Today’s cunt of the day award must go to Trustees Savings Bank Bank (that’s not a typo). Seems the cunts have made a complete balls up of implementing their shiny new computer system. Quel surprise!

I feel qualified to comment meaningfully on this one as I spent twenty plus years testing computer systems. I was the one who told the Passport Office that there was a real possibility their new system wouldn’t handle the load when it went live. Remember that fiasco? Well here we go again.

TSB like the HMPO were too tight fisted to spend the large amount of money it takes to buy load testing systems. Basically you hit the fucker with everything you have and see if it falls over. Which it did…

The bank says it has been operating many of its key systems from the new platforms for months already (e.g. cash machines, payment systems and a mobile app) and “nobody has even noticed – which is exactly how it should be”. Well they fucking well noticed this morning! Just like the British Airways T5 luggage handling system when that went live.

And TSB’s answer to the overload problem? Throttle access. If you can’t log in then just keep trying. So what does that achieve? Yes. You guessed it. It increases the demand, ups the load and makes it more likely to fall over. According to TSB this morning the problem is fixed. Well it isn’t, so don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s raining!

And I’ve retired so don’t call me to sort it out. Cunts…

Nominated by Dioclese

31 thoughts on “TSB

  1. Slightly of course here but any upgrade is bound to fail because the cunts in charge of it asks management what it should do. Management don’t USE the system so have no fucking clue what it should do, this is why they are management. Ask the workers who use these things on a daily basis then perhaps systems can be put in place that satisfy the client needs.

    • There is a deep and unacknowledged truth there. Lost count of the times our system’s been fucked about without any reference to its users. Except the management ones, obvs. Which means that any routine process becomes one of tortuous navigation through undocumented digital wastelands.

      • Previously had fun times when management wandered over and told me to do something and I told them I didn’t know how anymore because they’d fucked around with the system to the point it was no longer usable.

  2. Aye

    Ted Kaczynski had a point no doubt

    If you’ve the time and motivation to read his manifesto written in the ’90s i think…. he makes some valid fucking points…chose the wrong way to express them though.

    Heard some poor cunt on from spain on the radio today who is going to lose out on a house today as he cant pay deposit from TSB and no cunt will answer his calls

    • To clarify I dont condone his actions or his answer to the technological problem as it is the complete dismantling to pre industrial age. His symptoms if the technological advance are all to real and obvious ,but his answer is probably far too dreconian in its measures as to garner any support.

  3. THink I am right in saying TSB in the 80’s used the slogan “The Bank that likes to say Yes”.

    Did not apply to absolutely everything as my friend who applied for a mortgage found out.

    • I was with TSB for a while in the 90’s and I asked the branch manager how they knew since they’d never fucking said it.

      • Or Lloyds Banks ‘For the Journey’ pretentious cunts. The only journey taken will be fat cat execs using their bonus to go fucking skiing.

  4. I remember the near-fiasco of buying my first place… Wife & I were in Barclays yelling at them to pull their fucking finger out and get the TT done, as we had all and sundry legals on our backs asking us “WTF ??”

    That was the year Barclays (The Cunts) made the most massive profits ever.

    Golden Shower of the Year Award.

    Cunts !!

    • I had the same with the Woolwich who got knobbed by Barclays not long after when sorting my mortgage.

      I can’t think of a bank who aren’t cunts and the bailing out shit of Northern rock, RBS etc has taught them fuck all. The big bonuses paid to cunts are proof of that!

  5. I read that Parliament is going to tackle obesity…

    At last, Flabbott and Squeegee get turned into billions of candles.

    Just who is the fattest cunt in Wetminster ?

      • Soames is a mere shadow of bone and loose skin nowadays. Has to be Pickles as the fattest bastard in the House.

    • If there wasn’t so many fat cunts in the house of commons, they would all manage a seat and poor fuckers wouldn’t need to stand…normally skinny cunts left standing.

      Yet these fat cunts debate our health and have the cheek to inflict taxes on our soft drinks and bully companies into destroying the taste of life long recipies of our traditional drinks, Lucozade (once a staple on every hospital bedside cabinet) and Barrs Irn Bru to name two which have had sugar replaced with aspartame & acesulflame nutra sweet type artificial sweeteners which are under fire in other countries around the world for worse concerns than obesity.

      If them cunts were all forced to meet their “healthy BMI”, then I will take lectures from the cunts who are nothing more than “seat theives”.

      Don’t discount the slimmer fatty such as “dog flea loving” Lardy Lammy & Keith “kerbcrawler” Spaz and the health spokescunt for the SNP is in great shape for an ex NHS surgeon who thinks she has the right to tell England’s MP’s how to run their NHS into the ground as whats happened to NHS Scotland under Robison “the fairground gonk” & the gang.

      They should cut to the chase and tell NHS England how to lie about waiting lists and fudging times, refusing to investigate multiple infant deaths at the same site, botched operations, elderly patients dying off while in patients for unrelated proceedures, administering medication against insteuction of patients families, staff selling vital surgical equipment on auction sites and recently a surgeon worked into the ground and bullied to the point that he had created “a theoretical hitlist” of those who bullied and shafted him and tarnished him with the help of Al Beeb in order to deflect any public sympathy. I think the bent system threw more time at him than an actual convicted murderer would have got.

