Comic relief (4)

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Be fair… it’s shit isn’t it?

Every year the chuggers wheel out a load a load of puerile, cheap telly courtesy of the BBC. It ain’t funny, it’s just a load of people arsing about to part us from our hard earned cash. Nationalised chugging persuading us to give money to spongers, third world dictators and people in famine and war zones breeding children when they should know better. How do they manage it? Anorexics don’t have children – their bits shut down. So how the fuck do they manage it in these third world shit holes?

Sir Lenny fucking Henry FFS! The only knighthood he should be have would be one to keep his ears warm in bed.

Rant over. Won’t be watching. Won’t be donating. If everybody did the same, we could get shot of this crap once and for all!

Nominated by Dioclese

As if we don’t pay enough in taxes in contributions to the overseas aid budget It’s that time of year again when the biggest bunch of left-on virtue seeking wankers appears on our screens and airways, telling us to part with even more of our hard earned… crowds of nobs drive their cars around with stupid plastic appendages attached to the grill and others dress in fancy dress crap or bake cakes for ‘good causes’. Cunts one and all.

A quick look at the Red Nose Day website shows you those ‘good causes’ there’s a picture of ….lots of little sambos all smiling like heavenly angels for the camera, with a ginger cunt (Cordon?) but you can just see in reality the little peaceful ones are really thinking, I wish my brother mustapha had returned with the AK47 sooner…

The website even have the balls to tell you they are making a difference in the UK and Africa. FFS what is this obsession with helping the lazy good for nothing sand wogs and jungle bunnies. We tried for years – but you can’t help those that don’t help themselves. Why don’t we learn.?

And if that’s not bad enough the Beebistan Broadcasting Caliphate are using our licence fee money to run adverts promoting the whole sordid event every time there is a gap in programmes. The latest I heard on the radio this morning tells me to tune in Friday for hours of comic fun and entertainment. Really??? I’d have More fun pulling me own nasal hair.

The whole advert thing was scripted around ‘Sir Lenny Henry and invites us to enjoy the evening with the likes of Jo fatty Brand, that bird that was once in Doctor Who – Cunthrine Tait the oh ‘so funny’ mincing Grahcunt Nortone and Uber Cunt Russell Bland….

Hell of night that’s gonna be, fat dykes, gay Iorish fellas and a long haired tallentles uber cunt… Think I’ll spend my cash on a whiskey or too, so I can cultivate my own red nose.

Cunts.

Nominated by Leonardo di Cunty

69 thoughts on “Comic relief (4)”

  1. Live in a war zone, 3 year drought, famine & disease….lets have a few more kids. They don’t need new schools or medicine just a shit load of rubbers.

    The real suffering is going on over here with Comic Relief taking over, aint watching that fat cunt Brand who’s got a face like a pork scratching or turd burgling Norton, leave it to the gullible cunts to be guilt tripped into handing over their hard earned green.

    • And it’s on until 2:30 tomorrow morning ffs!

      Obviously going for the prefuelled Friday night piss artists. Pledge them £50,000 and send them fuck all. That’ll piss ’em off…

      • I recently googled to find out how much is raised Globally for charitable causes. The United Kingdom gathers in nearly 35 billion pounds in donations ( all charities ) and the USA some 44 billion dollars. I could not find out the Global amount, but it is likely to be a horrendous sum of money. If all this cash is flowing year by year into noble causes, then we are fucked! There is still poverty, still wars and still fucking disease. Suki only want £2 per fucking month for a drink of water, and she is still drinking buffaloe piss by the bucket load.

        Saami, can’t see fuck all coz his £3 didn’t reach the hospital, and the poor fucker is still to this very day bumping into fucking trees in the jungle.

        If the UK can suck up such huge sums of cash ( each and every year ) why are people still in want?

        Greasy cunts like the Milliband “International Rescue” would rather spend £85000 buying 30.000 life jackets to stage a show in front of the cameras outside parliament.

