Juries are cunts, as evidenced today by the failure to convict Rebekah Brooks, her husband Charlie, her PA Cheryl Carter and the News International Head of Security Mark Hanna.

Only a shit-for-brains cunt would fall for the idea that a national tabloid editor would never ask how stories were sourced or substantiated. Brooks told the court she was “more concerned with budgets” – but the slight hole in that defence is her failure to ask why they were paying arch-hacker Glenn Mulcaire over a hundred grand a year. GUILTY AS FUCK.

Charlie Brooks claimed he had hidden only his porn collection and a laptop containing a draft of his novel from the police. If this were really the case, how come the task of retrieving it fell to News International’s Head of Security? GUILTY AS FUCK.

When RB was arrested, Cheryl Carter took away storage cartons marked “Rebekah Brooks Notebooks” from the NI Storage Facility. She insists they had been incorrectly labelled and instead contained cuttings she, Carter, had written about health, beauty and lifetyle and which were vitally important to her own career. So vitally important in fact that she was never able to produce them, didn’t know where they were, and Plod couldn’t find them either. GUILTY AS FUCK.

And not only are juries cunts, but Plod has once again shown himself to be a massively inept, thoroughly corrupt cunt of the highest order: if Plod hadn’t continually tipped of the News of the World about the progress of the hacking investigation for so many years, if Plod hadn’t blunderd through it with his head up his arsehole taking bungs left right and centre, then Murdoch’s henchmen wouldn’t have had so much time to destroy evidence that would have seen this crew of cunts banged up. 24 carat cunts one and all.

Just imagine Murdoch’s smugness today. Tens of millions spent on legal teams for most of the defendants, the luxury of advance warning of the police investigation’s progress and months to destroy “millions of emails” (in Plod’s estimation), dozens of BlackBerrys and iPads, and plenty of other evidence too. The sooner that geriatric Antipodean scum snuffs it, the better.

Still, at least Andy Coulson will be joining his old pal Max Clifford on B Wing.

Nominated by: Fred West

6 thoughts on “Juries

  1. Sat on a jury many years ago. Some tosser flashing at student nurses. Tried to give him the benefit on the basis “there but for the grace orf go I” but was out voted. Recall how particularly polite the whole proceedings were. “Mr Tosser” this and “Mr Tosser” that and “would members orf the jury kindly refrain from” ect ect.

    With reference to the hacking farrago, problem is the rules of evidence are somewhat at variance with the laws of life. Unless the punter actually admits guilt then a clever brief can manipulate the rules and with a spot orf trial theatre can turn black to white and vice versa. Speak as one who has encountered the beak on certain occasions and always emerged smelling orf roses.

    Sir Limply’s tip orf the day: Never admit anything to anyone.

    • While at it a nomination before I burst a blood vessel:

      Harry Lineker – Son of a Cunt

      Was blissfully ignorant of the existence of this little tosser until I found this item all over the news. Apparently the little cunt was pulled up by old bill and is up before the beak for driving while incapable and only 6mg over the limit! Pathetic little wanker. Not had a job for two years, twenty year old ex-public school boy, son of crisp crunching old fuck Gary, and sponges orf the mater. She gives little Harrypoos pocket money donchaknow.

      “And how do you intend to support yourself in the future Mr Lineker?” asks the beak.
      “Might get a job on the telly like me pater Your Honour”.
      “And how will you pay the fine Mr Lineker”
      “Mumsy will settle everything”

      Understand a fellow sponging orf the ladies, been doing it all me life, but one has an estate to support. Try tapping the pater you little cunt.

      And the useless wanking degenerate cannot even hold a few pints orf piss poor beer.


      Pleasure to have little Harrypoos back in me old regiment. Sarn’t Majah would have had him blowing orf all the NCOs for reveille. That pouty mouth made for it. Spot orf jankers. Soon set the lad straight.

      Now that mouth on him has got me thinking. His ancient old man has made a tidy little earner by tonguing, sucking and swallowing those fucking crisps. He must have practised that mouth action somewhere….

      • Gary Lineker was a goalhanging cunt, and not in the same class as Bobby Charlton, Geoff Hurst and Jimmy Greaves…

        I remember Saint Gary’s sanctimonious bullshit when Eric Cantona decked that gobshite in 95… I can imagine the scenario if it had been Lineker at Selhurst that night:

        Siimmons: ‘Fuck off back to England, and fuck your mother, you English bastard!”

        Lineker: ‘Steady on, old fruit… There’s no need for that…”

        Both Linekers (father and son) are cunts….

  2. Vermon cunting Kaye. Just come back from the local Beefeater where I’ve been put off my dinner as this over-excitable spastic has been staring at me from under the completely fictitious statement of ‘Boss of Beef’ for fucks sake! Why I asked myself is this semi trained chimp the ‘Boss of Beef’? Turns out the prize fuckwit was born in 1974 – the same year as Beefeater fucking inns were founded! Surely there must be somebody born in 1974 who is better qualified to be the ‘boss of beef’; a farmer/ slaughterman/ butcher etc than this hair gelled bellend?
    I nominate the marketing cunt who thought this was a good idea – I for one will never eat there again until I get a written apology from the cunts. Beefeater and Vernon Kaye – cunts, the pair of em.


  3. Vernon Kaye is a talentless streak of piss…. A talking shop dummy, who is living proof that TV bosses these days will accept any stupid cunt as a presenter (like those two conehead mekon cunts, Ant and Dec)…

    I would like to cunt the Argentina team… Fancy posing with your big ‘Malvinas’ flag now, boys?! Stick it up your arses… Losers!

  4. Oh, and I nominate myself as a cunt for omitting the most crucial bit of evidence against Rebekah Brooks – that she actually ADMITTED paying the police for information (ie conspiring to commit misconduct in public office) when she appeared at a Home Affairs Select Committee a couple of years before her criminal trial. But due to parliamentary privilege meaning that nothing said at these hearings can be admissible in criminal trials, the jury never got to hear how she ADMITTED one of the charges of which she was subsequently acquitted! So parliamentary privilege is a cunt also and Brooks remains GUILTY AS FUCK.

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