      No wonder “the gonks” resignation was called for last week, she’s only civally serving herself!

    • You could kit out the armed forces with super tough new boots from her hide.

      Did anyone notice something in the crown of her head as she leaned forward in parliament while she spewed at Dud?

      Was like part of a strawberry or tomato stalk that hadn’t been fully removed or is it a syrup?

  6. Banks and bankers are complete cunts. The crash in 2008 was down to their reckless greed and desire to make easy millions by taking risks with other people’s money much like cunts Branston and Philip Green. They make their money and as the shit hits the fan go sailing off into the sunset without as much as a ‘sorry’. The threat now of on-line fraud grows evermore and all the Wbanks and Wbankers do is put more onus on joe public to make sure they have all their computer protection bang up to date otherwise it’s down to your own fault. No recompense. Problem is most protection isn’t worth two fucks against clever frsudsters and most people wouldn’t know what the fuck they are doing or talking about anyway. My advice? A tin under the fucking bed.

    • Until some pikey cunt breaks in and you’re forced to defend yourself with a screwdriver and the police arrest you, plaster your mug over the press, protect the pikey’s scum family and cause you to be forced from your home as the pigs wouldn’t lift a trotter to save you from recriminations…but would come down on you like Dianne Abbott descending upon 2 buckets of the Colonel’s finest if you dare to defend yourself.

      • Decent law abiding citizens who have the nuts to defend themselves are considered more of a threat to those in charge than some gormless thieving druggie/pikey/scratter.
        Been saying it for years…

      • I wonder how many tins stuffed with notes that pikey cunt Vincent liberated from others houses?

        Funny how his last job was against ROB (Richard Osbourne Brooks)? He picked the wrong ROB for his final job, wonder if Jeeves even tried loading the bleeder into his van or left him where he dropped as he ran out of puff?

  7. Ah yes, TSB…….. I know all about the aggro they’ve caused this week with their cack handed way of wanting things done.

  8. Completely off topic but….

    Clearly, as a preference I’d take Trump over Killary every time, but the coverage of this Trump/Macron ‘bromance’ has given my stomach a right turn and left me feeling quite bilious…

    Made a right cunt of himself…

    • Pretty clear to me that Macron is acting and posturing on behalf of the EU, and will do anything to be Trumps new best friend (ahead of the UK) regardless of how pathetically disgusting it makes him look. Taking one for team EU.

      Disappointed with Trump for not telling Macron and the EU to fuck off, although perhaps he will when push comes to shove. Seems to me Trump has far more in common with the UK (with his real mate Nigel) than with the European Commission.

      No reason to change my post of last year, which was along the following lines:

      Macron, an odious, devious, smarmy smug power hungry democracy hating arse licking Euro loving UK hating (remember him outside number 10 saying he wanted to transfer British financial sector business from London to Paris) disrespectful PC Froggy Cunt. French version of Tony B Liar.

      • You missed out snail eating, garlic smelling, granny fucking and only showering once a week cunt. Think that’s covered it.

      • Wonder what all those middle class lefties who dearly wish they were french (but strangely don’t choose to live there) have to say about pesident Combover and the Grannyshagger getting “intimate”
        Good for a laugh I bet…

      • Trump will know the surrender history of the cunts and make sure they have someone at the back to preventany deserting mid mission.

      • I am credibly informed that even Frau Merkel thinks he’s a cunt. Or Fotze. He’s not nearly obscene enough to be another Blair, and he’s certainly not another Thatcher. He’s another fucking Sarkozy.

      • Heard some stuff on LBC earlier where Macron was referred to as Trumps poodle. I think they might have it way wrong and he is actually Juncker & Co’s poodle, sent to do EU dirty work. Expected him to blow smoke up Dons ass but sounded like he was trying to put words / ideas to congress (paris climate change etc) and came across quite disrespectful.

        Why the sudden interest in Iran from Macron I wonder?

        Mind you after the dispicable behaviour from our MP’s following Syria chemical weapons facility strikes, Trump might not ask GB for assistance on any action on Iran.

        The way the snowflakes, Bercow, Sadkhunt and other politicians have spewed vile rants about Trump, I know who I will blame if good trade deals don’t materialise following Brexit.

        His visit should go ahead and a huge processing / detention centre established for dealing with all snowflakes breaching public order against a foreign country’s leader.

        Make their vile hate speech outbursts a criminal record for them to remember!

      • Apparently he has his own special negotiating technique, which goes:
        1. Lick arse
        2. Speak your tiny mind.

        It’s pretty well the inverse of Trump’s (think the last month or two with Kim the Quim), and less effective. Is Trump playing Macron? Is Macron playing Trump? I think the former. Trump would (get a flunkey to) kick the Froggo in les boules, on a whim. Macron is in no position at all to retaliate.

  9. If I was with the TSB and couldn’t access “my” money when I wanted it, I would take my cash and business elsewhere.

    They seem to be adopting the Arnold Clark / Evans Halshaw business model of “we’ve got your money now, fuck off”

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