Joe Lycett

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A maiden cunting for this limp-dicked BBC prodigy.

I had the misfortune of catching this “comedian” on the R2 drivetime slot tonight. Honestly, what a poovey great cunt. A voice that makes Alan Carr sound like Lee Marvin.

This quite obvious poo-chute reamer was all too keen to hint to his listeners of his gay credentials. For example, he played the song “If I can’t have you”, to which he imaginarily responded to the female singer “you can’t have me because your not my type”.

Not your type unless it has a gut stick and a pouting, rusty sheriff’s badge, of course.

Still, this cretin ticks all the BBC boxes as a comedian, but ironically he is as funny as a fire in a puppy farm.

Piss off.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

61 thoughts on “Joe Lycett”

  1. The rule for *comedians* on the BBC, be female (and if you can’t be female be qu. eer), preferably be a person of colour, or a parking stanley or even a Chineese, remember Trump bad Brexit bad, Corbyn a saint, Long-Bailey a saint’s mate.

    This little poof is one of the pool of “talen” Wireless 4 relies on to fill its 1830 comedy spot. What would they do without him? – have to get that dwarf lezza Susan Calman instead.

    He really does tick all the boxes, duckie.

    • Ironically Callman is the only funny one out of all those cunts and she’s one of the biggest box-tickers proving if you simply judge on merit diversity takes care of itself.

    • This irritating cunt is even more ‘funny’ than all the wimin ‘comedians’ on every panel, chat and game show.
      When they get round to doing some stand up, any of them are yet to make me laugh.

      Watch Frankie Boyle, Doug Stanhope, Stuart Lee, Dylan Moran, etc if you want to have a laugh…

      “Jeremy Corbyn’s hanging on because he doesn’t want to retire. What’s he got to look forward to ? Going down the allotment to complain about the Jews?” – Frankie Boyle

  2. A critical assessment of all the available data suggests to me that they are a right set of poofy cunts.
    Nice Friday cunting,many thanks old chap.
    Fuck em.

  3. Another attempt by the BBC to reach the woke, yoof audience. And then wonders why everyone is reaching for the off button. Radio 4 is just as bad.

    Metropolitan millenials think they know best in business – watch the retailers wringing their hands about poor sales. M&S has made most of their trousers/jeans skinny fit, presumably on the assumption that everyone is now vegan/anorexic. So revenue had dropped faster than Dr Who’s ratings.

    This why the BBC should go commercial and not tax us to provide jobs for unfunny lefties.

    • When you have a guaranteed income you can turn out shit and it doesn’t matter if people don’t eat it. The licence tax must be abolished ASAP.

    • If a fat cunt can’t walk in to M&S and get a pair of elasticated waist chinos what’s the world coming to!?

    • The poor retail figures has always had the same excuse at the top of the list as well.

      “Uncertainty over Brexit”

      Well, bugger me, i had no idea that Brexit factors into peoples food shopping or buying overpriced glassware from John Lewis.

  4. On the beeb they’ve forgotten what real comedy is because being ‘offensive’ is an absolute no,no.
    However this rule doesn’t apply, in that offending white middle aged hetrosexual blokes is perfectly ok with their hilarious ‘jokes’ about Trump/Brexit/Boris.

  5. He is one of those ‘observational’ comedians. Chronically unfunny is my observation of them. Oh, when pu**tas used to be funny. They think they’re so new. Fuck me Kenneth Williams was making homosexual innuendo jokes during the war in ‘Round the Horne’. John Innman, Larry Grayson in the 70s. It all went shit with Julian Clary when it became aggressively sexual. Ie No fun.

    • He’s got a really unfunny face. You need a rough, lived in face like Arthur Mullard or Les Dawson or Tommy Cooper. Not a smooth face that could be advertising moisturiser.

