The Apprentice (2)

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It’s BBC Apprentice 2017. How a year has flown by since the business equivalent of Britain’s got NO talent reappears on our screens. The best young business entrepreneurs Britain has to offer for a 13th year running. I hear the Chinese, Japanese, Indians, Germans, Americans….OK, the whole fucking world, shitting their pants, as UK plc unleashes these titans of business acumen against them.

Fronted by east end wide boy Sir Alan – Lord Sugar, a man with a bad dose of titulitis. I do so wish one of the apprentices has the balls to call him “Al” or “mate” and watch him go apoplectic or just to call him ‘Sir Alan’ instead of ‘Lord Sugar’.

The king of the one liner, has some ‘great’ new material such as  “Forget Brexit…Here, I’m the one who decides who remains and who leaves.”  Such quality, perhaps he picked that out of Sir Brucie’s suit pocket from his grave.

This year’s line up of 18 apprentices are a veritable smorgasbord of British society. A posh ‘Tory Boy’ as he’s known, who worked for ‘Call me Dave’. A double barrelled named woman, a few other whiteys, probably Northern and Southern wideboys, a generous spattering of superwimmin, an Alan Carr/Graham Norton look-a-like, a black woman, two peacefuls, and a Chinese dude.

The BBC having duly ticked all the diversity boxes stuffed a cherry on top with one of the peacefuls being a hijab clad woman who describes herself as an ‘ independent woman’.  Go there BBC, liberty, equality and freedom for the peaceful  sisterhood. Next year can we expect a black sheet and matching pillowcase peaceful sister demonstrating her freedom of expression and independence?

Any bets on who will win?

I will go for the Chinese bloke if it’s purely based on who is hardest working and best in business, although if he hasn’t already made his first billion on his own, then he may just be a token entry. Otherwise, the hijab wearing peaceful looks promising…..as I seem to vaguely remember one of those winning a competition on the BBC before…..although I maybe wrong…. because they never gave her much publicity afterwards.

Nominated by Mike Oxard.

107 thoughts on “The Apprentice (2)”

    • Excellent rant Mr Oxard and a fine blog on mikesplace as usual CMC. Think that’s just about all that can be cunted apart from watching BBCQT (that’s question time not queer time) and I am lost for words to cunt two of them on there. That Angela Rayner – the students union rep with a degree innit and the insufferable cunt Sarah Churchwell with the audacity to slag the UK off being a wide mouthed bog eyed septic. Must dash before I lose my temper – this laptop is in danger of a forced drop test – right out of my bedroom window. The telly is safe as its wall mounted 😉

  2. The Al-BBC really should pull the plug on this contrived bollocks.

    This has become nothing than a platform for the hand-picked, caricature cuntestants to get into the media limelight and henceforth yet more reality TV shite. The whole concept of it being a ‘serious’ attempt at recruitment disappeared once the ‘winner’ was asked for an idea to be subject for an investment; rather than Cuntlord Sugar taking them on as a proper ‘apprentice’ – it’s basically become 12 weeks (or whatever) of scripted reality bullshit and ego-food for Shitgar, with one week of glorified Dragon’s Den (also shit) bolted on to the end.

    Shameless self-promotion for an increasingly irrelevant old cunt who has become a ridiculous self-parody; bordering on being Del Boy with a humour bypass and an expensive suit. This UK version of the show may have started in 2005 as a proper attempt at recruiting in business, but like all unreality TV, it is now a springboard for legions of cunts to enhance their cuntitude by orders.

    I’d rather have my testicles bolted to the kitchen table than watch this hour of solid cunt.

  3. I watched the first 2 series then sacked it off, the only enjoyable part of this shitfest was watching these blindly confident buzz wordy business speaky Cunts fall to pieces when the heat got turned up, and although a supreme cunt watching sir sugar humiliate the sweat-in
    Fop- doddles in the boardroom always made me chuckle….

  4. An embarrassing joke, not a patch on the American original with Trump. Hopefully not symbolic of British business acumen as a whole – appalling advertisement to send out to rest of world, especially when we need to appear strong in striking up new trade deals. But after the PM’s performance yesterday, what hope is there?

    Goes without saying that Sugar and his cronies are all grade A Cunts.

