Monthly Archives: March 2016

Tilda Swinton

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Tilda Swinton deserves a damn good cunting.

I detest actors who take themselves and their profession too seriously but she’s so far up her own arse she can watch you from behind her rat-face teeth.

Her nude scenes in The War Zone after having just given birth to twins have to be amongst the most distressing I’ve ever endured, and acting in a film with fellow up-his-own-arse cuntflap Ray Winstone is particularly unforgiveable.

This may have been forgotten but I recently watched a load of pretentious Italian cuntspittle called I Am Love starring guess who. In an interview about the film she used the word “milieu” about 15 times which caused my blood pressure to rise to stroke levels.

I managed to recover from that too but then read this interview on the BBC yesterday regarding her silent role in her latest wopfest of self-indulgence: “It was a time in my life when, for personal reasons, I was all out of words; I didn’t want to say anything,” Swinton elaborates. “I wanted to do the film though, and this was the only way I could make it happen.”

Just reading this self-indulgent tripe while I copied it has put me off my pancakes.

The best role for her would be in a documentary about an actress drowning in a boating accident on Lake Como or being blown up by an ISIS toddler.

Nominated by: Galted Asas

Donald Trump [2]

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Donald Trump is a cunt.

The reasons are self-evident. I could spray paint a piece of dog shit orange, draw an angry face on one side, stick a red toupe on the top, and it would look exactly like him, only better. And at least it would just sit there and stink, rather than stinking and making noise.

If he wins, I’m going to start a petition here in the US to become a British colony again, because clearly we’re not up to the task of self-government.

Nominated by: Dismayed American

(We don’t want you back! Ed.)

Bargain Hunt

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BBC Bargain Hunt - 21/7/2010

The BBC should do the decent thing and rename their lunchtime show Bargain Cunt.

Wonacott rarely fucking shows up these days, apparenlty because he’s had a row with the producers so they’ve booted him off the gravy train. I wonder if he twatted one of them like Clarkson (allegedly) did? Hope so, they probably deserved it. I think the real reason is because he’s busy helping the BBC rip off their other show (Antiques Roadshow vs Road trip, either way it’s fucking boring) or he’s at home dyeing his barnett an ever darker shade of ‘Raven’s Feather’ black…

So now we have to put up with the so-called array of ‘experts’ whose attempts at replicating Wonacott’s lively patter generally translates as bouncing around and grinning like they’ve shat a Faberge egg whilst managing to consistently buy any old shit for more money than anybody else will ever pay for it. There’s got to be some back-handers afoot here (it is the BBC)… I saw one show when a fucking dealer turned up at the auction and bought his own item back, for about £20 less than the contestants had paid him for it! Does the Beeb expect me to believe that this inner circle of junk-shop merchants aren’t all in it together? It all seems pretty fucking chummy to me.

Money for old rope. Literally.

Nominated by: Nickleby

Michael Parkinson [3]

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Parky deserves a serious cunting for fronting the Sun Life Guaranteed Over 50 Plan for so long.

Many people of a certain age trust Parky, so it’s a great choice for Sun Life. What the ill-informed cunts don’t realise is that these plans are one of the worst type of so-called investments that it is possible to make. “All we ask is that you keep paying your premiums for life, or your Plan will end and you’ll get nothing back”. “Depending on how long you live, you could pay in more than the cash sum paid out.” Cunts.

And don’t get me started on you get a free pen just for applying. That’s something you really need when you’re over 50, isn’t it. A fucking pen. Cunts.

But Parky gets the cunting for promoting it.

Nominated by: Pedro Almovar

Bob Monkhouse

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Bob Monkhouse. A smarmy cunt of the highest order.

Supposedly had hundreds of jokebooks compiled over his career. Pity they were all full of self effacing baron shite that wouldn’t even make a moron grin. All that “what….” after/ before getting to his dire punchlines and looking around for acceptance. Needs a punch up the throat even though the cunt is dead.

Good riddence to a dire excuse for a human piece of shite.

Nominated by: Dave Moor