    • I once saw Micheal mc intyre spend a fucking eternity making his observations on odd socks? Yeh odd socks!!
      “ have you ever noticed “
      “ isn’t it strange how you always find an odd sock “
      “ do you ever wonder”
      It went on and on and on
      I can only presume that the audience were laughing out of embarrassment!
      And the only Cunt who found it genuinely funny was McIntyre himself….
      I haven’t seen or heard this bbc cunt above
      and hopefully never will …..
      The only people that find these cunty unfunny twats amusing are woke snowflake liberal leftie soft cocks ……….. CUNTS

      • Only time I found McIntyre funny was when the fucker had his expensive watch nicked, the slitty eyed prick, what a cunt

    • I listened to Round the Horne when I was about 15 and loved it – particularly Kenneth Williams as Rambling Sid Rumpo and Mr Gruntfuttock – but I had no idea what “Hello Mr ‘Orne, I´m Julian and this is my friend Sandy” was about. It was only later that I realized they were raving queens and spoke their own language – bona or something like that.

      • I’ve still got vinyl records and cassette tapes of Beyond Our Ken and Round The Horne. Don’t suppose stuff like that would get made these days, very politically incorrect.

  6. Good nom Paul. Funnily enough when he first appeared about 8 years or so ago I actually used to find Joe funny, in a self-effacing pansy way like Kenneth Williams etc.; obviously now he’s been absorbed into the uber-PC world-eating entity that is the shitty panel/chat show circuit (you know the one, Brexit/Trump = bad, Steptoe/Stormzy = good) he’s a proper cunt.
    Has anyone else noticed that channel 4 is now in a race to overtake the Beeb as most woke bunch of cunts on TV though? I long ago gave up watching the news before work (sorry Sarah Jane-Mee, no more early morning “tributes” for you) and the only thing worth watching now is repeats of old Cheers episodes; but the ad breaks consist of ads for shows about various vegans, trannies, pooves and such; there’s even one where they read out a bunch of real complaints from normal cunts like us (ha!) – don’t want to send chutney ferrets kissing each other etc. – just to take the piss out of them!

    • Never heard of the little humour tumour.
      Im a snob.
      Im aware of it, but unapologetic.
      I remembet when comedians were fat working class blokes and funny.
      I dont find these middle class, been to uni types funny.
      The do ‘comedy clubs’ rather than working mens clubs, an it shows.

      • “I’m a snob” Never thought I’d hear you say that Miserable!
        Perhaps you’re a reverse snob like the Northerner depicted here in Orwell’s “Road to Wigan Pier.”. . . . . . . .

        “A Northerner in the South will always take care to let you know that he regards you as an inferior. If you ask him why, he will explain that it is only in the North that life is ‘real’ life, that the industrial work done in the North is the only ‘real’ work, that the North is inhabited by ‘real’ people, the South merely by rentiers and their parasites. The Northerner has ‘grit’, he is grim, ‘dour’, plucky, warm-hearted and democratic; the Southerner is snobbish, effeminate and lazy – that at any rate is the theory. Hence the Southerner goes north, at any rate for the first time, with the vague inferiority-complex of a civilized man venturing among savages, while the Northerner, like the Scotchman, comes to London in the spirit of a barbarian out for loot.”
        ― George Orwell, The Road to Wigan Pier
        😂

      • In Northern clubs they tend to throw bricks not bread rolls!

        (Quick heads up for Nish Kumar there!)

  7. No doubt to the numerous ‘loads’ of ‘moisturiser’ he’s had, shot all over his face.

  8. Joe stick to shirt lifting, comedy isn’t for you, yet another comedian wanna be with unfunny material, your average mechanic could do twice as well when it comes to stand up comedy, also your average mechanic is far less likely to be a mincing Ponce, so fuck off back to the sauna Joe I’m sure you have a talent you can put to good use and stop ear fucking the general public.

  9. The Gays seem to be able to get away with “gags” that heterosexual male comedians would not..If a normal comedian were to come out with a stream of “Oooh, I stuffed my package into the slot of one of them new-fangled talking letterboxes yesterday…it must be broken because it didn’t say thank-you ,it actually pulled a knife and shit- stabbed me..phnaaar,phanaar”….there would be outrage,but a joke from The Gay comedian about sexually assaulting a “Gammon” would be greeted with hysterical canned laughter.