  5. Watching these fucking morons trying to big themselves up makes me want to slide under the table out of sheer embarrassment. Presumably the parents of these young ‘geniuses’ are of the same mind. If it were one of my kids bringing my family into disrepute by their utter cuntishness I would first have all the locks changed and second rip up their fucking birth certificate. As for Lord fucking Brillo Pad what a rude and arrogant cunt of a human being. If I was one o them tarts and he ‘fired’ me I’d tell the papers he put his hand up me frock. Or better still one of the batty boys saying he fondled his marble pouch. Cunts

  6. I don’t watch The Apprentice, but my money is on that Nadiya Hussain cunt… Let’s face it, she wins/is on everything else on the ABBC… I heard she’s even doing the Queen’s Speech this Christmas, and the only reason the towelheaded PC pet didn’t get the Doctor Who gig was because no blokes would have watched it, so they got the more screwable Jodie Thingy to do it…

  7. There are usually a few bits of fluff on the show to make it more watchable, this year the ladies are ranging from average at best to fucking ugly munters. They could spice the show up by making the cunts spend their own money on the tasks, might be less posing and more doing.

    Sugar should of decimated the losing team last night, a food task when the deadline was 6:00pm to make the last sale and the cunts missed the lunch trade cos they were cocking around in the kitchen still?

    I get he couldn’t sack all of them for the sake of having a show but three of the cunts at least should of been thrown physically out of the process and that smarmy little cunt who bragged about being on 200k a year is obviously there because he see’s his future on TV, I expect he will join the cunt circus of reality TC “celebs” who get paid to be professional cunts.

    • The dirty fit ones that used to come on realised they would make more money with a life of less patronising spinning naked a pole or sucking cock than trying to win this cunt over.

  8. May Allah be praised! A woman is allowed out without a cahperone and in the company of other men! Not the Saudi version then……..

  9. The neutered United Kingdom is now producing a stock of absolute wankers to furnish the future needs of the UK economy. This country is fucked if all we can offer commerce and industry is a retarded bunch of fucking mixed race, mixed gender, mixed mentality , mix of gobshiters!

    What a bunch of fucking tossers! The only reason I ocassionally clock in, is to see Karen Brady who I would fuck any day of the week. She has a real dirty “fuck me ” look about her that I just cannot resist.

    Apprentice’s, They would never survive any other job interview.

  10. Never watch it . These are the sort of peeps I actively seek to avoid. Apparently one of the deluded fuckers said ‘ I am normally the most intelligent person in the room’. Say no more.
    Gawd . I am listening to LBC. Couldn’t believe what I just heard. An advert, went like this: ‘ hello I’m Michael Owen, I know what it’s like to be injured, if you’ve been injured you need to contact’ .. etc etc. Fuck me this is annoying for 2 reasons, firstly isn’t the cunt a millionaire? Why is he doing crap adverts for crap solicitors? Secondly why is it assumed i’ m going to be impressed because MIchael Owen is plugging it? Fuck off widya.

  11. Karren Brady once entered a beauty competition and finished runner up to a bee keepers apprentice…..

    • Sugar’s a fine fucking example, he’s always fucking late for the boardroom an keeps everyone waiting. Kept Bill Gates waiting as well and then dismissed his new fangled windows operating system out of hand. Stupid cunt.

  12. Bloody hell looking a bit dodgy for ted Heath. I assume any offences he did commit were well before he became famous, it would be impossible once he was.

    • Why? You have more confidence in the probity of the Establishment than I do. Covering up the small matter of a bit of underage fiddling wouldn’t be a problem. They’ve been covering for the Royals,politicians and various “Great and Good” for generations.

      • Fair point Dick. After all, it’s well known that heir to the throne Prince Albert Victor Christian Edward (known as “Eddy” to his friends) was in fact Jack the Ripper.

  13. Bloody hell, 2 offences alleged to have occurred while he was PM. This is incredible if true.

    • If there’s any truth in the allegations, I’ll be more than happy to dig up my mother’s corpse and shag the rotting daylights out of it, morning, noon and night, now until Christmas if necessary.

      Keystone cops just trying to justify a staggering waste of public money and resources.

      I mean, if they couldn’t even prosecute an open & shut case like Janner, ffs… and that malingering cunt was actually still alive!

