Only Fools and Horses

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Looking at the pic of Del Boy above, I’ve decide that Only Fools and Horses needs a cunting…

Not the early years, mind… The first few years with Granddad and then Uncle Albert (1981-1988) were great… Classic comedy that was up there with Steptoe & Son, Rising Damp, Till Death Us Do Part’ and Porridge… But it became a dead horse that was well and truly flogged and endorsed all that femstapo PC shite before it became trendy…

The show was first of all ruined by the arrival of ‘strong’ (ie: bitches) female characters… The irritating (but slightly doable) Cassandra and then the absolutely horrendous Raquel and her devil child, Damian… Raquel was a man hating harridan who destroyed the three men against the world team, Yoko style….

Then the stories just got absurd and totally reliant on cheap laughs… Del has a doppelganger who is a Mafia Don and the Trotter Brothers then stay at the mafioso mansion and also get out alive… Then there was the peaceful cunt who kept shouting ‘Gary’ and also the ludicrous Batman and Robin bollocks, the watch that made them millionaires, and the Jonathan Ross (cunt) gameshow shite… Not forgetting that Beckham cunt too…

It went on far too long and ended up ridiculous… Del looking like an old man, but still doing the wide boy routine and a 40 odd year old Rodders still being a puppy dog type plonker…. The constant pop culture references also grated (‘It’s like having a seance with Mister Bean’) and the way the supporting cast were overused didn’t help either…

It was a really great comedy in its early years, but by the time it reached ‘National Treasure’ status, both the fools and the horses should have been put down…

Nominated by Norman

76 thoughts on “Only Fools and Horses”

  2. Alas, it is that old cliché where they get something good and then run it to death and beyond until it’s a hollow parody of itself.

  3. Am I the only one who never found that slapstick falling through the bar bollocks funny? For some reason it always tops polls as the funniest comedy moment. Nowhere near as funny as Basil Fawlty goosestepping or Albert Steptoe decorating a cake with his false teeth.

    • With you on that, my Lordship. A chuckle at best, but a comedy classic moment? Erm….nope. Not even close.

      Cleese on the other hand, he has one of those faces that just makes you laugh at anticipation at what he might say. Pity he’s gone a bit do-lally.

  4. You’re right. It was downhill all the way after Cassandra joined. My dear old Dad (RIP) was a western film aficionado. If a woman came on screen, he’d tut-tut and turn the tv off saying, “That’s ANOTHER film ruined!”

    I think I take after him. I’m a horror film junkie and I’m not too keen on women in the story. In the spooky house, why does the woman ALWAYS go into the cellar?

    • Because she’s either a daft cunt or is submitting to irresistible Darwinian forces.
      Good evening.

    • My Grandmother was a misogynist… and because I hated her from the word go I tended (in public at least) toward the feminazi /libtard cause, right up until the time she carked. (Also didn’t help that my father was a bigot).

      Not long thereafter I got into deconstructing some learned and adopted prejudices I’d fallen prey to during my formative years, and emerged like a butterfly as the libertarian cunt my libtard family and acquaintances disapprove of to this day.

  5. Reluctantly forced to agree with you up to a point Norman

    In hindsight, it was far less enjoyable for me when Raquel and Cassandra were involved. They became almost like bossy mother figures to Del Boy and Rodney who stifled the main characteristics which was after all, the chancing carefree lifestyle and subsequent scrapes was the main appeal we saw in the boys.

    Understand the writer needed to write longer term relationships into the storyline however personally would have preferred it more if the girls were all a bit less demanding and more like some of the earlier “flighty” female characters they met.

    Credit to John Sullivan, the quality of many situation comedies tail off quite alarmingly towards the end (as in Not Going Out) and many sit coms were not that good to start with, however he kept it going for many, many years.

    The Jolly Boys Outing (to Margate) was released in 1989 (fuck me, is it really nearly 30 years ago), which was certainly among one of his best.

    In summarising, I could never ever cunt Only fools and Horses, but would very much agree that the in my opinion the more characters that became involved in the storyline detracted from the charm and warmth of Del Boy and Rodney.

    And yes, I did prefer the original granddad.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFuYIi5-igc

  6. There was something that didn’t sit right in the mind of Only Fools writer John Sullivan.
    In “Danger UXD” in an attempt to leave the flat with the already inflated dolls, Del suggests that that dress them up “in mums old clothes” that are in Rodney’s wardrobe.

