An emergency pre-emptive cunting for all the inevitable media coverage of the impending Royal Wedding bullshit – the endless fucking documentaries about the pair of them, the endless tabloid headlines gormlessly incorporating the phrase “A Right Royal”, the endless “What would Diana have thought?” opinion pieces by professional Royal rentagobs, and the endless quantities of wedding-themed tat which looks like it’s been designed specifically to adorn pikey caravans. How about a commemorative gold coin too? Yours for £99.99 and legal tender in Guernsey (worth a fiver). And wall-to-wall Nicholas Fucking Witchell too, intoning his pompous commentaries – “Invited they were, and come they did” – as though it’s the fucking death of Churchill and not simply the spare heir getting hitched to some yankee actress. The only people to benefit from this announcement are Theresa May and her shit show of cunts fucking up Brexit as the media lens won’t now be focused on their excruciating cuntitude on an hourly basis. I’m struggling to think of any positives about this – possibly the opportunity to see that hefty porcine daughter of Prince Andrew making “A Right Royal” cunt of herself in another of those daft hats?

Nominated by Fred West

Clareynce Arse has just announced that Prince Hairy is to marry Miss Marple-Merkel.

What a pair of twats. Months of arse-licking ahead from Al-Beeb’s specially-trained squadron of royal obsequials… Projectile vomiting seriously on the cards (and the ceiling, walls, and carpet…).

Victoria Derbyshire going stupidly gooey over the no-news this morning. Stlly cunt.

Sarah Lancashire is much,much hotter…

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard

I’m indifferent to the royals but what boils my piss is the news and the media wanking furiously over such things. ITV have just had an emergency news bulletin to confirm the Clarence House announcement.

A disgusting use of the news, imo. What the fuck is so urgently newsworthy about a ginger marrying a mulatto that warrants such a bulletin?

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

I nominate the engagement of that talentless Spam social climber Meghan fucking Markle and The Ginger Spawn of Hewitt (alleged ;)) for a cunting of Imperial magnitude. In fact, while we’re on topic here, can we also tar, feather and cunt the puppet mainstream media, for their sycophantic, relentless coverage of said ‘news’? If I have to endure one more gratuitous, simpering mention of this none event by simple Twatter mongs, the sheeple or grinning idiot, fuckwit presenters my TV is getting booted in! The force feeding has saturated the internet and snowflake media like the colossal load of ejaculate it actually is. There is no escape.

The favourable publicity brainwashing drive of The Establishment is in full force. Idiots getting all wild eyed, over stimulated and sentimental over the aristocracy and celebs, who in reality wouldn’t piss on these ‘plebs’ if they were on fire. This is after all, yet another exclusive event by and for the elitist ‘haves’, which will be paid for by their ‘have not’ subjects. The way the bovine, OK magazine addicted, bottom feeding morons were slavering about how ‘Diana would be sooo proud and approve’ is galling and sickening. These unthinking, Royal and celeb cunt struck, bum felchers were going on as if they were going to get invites as members of the family. Fucks sake, they HATE you all and think you are contemptible, tax paying, Civil List topping up CUNTS! Fucking wake up, realise this is of no benefit to the working or middle class and ask the real question: How much is this going to cost?

That smug silver spooned, entitled bastard, Media Whore Markle and their inbred posh cunt toadies are literally laughing all the way to the bank. Needless to say, this cunt will be booking a trip to darkest Peru ?? on the lead up to and actual, inevitable wedding. It’s the only way to escape the shitstorm.

Nominated by See You Next Tuesday