      • The cozzers shouldn’t bother about Ted… What’s the fucking point?! They’d be better off gunning for those McCann cunts…

      • It is also my understanding that Thatcher played the crucial ‘Myra Hindley’ role, luring young boys into Heath’s Humber Super Snipe, with warm school milk oozing from her erect nipples.

        Pure evil, may they both rot in Hell!

      • All utter bollocks from inadequates and weirdos. The same bunch who claimed satanic sacrifices and fuck knows what else.
        Since their incompetence and corruption with Savile and the grooming gangs the cops are bending over backwards to give credence to any old shite. Heath was a cunt in many ways, and a bit of an oddball. But child molester? For fuck sake the keystone cops in Wiltshire are just trying to justify their incompetence.

      • No Dick, the dead can not be libelled. Nor can they be loved, as I may be about to discover.

      • Heath and dodgy sexual activities are, for the least, going to be very difficult to prove. The late Field-Marshal Montgomery has been the subject of similar speculation. Regarding Bernard Montgomery, all we can be grateful for is his military abilities.
        My feelings re Heath are that I admired him as a musician.
        However, he was as guilty as fuck for taking us into the eec, for which he deserves trashing.
        No doubt about the latter. Treacherous dead cunt.

  15. The apprentice should be renamed ‘Bullshit Bingo’. It seems to be the only talent that the majority of wanabee hopefuls have in spades.

    Sugar is a crinkly-haired beardy, shouty old cuntlord jewboy, whose talent and reputation seem to have been founded on crappy old Amstrad. Anyone with any self respect would not have gone near such cheap and nasty old wank.

    As TECB says, the wanker is just like Del Boy; all he needs is a camel hair coat and a flat cap.

  16. Stopped watching this cuntfest years ago. Sralanlordsugar is a prize cunt and the contestants seemed like Big Brother rejects who had read some bullshit management book.
    Should make the cunts fight to the death. Last one standing wins a year working for the insufferable cunt Sugar.

  17. Newport is a cunt,
    I’ve got a lot of Welsh in the blood going back to the 1500s but this place is a cunt. I’ve had to come here to get my fast track Passport which means spending the day waiting around and it’s cost me £128. What a shithole, full of cunts, loads of Turkish looking cunts and Somalians and trashy cunts.
    I’ll make sure that I get the Passport online next time.

    • I was born and grew up in Newport. It used to be a fine town. Steel, docks, chemicals. It is now a shithole of epic proportions. Chav central with bucket loads of peaceful cunts thrown in. You are a lucky cunt if you didn’t get fucking mugged wandering round.
      It has a fine old ruined castle which the council have turned firstly into a part of Sainsburys carpark. Now that Sainsburys is a ruin the castle underpasses are a fucking muggers paradise. With added litter and dogshit.
      It also has that cunt Flynn as one of it’s MPs. The cunt that said the referendum vote should have been treated as the BoatyMcBoatface vote. Even though Newport and Wales voted to leave. And the thick cunts voted him back in.
      Leaving was the best move I ever made.

    • I bet all the Somalian filth in Newport have walking sticks so they can fiddle the disability and play dumb when questioned… Because that’s what the leeching Bogo-Bogo cunts do everywhere else in the UK..

      • They don’t need to play dumb. And chewing khat all day ensures they are even more stupid and lazy than they started out. Any walking sticks are supplied by the NHS for the cunts.

      • I cunted Newport a few months ago and as so often happens it was not picked up. It is the fastest mainline station to Yours Truly Towers and a Welsh yakki da dai shitehole. Deeply depressing concrete bunker with Blighty hating celtic degenerates. Hate the place (and the Welsh).

    • You think Newport is bad ???!

      Try Wrexham…

      Went through it once: time has passed it by and, in the future, so shall I.
      At least my destination, Ruthin, was very pleasant, and an excellent concert to boot.

      Not Fat Addle or Arianna Grande…

  18. I am not a sociopath egotistical cunt so I will never be on the Apprentice but if I was I would greet the messiah thus. Good morning Lord Fuckpig. Followed by Good morning Miss Brady. Fancy a shag?

  19. Bet the Muslim makes it to the last three. It would be a brave man who fires her before that.

  20. Cunt Clegg now urging Remainers to join Labour Party. Wot a surprise!

    Presume that includes himself, dumb prick.