    If that’s not Norman Bates enough, when the clothes get dirty, Del says “Mum’s clothes will have to go to the dry cleaners now.”

    She’s been dead twenty five years….

    • Wasn’t that a Saville thing? Keeping his mothers clothes and dry cleaning them regularly?

  7. Good one.
    Like most series it was dead on its feet long before the “trigger” was pulled.
    Was it the Jolly Boys Outing that introduced us the Raquel, the least desirable stripper this side of Soho?

    They can’t leave well enough alone can they.

    I loved the second line characters but they did grate after a while. Especially Boysie and the pork-pie hat wearing spiv.

    But a least we have the memories of the first few years

    • You are right BWB.

      The Jolly Boys Outing was the first one with Raquel.

      The beginning of the end.

      • Hi Willie…
        It’s probably quite sad that I remember that.
        I’ve had it on in the background shit loads over the years. Usually when UK Gold becomes UK Fools and Horses for days on end….

  8. When I saw only fools come up I thought what has happened to this site but no this is a Superb cunting. I will sound like a cunt now (but I’m sure other cunters, of a certain age, will have their favourites) when I say My favourite series was the last one with grandad with episodes called Friday the 14th and whose a pretty boy in it, not forgetting the one where Rodney goes it alone. The writing and the acting was brilliant. I can still almost quote some episodes verbatim and have used some of the lines and jokes on my own kids, but after that fuck me. The ‘handbrake’ was fully applied once Rodney got married. Should have left it at the watch but no, they have to ruin not just a great comedy but also it’s legacy. The women (see where I’m going) fucked it up totally. This was about wide boys ducking and diving not getting stuck with in lifts with emotional difficulties. I hate that it has been cunted but this cunting is fully deserved. Bravo

    • Agree. But I can’t help but think the writers were merely reflecting life’s rich tapestry.

      Boys grow into men, develop a personality and possibly a wicked sense of humour, become individuals, have a wide friendship group based around work and the boozer, acquire money then become attractive to women for most if not all of the above, then……

      Woman traps man with the power of fanny, women marries man then proceeds to undo everything she ever liked about him.

  9. Bloody hell, Cunty McCuntface – you are Claire Rayner, luvvie, and I claim my £5.

    • Paul: Is the “I claim my £5” a Young Ones reference? Maybe an Alexei Sayle one liner?

      • Thank you, Komodo. I appreciated that. Good little read that was. I do remember that line being used by Alexei Sayle. I tracked it down. It’s on his album called Cak! The line is:

        (things foreigners are told when visiting the UK)
        “Er yes I have been told actually that a traditional English greeting for a policeman is – Oh hello I’m from Operation Countryman and I claim my £5”

        I never knew the significance of that one liner and thanks to you Komodo, I now do. Cheers – IY.

  10. Sorry almost forgot….

    Woman then divorces man and spanks him all the way to the cleaners and back, taking the house, children and a generous financial settlement.

    • Happened to a mate of mine. Had 2 kids and when they were old enough for school she got a part time job. 3 months later, completely out of the blue, he comes home from work and she tells him to move out because she’s moving some new bloke in. Just like that ! Turns out the bloke was the cunt she was working for…….20 odd years older, bald and ugly as fuck but fucking loaded!
      Funny thing is , first time I met her we took an instant dislike to each other. I knew she was a wrong’un right from the kick off but you can’t say that can you?
      Fucking whore ………. hope she gets something nasty growing in her fanny.

  11. I tried watching it a few times. Seemed well written but not really my type of humour. Unlike The Big Bang Theory which has shite writing and humour full stop (come to think of it I really should do a cunting for that show).

    • Must admit to quite liking Big Bang. My wife bought the box set for out son about a year or so ago.

      Personally feel the majority of the writing is of a very high quality, especially the earlier series, and far better than most of the American sit coms. Like the main characters in it, however (as with OF&H) went downhill with the introduction of the women, Amy and Bernadette.

      Earlier series liked the freedom of the guys in it, and the fun they have together. Spoiled when the women try to control them. Like life really.

      Series 10 and 11 leave me cold, and frankly cannot be bothered with them. Understand next year will see the end of it completely.

      • Yeah apparently the current series will be the last. Honestly, I can understand why some people like the show but personally I just find it a complete snoozefest. It I want to watch a good sitcom style show I usually watch something like Outnumbered or the Simpsons or Futurama.

