Bell’s Palsy

Bell’s Palsy, you are a cunt.

Contracted via a viral infection, causing partial paralysis of the right side of my face and looking like the bloke from “The Goonies”. Not content with giving me a severe fucking headache every morning I wake up, which lasts until I take the enormous amount of prescribed tablets needed, you then allow my right eye to weep all day and dribble to run down my chin.

Then at meal times you play with my mind, you vindictive fucker!! You somehow allow me to forget that I have developed the said paralysis and permit me to bite down on my food and then scream in pain as it includes a portion of the right side of my bottom lip!!!
The prognosis is good for a full recovery, however, whether I have any bottom lip left is another matter, you cunt of a disease.

Nominated by Fact Hunt

29 thoughts on “Bell’s Palsy

    • You well Earl?
      The motorcycle racer Chris Walker had this a few years ago, made a full recovery I think

      • Worlds strongest man contestant and the ‘mountain’ in game of thrones Hathor julius Bjornsson has it too,
        Didnt know it was viral.
        A speedy recovery to you!👍

  1. I have a colleague with this. An awful condition so you have my sympathies FH. Wishing you a speedy recovery.

    • It is indeed a Cunt.
      Best Wishes to you for a speedy recovery, if possible

      May God go with you my friend

  2. I had this fucking donkeys years ago. There were no drugs for it then and it just went away after a couple of weeks. Mind you I was young fit and healthy then. The worst thing I remember was that everything in my right ear was about ten times louder. So you’d be walking along the road, a car would drive by and the sound would poleaxe you. By the end of the day you would have a massive headache as you say. It’s truly cuntish and I can only wish you a speedy recovery.

  3. I’ve clearly misunderstood this condition. I always thought it was inherited, like Down’s, or contracted during life but it was then irreversible, like ME.

  4. Viral ( I did not know) or otherwise it is definitely a cunt.
    Hope you have a speedy recovery.

  5. I had a friend about 30 years ago who had it,an absolute cunt of an illness. It took a long time but he made a recovery. Good luck with it,
    I think everyone on here will be wanting to send their best wishes to you. We maybe cunts but we are kind and sympathetic cunts.

  6. I’ve just been diagnosed with both osteoporosis and brittle bone disease.
    Still…..mustn’t crumble.

  7. Speedy recovery FH, bad enough putting up with general cuntitude without being personally afflicted by a cuntish virus.

  8. My mate is suffering from Parkinson’s. He can’t stop taiking about Gene Kelly, Muhammad Ali and fucking cricket. He gives any cunt who’ll listen a free pen. It’s ruined his life.

    • According to yesterday’s DT that cunt is on a world tour. Mrs. Wanksock and I both think he is well up himself and I think the DT’s journo managed to convey that whilst writing the piece. He thinks he ought to have a statue in Barnsley. His mate Dickie Bird (another fucking boring Yorkshireman with a very limited fund of stories) has one and Michael is a bit jealous.

  9. Bell’s Palsy is indeed a cunt and you have my sympathy. When I was first introduced to my now ex sister in law, I thought she had it. However, five years later and she still looked the same I arrived at the the inescapable conclusion that she was just an ugly cunt.

  10. Hope it clears up. Another medical condition named so that the sufferer has no chance of saying what they’ve got.

  11. Get well soonest.

    Local bookseller, and also a biology lecturer of mine used to have this.
    I particularly sympathise with the chow-time problem; it is indeed agony.

    I was in a restaurant once and the waiter said to me, when I ordered well-hung meat “You’ll need a Macon with that.” I’m a messy eater.
    I’ll get my…coat.

    PS IKEA in Coventry allegedly closing down.
    That should please St. Greta Turdburg; no more howwiboo dirty cars spewing forth CO2. I wonder how many Romanians will lose work, both in Coventry, and IKEA furniture factories. Gutta, you are more idiot than savant, methinks…

  12. Bells palsy is a cunt I’ve had it too, the worst part for me was not being able to close my left eye and the eye washes.
    Speedy recovery Fact hunt, if I remember right the doctor blamed mine on Brexit.

  13. When I had it I saw a consultant at the hospital. It was a teaching hospital so he had half a dozen students with him. He put an x-ray of my skull on the screen and started pointing out shit to them while they asked questions and wrote shit down.
    It’s a funny thing looking at your own skull while a bunch of cunts talk about it in words you’ve never heard before.
    Anyway, I asked the doc what caused it and he said “nobody knows because nobody ever died of it.”

  14. Bloody hell FH this sounds like a right cunt and no mistake. All the best for a speedy and full recovery. Keep us posted mate.

  15. Makes you look FAST Positive so I’ve been to many jobs for query stroke and it’s Bells Palsy. They’re chuffed to fuck to be given that news, and, the fact that it should clear up on it’s own.

  16. Many thanks for the good wishes,
    I am pleased to say that there has been a great improvement, I have stopped dribbling and can close my right eye now without sticking it down with tape and I still have some of my lip left.
    I can confirm Freddie, that my hearing in the right ear did become very sensitive. Good news is that I can go back to work next Monday, but thats a cunt as well.

  17. Very valid cunting. Bell’s Palsy is a terrible and frightening condition to have. Hope you get better very soon, Fact Hunt.

    My Mum had it when I was a young kid. I still remember her laying on the sofa holding her head in pain and her holding her face which had dropped. She said years later that she was terrified that her facial droop would not get better.

    My cousin is a very, very rare case in that her facial paralysis never fully disappeared after she had it. I hasten to stress again though that this is apparently RARE and thank goodness that the majority recover with time.

    What a shitter Bell’s palsy is.

  18. Had it about 25 years ago and remember thinking ‘fuck me I’m young for a stroke’. Don’t really remember any pain but had tablets and it fucked off after about ten days or so. Best of luck mate.

    Worse thing I had was glandular fever….now that was cuntish!

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