    • Fucking Clegg. The electorate voted him into obscurity yet almost daily he’s sprouting his poisonous vitriol. Why the media give him a platform is beyond me.

      • Because a lot of the media are fucking biased Cunts too.
        The thing I most hate about cleggers is you just know he has been courting the EU for ages!, he fancies a nice feathered landing over in Brussels after he has fucked this country over!!
        He really is one of the UK,s biggest quislings and that’s in an extremely rich swamp of huge sellout turds!!

      • Corporal Cunt Clegg, Druncker, Bliar & Barnier, huddled together round table in Brussels, planning their next move…

  21. @Black and White Cunt, how am i meant to pay attention to others cunters posts, that they’ve taken time out of their day to write and post, after you put up Lisa Ann???????

    See you all in a bit.

  22. When the apprentices have fucked up a task or are talking bullshit of being an ‘alpha male’, Brady has a look of someone smelling a rancid trouser cough sneaked out in the boardroom.

  23. I actually used to like The Apprentice, the first few series were quite a good laugh and I still watch it to this day.

    In the old shows they had to sell second hand cars or find scrap metal but now it’s all cupcakes and perfume.

    Notice too that they are now no longer “employees” of old beardy at the end, he had too much trouble with them when they started their non-job and some took him to court.

    I still can’t forgive “Sir Alan” for all those dodgy CB radios, VCRs and other assorted crap electronic goods. Most of that junk stopped working or fell apart after a few uses and Amstard became a byword for cheap tat.

    • If my name were Sugar, I’d change it to Shit.

      Remember MFI furniture? JC, what a heap of old… sugar

    • Ah, the Amstrad VCR4600. Possibly the most notorous videotape destroyer of it’s time. Utter piles of shit drom the far east and the only thing Amstrad made themselves was the badge on the front fascia.
      Which often fell off…

  24. Spanish authorities continue to say they see the vote on Sunday as illegal and unconstitutional, while the EU gave its backing to the Spanish prime minister to resolve the crisis There you have it! Catalan wants to leave EU This “they want to stay in EU tho” is a lamestream media lie EU wants Spain to punish Catalonia they have their bloody approval!

    Also serbian president is telling the truth on EU hypocrisy cunters “President Aleksandar Vucic did not mince his words when he voiced a rather obvious question: “How did you proclaim the secession of Kosovo to be legal, even without a referendum, and how did 22 European Union countries legalize this secession, while destroying European law and the foundations of European law, on which the European policy and EU policy are based?” He added, “this is clearly a schizophrenic position the EU has”

    So they only get involved in other people’s affairs, why ignoring their own affairs? NATO has full right to start bombing madrid if they don’t recognise catalan independence and futher punish the country

  25. If I had a decent business idea and needed backing,I certainly wouldn’t go anywhere near that covetous Shylock. Bet the shriveled nutsack lookalike goes creeping about with Philip Green stealing the tip jar at circumcision ceremonies.
    Karen Brady is just a white Diane Abbott,an ignorant,fat,over-promoted gobbler.who only got to the top by keeping old men satisfied.
    The contestants are a bunch of publicity hounds. Most of the women seem to be permanently suffering from “Women’s Problems”….as do the men. In the real world nobody would employ any of them,unless they ran some kind of Hunger Games safari-park.
    Fuck them.

  26. I’m all for a second referendum on Cunt Club membership as long as the ballot paper questions appear thus:
    1. Do you want to be part of a federal european state. Yes/no
    2. Do you want your tax rates set by a shower of unelected cunts, (or words to that effect).Yes/no
    3. Do you want our army to be ‘fucked off’ as it were. Yes/no.
    4. Are you a cunt. Yes/no.

    If you answer ‘yes’ to two or more then go and ‘FUCK OFF’.
    Straightforward I’d say.

  27. Emergency cunting for Prince Charles,
    He feels the need to speak out about the Oceans being polluted for the sake of the next generations…
    YOU CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT.
    How about all the carbon footprint you and and your family and the staff and empty most of the year properties you ‘own’ cause? What an utter cunt, talk about being a delusional cunt.
    Get on your private plane with your private chef and fuck off you cunt.
    You cunt.