      • Never ever got The Simpsons at all on any level. Utter puerile drivel IMO, but….I’ll sit and watch Beavis & Butt-Head all day and laugh my arse off. What a cunt I am.

      • It’s funny – I feel that exact way about Beavis and Butthead. I just can’t get into it. I will say though that your view of the Simpsons is likely informed by the later seasons of the show where it has indeed become puerile drivel – the early seasons (2-8 and to a lesser extent 9 through 12) were a lot smarter.

  12. Most great comedies tend to go down the pan after about five or six seasons. Cleese was wise to pull the plug on Flowery Twats after two.

    • Steptoe & Son was still great in its last days (they did 8 series)… But they did have a break between 1965 and 1970… It came back in 1970 in colour and rejuvenated… Rising Damp was still good near the end, but not as good as it was… Richard Beckinsale’s absence was felt… One series that was done to death was Minder… Great in its heyday, the antics of Arfur and Tel were ace… But it went on way too long and then the 90s version, with Ray fucking Daley replacing Terry McCann, was bollocks…

      • I collected all the Minder series on DVD and stopped when Terry pulled an exit stage left. It was utter shite after that. Dennis Waterman had a point though. I read in an interview a million years ago that he quit because he felt it was becoming the Arthur Daley Comedy Hour. Which, to be fair, it was.

        BTW Norm…..0-3. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

    • “It’s TORQUAY!” What did you expect for a view? The hanging gardens of Babylon? Great herds of vildebeest sweeping majestically across the plains???

  13. I wonder if the horrendous Raquel was based, in some way, on Raquel Welch?
    If so, they fucking failed….

  14. Never seen what the fuck “Sir” David Jackarse did in a career that comprises …….fuck all really. Just another luvvie. Wanker

  15. Brilliant cunting Norman!!
    TBH I’d never really thought about it like that but my eyes have been opened and I agree 100%…..

  16. Nobody expects an RSC performance in a sitcom but Raquel was dreadful.
    I can’t remember her in anything else.
    Cassandra brought fuck all to the party. Looked do-able only twice, the first time as a jury member in Minder.

    Gary Webster getting the Minder gig was hysterical. Waterman was only slightly better. George Cole dialogue and delivery was the show.
    Flash Harry in Willesden maybe, but class shows.
    Waterman said at the first rehearsal reading, it was clear from the start who the star was….

  17. Not really a fan of rebooting old TV comedies, Rock and Chips (OFAH) got mixed reviews but the anniversary specials of League of Gentlemen concluded everything nicely. Still massively un-pc considering its the BBC and Gatiss still a cunt..

  18. I particularly hated the Xmas specials!!! The miami Gangster one was annoying rubbish!!
    Miami twice?? Fuck off three times you cunts!

  20. Fucking love Steptoe referred to above. I’ve got the complete box set ( hate that millennial hipster expression ) on DVD. There’s stuff on there you could never get away with today such as the word “P*k*” and Shepherds Bush being full of “bleedin’ w*gs.” True then and even truer today.
    It’s me ‘art ‘Arold, me bleedin’ ‘art.

  21. Off topic slightly but reports out that Fat Salmond has quit the SNP.
    So obviously not guilty of anything at all whatsoever then… 😂

    • Apologies, Mr. B – you broke the excellent Salmong news 1st – I should scroll through all the comments, but couldn’t resist spreading the good news.
      It seems that people are also calling for a man in a white dress (upstairs flat, Vatican City, discretion assured, poping places nearby) to resign.

  22. Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me! That will be the fatboy’s tactics. They are all jealous of his essential greatness and are making all this shit up to bring him down.
    I love to see these snide, amoral politician cunts at each others’ throats.
    Hang in there Alex boy and spill some secrets you fucking hypocrite bastard!

    • The cunt has set up a crowd funding appeal to fund his court action.
      Dig deep cunters !!

    • Do I detect sympathy and support for wimminz empowerment here? Salmond appears to have been accused of inappropriate touching and kissing, for which the traditional remedy – a slap round the chops – does not seem to have been applied at the time. I reckon if you ferreted around assiduously enough in any public figure’s past you’d find someone willing to accuse him/her of something illegal. And two come along at once? Innocent until proven guilty, I say, and he hasn’t even been charged at the time of writing.

