Jehovah Witnesses

Jehovah Witnesses are the “tight wads” of Christianity. Cunts think nowt of doffing 10% tithe to their church but when Xmas bowls round the kids get fuck all!

I wouldn’t care, I have no idea where the money goes because every Jehovah church I’ve ever seen (admittedly only 6 or so – but dotted around the country) literally have been like extended wooden shacks or a couple of porta-kabins stuck together!

If then spend more than £50 quid a year on their upkeep I’d be amazed! There’s a rabbit off somewhere in that set-up! Even the watchtower only has a 2 amp energy saver bulb in it these days!



“Yes Johnny.”

“If Jesus was here now, as a child, what do you think he’d be doing today, on Christmas day?”

“Well Johnny, I imagine he’d spend it spreading good will to all men, helping the poor and passing on much needed words of peace and happiness to all. Is that what you think too son?”

“Well I don’t know about that Dad, but I reckon he’d be playing the fuck out of Black Ops on his new PS4 like Charlie is next door!”

Nominated by: Rebel without a Cunt!

117 thoughts on “Jehovah Witnesses

  1. I’d like to cunt the additional two year ‘transitional’ period now tagged on to prevent us ever leaving the EU. Treacherous bastards.

  2. Correct me if i’m wrong, but haven’t several other EU countries had their own referendums, where a majority “out” vote got ignored?
    I’d rather ask on here than google it, coz I don’t trust those cunts to tell the truth…

  3. If Trump was our PM there’s no fucking way he would display such faggotry. I’m fucking so speechless.

    • I’m so fucking furious. Theresa May hasn’t just bent over arsehole agape, but she’s practically taken the poppers and handed the KYJelly to Juncker.

      Let the monumental arsefucking of Britain begin.

    • Give me Trump any day C&R , he shoots from the hip and what you see is what you get unlike most slimy politicians

  4. Just whipped up a bunch of calzones and by whipped up I mean slaved away in the kitchen for 2 hours, its fucking tiring work I tell you

    • Two hours?
      You should have made a lasagne. Tastes the same and a lot easier.

      I made a Quorn lasagne yesterday, and apart from cooking out the sauce and oven time, the prep was about twenty minutes. And that, apart from the Quorn and pasta sheets, was all raw ingredients.

      Two hours?
      I’ll send my mate Jamie round to show you how to get it done quicker. He does talk a lot though, so just nod along.

      • Well I dunno I wasn’t slow, there was just lots to do. Make the dough (all that entails), cut up vegetables mushrooms, tomato, green pepper, pepperoni, and grate mozzarella considering the prep and amount I made… I’d say 2 hours is neither fast nor slow just about right

      • Ah well, if you made your own pasta, two hours is quick.

        In the mid nineties i went to night school and gained NVQ levels 2&3 in catering. Making my own pasta was the only thing i hated.
        Its not hard just tedious, so since then I’ve just bought it.

        I got the NVQ’s as i had a pipe dream of opening my own chain of snack bars selling good hearty home cooked grub, but never got round to it.
        Waste of a good few hundred quid and every Monday and Wednesday evening for two years.
        I also learned some butchery, but please don’t tell the animals.

      • Any time is right…
        Just make sure there’s adequate liquor for the chef…

        I remember one of my best lasagnes ever, when I was living in Switzerland. Got well tanked up on the chianti, and ex, who is a complete freak for pasta, said “Let’s finish it off”.We did, with more chianti.
        About 2 hours later, I went to do the washing up.
        Farted loudly, and the ensuing steaming pile nearly cracked the floor tiles.
        It hadn’t even touched the sides.

