Traffic stragglers, those fucking stupid, selfish, self-important, heads-up-their-arses dickheads who sit in traffic, texting / Whatsapping / Facetiming and don’t fucking move until they realise the vehicle in front of them has moved a mile down the road, or until I, or someone else who is paying attention has given them a well-deserved blast of the horn, are overdue a severe and brutal cunting of the highest magnitude.
I cannot begin to put into words how much I despise these bastards, they make the daily rat-race that is the M1 / A1 Southbound (or whatever your route is) on a weekday morning so much worse than it already is – for everyone.
I see it all the time; some twat constantly looking up and down, tapping away on his phone, or some dopey bitch applying make up in the poxy overhead mirror, or either gender constantly looking behind, waving their arms around trying to control some piece of shit offspring in the back seat.
If it weren’t for them, traffic would disperse a lot quicker, everyone would arrive at their destination earlier than expected and those traffic reports would seldom appear at full, ear-deafening volume from the radio speakers.
It’s bad enough that the erratic Audi and BMW pricks are in abundance, slow / batty-as-fuck Nissan Note / Honda Jazz drivers, oafish van men (complete with Costa Coffee cups and The Sun newspaper on the dashboard), and those fucking xenon lights (if I could anally insert these bulbs into the vehicles’ owners, I would, but that’s for another cunting).
I could be optimistic and say that sooner or later, people will see the errors of their ways, or will have a sudden spark of common sense, and the actions listed above will decrease. But that would mean having a shred of faith in humanity – something which I lost a long time ago.
Nominated by Lord Cuntony
The best solution would be to build cars that block signals to mobile phone users inside. Build sat navs in as standard. It would stop the lashings of cuntitude we see at a masterstroke, but it will never happen.
5
Not such a good idea Paul. What if you were trapped in your car, surrounded by sword wielding ISIS gunmen? You wouldn’t be able to call the polis, let alone post a grumpy comment on ISAC. Or say goodbye to your nearest and dearest if you had anyone…
8
Police? Unless I reported the situation falsely as me, a towelly, being set upon by Tommy Robinson extremist types then the cunts would unlikely be persuaded to leave their steaming coffee and sugary donuts.
Fuck them merrily on high!
4
Proper cunting, never mind when the whole Motorway network is ‘smart’ we’ll be watched every step of our journeys. With GPRS fitted in every car we’ll even have the pleasure of getting speeding fines without getting flashed due to the GPRS telling some cuntputer somewhere that we went between A and B too quickly. EVERYTHING is going online for the cunt sake of it. Why? Because they want to control everything with minimal man power and they can fu k off. Another thing maybe I’m becoming a miserable cunt as I age but I always thought of Christmas as one of the few Christian based traditions that brought like minded people together in what is a very divided country. I am not a Christian (although I was raised like most with a Christian influence) but now I have seen Christmas for what it has sadly become… Commercialism, cunts desperate to go shopping on Christmas day online, cunts stuffing themselves every 5 minutes when they aren’t hungry, greedy cunts who want tonnes of shit they’ll never even use and drinking for the sake of drinking. No wonder this country is fucked, no comradery between fellow people, dopey cunts who are know more about love Island than what’s going on in the world, I can’t be fucked to continue but believe me this country is ripe for the takeover.
I love this country but unfortunately it seems to be mostly full of cunts.
That bottle of Malbec is tempting me…
Merry Christmas.
Maybe ill go and wait in the queue for the latest iPhone… Thats the culture these days. Piss off.
24
Merry Christmas B&WC, you could flog some eye-Fone knockoffs to those student peacefuls who gets paid to stand inline and then send them off back home to Bangladesh or Pakistan. I look forward to any plans you have on filling up empty bottles with tap water then flog them to thirsty runners at the London Marathon for £5, we’ll clean up.
6
Merry Christmas LL, you are right many a fool seemingly wanting to be ripped off. Re: The marathon runners… We could always pay an ‘Alan snackbar’ type to ‘Drive’ behind the marathon runners. After running so fast to avoid the ‘Alan snackbar’ type driving that they’d get so thirsty they’d pay to drink piss water. We’d definitely clean up. Of course if it all went wrong we’d know naffink abaaaaaht it.
7
I think the Marathons in April, not long after we have supposed to left the EU. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was major protest throughout next year disrupting big events, even Antifa and Home Counties Europhiles must get thirsty though!
