GiffGaff and Nationwide, I’m looking at you, you cunts.
The latest Nationwide one doesn’t even have the fucking decency to rhyme properly! Some gurning old dorris, sitting smugly in her conservatory, regaling us with a tale of how her mother gets “so excited [by football] she can’t watch it on TV any more”.
You’re not John Cooper Clarke, love. Put a sock in it and fuck off.
Apparently, the use of poetry is to “differentiate” themselves from other ads. This must be some new meaning of the word “differentiate” that I wasn’t previously aware of because, as far as I can see, they’re all fucking at it.
These adverts don’t make me want to buy into the product, they just stir in me an overwhelming desire to eviscerate both the hipster cunt who came up with the idea and the pointless waste of DNA who’s performing it. Nationwide even took their cuntitude to new heights and set poetry to music (although I use both words in their loosest possible senses) with the egregious Flo & Joan.
Maybe I’m an old cunt but I think adverts have gone downhill since the pinnacle of “Are you open Yeti?”
nominated by, Thirkleby Spunktrumpet