Dead Pool [10]

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* * * * WE HAVE A WINNER! * * * *
Congratulations to Fred West who correctly guessed the next dead cunt would be Hollywood legend and 8 times failed husband Mickey Rooney.

Here’s a picture of the dead cunt saying goodbye and thanks for all the fish…

So, Fred, you get to join the esteemed club of Dead Pool champs. (No trophy, Fred. Sorry! This isn’t Wimbledon.) You do get a free post on a subject of your choice here and, if you want it, over at Dioclese as well. Not much of a prize so please yourself.

The slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 10. Here’s the rules :

1. Nominate who you think is next on the way out.
You can have a maximum of three cunts each. Leave names in the Comments.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. The winner gets a dedicated Dead Pool Champion guest post on the subject of his/her choice and kudos of cuntishness aplenty. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

80 thoughts on “Dead Pool [10]”

  1. I’m getting in first and sticking with my same three :

    Chapman Pincher
    Billy Graham
    Patrick MacNee

  3. Fuck me, I waited for ages to win and I got a couple of weeks before the next winner cruelly steals the glory.

    Bollocks to that…

    So,
    Bob Hawke
    Ray Reardon
    and a long shot, but I sincerely hope, Chris Ashton (the cunt)

    • Wanna give me a handle to put against your nominations, please? Anonymous might get a bit confusing…

  4. Bruce Forsyth, nice to see ya, you old useless cunt.
    Jim Sillars, hurry on ya cunt, Margo is waiting for you, ya prick.
    Shrien Dewani, Could be if the court finds you guilty. DIY job.

  5. Missed the little Rooney cunt completely. No publicity in my neck of the woods. To business:

    Christopher Lee
    Sir Dickie Attenborough
    Louis Jourdan (froggie actor, Gigi ect ect)

    • While at it appreciate it if you would consider adding Tim Wonnacot to the list of cunts to be cunted:

      Tim Wonnacot

      Nominated the fake as fuck auction rat with the horsey bray and the dodgy tache because the cunt’s name is a gift. Camera mugging TV presenter johnnie who obviously reckons himself by sporting a brown trilby and designer cunt glasses. Attempts to carry orf the style of cutting edge old fogey. Nearest the cunt can get is old wanker. Catch the whiff of camembert between his toes.

      So what about the county set vocal affectations? Orf we jolly well go ect ect. No genuine personage of quality talks laike thet. Fuck orf donchaknow.

      Old mates with the sharks and hucksters out on the auction circuit. Former director of that den of thieves, Sotheby’s. Demonstrates exaggerated and obsequious gratitude towards the criminal fraternity otherwise known as auctioneers. All mates together. Such a small world they can all fit in one cell.

      This Wonnacot is one of the jaspers that has let the side down rather by publicising some of the dark arts of the auction world. Now the world and his wife are bidding lots up sky high on the internet. The days of finding a nice little Lely or a spot of Ming for no money in some dark and dusty corner of a provincial sale room are long gone. Tim Wonnacot? Fucking Wottacunt.

      • I always saw Wonnacott as a cut price david dickinson, and david dickinson as a cut price Dale winton, and dale winton as a cut price noel Edmonds, so Timmo is so far off my radar that he is plankton in terms of daytime entertainment. Maybe I ought to copyright a daytime tv t shirt which leads from wonnacott through to edmonds in the style of the evolution of man logo? I wouldn’t buy one, but I wouldn’t fuck Jordan either, so there may be plenty of people who would

      • Have Daytime TV Presenters ever been cunted en masse? There’s all those mentioned above by The Oncoming Fart, plus Martin Roberts (Homes Under the Hammer), Aled Jones, Alan Titchmarsh, Jules Hudson, Alastair Appleton, Nick Knowles, Rav Wilding, Philip Schofield, all those menopausal cunts on Loose Women, all those cunty antique experts on Bargain Hunt and Flog It – come on Mr Webmaster, let’s the cunt the whole cunting cesspit of Daytime TV Presenters!

      • Indeed, in fact most TV anchor-cunts and presenters are wallowing in a pit of cuntishness that’s beyond contempt. One of the most loathsome in my mind and one who deserves a special place in the TV gallery of cunts is Eamon Holmes. This humourless bag of shite takes cunting to a new, mind numbingly tedious level. Kirsty All-slop comes a close third, pipped to the post only by that shit-eating cunt Dominic Littlewood – that bald twerp sports a mockney accent, that only a cunt could carry off – yes, this little elfin minger struts around in his cheap suits, wearing an expression of cuntish fake concern while he is paid money clawed from the pockets of decent people.