    • Never heard of Joe Lycett but looks like he could be the wingman for a Manchester-based Gook anal-invader type.

  10. Lycett certainly ticks all the boxes regarding the BBC and is certainly a talentless smug lefty cunt.
    Another un-funny millenial tosser who without Auntie-Beeb’s endorsement would struggle to get employment as a toilet cleaner let alone a comedian any where else.
    Sad thing is there are many like this delicate little snowflake out there in the UK who when push comes to shove with the ‘peaceful ones’ (which it will) will cower in the corner, hide behind women and let them easily takeover.
    Lycett is sadly a role model for weakness and cuckolds. The last thing any country needs is a generation of weak, pathetic ‘men’ who would willingly subvert, give in or concede to its enemies both foreign and domestic.
    We need strong tough role models for our kids (Ant Middleton springs to mind) not closet shirt lifters like slime-ball Lycett.

    • Off topic, but now you mention Ant Middleton I can’t watch that SAS thing anymore on C4 since they woked it up and let fucking birds in….and fixed it for one to win iirc. Cunts!

      • Ant Middleton would be quite good as a role model, in that he’s tough speaking and seems a genuine (as in trustworthy) bloke. He is a bit on the eye-candy side though, and must have been shoe-horned into the programme for that reason as he wasn’t actually in the SAS but another equally robust branch of the services. (Or so I have read, correct me if I’m wrong)

        He’s got a bit of a weedy voice, although so has that ex-footballer who is a cunt and er … well I guess some blokes can get away with it, if they’re physically non-weedy.

        Oh, and you’re right. The prog would be better without the he-women. I still watch it though – it’s great to see wannabes fucked up and humiliated.

        But how did they find that drag queen? Unless it’s fake tv.

  12. Try getting through a Saturday on Radio 2 – Wall-to-wall bandits – Norton, then Gambacinni then Clarke-Kneel – 10am – 5 pm… Insufferable, so flick across to Radio 4 and it’s all about how big a cunt I am for voting Leave.

    Excellent nomination Mr. M

  14. When dear old Windsor Davies used to say- ‘Never before I have seen such a blatant display of poo*ery’ little did we know what was coming. You cannot switch the TV on without a ‘blatant display’.
    In the past it was hidden and the humour came from it being hinted at in an innuendo (I am thinking of Frankie Howerd). Now it’s ‘out’ there that has gone. That’s why they resort to explicit stuff. But it ain’t funny.

    • I always think of Julian Clary. I don’t know if he actually was a rectum rustler (not that it matters) but he was actually funny.

      I remember one of his when he said he used to box but gave it up after taking a hammering in the ring.

      Could you imagine one of these “woke” bandits saying anything like that. Something actually funny!

  15. Yet another reason why I determined to not bother renewing my tv tax in a few months time!

    This inclusion/diversity bollocks is getting well out of hand, with the terrestrial channels determined to outdo each other with their Woke Tickbox requirements.

    I don’t mind “some” diversity and “some” inclusion” because it gives people who like that kind of thing the chance to watch/listen to it without pissing off the majority. But it would seem the tail is very much wagging the fucking dog here and the likes of the BBC & CH4 want to saturate their daily programming with all things Woke whether you like it or not!

    Well enough is enough, and come June I will tell the BBC where they can stick their fucking licence fee!

    • Don’t wait till June. Cancel it today!
      Deny these fuckers of every penny that you can!

  16. Morning Cunters, I had a night on the Wholesome Stout followed by faggots and peas (not the anal sex version) topped of with yet more strong Herefordshire cider. I am suffering this morning, today is a total write off, think I’ve killed off most of my brain cells etc.