        Red fucking Nose Day is a big fucking con that helps the luvvies and their assorted arsehole followers masturbate each others fucking ego’s. Don’t be taken in by this pap. Its all shite.

        And by the way, that fucking snow leopard that you can adopt has been on that same fucking ledge for the last 22 years. Has it written to me yet!? Has it fuck.

      • I knew there had to be an upside to living on a small rock in the South Pacific Ocean.

        I get to avoid shit like Comic Relief 😀😀😀😀😀

  2. Aw FUCK!! Won’t be able to stomach watching 1 second of that overbearing, insufferable and FAKE compassion filled tear flooded SHITE. That’s why they pick these cunt actors to go on holiday over to these shit hole places. Director:- ‘And cry’……. ‘Cut’ ‘That’s a rap everybody lets go get fucking trashed’.
    Hammy cunts.

  3. The Tinkerbells won’t be able to stay up too late watching this pathetic shit because they have to get up early to join the big anti-brexit march tomorrow. Yes, that’s right, after an evening crying about the poor and oppressed in other countries they’re going to try and fuck up the poor and oppressed in this country. What a delicious irony…but I doubt if any of these thick wankers can see it. I’ll be there, of course, wrapped in an EU flag and posting selfies to my friends Tristan, Jemimah and Candice-Marie. They’ll be well jell!

    • I would hope to fuck that some cunt in power has the balls to tell these cunts they can go fuck themselves. A march following the recent events is in very poor taste! If they dont ban it, could they at least re-route said march through the Central Mosque…and provide a bacon butty to each participent.

    • He only became a Muslim because of racists in his village, I shit you not I read it on the BBC.

      Translates into it is white peoples fault.

      • It doesn’t stop there, race now includes people from another country, for example you are racist if you don’t like Poles. The word has become so overused it has become meaningless. Some would dismiss this as being “only” semantics, but if words loose their meaning, how are we to communicate?

        It also does no good what so ever to those who are genuinely suffering from racist abuse.

      • Yep….that right skid.Us Newcastle Lads hate fucking Makims ( they hate us too ) and we are all now racial bigots. Im both a racist , and a victim of racism. ?Queer isn’t it. ( Oh shite…I never meant to say queer…)

      • according to the paper he changed his name to masood (a pretty good indication he’d converted to muzzie) after he came back from ISIS Central Office (Saudi Arabia) in 2010

  5. After this weeks heinous crimes in London, these snowfalke celebricunt libmongs will have the brass bollocks to ask us ‘riff-raff’ to dig deep for the Croydon mob, boxing clubs for towlhead wimmin, keep some muzzie who was shot by their own kind in luxury in our country, and other assorted ‘vulnerable’ sandspades and ‘refugees’…

    And a pound to a penny and as sure as shite is shat, the ABBC’s golden calf, Nadiya, will ‘brighten up’ proceedings tonight…

  6. Christ, is that on again? I don’t mind helping people but we’ve had 30 fucking years of this shit.

    Show them how to mend their own plumbing and leave them to it. It would have been cheaper if Lenny Henry had built a fucking pipeline from his kitchen to various destinations in Africa than him can rattling every 2 years. The cunt.

    • Lenny Henry a cunt? Never thought of that, I always considered him to be a wanked out useless unfunny arsehole.

  7. It’s turning into a busy week over at the bleeding hearts club, first up a cheeky candlelit vigil (hosted) by slippery citizen khan, who spun out his United Nation solidarity nonsense to the predominantly foreign London audience …
    Next up an evening so excruciating painful to watch it should carry a government health warning!!
    And if by Saturday you still haven’t had your fill of artificially induced mourning, begging, holding a fuckin candle etc etc you can bimble down to London and show the world your really do care by expressing Love and solidarity for the festering pile of steaming shite called the EU….
    The people killed deserve a whole lot more than empty words and a candlelit vigil….. 😡

  9. When they do the cut-aways to rend the heart strings as we’re told of more 7hr walks just to get a glass of water that a heard of bison have just shat in please take note of how many “men folk” are in shot.