      But with what joy Labour and Con have greeted the news! So convenient of him to take the spotlight off May’s dismal performance and Corbyn gassing millions of Jews in 1943 (or whatever the next smear is)

  23. Only Fools and Horses was good as said for the first couple of series. I even liked Uncle Albert for a while. I think that Raquel and Cassandra ruined it a bit.

    I think John Sullivan was a good writer, but not a great writer. I saw an interview where he said that he saw how much Johnny Speight was earning and he thought he’d rather do that than his normal job. There are a lot of jokes in OFAH that just end or are badly delivered and they had to add canned laughter to emphasise the joke. The same happened in his early work Citizen Smith.

    • Robert Lindsay and Peter Vaughan made Citizen Smith… The rest of the characters weren’t very good… Wolfie’s girlfriend, Shirley, was a prototype Racquel… Supposed to be strong and feminist, but was actually a clingy and insufferable nag…. Actress, Cheryl Hall left Citizen Smith because she thought her character (Shirley) was crap, and she was right….

  24. Nah, it was always shit really. The first, non-PC era is basically encapsulated in Viz’s ‘Cockney Wanker’, with unbridled swearing. After that it was just “ooh, look at these ‘owlditflashbangwallopwhatapickcha’ chancer cockneys going down the strand and having a banana. The ‘falling through the bar’ clip is truly the unfunniest ‘funniest’ moment of all time.

  25. Fat Eck is playing a blinder already
    The fat fuck has resigned – so NOT being suspended
    Judicial Review is a technicality to give him time to manover
    If this goes to court THEN fat boy fatter will spill his gargantuan guts and piss all over Wee nicola
    She knows this
    I’m pishing myself laughing
    SNP = CUNTS

    • He has asked for crowdfunding to help with his legal costs to prove his innocence.

      Anyone……….anyone?

      • Fuck knows why progressives are working jobs as Starbucks baristas or gender studies professors when GoFundMe brings in more money than those jobs ever could.

  26. Used to love Viz. I remember picking up a copy back when I was at college and reading my first ever The Parkie strip. I was literally crying with laughter – could hardly breathe for several moments. Ahhhh…..happy days.

    I hear Viz has gone all tamed down, a bit PCish and not nearly as offensive as it once was. Any truth in that WokeUp?

    • Viz went shit a couple of years ago… It now does the Brexit bashing and Big Don hating PC crap that so many others do… Last year they did a send-up of (what they saw as) a typical British high street…. Full of chavs (all white and English)… But not a single peaceful, bogo–bogo, parking stanley, or tribe of eastern european trash in site…. In other words, nothing like a modern British high street.. And in short, Viz are now PC and cowards…

      • Oh wow! That’s a kick in the balls. Cheers for the intel, Norm. My mum used to always give me a Viz annual for Chrimbo. Haven’t had one for several years now mainly due to the cost of postage to the US. Still got a bunch of old ones though, so can enjoy those.

        Favourite Letterbox letter of all time:
        That new Cindy Crawford workout video is bloody amazing. I’ve only had it a week and I’ve already got a right arm like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Hahaha. Classic Viz.

      • Buy this mag or the crocodile gets it was that on the cover of first Viz? Sad that another part of my younger days has been fucked over.

  27. And isn’t that new BBC drama ‘Bodyguard’ an utter pile of shite?
    Not even the doable Keeley Hawes can save it… Just like Doctor Who, and any other modern BBC drama, every position of authority, strength, and power is occupied by a bloody woman… You name it, and it’s some bolshy tart doing it… And of course the said Bodyguard has to be a ‘troubled’ war veteran with ‘issues’ (and white, naturally)… Well, he would be, wouldn’t he? Being a man, who the BBC now openly and shamelessly marginalise and despise…. The BBC are evil cunts and they can stick their Feminazi propaganda and their misandrist programmes up their arse….

  28. It ain’t half hot mum took some beating in my modest opinion, poofs, wogs, everything was fair game but no swearing and the humour would give modern tossers heart failure so should be compulsory viewing in all university’s.

  29. Loved It Ain’t Half Hot Mum… It escapes the snowflakes notice that the Indian bearer, Rangi Ram, always had words of wisdom at the show’s end… It also eludes them that the British Offiicers had the piss mercilessly taken out of them… It was a great series and I loved old Sgt Major Shut Up… ‘Never in all my life have I seen such a display of blatant poofery!’

  30. In the early and mid 80s I always thought Boyice’s Mrs, Marlene, was pretty saucy… Wouldn’t have minded a go back then….

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