels of a short-chain fatty acid valerate produced by healthy gut microbial metabolism.The levels could only be restored with a successful shite transplant (or an Indian take-away).
“In our lab we are trying to figure out exactly how the transplants work and we are looking at whether we even move away from giving shite itself. Instead of giving the patient an injection of shite they would be given a treatment based on the shite, which they might find less off-putting. This might help get round the whole poo taboo that’s associated with donating.”

That would seem to make dosser shite pretty valuable. Entrepreneurial opportunity exists to flog it wholesale to the NHS at a massive markup. Blighty Shite. The best in the world.
Factuals courtesy the BBC.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

22 thoughts on “Faeces Transplants

  1. Well, if it’s on the BBC it must be true. I get shit from the BBC practically every day.

  2. What a load of absolute shite!

    I have done my bit today so will have to wait until tomorrow to donate.

  3. WT actual F is that all about? You, Sir, are habitually a purveyor of common-sense and rectitude but in this occasion you seem to have got your bollocks in a knot.

  4. I put some of the formula in your buco.
    What formula?
    I took it from your vial.
    You said that it may hold the answer.
    But you…
    That vial may hold the answer because it
    contains the the help you need to isolate
    from the whole serum.
    You’ve given me the pure beast extract.
    I’m gonna bypass the primary
    and secondary stages.

    From: Superbeast (1972), a particularly shite film

  5. WT actual F is that all about? You, Sir, are habitually a purveyor of common-sense and rectitude but on this occasion you seem to have got your bollocks in a knot.

    Agreed, it sounds fucking rank….

  6. Perhaps the researchers in this field of scholarship should turn their attentions to gay saunas specialising in large-scale gangbang orgies, thereby saving money costly laboratory equipment?
    Just a thought.

  7. Good evening Sir Limply. I thought at first you were taking the piss, no not drinking it like those recently cunted cunts, but early April fool’s joke kind of thing. It was reference to Auckland Uni that made me think that – entry requirement – completed page 3 or above of Spot the Dog or able to pronounce letters on the eye test chart. Kiwis are really thick cunts and whilst their universities are shit I wouldn’t credit them with the ability to recognise a turd in a sewage works. Then I did a quick Wiki on Julie, I’m loving it, McDonald. Must say judging by her photo I would be loving it if she asked me to give her a sample of my microbes. Seems all this shit stuff is true so I humbly apologise and recognise my faecal ignorance. The question is can they use dog shit for the transplants? If yes, then I’m made. All I need is a bucket and spade.
    Canine faeces everywhere
    And how the heaps do smell
    Faeces, faeces everywhere
    Am I in Dante’s hell?
    No you daft cunt. You’re in Great Yarmouth Market Square.

    • Now Yours Truly would never submit a snide nom. No shit. Surprised actually Powers That Be would ever post it. Wonders never. Fenian Brexit in the queue?

      • We had your “Fenian Brexit” on 2nd of Feb. Type it into search-box at top of the page.

  8. Good afternoon Sir Limply.
    Will you be donating a ‘ well used ‘ seat cushion or two to this worthy cause ?
    Ahem …..

  9. Shoving someone elses fudge dragon up your batty crease? I’ll pass, but thanks.

    Such a western approach I might add. To think that people the world over hadn’t already realized that it’s what you ingest at the other end that makes all the difference.

    Of course it helps to not get ill and use antibiotics in the first place.

  10. I’ve been sending jiffy-bags of my Guinness skitter to Jamie Oliver for years,along with a note suggesting that he “stick this up your Arse,you Cunt” ….doesn’t appear to have had any health benefits in his case,he’s still a fucking Monga.

    • Afternoon Mr Fiddler, sounds more like something Heston Blumenthal would be interested in, flogging lamb shank with a Fiddler infused Guinness sauce on a bed of dauphinoise potatoes to Home County nouveau riche arseholes.

      • Afternoon, LL.
        Blumenthal should be flogged through the streets…snail porridge indeed…his “swallow-any-shite” customers should get the same treatment too….plus his friends and family…he’s probably a Gay,looks the type.

  11. Jussie Smollett made up the story that he was gay bashed by two black guys. What a surprise! Indeed he paid them. Probably wanted something else…

    Attacking people because they are bent is not funny. Pretending you have been is a fucking joke. Cunt.

  12. Sorry Sir Limply but the very moment I read “orf” and “oit” I know it’s one of yours and I’d have to concentrate on your nomination far more than I can be bothered to and once I have invested that much attention, it’ll still make little, or no sense. Therefore – Can’t be arsed.

    Apologies, if required….

  13. Common medical practice in the House of Commons and the lords. Shit transplants have a very high success rate; its the quality of the donors I suppose.

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