  5. I love jehovas, as they actually come to your own house for abuse, rather than having to put yourself out by going to them. Apparently, according to these slow witted shit sticks, there is room for 117000 people in heaven. If you’ve ever seen a watchtower cover, you can see why. Every cunt seems to have an estate the size of Longleat, complete with a lion in the garden, and a party going on that looks like a retarded version of a Benetton ad, or any ad these days, come to think of it. 117000. That’s quite a specific number. So, I’d imagine it’s pretty booked up by now. Not to worry though, once the rapture happens, all the non JW cunts will be murdered, and the JWs that don’t get into heaven inherit what’s left of earth, which I imagine to be a sort of mad max scenario. I think the rapture was due in 1980, so 1981 came as a bit of a shock to them. Undeterred, they said it was the year after, then the year after that, blah blah blah. I love it when these bellends turn up at my door, because it’s one of the only times you can feel good about mocking the mentally retarded.

  6. A bit of light relief – after Theresa Cunting May’s disastrous fucking capitulation in Europe, the foreskin-eyebagged shitcunt…

    According to some bullshit competition or other reported in the Al-BBC, Slough has been declared the best place to work and live in the UK, accounting for combined cost of living and number of jobs. Yes, Slough. Joined in the top 5 by Stoke and Swindon. I shit you not.

    Let’s skip the predictable gags relating to David Brent and Betjeman’s famous ‘bombs fall on Slough’ poem, and instead let’s get straight to business – I have unleashed curlers with more aesthetic appeal than Slough. I have no idea who the fuck was judging this competition – didn’t Slough gain infamy for all those immigrant bed-in-sheds?

    …Sorry, I can’t really stop myself going back to Theresa May. What an absolute fucking cunt.

    • Hey I’m from Stoke and 15yrs ago it was voted the worst place to live by Experian (and them via the latest mosaic coding information).

      Stoke was never going to be prettiest city in the world but it was always industrious and fairly affluent with a good mining and steel-working community.

      Scargill single-handedly fucked the mining industry over (any cunt who disagrees, where was the ballot? OK now that’s settled, fuck off) and steel was soon to follow.

      But the biggest disgrace of all was the industry that gave “The Potteries” it’s name, the ceramics industry.

      At the time when Rover was going to go bump (early noughties) Tony (mutha-fucking, treacherous, murdering, country selling-outing to the EU, CUNT!) Blair was all over it because there was 10,000 associated jobs in peril at Rover across greater Birmingdrabad.

      What no fucking cunt, not even the LABOUR (yes LABOUR) fucking cunt MP bastard twats of Stoke would mention (in the era of “New Labour” – or as I call it the “fuck the working man, they’ll still vote for us – doss cunts!” era) mentioned was the fact that 15,000 jobs were lost in the ceramics industry over that same period.

      However, as it was a constant reduction of 500 here and 1,000 there, no one gave a flying fuck but because Rover was 10,000 in one go, Blair got involved personally so that he could appeal/virtue signal to the “working man” who the cunt actually despised with a passion! Fucking cunt!

      So any cunt daring to state that Stoke is one of the best places to live/work is a liar of universal proportions!

      The only thing rarer than a job in Stoke is a Father figure (yep for about 5yrs running Stoke had the highest rate of teenage pregnancy – and underage pregnancy to boot – in the whole of Europe).

      So don’t tell me it’s a great place to live, if it was so great I wouldn’t have left the cunt in the first place! But I’m fucking glad I did because areas like Cobridge and Etruria (or Eritrea as we used to nickname the cunt) are nowt almost exclusively “peaceful” and those cunts can fuck off too!

      • Well, at least you have the parasitic Bet365 to create a few jobs.

        Kind of sums up the UK really, lose jobs in productive industries, coal, steel, ceramics etc and replace them with parasitic entities. Rather like politics in a way.

    • Surly the BBC are taking the piss??
      Next week they will be telling us Hastings is more beautiful than curaçao??
      Or how nundreds of people have moved from Barcelona to Bradford??
      Quite frankly the BBC can go fuck itself!!! 😡

    • People REALLY need to take care with sunglasses…
      Diddler Savile was a case in point.

      I wonder what Junckunt, Verminhofstadt and May the EU knobgobbler wear.

      Come to think of it, are the cunts ever seen in daylight ?

