This WebCam World

What a bastard. It’s all down to bandwith – which we aint got. Dodgy connections which freeze and sound that clicks and gurgles like a dying OAP. What apparently the trade calls “artefacts”.

News feeds come in live from all over the world with microphones locking on distant sirens and car horns all in glorious stereo plus extraneous whizzes and buzzes picked up down the line. Drives me poor pussy mad cat crazy – claws out and howling she tries to rip the telly apart to get to the rats or whatever she imagines is in there.

Mobile phone type beeps are the worst, seem to hang in the room in a freaky three dimensional Ipcress File soundscape. What – where the fuck was that?

We are all going to work from home and use Zoom and other yellow peril crappoala to get connected? Not when de yoot are gaming on the internet and the connection drops below 1mb. Cunts.

Enough has been said about the backgrounds to presentahs ect doing webcasts from home but not half enough about the aesthetic – Maitlis in vampire make-up, unknown presentah slappers with Essex fake tans, that jaundice look that seem to be on-trend on the street and on digital. All in garish high contrast colour.

If any cunt wants to upload a mobile clip to the telly make sure it is in landscape format (hold your fucking phone letterbox style) and not portrait otherwise it will not fill the screen and the sides will be filled in with distracting patterns or a stretched image. I do not like it.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

20 thoughts on “This WebCam World

  1. What the fuck is that above?
    Thats not a black girl, thats a fuckin orc or something?
    Scary as fuck, nightmarish.
    Webcam?
    Arent they for wanking on by voyeurs?

  2. Webcam nonsense is it?
    I had to use one recently for a zoom meeting with some professor and industry types (one of the profs was on BBC news the next day – he looks unnervingly like Mason Verger from Red Dragon) – I was concerned this zoom thing would eat my soul or tear out my heart but it seemed OK and I got paid a rather significant consultancy fee – winner!
    Also good if you are Leslie Grantham and fancy a naughty wank – dirty Den indeed! 😀👍

  3. The adverts for teams seem to have dried up, not surprised as they had some weird looking woman who had difficulty in getting the camera angle right and saying in a fucking stupid accent ‘with teams we can continue to innovate’

    What a load of shite!’

  4. Fuck me it must be LSD time!
    Well done.
    That fucking Sam Bo looks like it somehow survived a Soweto Necklace.
    What a mess.
    I’m muddled up now so just OVEN.

  5. The only Webcam I care about is some destitute 19 year old girl bashing her button for money.
    Cunt in the real meaning of the word

    • Thank you! That was the response l was looking for. If it wasn’t for wanking we probably wouldn’t have webcams at all, or the Internet for that matter.

  6. I believe Admin may have erred in the choice of landing photo and thrown cunters off a bit which is why I generally offer a photo link but alas not in this case. Imagine a block of photos on a TV screen where some are distorted and some are not. As usual cunters have not read the post and only commented on comments.
    With all the great and the good at home – MPs, CEOs,Celebs ect ect and debating or flogging ideas or products on dodgy internet connections – video feeds can freeze and sound, particularly stereo can go weird. Some of you must have experienced this or seen it. Very Cunts Corner clique behaviour.

  7. Everything is recorded these days. Cameras are everywhere.
    Why? I know I exist. I don’t need to take a picture to prove it.

    I do pinch myself sometimes to make sure I’m not dreaming.

  8. Teams is fucking bloatware. Won’t have it in my nice clean (Linux) PC. Happy to forego the sight of the cunts who can’t use email and need virtual meetings to talk toss, and plead urgent engagement in theoretical primitive country prone to power cuts….virtual Sierra Leone perhaps.

    Hideous thought: suppose ISAC required Teams, Zoom, Insert Video Gubbins Of Choice? I think my screen would probably melt.

    PS, Sir L, have arranged rapprochement between Samsung tablet and PC wifi dongle designated as hotspot. This saves me buying two separate lots of PAYG to be sure of interweb access.

  9. Very good to hear that, I suppose at least when taken at face(mask?)-value Sir L.

    However, the “buggerations” you have so richly described and Komodo’s redponsicles to those buggerations appear to my highly-trained eye (almost) entirely at variance with one another. You’re talking at cross purposes; his IT “solutions” to your “problems” are largely unrelated, and it sounds like BS all-round to me.

    Just sayin’. If BS is your thing, crack on dear boy!

    Is this something we should know about, or is route le monde on this blogsite suffering from dysphoria (see my reply to Napoléon Boner’s bizarre interjection earlier this evening)?

    Regards old bean

  10. Handgrenade needed at ISAC, due to flagging input, low-grade noms and general cock btw, Admin,

    More available on request, Mr D willing.

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