    If it’s Tom Piddleston doing the shilling, he will be the only bloke in shot.

    The men folk are there (purposely out of camera shot – courtesy of the Appeasing Broadcasting Califate) but usually adorning an AK-47 and a couple of ammo bandoleros.

    Comic Relief is the epitome of insanity: repeating the same thing every couple of years over-and-over again and expecting a different result.

    M’Tembe was licking out of a puddle 2yrs ago, he’ll be licking out of a puddle today, and he’ll be licking out of a puddle in 2yrs time – unless he’s reached the young age of 30 and has made his way to the Calais jungle in his Kangol jacket, holding his iPhone 7+, waiting his turn to enter Fantasy Island as a undocumented child in order to become a “productive” member of British society.

    —–

    P.S. The ABBC have now downgraded Wednesday’s attack as an “SAV”. On smarmy Nicky Cuntbell’s show this acronym was being used in sentences like…

    “Yes but with SAVs of this nature…”

    “There could be several independent SAVs but that is not the same as an orchestrated attack…”

    Yes, so Wednesday’s “peaceful” murder spree has now been downgraded to a Single Act of Violence perpetrated by a bloke from Kent.

    You are utter cunts BBC! And fuck Red Nose Day! Cunts!

    • t’s that time of year again, the period just before the financial year starts in April, so the BBC need to put on some ‘charity’ events for tax evasion purposes. Is it any wonder Red Nose day is conviently in March?

      They can go fuck themselves, they are sitting on piles of dosh from previous years creaming off the interest, and of course the BBC take a huge slice for ‘administration purposes’

      I’ll donate £50,000 if Jeremy Clarkson punches Tess Daley, Amanda Holden, Lenny Henry, Fearne Cotton & every freeloading celeb who appears on the show ‘live’ tonight…

    • You know that, I know that, everyone with sense knows that…but you’ll never hear it on the ABBC.

      Fox News called it an “Islamist Terrorist Attack”. That’s what it is so fuck you ABBC!

  10. Fuck me! The only SAV I know is what you have with a bag of chips at chucking out time. Oh….and a pickled onion goes down nicely. I’ll fucking give it a swerve tonight and send the money to Lenny fucking Henry. I wonder if the cunt donated any of the dough he gets for promoting that two bob hotel chain?

  11. Sometimes it’s surprisingly difficult to get a donation to a charity via the telephone.

    I called to make a donation to the Paranoia Society and was greeted with…

    “Where the fuck did you get this number?”….

  12. Heard Biggins is gonna do a special with a red nose,I think its gonna be how many he can stick up his shit scoop in under a minute.

  13. I’ve just been reading in the local paper about the high school sending out letters to all the parents urging them to sign up to donate money to cover a £500k shortfall in their funding caused by “government cuts.”….Further in the paper is an itinary of all the “fun events” planned for Red Nose Day.

    How fucking ridiculous,raising money to send to a bunch of lazy,stupid parasites while their own school apparently needs money to avoid having to cut activities and subsidise teaching posts.

    We’ve had 30 years of emotional blackmail regarding famine in Africa Millions of pounds wasted,and yet the cunts are in exactly the same predicament as when all this “Charidee” shit started,it wouldn’t matter how much was spent,the fuckers are too backward to survive. Nature thins out the weak because they ARE weak. In the same way as the runt in a litter is allowed to starve,so we should let nature take it’s course regarding these sub-human parasites.As a breed they are too retarded to be able to survive under their own steam,so we might as well just let them die out,they’ll be no loss.

    Red Nose Day is nothing but a vehicle for self-aggrandizing,second-rate,virtue signalling, “celeb” fools to hoodwink an ignorant,weak,pathetic generation into handing over cash just so that they can all congratulate each other on how “caring” and “socially-aware” they imagine they themselves to be.