      • I remember that other U2 ubercunt, The ‘Hedge’ saying ‘It’s not that you wear sunglasses… It’s the type of sunglasses that you are wearing…’ Typical a-hole rock star shite..

        I also remember when the U2 video for that ‘Sweetest Thing’ bollocks came on our telly… Bonio’s Mastiff-like Mrs (aka ‘Don’t you know who I am?! I’m Bonio’s wife, you peasants!’) appeared at the start of the video, and I can still see my late father saying as looked at the screen with contempt: ‘Who the fuck’s that ugly cunt?…’

  7. Theresa May and Jehovah’s have quite a lot in common when nit picking the clauses of ever dependent masses. In tandem with glorification, the treadmill or not will live on in hearts and minds of people forgotten. Likewise, the compendium of the first time to be able to do it would have been sent via email and then we can get back to the intended recipient.
    Those who know, know what is the first time to do it would have been in the first day and then you can get back in this troubadour esq band of marauding cunts.
    I for one have had enough for one. The true but fake brotherhood has created a destiny that could not have been foresaw in the knowledge that it can or cannot. The reason behind this is, in my opinion, the real reason as known by the knowledgeable few who seek to find.
    The worst offenders being May and Jehovah’s. Whilst this country is being thrown to the dogs, its worth pointing out the equilibrium of the penchant for power was not left wanton on the head masters of true freedom, leadind to its own extinction and end.

    Tough to take i know but that’s what i believe to be so.


    Fucked in Florence

    Could the sirens sound more strident? May has spoken in Florence and the fate orf poor Blighty is laid oit clear and crystal. We are to be buggered, shafted and fucked.
    Once again the Hunch Back orf Downing Street has proved herself no Margaret Thatcher who battled the graft and incest orf the EU and achieved long term meaningful reforms for Blighty in the snarling teeth orf the bureaucrats orf Brussels. Teetering orn her kitten heels, May, the old crooked back boiler, is twisted and guided by the malicious Sir Humphreys orf the Civil Service and, desperate sad day, the traitors within the Tory Party. Compared to May, Merkel looks like a Berliner sex bombe.

    To mark the cards orf more callow cunters, the concept orf a European Trading Zone was dreamed up by Sir Winston after the war and backed by the Yanks. Churchill had saved De Gaul’s jambon many times during the war and considered him a friend so went to him first with the idea. Naturally old gallic conk poo pooed anything not orf his own creation so bided his time and then went running around Europe drumming up support for “his” brain wave. This became the Coal and Steel Community which Blighty was specifically not invited to join. To give them their due both the Belgians and the Dutch objected, thinking it a very rum show to cold shoulder Blighty who had recently given its all to save the world.

    This then morphed into the EEC which Blighty subsequently applied to join in 1961 and was then most perfidiously black balled by old frog conk in league with the Blighty hating Kraut arse snake Konrad Adenauer. Recall as if it were yesterday the shameful headlines “De Gaul Says Non” (14th Jan 1963). Sir Winston stabbed in the back once again. Worth noting that the running boy for Blighty in this farrago was Edward Heath who likewise was shafted by old garlic breath whose principal object was to achieve French domination orf Europe.

    Fast forward to 1973 and after many endless loop negotiations now PM Edward Heath will accept any crapola terms just to get in. Heath gets the bums rush and successor Wilson offers a referendum on membership in which he prudently stays out of the picture (unlike cunt Cameron). Re the crap terms we have been playing catch up ever since and eventually it’s the vote to fuck orfski.

    As both De Gaul and Thatcher demonstrated the only way to get a halfway decent deal is to negotiate like a wog camel trader backed up by all the hit men in Sicily. Total intransigence is the only way to handle the fuckers. Yet May has already let most orf Europe sniff her knickers and park its bikes in her fanny. Easy or what?

    • Still fucking incensed over yesterday’s fucking debacle.

