Pretentious Interior Design

Laurence Llewlyn Bowen

The adjectives “accent” and “statement” (especially when applied to “interior design”)… These two words really need to be CUNTED right out of our solar system.

For a start, meaningless, pretentious bollocks. Just wtf is, eg, an “accent chair”?? Anyone fancy a fake babyshit-brown leather one from DFS? Lovely…I’ll have one with a cunting scouse “accent”, like Cilla’s nasal, adenoidal whine.

As for “statement”, Oliver and Tamsin spent 300 quid a roll on their “statement” wallpaper. Only one statement necessary here…your wallpaper says you’re total jerks…

Nominated by: HBelindaHubbard

22 thoughts on “Pretentious Interior Design

    • That a liverpool crackhouse? dosser chic is dosser shite.
      Does this dosser chic come with free bedbugs Limpy? a bloody bargain indeed

      • Actually no, it’s one orf the little bijou bungalows I let oit furnished on me estate. Had Madonna and Bono stay (but keep it to yourself).

      • And you let them live? A convenient “hunting accident” would be a gift to Humanity…

    • I Googled George Clark sounding like a prick, and I arrived here. Now let me have my say…

      Listening to George Clark makes me want to kill myself. I feel he is a fake slut that doesn’t mean well in any of his lines regarding clients architecure. The only amazing space he can comment on is between his ears. It’s a void. I’m not happy. I’m intrigued by his show like a guilty pleasure and cold turkey every he opens his whorish mouth.

  1. This particular cunting reminds me of the Steptoe & Son classic, ‘Divided We Stand’… Harold is being a pretentious cunt: as he thinks that putting up flock wallpaper and painting wedgewood blue on the ceiling will transform the Steptoes’ shithole of a home…

    • Mustn’t forget the “Etruscan red”… JC, that was REAL comedy…
      One of the best Indian restaurants I went to in Leicester (in the late 80s) had flock wallpaper, but unusually it was blue, and used very sparingly (a long time before they’d have paid any “designer” for advice. It was probably a job lot, along with the Joanna and the gilt standard lamp). Said resto was also the site of my only Tindaloo experience (yes, Tindaloo)… thought my bloody inner tube was going to go into orbit! Truly a Mr. Hastings event…

  2. Will someone tell that cunt Kevin McCloud that knocking up some cement and laying some bricks is not a “journey of discovery” …it’s a wall.
    And the cunt George Clarke…..stop saying the word “space” every other fucking sentence.
    Designer cunts.

    • I annoy my wife when either of these two housey cunts are on, that is, how long before George or Kevin say “off grid” or “sustainable”. Guaranteed it will be under five minutes before the cunts will. Aargh, cunts the pair of them!

      • Hey Gutstick – I noticed the same thing with Gordon Ramsey. I used to get a chuckle out of his ‘don’t give a fuck what you think’ Restaurant Nightmares programme until I noticed that literally every episode he’d describe the new menu as “rustic”. It got so bad that I wanted to punch the telly, but decided to not watch him anymore instead. It was cheaper that way.

      • I hoped that with Ramsey in the US, he would make some twat go to cry who would then redecorate their kitchen using a pump shotgun on the pillock. He must have some burly SWAT guys off camera. I live in hope though! ?

      • Saw the Ramsey cunt filming doin orn the south coast. Quite a short arse in built up boots and an overlarge flying jacket. Inches orf slap to try and fill in his wrinkles. Had no less than four large goons minding him. Total tosser.

  3. This kenyan ivory thing is mongy shite, I understand they are burning the ivory as protesting elephant extinction and deaths. Why would the kenyans bother burning it though? doesn’t make sense that’s £68MILLION gone up in smoke from all those elephants who were brutally slaughtered.

    Various Wildlife groups have been warning africa to stop killing elephants for fucking decades but their corrupt politicians (international too) has been doing nothing some kenyan politicians have even been caught taking hush money.

    Burning 68 million will only prove they can burn money which is what africa is bloody great at. Dumb elephant poaching cunts!
    Fun Fact: Kenya is the third most corrupt country in the world this ivory burning will do nothing it will only prove they are dumb corrupt wogs.

    • Just turn Africa over to its animal population, they can look after themselves. I quite like the idea of an elephant or two as pets, but chasing round with the necessary bag could be a bit of a bummer, and they’d fuck up the rhodedendrons something awful.

  4. Over here in Yankland we get a show called Love It or List It ( . Does this play in the UK? Anyway, a couple of mindless twats have a shit house that either needs some major renovating to make it workable or they need to move to a house more suited to their needs. The renovation has a budget paid for by the home owners which is squandered by some Canadian/Brit hag called Hilary Farr. Meanwhile some smarmy Yank cunt called David Visentin scopes out the neighbourhood looking for a house for the twats to move to. When the renovations are complete, the twat couple have to decide to ‘love it’ (i.e. stay in their house) or list it (i.e. move to one of the 3 houses Visentin had found for them).

    Why am I telling you this? Hilary Farr is one of the most annoying bastards on TV. She speaks with a British accent but is so rude, condescending and full of shit. Crap like, “Oh this entry way is really speaking to me” or “a kitchen island will lend space and atmosphere and really bring the family together”. It makes you want to scratch your eyes out and rip off your ears. It’s so bad that, as much as we all hate estate agents, David Visentin is infinitely preferable. And why do Yanks call it “real estate”? Is there an “imaginary estate” that I’m not familiar with? Cunts.

    • Not heard orf it but doubtless crap enough to end up over here one day. Followed the link and the Farr cunt is credited as canadian which explains much. Gave up trying to watch any orf the show because just kept getting endless rolling very yank crap advertising.

    • Yep, Annoying duo cunt Kirstie Allsop and Phil Spencer present it in the UK, so I feel your pain. In fact, I don’t think anyone can be as pious and irritating as that pair of cunts.

    • I don’t think Hilary Farr is a cunt. I actually quite like her on the show, and the results of her renovations/interior designs are stunning. But she might be considered a cunt if she is really a TRANNY and not admitting it. She has a great lady voice, but the rest of her … body, shoulders, face and hair .. appears quite trannyfied. Now David Visentin is definitely a cunt. His attitude toward his co-host Hilary is antagonistic and catty, and contemptuously shitty toward the clueless homeowners. And he looks funny, too.

  5. Is it just me?…but the way that Allslopp walks, some sort of pre-op tranny with its dick bandaged to its thigh…

  6. I recall that pretentious git llewellyn-bowen regularly producing something that looks more like a cross between MFI and a Turkish knocking shop. Only once apparently has the victim had the room revealed and gone “WTF have you done!” After these pretentious shites have been at a place you need a flamethrower rather than a blow torch although “getting Medieval on their ass” has a certain attraction were it not for the fact the cunts would probably enjoy it…
    At least with the gardening you can lay the foundations for the patio or decking and bring a new meaning to the term “supporting cast”.

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