    I’ve never given a penny to Red Nose Day,Comic Relief,etc. and I loose any respect for anyone who has participated or donated. The sooner a natural disaster wipes those creepy,snivelling, mewling gollies off the face of the Earth,the better.I had high hopes for Aids or Ebola,but they let me down. Hopefully, if nature can’t complete the job, some scientist will create a virus capable of an Extinction-Level plague.

    • When there are no sick people in this country waiting for an operation, when there are no old folk living in poverty, that’s when I’ll donate money for African children.
      On reflection, no I won’t, I’ll give them fuck all.

    • Ebola and AIDS would thin the herd quite nicely across the entire planet. But Western medical intervention has prevented it. For every disease there is (more or less) a cure, or at least life prolonging treatment.

      Africa would have been purged generations ago, if it weren’t for some cunt, desperate for professional recognition, creating the drug that cures the diseased cunts.

  14. Please give generously or poor little Nswab won’t be able to build his first improvised road side explosive device.

    This red nose stuff makes me sick to my mother fucking core.

  15. The skinny jigaboos will never learn to stand on their own two feet and become a civilized functioning society. As long as they continue to fuck up their own countries whilst doing their best with ours too there will always be gullible,right on cunts who are all over it like an American at an ‘all you can eat’ BBQ.

    Tonight is going to be as predictable as Magdonna going to a Malawi orphanage and bagging herself another couple of Third World accessories.Geldof will probably be cryogenically frozen so the smelly fucker can be defrosted and continue to lecture us in 200 years time when absolutely fuck all will have changed.

  16. Hey with out all that money we have sent over the last 30s they never would have been able to buy there AK47s and continue to be warlords and slaughter each other . Money well well spent i feel.

  17. This Red Nose stuff is bollocks. Geldof and Bonio made poverty history years ago. And supplied warlords into the bargain. I sniff a conspiracy.

  19. I’ve been avoiding the TV like the plague for the last 48 hors so I wonder if anyone can tell me, has the BBC, Sky, C4 or ITV broadcast this quote from Turkey’s dictator in chief, Erdogan?

    “no European in any part of the world can walk safely on the streets.”

    This from the very day people walking the streets of London were attacked and killed by an islamic terrorist. You would have thought it was quite pertinent, wouldn’t you? Islamist dictator warns of violence on the very day an islamist terrorist carries out mass murder on a European street. You would have thought this would be front and centre, wouldn’t you?

    I wonder if Trump had said the same thing what the response would have been?

    • Everything you say is completely true, Mike. But my question was; why aren’t the MSM plastering this story all over their coverage of the (latest) London islamic terror attack?

      We all know the MSM as completely fair and unbiased and not at all in the pockets of the ruling elite, so why should they completely ignore what seems to me to be a huge story? Its a real head scratcher.

  21. Please could I nominate the “babyboomer” generation. Not every single one of them but to be honest, most of them. These are people born between 1945 & 1960 and for a variety of reasons over the years many seem to have become complete cunts. They have lived their lives during the fastest and most sustained rise of living standards in history, benefitted from both free higher education and healthcare, bought their first houses for £15000 (5 times average earnings in 1975) & now worth 20 times that ( & 12 times average earnings for someone starting out now). They’ve benefitted from generous final salary pension schemes and investments that actually paid more that inflation, and for many years a lot more. Thats all fair enough until these selfish arrogant fuckers tell you it was all their own “hard work” and they deserve it all. Nothing to do with the sacrifices of the wartime generation, nothing to do with the ideas or entrepeneurship, hard graft and diminishing opportunities of generation X or just being in the right place at the right time. Do they fancy spreading their good fortune around a bit? Oh no, its all about them them them. Now of course that they are approaching old age suddenly there are cries of “There’s no decent social care!! Pay for our social care!! We are babyboomers we must be given everything we demand !!” They didn’t give a toss when they stuck their granny or Mum or Dad in a fetid old folks home did they? Oh no, but of course they are the “special” ones aren’t they? They really do think so, just ask one of them. On top of all that so many of them are fat. Don’t even get me started on fat people, thats another group of selfish cnuts if ever there was one. Fat people are kind and jolly? Whenever someone says that I laugh so hard I have to check my pants afterwards. Rant over.