  6. I nominate David Icke as a CUNT
    1: for being a spastic handicapped fat piece of shit who worked for the BBC
    2: For spreading bullshit about reptilians, the Moon being a spaceship and writing 20+ books in 20 years
    3: for being a cunt
    4: for running a forum supposedly divulging truth when all he wants is your fucking money
    5: for creating TPV and creaming off well over £500,000 and then having the audacity to ask for another £250,000
    6: for sucking Russel Brands cock in the grouch club
    7: for employing fucking sand niggers on his website and TPV
    8: for raping children
    9: for raping OAP’s
    10: Because he is a cunt, a huge cunt, a fucking lying cunt and a money making cunt from doom porn theories

    • Really? he did all that? Are you confusing him with Enid Blyton? Now there was a mardy cow, and no mistake

    • I nominate Icke because he’s steals other people’s work and passes it off as his own. As a rubber lipped mullet-haired cunt he succeeds admirably at playing the victim. Whining little cunt fuck off back to the Isle-of-Blight and pretend to be living modestly in a small flat in Ryde. Cunt.

  7. Zsa Zsa Gabor – what a stupid name
    Goerge Bush (the old one not the stupid one), and a total warmongering cunt to boot

    • Hooray – The dirty Geldof cunt used its body as a toilet wall – with all kinds of doodles and cheap tattoos to mark it as a junkie cretin.

      I hope the thief and filthy hypocritical criminal sack of shit, Bob’s yer Cunt-face, suffers like bitch with flap thrush . He will probably use the death of the IQ 58 plate-face to try to make some more money from the poor.

      Bob Cunt has about £100 million stashed away, yet uses every trick in the book of greed to avoid tax. Hook-nosed phoney cunt.

      • The autopsy results on Peaches Geldof have been released.

        As you might expect (and as with all dirty junkie jews) nothing suspicious was found and the death remains ‘unexplained’ (according to the police – small-headed psychotic retards that live off jew turds).

        So now Bob Hook-Nose How’s-Yer-Father is clear to claim away on the insurance (so our premiums go up) and set up some scamming charities to profit from the dead filthy junkie (just like the dad of the cunt shit, Amy Winehouse.)

  9. My all time favourite:
    Ian Brady ( no reasons needed and I hope its a long protracted death)
    That welsh paedo cunt
    Ian Watkins (come on all you lifers in “D” wing, do your bit for society)
    Just an evil bitch
    Rosemary West

  10. OK gonna try to take this seriously this time, as opposed to doing a wish list.

    Sean Connery
    Tommy lee jones
    Justin Bieber (sorry had to include one off my wishlist)

  11. The queen (falls over and is savaged by corgis).
    Prince Philip (bummed to death by a servant).
    The other rancid queen (Elton – turd burglar – maggots up his arse).
    The hideous diseased hateful sow, Jenni Murray (gassed in her own stench).
    Poxy bitch Vanessa Redgrave (dies of malice).
    Phag-hag Doris Day (toilet accident).
    The idiot cunt, George H W Bush (falls down the stairs).
    Filthy bastard, Terry Wogan (dies of smarm and greed).

    • All good names – but you’re only allowed three. Which ones are your 3 favourites?

      • Aww, let him have them all, I like his thinking 😉 I won’t complain if he wins – all of them

  12. On the last thread I had Acker Bilk, Denis Healey, and Benedict XVI

    I’m going to drop the ex-Pope. He’s not even looking a bit green around he edges – let alone peaky.

    Norman Tebbit, on the other hand, has already been dead for 37 years and I reckon this is the year they’ll turn him off.

    • I warn you, Tebbitt is alive and kicking. I saw him in Waitrose the other week. He lives up the road…

      • Tebbit has been sucking blood for 200 years, and will make another 200 unless someone stakes his heart

      • Oi! That’s my fucking neighbour you’re talking about!

        This is the man who went down the high street when they were celebrating Chinese New Year and chinned a chink for letting off fire crackers. My kinda bloke. I see him regularly in Waitrose – that’s a very upper class grocery store for all you plebs out there – and he’s a top man. Super chap. Nice fella and all that. Tickety boo…

      • Bollocks. Dropping the ex Pope as he looked quite healthy last week in Rome.

        Replacing him on here with Freddie Starr quickly before any other cunt does. Just seen him on television. He looks fucking ill. Dead before summer; nailed on.

      • Sorry, mate – wrong dead pool! That was the last one…

        You’ve got Acker, Healey and Tebbitt in this one. Get a grip!

  14. Thought I would pop a copy of this in here on the orf chance. Cunt’s been irritating me arse like 60grit bog roll.

    Oscar Pistorius

    Old Pisso on trial now endlessly clogging up the 24 hour news channels. Every sympathy for legless cunts. Old soldier – managed to hang on to me bollocks during war service (many didn’t) then on civvy street took a position fronting an outfit flogging Thalidomide to the liberated fillies of the swinging sixties.