6
Malbec? Go for it! That was my choice this Yule, and I haven’t had anything as good since happening on 1984 Bulgarian Sauvignon many years ago. Rather similar, in fact.
The cunts can’t digitise wine….
8
I see your a man with undoubted taste Komodo, with music and wine. Malbec is a long time favourite of mine.
6
You too, Sir. There is still a drop left, I see. To you!
6
Another thing, most of these cunts use their phones because they are moving at 3mph on a damn MOTORWAY. If successive Governments actually invested in the roads and tried to make the out of date roads able to cope with the ridiculous amount of new cars sold then maybe the damn roads (especially motorways) would be able to cope and then these dopey cunts wouldn’t have chance to check Twatter or whatever as the traffic would be moving. Anyone with a bit of common sense can see that selling hundreds of thousands of cars every year to an overpopulated country that’s also letting in an extra 300,000 a year due to immigration is going to cause problems.
We have got ourselves in this mess and deserve the mess we have.
We always patch over the cracks and never fix anything properly.
So its all the successive Governments fault. No doubt this was Blair cunts plan way back then the cunt. Piss off.
12
Don’t forget, everything is overstretched and clogged because of old people.
The lefty neo-liberal (fascist) cunts tell us this.
Nowt to do with 10 million imports since 1997… nothing to see there…move along please.
10
The ‘peaceful’ types are easily the among worst drivers on the road, either in Nissan Cherries, Mercedes or wagons carrying even more peacefuls. On the phone, slow, gabbling away and unable to stay in lane. Cunts.
6
*among the
1
Don’t forget the Chrysler Voyagers.
1
That’s right us old bastards are the cause of all the woe in the World for the following reasons I suspect. Can speak and write English, have a satisfactory understanding of mathematics and how maths relates to the world we live in. Most of us are caperble of critical thought have paid god knows how much into the pile of shite that is called government and do not give two fucks about transbenderism or any other ism as long as you deviant cunts keep it private. Not fond of the peaceful religion but get pissed off if peacefulness gets priority. Some of us consider firearms and knives as tools and have used the former and carried the latter since age 5. Lots of us are veterans (volunteers not conscripts) and have given a fair bit for our sceptered isle. Many of us would go to the aid of any person in trouble irrespective of ethnicity, religion we just don’t like being taken for cunts. OK because of our innate sense of fair play we have allowed many cunts to gain power; this will cease very soon. As an aside I consider myself as a safe driver which is a good thing as my 370z now puts 425 bhp through the back wheels which is pretty good.
13
Too right RWAC.
2
God, yes. The word ‘cunt’ is never absent from my lips when some dozy cunt decides to open a 200 yard gap between him/her, usually the latter, and the car in front in a tailback situation. Particularly between sets of lights. The poor cunts behind can’t get past the first set of lights, and the lights ahead inevitably change while the cuntee is failing to catch up.
Overdue and richly-deserved cunting, not that I am personally affected except when in a liftshare or a bus. On the bike, I merely steam past the cunts, of course.
5
This also applies to the cunts who do 10 – 20mph when every else is keeping up whilst traffic is heavy but still moving, leaving huge gaps, and this creates an even longer line They either don’t realise or they don’t give a fuck.
2
The crawling cunts who can’t be arsed
To put their car in gear
Or even switch the fucker off
Until a half-mile’s clear…
I’ve got them on my list;
They’ll none of them be missed.
5
Totally behind this cunting.
On my trip to work I have about a 5 mile drive down a smallish 2 lane (both directions) road before I get to the freeway. The speed limit is 40 I’ll admit, but it’s about 6AM, not much traffic, no cops and the drivers who are out there at that time of day usually have somewhere to be – like their job for example!
What do I get almost every morning? Members of what I call the ‘tum-te-tum’ crowd. They type who think it’s a nice Sunday afternoon pootle around in the country to take in the scenery while they drive at less than the speed limit in the outside lane. Tum-te-tum….oh look dear that’s a nice meadow….tum-te-tum….what a pretty garden…..tum-te-tum…..you get the general idea. I should point out that it’s fucking pitch black outside at this time of day so there is nothing to see except what your headlights illuminate.
Wake the fuck up, drive at least if not a bit over the limit, get off your fucking ‘phone and get the fuck out of my way. I got somewhere to be, you utter CUNT!
5