    Here is a fun site, just found: https://www.binlabour.com/

    Also, Meghan Markle is a massive cunt – but she is still quite fit, and yes, I would still French kiss her anus.
    Going to be a struggle today, totally killer hangover.

    • Ah, it was that last pint that was dodgy, wasn’t it, eh? A top tip from bro-in-law the other day discussing the same thing – a couple of Nurofen last thing before bed, a pint of water on retiring helps, too. Glad to be of help.

  17. I’m still getting over their ethnic attack on my senses. Black man plays classical instrument, NEWS! Black girl plays Tennis, NEWS! Gay comedian is in the same vein, if we are all equal why is it newsworthy if some one who isn’t a straight white able bodied male manages to put one foot in front of the other?

    On the subject of gay comics, why does their whole act have to be innuendo surrounding their deviant sex lives? Seems that the BBC views any black person who displays any skill in anything as exceptional and all poofs as funny.

    Who are the biased cunts in all this?

      • Woman wins a darts match?

        Who is making her Husbands tea?

        That hoovering won’t do itself!

        This type of thing will never do!

  19. Like most comedians, especially those on the BBC he just isn’t fucking funny. Or he can deliver a few rehearsed lines on a panel show but that’s about it. Julian Clary is funny and does material about being gay, which is the right way round. These days to be hired by the BBC the first part is completely optional.

  20. Why is it always the bad comedians that talk about their sexuality, gender, race, skin colour etc?
    If that is the thing that defines you most then, pardon me, you are sh*t. Change your career.

    Imagine if a Klingon did that? “Ooh ducky, I’ve had more cock than anyone on planet Kronos.
    Last night, I bummed a ferengi so hard before I ‘sent him to stovokor!’ Did I mention I’m Klingon and a poov?”

    Harry Hill, Tim Vine etc etc don’t. They are hilarious!

    • Well put Spoons. As from the other day I like Tim Vine, on the fence with Harry Hill though – didn’t mind TV Burp

  23. You can just imagine the auditioning process for these “comedians” :-

    “Hello. I’m a comedian and I’m here for some work on TV. Panel shows, Live at the Apollo etc.”
    ” Are you funny? ”
    ” No, but I’m a poof/lezza/Um Bongo drinker/moose limb/feminist (delete where applicable) and I hate Trump and Boris and I cried into my soy milk when the result of the referendum was announced “.
    ” Great! You’re hired”.

  24. Annoyed to be reminded of this camp and unfunny cunt, who presents an earbleedingly painful ‘comedy’ slot on R4 currently….oh, no, that’s Tom Allen. Are these cunts breeding? How? Another insignificant* cunt who can’t give us a rest from his mincerness. Another half hour of restful silence for the radio.

    *Hardly worth cunting, in fact.

  26. In his defence, he is from the Midlands but has to his credit overcome the disability of a Birmingham accent, and for that, I applaud him.

    He does also write some quite amusing letters of complaint, and would probably write some eloquent cuntings.

  27. I’ve only seen him when he used to host a minority-interest reality tv show called ‘The Great British Sewing Bee’ (Men – you won’t have heard of this, it’s a sewing challenge which some unreconstructed wimmin, myself included, take a secret guilty pleasure in watching, even though we’re supposed not indulge wimminesque things like sewing or crafts nowadays and instead fill our leisure time with war gaming or somesuch) and dear Joe was vaguely amusing in a cute, campsome sort of way.

    But, that aside, take heart, White Men. I feel that tv is reaching saturation point with regards she-men (17th century term) he-women (my own made up term) and all the other shades of rainbow, and that a new minority may soon be filling our screens. Normalees is the new thing, or (as they might be termed) Straighters. Both men and women. There is already something afoot along these lines, with a dopey man of colour now on one advert (white men in adverts are 99.9% dopey creeps with a few manly persons of colour and the odd male super model thrown in on perfume ads) so there is a little crack appearing in the wall; the rainbow bastion will soon fall, and those peculiar mortals, ‘normals’ and ‘persons of whiteness’ will before long be daring to show themselves to the world.

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