      I don’t even know why I am surprised – long gone are the days of any political conviction, or Thatcher swinging handbags at cunts like Kohl; instead, yesterday we got another modern-day Tory masterclass in pleasing all people except the majority of the British electorate. In one fell fucking swoop, May has placated the EU shitheels and to a significant the cunt remainers. A royal fuck you to the voters who instigated an opportunity for real change.

      The whole thing since June 2016 has been handled like a fucking Laurel & Hardy feature farce; this of course being the apt conclusion.

      May gets my vote for cunt of the year hands down – fucks up the election, then bends over for the micrococks of Europe to gangbang the UK into fucking oblivion

      You fucking hunchbacked, clueless shitcunt. Deserves to be beaten to death with her own stinking kitten heels.

  9. Was this the plan all along? Fuck up the GE 2017, keep a lame duck PM and use an already unpopular cunt like May to deliver the shittest of shit Brexit deals?

    Although I don’t see anyone of PM calibre amongst the Brexiters, I will never, ever understand the logic of putting a remainer in charge of the country at this time. Yes, I fucking know May won’t be solely responsible for yesterday but the cunt demonstrated the complete lack of political conviction by capitulating so badly. Fucking CUNT!!!!

    • Brexit waters so badly muddied now, almost zero chance of getting independence back on track.

      Hard not to conclude that’s been their plan ever since posh pig-fucker Dave spinelessly left us in the lurch.

    • TECB,
      Once again you are most surely right on this one.
      I think loads of us here have always suspected that we were going to be stitched-up into a particularly rank-smelling bodybag.
      And it’s all gone according to their cuntitudinous plans.

      Might almost believe that Outside Bog’s bizzare comments on abortion were all part of the plot too, as, as you have pointed out, where is anyone of PM calibre to lead the Tories now.
      Whatever BoJo’s qualities, he really has a MASSIVE image problem.
      Gove and IDS are non-starters.
      The electorate would be more likely to vote for Kid Mong Ill II in a pink pvc gimpsuit.

  10. If all she was going to do was hoist a white flag up a pole she could have done it outside NO 10!! What’s with the big Florence fiasco???
    Interfuckingvention my arse
    In boxing parlance TKO referee stop the contest with mrs May unable to defend herself……
    Although Maggie had many faults she would have fronted up those EU fuckwits!!………,,

  11. EMERGENXY CUNTING Sadiq Khan.Thinks uber is not safe so shuts it down? OK then: Apply that logic to mosques you vile little pip squeak of a cunt. FUCK OFF!

  12. I am very unhappy with the current state of affairs regarding the EU. May I suggest a mass suicide of the Cabinet.?

  13. Noting May’s Florence speech quoted ‘about two years’ for the transitional arrangement.

    Two years will soon have a device for extension after extension of time. Eventually it will become the case where Brexit is so diluted it won’t happen. During this two years, I trust that does not restrict the UK from entering trade deals with non EU countries. If it does, you know that May has well and truly fucked over the majority.

    She deserves a kitten heel jamming in her rectum.

    • Everything May touches turns to shit. Andrea Leadsom would have been an inspired choice by comparison. And a proper Brexiteer, of course.

      Same as when David Davis ran against Cameron in Conservative leadership election 2005. Who did the Tories go for? The wrong one. (Davis would also have promised a referendum).

  14. Brexit negotiations. Walk away. Give the actual elected politicians in Europe time to ponder the outcome to their economies and reconsider using unelected shitstains to call the shots.

  15. The Jehovah’s Witnesses are 42 karat nutjobs and total cunts, but I would still rather have them in Blighty than those camelbuggering muslamist human filth or those scowling, all got a walking stick, benefits sucking, blagslag bogo-bogo africunts….

  16. These wretches seem to operate as a legitimate charity. Bollocks, a charity is a bloke in a Sally Army uniform handing out soup to a poor fucker in a cardboard box at Xmas – not a bunch of smug, deluded, smartly dressed kids rocking up on your doorstep asking YOU for donations. Top cunting.

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