Sofas

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Now we’ve had the Christmas TV adverts cunted, I would like to nominate the boxing day and New Years TV adverts for furniture outlets flogging cunt sofas on the never-never. We all know the quality of the lounging furniture is shit, using shit materials with lurid designs. All they are doing is selling interest rate derivatives using a crap sofa as the underlying asset. But, the thing that makes me throw stuff at the telly is that they only use professional female midget models to sit on the chairs and cross their legs. This way the blokes are too entranced trying to squint up her kilt to notice the deception.

The sofas are absolutely tiny and would only support one sink-estate lardass. Not three, unless they were midget models like jockey’s birds.

Nominated by Haywood Jablomee

17 thoughts on “Sofas”

  1. We buy our furniture secondhand from the British Heart Foundation. New stuff generally overpriced tat anyway. Money saved can be spent on more and better quality drugs.

    • It seems that half the cunters on here are on strong medicinal drugs and the other half on recreational drugs.

      I must be so old fashioned being the only alcoholic, need to up my game I reckon.

      As Sir Henry said ‘If I had all the money I’d spent on drink, I’d spend it on drink”

      Wise words.

      • Your not alone DB. Never taken recreational drugs, but I adore alcohol. It should be available on prescription but because of Tory austerity, probably won’t happen until Corben gets in.

  2. Buy now, pay nothing until Summer 2018, so have debt hanging over your head for a few months.

    Out of sight, out of mind, a big, fat juicy worm to the benefit scrounging estate dwellers. Maybe this will be a new sub-prime mortgage disaster. Come Summer, DFS. SCS and Harvey’s will all go under due to unpaid credit.

    I fucking hope so, cunts.

    • Except they won’t go under because they will already have been paid out by the finance company that the stupid cunt customers have signed up to. Once the the finance agreement has been signed the furniture store are paid out for the goods in full minus the finance companies commission.
      The margin on tat sofas are huge. Costs virtually fuck all to make. Just some cheap fabric, sawn timber, foam, glue and staples. All this bollocks about it being “bespoke and hand made” is a fucking lie unless it’s real high end stuff which you certainly won’t get in the likes of DFS or SCS.
      The biggest con is kitchens. Thousands of pounds for what amounts to faced chipboard. Some of it is made of compressed board made of paper and cardboard. Utter crap.
      I won’t be ging to the sales in case any cunt is in doubt.

  3. New Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson continues on his quest to sort out the MoD and has halted the re-branding of recruitment for the Army. All seen the ‘Be The Best’ adverts but now some cunts in Market Research have decided this is too ‘elitist’ and ‘non-inclusive’.

    The clue is in the fucking name, we want the best of the best, not just average or ok on par with a African warlords rag tag militia. And non-inclusive is just a roundabout way of saying there is not enough transbenders and towelheads.

    • I’d much prefer it if my Army WAS elitist and non-inclusive.

      Hmmm, let me see, hard as nails cunt with an SA-80 or a snowflake fop updating their social meejah…?

      Hard as nails, or social meejah cunt…?

      Give me a picosecond to think about that one…

      • “Who dares wins” or “Risk assessment and prizes for all”. The recent TV series Escape with ex SAS sniper, spoon feeding some engineers in extreme conditions to build escape transport from a desert/swamp ect was a good example. Most very talented and well educated but was too hot or cold, not enough food, wimmin banging on at every opportunity about being ‘strong’ and ‘independent’, could piss the piss boiling up in him by the minute.

  4. Yeah but if you leave it til 1st Jan 2018 then the offer will only be on for another 364 days!!!

    HURRY!

    • True, but I would add HURRY! HURRY! to your one HURRY! *

      *Advice courtesy of the Tamil Nadu State Cunt Sofa Marketing Board (TNSCSMB)

  5. Yeah I saw those adverts with Wilson in them.

    I saw one chair that looked really comfy, nice slot for the cheeks of my arse, etc.

    Then the cunt moved and I realised I was looking at his nose!

  6. I was at an Old Dear’s house a while back doing a job. At the finish her and her husband invited me in for a cup of tea while they wrote me out a cheque. I said no because I was covered in sawdust but she insisted that it would be O.K. She was right. Every seat and the settee were covered in what I took to be some kind of industrial clingfilm. I don’t know if they’d done it just for my visit,but it looked semi-permanent. Really fucking weird squeaking noises as I settled my arse on the armchair. I said to the lads as we drove off that I suspected the old Cunts were some kind of fetishists,but as one of the young ‘uns said,it was probably more likely that they were incontinent or suspected that I was. Cunt.

    • If they’ve got plastic covering on their soft furnishings then they’re probably of pikey blood. I used to buy and sell touring caravans and bad experience taught me to avoid those with seats covered in plastic as it would invariably mean they were pikey owned. They do it in their houses as well.
      Just because these people have plastic coverings on their seats, it doesn’t mean thethey are clean underneath it, trust me.

  7. Top Brass of the Military is a Political appointment made only by the Prime Minister.

    Now, work out why they are all wankstains, cock gobblers and itinerent arseholes.

    They only ever speak out when retired.

    Fuck them all

    Only one leader for me! ….Col Mad Mitch Argyle & Sutherland Highlanders.

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