    I short I know me cripples. Crippled outside, crippled inside. Chip on the shoulder cunts with a deep hatred of society. What sick cunt stockpiles large calibre high velocity fragmentation ammo designed to burst apart on impact to cause irreparable damage to the vital organs? Then fires multiple bursts of same at his girlfriend (a rather fit looking filly at that) on the khazi? In short if one takes it in the head it minces one’s brains and also blows one’s arse orf.

    We are then treated to continual snivelling, fake tears and rent-a-quote apologies to her nearest and dearest in a gutless South Efrican eccent from the cunt on trial. Hang the cunt My Lady.

    Intrigued by the cunt’s ammo though. Must try to track some down. Just the ticket for the foxes and badgers infesting me land. …Aha! Here we have it from the Los Angeles Times:

    Pistorius fired Winchester Ranger bullets of the same basic design as Black Talon rounds. The latter are controversial because they produce jagged metal talons as they travel through the target’s body, raking through organs and maximizing injury and blood loss. Winchester announced in 1993 it was withdrawing Black Talon bullets from sale after public outcry over their use in two high-profile mass shootings.

  15. He murdered her. No dramatics are going to change that verdict. Do they have the death sentence in SA? in which case, I would like to change my dead pool noms……. (said I couldn’t name old people, that was all)

  16. I mean, if you heard a noise in the bathroom, you would probably roll over and ask if Lady Limply Stoke had heard a noise. It may take a bit of time for the butler to walk over to the east wing, ask her the question, then come back with the response, but you wouldn’t just let loose with the blunderbus in the meantime, would you?

    • Oh no strictly separate chambers old heart. If I heard a noise in the khazi loud enough to wake me it would most likely be the memsahib farting out the vindaloo from dinner. Would never waste me buckshot on her. Just toss a coupla matches in through the door. Blast the old cow to Kingdom come.

    • The little cunt is not half bad in the clip. A lifetime in front of the camera. A masterclass in how to work the camera in close-up and get the eyeline spot on. Well done little man. Pity about the usual Twilight Zone bathetic ending. Reminded me of a few pre-war trips to the States following the gee gees. Made the English racing scene look like choir practice. Too many wrong gees as Damon Runyan might say.

      As for Tebbit the same kind of revisionist crap is happening over him as Benn. Not the rancid pole cat of popular myth ect ect, charming self effacing man ect ect. Be a white man and do give him a swift kick in the bollocks for me when you next see him Dioclese old sport.

  18. They even tried to repackage Maggie as a loveable old dame before she snuffed it (all that Lady Thatcher crap). That is what’s sickening: all these cunts will be given titles and history rewritten about them when they die. It’ll be Lord Cameron, Lord Osborne, Lord Duncan Bastard Smith…

    • Speaks volumes that Brown and Blair got fuck all in the honours lists then, doesn’t it?

      • By any stretch of the imagination what could they be honoured for? Naked incompetence and naked greed? Generally no disbarment but informed sources have it that Missis Windsor could not stand the pair of them anyway. Take a few decades of charity work then possibly……

  19. David Icke was a shit goalkeeper too… He was even worse than Paddy Roche (no mean feat)…

  20. I nominate Alex Salmond – cunt of McCunts. Not just for his peculiarly nauseating, clamouring desperation to take the throne of Scottish power, but for the cuntish way in which he exploits xenophobic and dated racial hatred in order to score political points against “the enemy”. The smarmy desperate cunt then pontificates about “Scotland’s place in Europe” as if leaving one old system of oppression to join another, newer one that’s even more centralised will be a cure for all of Scotland’s ills. Fuck off you ugly fucking McMunter and pull that haggis out of your fat arse.

    http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/74192000/jpg/_74192874_salmond.jpg

  21. I am surprised the media haven’t bombarded Alex Ferguson with questions about Scottish independence…. Mind you, old Fergie might be hard to get to these days… What with being stuck up Malcolm Glazer’s arse….

  22. Malcolm Glazer (I hope!)
    Stephen Lewis (“Urrrgh! I fuckin ‘ate you, Butler!”)
    Bill Wyman

  23. When the papers were brought to me I instantly spotted the headline “Bill Oddie is dead”. Goodie goodie goodie but then bugger missed another one. Closer inspection (with monacle wiped) actually said “Bill Oddie is deaf”. Missed Sue Townsend as well. Double bugger that one because actually had aquaintance with the old mare. Problem is at times of grief nearest and dearest close ranks, brave face bollocks. Damn unfair in me humble. Left to read about in the papers like yer average johnnie. Could have slipt a fellow a wink. Cunts.

