Category Archives: Mark Kermode

Mark Kermode [2]

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In (largely undeserved) fairness to Skid-Mark-ed Commode, it’s not just him – I wish to initiate a Kermodious cunting of ALL so-called “Critics”.

What is a critic anyway ? Is it even a fucking job ? Surgeon, Hod-Carrier, Van Driver, yes I will readily “take my hat off” to any real worker, but bitching, belittling and expounding your own vacuous opinion, No, that’s not the work of a man, it’s the work of a cunt.

Cunts who labour under the misapprehension that their opinion is of vastly more importance than anyone else’s ? Yes – in common with virtually every single Twatter or Fuckbook user….

Qualifications required for position of Film / TV / Food Critic ? Watch some films, watch some TV or eat some food… Mostly for free, as the poor cunt of a Writer / Director / Chef, whose efforts you are poo-poo-ing will be vainly hoping for a reasonable “review” from said criticunt.
Skill / Creativity / Originality required for position of Critic ? Not Applicable.

Parasites, to a cunt. The same credence could be given to a tick’s opinion of the sheep’s arse upon which it is munching. Overpaid, overly indulged, self-important, smug twats. If you possess no discernible talent of your own, no future possibility of ever creating something original, then become a Critic.

As of above mentioned CuntMode, that’s not even his real name – I imagine the cunt has chosen it because it is the mode he adopts when reviewing others’ offerings at the Box Office.

As a further extension of Cumhoad’s critical cuntability, he reminds me of similarly Oil-Slicked 50’s throwback, the spectacularly unfunny Mark Lamarr – Must be something in the name Mark…

Merry Cuntmas

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

Mark Kermode

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Film critic Mark Kermode is a pretentious, vain, loudmouthed, turd-gurgler of the highest order. Not only is he ubiquitous in print and on TV he actually does tours where he gets up on stage where an audience of mouth-breathing media studies undergrads get their undies all cummy.

Opinions are like assholes, certainly, but it takes a special sort of cunt to believe that his own opinions are so penetrating and vital that everyone else should adopt them in place of their own and that he be paid for it.

By courting the tarnished trappings of multi-media celebrity Kermode has deluded himself into thinking that he also is a real part of the film industry, just like the actors and directors and myriad other people who, you know, actually make films. He’s a mediocrity hanging off the cock of real film professionals who actually have the courage to stand up and make something and put it out there for people to see. Kermode is an intellectual coward who, like all critics, apes the linguistic exactitude of science whilst avoiding all of its rigour.

It’s easy to be regularly rude about Michael Bay because Michael Bay might very well make shit films but he’s a Hollywood big-shot and wouldn’t know Mark Kermode from a piss droplet on the floor of his mansion’s 11th bathroom.

Kermode’s wife is a Professor of film criticism at some uprated polytechnic meaning she’s another pretentious, dull-witted gobshite who wouldn’t know one end of an Arriflex from the other.

And to top it off he’s chosen to look like a fat, speccy Morrissey. That makes him twice a cunt.

Nominated by: John Milius’ Gun Cabinet