I write this letter to formally request your services in evaluating the cunt status of one Robert Swan Mueller, III. It is my firm belief that the evidence supports my allegation that he is indeed a cunt.
Mr. Mueller is a lawyer and the former FBI director in America. He is also, despite his fearmongering about Russian influence and his claims of impartiality, connected to the Russians in numerous ways himself (Besides “cunt”, you could accurately describe him as a “Russian bag man”, since he personally delivered uranium to a Russian plane on a tarmac, on the orders of Hillary Cunton herself). His successor, Andy McCabe (also alleged to be a cunt), was recently caught violating the Hatch Act by using the FBI for politically-motivated (against Trump) purposes. Mueller himself appears to have played a part in the plan to frame Trump for “colluding with Russia”, which was something that Mueller’s subordinates touted as an “insurance policy” in the unlikely event that he was elected. These seditious, conspiratorial, rat faced cunts are intent on replacing the somewhat ridiculous but well-intentioned Trump, with a pedigreed cunt like Canada’s mascot Turdeau (an unapologetically proud cunt just like his father), or a fellow pinko like France’s Macron (who for some reason can’t tell he’s a cunt, and fancies himself the next Napoleon). I am fairly certain that conspiring against a sitting president, and to go against the will of the electorate, is illegal. It might even be sedition or treason. And it’s definitely something a cunt would do.
With this evidence to consider, I’m nominating Mr Mueller for official cunt status. The issue has become quite contested as of late, because of some cunts (in the American media) that tell us he’s a respectable gentleman who should be trusted to run this important investigation, and that he is absolutely not a cunt, despite the overwhelming amount of evidence to the cuntrary.
Your attention to this matter is required urgently, as in some circles, this controversy has gotten quite heated on a number of occasions and debates have degenerated into huge brawls and the police pressing charges against several from the “he is not a cunt” crowd, for assault, buggery, and other various charges the cops sometimes stick cunts with. It is my hope that your certification of Mr. Mueller aids in resolving this tense situation, thus giving hope to America in a time of unprecedented division amongst its people.
So the saviour of Brexit and natural successor to Treeza the Appeaser is sucking up to the EU province of France by suggesting to Macron we should build a 22 mile long bridge across Le Manche.
It’s a fucking stupid idea. Why? Well…
1. It’s prohibitably expensive
2. It would have to be so high to let shipping under it that the prevailing wind would mean it’d be unusable
3. How deep is the Channel? You’d need some pretty tall supports
4. How manoeuvrable are the big ships? Wouldn’t belong before one hit a support
The reason they built a tunnel is because a bridge was impractical. But never mind because BoJo thinks that a bridge would improve relations with Les Frogs. Presumably he’ll be suggesting we get Carillion to build it.
Apart from all that, why give the gimmegrants a new way to walk into Britain? Never mind building a bridge, let’s shut the fucking tunnel until the Fourth Reich get serious about stopping these migrants instead of helping them get across the Channel.
Boris, you’re a cunt and, if you’re serious about this, you’re a stupid fucking cunt…
Nominated by Dioclese
Boris Johnson. Monumental cunting.
Lets build a bridge to France!
Can’t believe two great nations are only connected by one train line.
Thumbs up pics with Macron.
Here’s an idea – don’t sell out, just give the cunts the key – the result will be the same.
Now there’s so much to say about Bono and the rest of his band…
We could look at the fact that ‘Bono’ basically means ‘good voice’, but I find that quite modest for a man who prances about like a walking incarnation of God. We could also look at how Bono brags about being such a humanitarian hero, while being too selfish to pay his taxes to the country he thinks he owns. But, the other week he and the rest of U2 topped all that. They went to record in Abbey Road studios, and only went and fucking stood on the abbey road crossing.
Bono thinks he can stand where John Lennon stood? And some cunt who calls himself ‘The Edge’ in George Harrison’s place? These egotistical cunts are barely worthy of breathing the same air the Beatles breathed, never mind replicating their iconic album cover. Bono probably thinks they’re already bigger than the Beatles to be honest. After all, a band fronted by God himself is a pretty rare fucking sight to behold. Plus, it’s not like John Lennon ever did anything to help people, right..?
Bono is truly one of a kind. And then there’s the guilt-inducing ‘thank God it’s them instead of you’ from Band Aid, from a man who looks down upon everyone else, and spends the money he should pay as taxes, on making out like he’s changing the world. Also the irony in God himself telling people to ‘thank God’ is quite something.
In summary, Bono is a cunt. ‘The Edge’ is a cunt. U2 are cunts.
Ourillustrious PM is rolling over to the frogs today by bunging Macron another £45 million of OUR money and agreeing to take in more fucking 30 year old unaccompanied child jihadis and economic migrants.