    Nearest and dearest got me to thinking. Old commie cunt American WWII Spitfire ace and writer and one of the last living survivors of the real Great Escape (Steve McQueen played a character based on him in the filum) is now in a hospice and not expected ect ect. Have known him for years so out of respect ect ect would like to add William Ash to me list. Lots of info out there on him Wikipedia ect. Book or two as well. If I exceed me allowance substitute him for Doris Day. Like to keep her, big mistake no doubt, but what are friends for?

  24. I am a red from his time (Fuck all post Premier League/1993/ Sky TV ‘Man U Fan’ cunts!). But Tommy Docherty can’t hang on for much longer, surely?
    Still, his 75-77 United team is still the most entertaining, swashbuckling “Fuck it! Let’s attack!” side I ever saw….

  25. Today, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  26. By way of a post to The Eye really. Geek stuff. Remember me butler putting a news ticker on a dodgy sex site he was running couple of years back. He used this: http://wordpress.org/support/view/plugin-reviews/fikraticker. Name of Fikraticker. Seemed to work quite well – crotch shots of the fillies whizzing past ect ect. That was on WordPress until he got rumbled (think it was the anal penetration that got the Kennel Club objecting). Imagine there must be a number of similar gizmos around.

    Point is me suggestion is a Cuntticker displaying all the forthcoming nominations until there is time to fully post them thus ensuring the blog is up to date at all times and allowing for emergency cunting. A Twitter Feed perhaps? Appreciate extra work of a geeky nature and intruding into your weekend tossing time but I leave it in your hands. All quite beyond an old buffer you understand but ah you young fellow me lads…..Positively marvellous.

  27. Just in case, and for the first time in his life, he does the decent thing and tops himself, I am bespoking odour merchant Max Clifford. Now he will live for a very long time and be at the mercy of all the nonce haters in the nick.

  28. A nomination

    Tony Abbott
    “You can tell when he’s lying because his lips move” has been cracked about many politicians over the years, perhaps most appositely about Tony Blair. Moving to the Southern Hemisphere there is one contender who stands out from many for the title of Undisputed Lick Arse Liar and that is ugly leather faced aussie cunt and PM Tony Abbott.

    Yes this Rhodes Scholar (Bill Clinton was another) fuckwit and Jesuit creepie is actually Prime Minister of Australia. Serves you aussie convict cunts right to be represented by a cunt with a type of boatrace generally only seen in a straight jacket in an extreme offenders goal. Aussie cunts are still scratching their heads and arses trying to work out how the fuck this deviant did it. Well you had to vote for him dear hearts. It was him, alleged dyke Julia Gillard or little cunt Kevin Rudd.

    So why, despite the golden haired surfer myth, is australia home to some of the ugliest people on earth?
    Their stagnant gene pool is derived from the diseased and deviant dross of England’s toughest jails, workhouses and the gutter. Vomited out by the mother country and despatched with every opportunity for incest and buggery in close confinement on the long sea voyage to distant Australis. On reaching this then empty land little scope but for more buggery and incest and the odd desperate shag with an abbo. So that is the fair heritage so nobly displayed in the degenerate sullen faces of the contemporary white australian. Thus they enjoy a well deserved reputation for ugly sheilas:
    http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/2/armpit-woman.jpg
    If you fancy it you are awarded two points towards an aussie immigration visa every time you shag her.

    Returning to Mr Abbott I have cunted him principally because he is aussie and so freakingly ugly. His political shenanigans are legendary but aussie par for the course and of little interest here. To be fair the wily cunt realises he has image issues and here he is getting ideas for some plastic surgery:

    http://i.imgur.com/z0Vt3.jpg

    • Apologies Sir Limply but this for some reason best known to WordPress was directed to the spam queue – most likely because it contained two links. I’ve rescued it and scheduled it for posting.

  29. Annuver cockney cunt missed. Bob ‘Oskins

    Allwhite, allwhite diamond geezer’s gorn brown bread ain’t ‘e, know wot I mean?

  30. On the subject of Max Clifford I believe Isacunt has many reasons to be proud, principally for establishing his cunt pedigree over a number of years. We have now helped to establish a major new direction in sentencing procedures and hence ‘Judges Rules’.

    Clifford is now enjoying an eight stretch in that nonces paradise Wandsworth Nick. Even the police were surprised by the length of the sentence. The judge has explained that he doubled the tariff because of Clifford’s behaviour in court. The arrogance, lack of remorse and waves and jokes to the jury got up the judge’s nose. And this from the so called master of the media.

    So beware cunts everywhere. You can get four years just for being a cunt. Makes one proud to have been a part of it.

    • Well said. This is a major result for one of the biggest cunts in the UK. The delight I felt as his sentence was announced would be surpassed only by the opportunity to dance on the cunt’s grave.

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