Tesco delivery drivers

As the nom pool is overflowing, I’ll keep this brief – Tesco delivery drivers are cunts par excellence.

I’ve just had a real narky cunt arrive, flustered because the dumb cunt can’t find the easy-to-find location, and try to tell me – the fucking resident – that my address is wrong. My address, is wrong. I asked the cunt on what possible fucking dimension he thought he was on, and that started a more heated discussion diffused by the brother-in-law.

I’ve had all kinds of Tesco simpleton cunts turn up here and lose shopping, give me the wrong shopping, substitute tinned tuna for fucking cat food, give me a week’s shop which has stuff all expiring the day after delivery… but to tell me I don’t know my own fucking house number is a glorious example of utter fucking incompetence that will take some beating.

It’s the fucking complaints email avenue for you, you cunt!

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.

118 thoughts on “Tesco delivery drivers

  1. What a truly ridiculous world we live in.

    The stock market value of Snap, owner of the Snapchat messaging app, fell $1.5bn after reality TV star Kylie Jenner said she no longer used it.

    For fuck sake.

    • Classic pump & dump scheme, it was overvalued by about $1.4 billion anyway.
      I bet most of the major share holders sold just a few days or weeks before this ‘shock’ tweet

    • Sorry to say Stelio that I have absolutely no idea who either of them are. Not interested in US celebs in the slightest.

      Perhaps a sign of getting old, or perhaps better things to focus my time on.

      • No apology required this cunt understands where you’re coming from.
        Just know that one of them jenner sluts has nuts

    • Fair play for even watching it Gingers, I’d be having to purchase a new goggle box every Friday as a result of my right boot reconfiguring the screen on Thursday evening after the bunch of cunts boiled my piss for the umpteenth time.

      • No, I haven’t posted a dead pool Shitcake. Just watching Two Jags getting excited, he must be putting some pressure on his ticker.

    • I didn’t see QT last night, is it worth hunting down on the internet or was it shit?

      I got side tracked with PM’s questions, was an MP put maybot on spot about her MP’s and staff being rented out to speak at dinners etc.

      Bercow shot him down, in fact he was a bit county to many and not the few. Assuming he didn’t get any action with big Sal on Wednesday night.

  2. The tuna for cat food substitute made me chuckle.

    Several years ago a great Aunt used to get these deliveries as – even though she was all there, a “rum bugger” she was known as – she wasn’t able to get about and her sight was failing.

    So delivery turns up (not Tesco BTW), drops the gear off, and off they went.

    My Aunt called in to see her Mam (a daily thing after work): “What have you had for tea Mam?”

    “Tuna sandwich. ‘Eee it was lovely!”

    No you can see what’s coming…

    The full tin hadn’t been used, the remainder in a cling filmed bowl in the fridge.

    “I’ll have the rest tomorrow.”

    My Aunt not discerning any make of tuna resembling what was in the bowl looked in the bin and noticed a pride of place foiled lid of “Gourmet Tuna Cat Food”.

    Now then, what to do: let them know, or let it ride.

    My Aunt stayed there a couple of hours (to make sure Great Aunt didn’t get the shits) everything seemed fine so she says: “Mam I’m starving and I cannot be bothered to cook when I get in, would mind if I took that tuna with me and I’ll fetch you a tun tomorrow.”

    Yes. The following week…

    “I had tuna today but hey mind, it wasn’t as nice as that one last week. I wish I knew what it was called. That one there is canny but it’s dry.”

    We all knew, she didn’t, but every week she would pine for that “…lovely tuna I had that time…”


  3. John Prescott what a cunt!

    He was as good at being Deputy PM as Diane Abbott is at being Shadow (or is that Eclipse) Home Secretary.

    He sounds pissed! Doss cunt!

    • If you skinned them both alive, I know which one would enable you to make the most pairs of shoes and it wouldn’t be “Two Pairs”.

  4. Prescott needs to stay in the House of Stiffs and collect his pension like the thick has been that he is.
    The cunt is an embarrassment. Shut the fuck up fatbollocks.

    • The solution would be to shoot all ex-ministers who have lost their Commons seat. And their numerous ex-advisers.

  5. Elise Christie celebrates with her boyfriend Sandor Liu Shaolin after he wins the 5,000m short track relay gold in Pyeongchang…. Even after such massive and abject failure, this daft bitch is still in our faces… Will we ever be rid of this squawking ‘me me me’ stupid woman of a cunt?….

    • Even better, she’s considering the dual disciplines of short and long track speed skating, depending on – surprise surprise – if she can get the funding.

      “Well we don’t have a long track facility in the UK so it will all depend on the funding.”

      I.e. can you pay for a 4yr jolly for me to piss about for four years and I will reward you with falling on my arse 8 times instead of 4!

      Money well spent eh!

      • If she wants tips on funding and how to keep it flowing, she should contact the King & Queen of fundraising…

        Aka, the McCann’s.

  6. Elise Christie has been bleating on the bbc that her 3 failures at these Winter Olympics won’t define her?? Actually she’s right because at Sochi 4 years ago she made an even bigger cunt of herself ( if that’s possible) and got disqualified from all 3 events she entered!
    If this useless attention seeking Cunts received any lottery funding they should instantly ask for it back!
    I just wish she would fuckin do one…..
    possibly contender for female Cunt of the games……

    • Agreed, useless cunt, like most Olympians (unless they dope like Team GB cyclists).
      Never mind though, her epic failure only cost about £1 million over 8 years of funding.

  7. We had a similar problem with a right cocky Tesco delivery driver, he thought he was Alfie, all cockney barrow boy and the like.
    Our eggs had 2 broken from a pack of 12, now I am no Rachel Riley, but that’s a 16% breakage hit, give or take.
    When asked about this he s reply was “you’ll have to email the store, I just deliver”.
    So I did email the store to complain and I also threw in that he had spat as he walked away up the garden path narrowly avoid Fluffy (our 14 yr old)

  8. * (our 14 yr old CAT)

    But I suppose with all this trans and LGBT, no binary-gender-fluid crap you could quite easily find a 14 yr old boy named Fluffy

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