      • Pwince Charles is so, soooo fwightened.
        Fwightened for the planet (this is a cunt who drives an Aston Martin which sucks up juice like an InterCity 125), fwightened for the oceans and turtles, but mostly just shite-fwightened that his mother will outlive the longest turtle lifespan, and the cunt will never be king !!
        Jug-eared pillock.

    • I wonder if that kinky junior doc would not have been struck off if he had stabbed him, and I don’t mean with his mutton dagger up the dung tunnel

  29. I’m watching the England football. What a load of fucking wank. It’s even fucking duller than the womens’ version. I’d prefer watching that thing with the lezzas baking cakes in a tent to this shit.
    Ban these footballing gaylords and put a rugby game on instead.

    • Fucks Sake.it’s just got even worse. That wanker Giggs has appeared with that uppity Golly, Ian Wright. All we need now is that Lord High Cunt Lineker

      • Black and White cunts all over the pitch Dick Fiddler, they/we are taking over the place. The cunts.

      • Football’s shite and rugby’s only football for posh cunts whose mummy and daddy won’t let them mix with average cunts.

      • I played prop.

        @LL…Were you one of the “sickly” children who was always last to get picked ?

      • I thought i was a hard cunt at school until one day we had to play rugby for PE.

        Less than a minute and i was writhing on the floor with the wind taken out of me.

        “Get up ya wee poof” was what the teacher said.

        I went and sat on the sidelines and wondered how far down the order of tasty cunts I’d fallen.

      • Black and White cunts everywhere I look, B+WC. I’m having some building work done at the moment,and came home this afternoon to find a B+WC leaning against the Aga,brewing tea,and eating my chocolate biscuits.. He’s obviously drugged the dogs because they just wag their tails at the bugger. I though,am on my guard. I counted the teaspoons when he left and checked my extensive porn collection for signs of interference. I shall also check the chickens haven;’t gone missing.

      • An Aga DF?
        Chickens DF?
        You’re not a posh cunt by any chance are you?
        I bet you’re into Rugby too aren’t you.

        P.S: Only kidding.

      • Haha. Classic Dick Fiddler, watch out he doesn’t stash some his drugs somewhere for his drug dealing on the side. You know what they say about mixed race people… they have a dark side.

      • No, not a sickly kid.
        I just hate sport.
        I get the point of it for keeping fit if really necessary but sport for fun…never, and I couldn’t really give a shit who wins anything ever.

        I know I’m a weird cunt by the way….

      • That makes two of us weird then.
        The joys of a public school education : every Wednesday and Friday afternoon you got the shit knocked out of you on the Rugby pitch. Bugger that! Used to make sure I never got anyway near the ball. Scrums were the worst – sticking your head up some buggers sweaty arse so some cunt on the other team could knee you in the face.
        Luckily, my dad was a golf nut so he bought himself can new set of clubs, gave me his old ones and enrolled me in the school golf society. He played off 18. I got my own back my playing off 6.
        Gave it up over 30 years back. I agree with the old saying “Golf is a good walk spoilt.” Now I just do the walk.
        Friends who play often say “How could you give up golf!?!” Easy. Its fucking boring.
        Most of these cunts would have been blackballed if they tried to join my old club. Standards, dear boy. Standards…

      • I hated everything about school. And still do. Mind you, not sure who are worst: parents or teachers? All cunts though, whichever way you slice it.

    • Just got in from my first bike ride in over a month (fit again) and ignored the football as i feel international football gets in the way and I’m sure there wasn’t nearly as much international football when i was a kid.
      Anyway, even though i never watched it, i bet raheem sterling was a little cunt in it.
      In fact, apart from vardy, i can’t think of one England player i like.
      Hmmmm.

      • I know what you mean DF.
        My heady achievment of 5 CSEs didn’t exactly propel me skywards. I was my own fault though for spazzing around.
        Mind you, I went to a comprehensive school in the 1970’s so no one tried to stop me either.

      • I’ve got a grand total of Zero qualifications. I was “asked to leave” just before I was due to do my O levels. I just started work on the farm,and got into a bit of forestry too. Don’t think I’d have ever cut it in a 9-5 job anyhow.Respect to anyone who does,but I consider myself lucky to do a job which I actually enjoy.

      • Lot of minor public schools in the ’70s just as bad. Had all the affectations, only in it for the money.

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