    • Right on point, they forget in their time they could afford to have a family of five with only one minimum wage salary ( the father) now that salary can’t even get you to the end of the month on your own alone.
      Still act like total cunts telling you that they had it worst, fuck them , cunts!!

    • Spot on about social care and all that, my mother goes on about todays generation not caring for the elderly.

      I asked her to name one person out of the hundreds she knows of her age (70), neighbours and all that, colleagues , fucking anyone who has had their elderly parents living with them.

      25 mins later she said Shaun Hopkins is kind to his mum…that was fucking it.

    • Pleased you did not nominate me cos I would very much have to take issue. I agree many are cunts but thats the norm for most age groups. While some members of my age group benefitted from free higher education I was benefitting from very little, in the army. Free at source healthcare saved my life twice (lucky me) so I am a big fan of NHS and MOD medical services. Hard work and previous ill health caused by hardwork killed all my grandparents long before they needed nursing homes, did very little for my parent’s either. My pension is worth half of fuck all I do not own my house and my inherited car will soon be on ebay so it aint all fucking roses if you were born before 1960 in fact somedays are really shite.

  22. Went to an Ethiopian rave last night…..no music, just toast stapled to the ceiling….

  23. DVD for me tonight, not watching this fucking shit, especially if king of Cunts Russell Brands lurking about on it, why don’t they just send a load of contraceptives to these God forsaken places with starvation and the so-called celebritys just write cheques out each and save everyone 8 hours of complete SHAT.

  24. Michael Hesslecunt just became front runner for cunt of the year 2017.
    He’s just said that brexit is like letting Germany win world war 2.
    CUNT!

  25. The first year that comic grief came out, I was in first year of high school.

    I sent of for a collectors pack that included a red nose and documentation stating I was collecting money legit.

    I sellotaped the document onto a large tub, put my red nose on and went round all the houses to collect the biggest pile of sweety money I had ever seen.

    Later on I realised I stole from people rather than comic grief, but surely it better going to a dishonest Brit rather than a dishonest desert dweller.

    Me and my mates would also split into two groups, equipped with Stanley blades to see who could collect the most red noses off the front of cars.

    I wasn’t the most honest kid. 🙂

  26. Lord Haw Haw Heseltine. Like the original this traitorous cunt needs his neck stretching.

  27. Christ is it tonight? I’ve avoided this wankfest for years and intend to continue in that fine tradition. However, so the SJW’s will not feel left out, I will donate to construct a 50 foot high wall protected by minefields and guns all around Africa (and I’m rapidly getting alongside the idea of including the Sand Wogs and Pakis too). The wall to remain for 50 years, Nothing goes in and definitely not coming out. After 50 years, knock down the wall and look for the 50 survivors. I’ve had a guts full of “water aid” and the like, they can nick AK47’s and the like, find some bloody pipes and get them connected, it’s not rocket science Kunta!

  28. That beetroot bonced chimp, Sheeran is going to be doing his piss poor Leo Sayer impersonations on Cuntic Relief… A definite reason to avoid….

  29. 30 years and over a billion pounds raised for Comic Relief and still they can’t drink clean water in certain countries. So fuck you Lenny Henry you unfunny cuntilingus, I will never ever give a penny to any charity that can’t or won’t sort out the most basic of needs.

  30. Hmmm, I’m loving the look of that porridge with sultanas & raisins in it…

    …oh wait! Shit! The sultanas & raisins have just flown off!!!

    Still no sign of “men folk” I see. Just come down forra beer and rest of the family are lapping up this shite! Poor misguided cunts!

    And I already have a block on high tariff texts on all of my phones (me, Mrs and two kids), so no “TEXT CUNT” to donate £5 pounds to M’Tembe’s village from this household.

    Sorry M’Tembe but that fiver is going on a small bag of baccy or “3 for £5” strong ales. Hope your puddle doesn’t dry up son.

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