Christmas TV

Christmas telly is a load of steaming cunt….

Once it was Eric and Ernie, Steptoe and Son, Mike Yarwood, TOTP with proper bands, Del Boy and Rodders, A Bond film, Dave Allen (RIP), Stanley Baxter and Her Majesty.

Now? Mrs Brown’s Cunts, Call The (Black) Midwife, Gavin and fucking Stacey, some Femstapo CGI Disney shite, Miranda Horse Face, That Fleabag bollocks (Phoebe Waller Fucking Cunt), and Vicar of Cunting Dibley repeats. Oh, and Jools Holland and his bore-a-thon Cuntenanny….

The BBC can shove it up their fucking arse.

Nominated by Norman

The terrestrial telly offerings on Christmas Day is a total pile of cunt this year.

The prime slot here being the 7pm – 10pm slot where commercial channels try to flog us next year’s holiday in every bastard ad break and the AL-BEEB try to convince us that the Snow Queen is a wheelchair bound, lesbian, black, Muslim woman!

So here it is…

ABBC1: ‘Call the Midwife’ Xmas Special, ‘Gavin and fucking Stacy’ Xmas Special, ‘NeverEnders’ – for a bastard hour!

ABBC2: ‘Morecambe and Wise Christmas Montage’, ‘Celebrity (i.e. leftist cunts) University Challenge’ Xmas Special, Dolly fucking Parton documentary.

ITV: An hour of ‘Emmercunt’, an hour of ‘Cuntynation Street’,’Who Wants to be a Millionaire’.

CH4: ‘Christmas Bake-Off’, the fat-tongued cunt Jamie Oliver, ‘First Dates at Christmas’.

CH5: ‘Britain’s Favourite Xmas Song’ (two bastard hours of it), ‘The Two Ronnies Montage’.

Absolutely fuck all to watch! I mean ‘The Two Ronnies’ and ‘Morecambe and Wise’ stuff is great the first 1,000 times or so, but for fuck’s sake!

Apparently, the ‘Call the Midwife’ special is set in the Outer Hebrides. The show itself is set in the late 1950s and early 1960s, so no doubt the Outer Hebrides at that time will be jam-packed with multiculturalism, raspberries, crafty butchers, fishmongers and the local wimmenz vicar is a trans!

Utter pile of cunt!

Merry fucking Christmas!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

73 thoughts on “Christmas TV

  1. The BBC is really taking the piss with this festive shitfest.

    I suppose they’re saving their cash for the fucking Olympic Games in Tokyo next year. No doubt they will send hundreds of their cunts over there even though they could quite easily save the planet and just stay at home and resort to video conferencing.

    In any case Christmas TV has been wank for the last decade or so; nothing special anymore, no premier films, no nothing.

    Come on, Boris, fuck the BBC and get rid of the licence fee. I want to see these cunts sink in their own shit.

    • After getting a proper Brexit done, what I want more than anything from Bojo is to sink those cunts at the BBC. Fucking Metrobubble woke arsewipes.

      • By the way Ron, you’re a Villa fan aren’t you?

        If so all I have to say as a Bluenose is “hahahahaha!”

      • Yeah it’s a clusterfuck at the mo and no mistake. To be honest, I can’t say I’m that bothered. Disillusionment is in both our DNA Techno.

    • Fucking Christmas TV it’s shite but most of all fuck the BBC in the arse.
      I sincerely hope the licence tax gets binned and they sink without trace.
      I won’t hold my breath..
      The Marxist cunts.

  2. Time was that the different channels used to indulge in a real bun fight on Xmas day to show the best live entertainment, best films etc.
    Everybody can access everything on dvd, Netflix and on line these days, so I think they’ve thrown in the towel for the most part.
    Haven’t watched Xmas Day/Boxing Day telly for five years or more.

  3. Back in the day, even way before VCRs, getting the Christmas editions of the Radio & TV Times was a major event at home as a kid. We’d each take turns going through them, noting down what we wanted to watch. Only 3 channels remember! There was always a ton of stuff to watch and telly at Christmas just felt special. I’m sure some of that had to do with your age at the time, but still. Nowadays, it’s mostly dog shit. We have 250+ channels now and 98% of them are utter shite all year round. Yank telly is either top notch (24, CSI, Deadliest Catch, Gold Rush, etc.) or it’s utter pants. Not much in between. Thank fuck I don’t pay a TV license or have to tolerate the alBBC.

    Merry Christmas Cunters!

    • Fear not. Ins pired by this:

      I am writing a brand new sitcom which will blow Mrs. Brown and her boys out of the water.

      It’s a sort of “Mind Your Lngauge” mixed with It Ain’t Alf Hot, Mum for the 2020s with “hilarious” foreigners saying some really daft fucking things but thinking they mean it. Nine wimmin and one bloke (though he is the size of three – he will need a cast iron reinforced lavatory pan for sure) – I bet you can;t wait to see the first series!

      • Mind Your Language was ace. Loved watching that as a teenager for the obvious reason. I got the DVDs a while back and just pissed myself. Mrs Yank loves it too. The sikh and the muslim trading insults like “You are barbarian!” are classic and even funnier in these snowflake PC times. And the obvious reason being Danielle played by the gorgeous Françoise Pascal. Wow!

        I like your premise for the series, WCB. I expect the foreigners will be saying daft things like “Vare is it we are getting welfare monies” or “My house it is having 6 bedrooms, much better than your council semi you indigenous tax paying mug”.

    • Deadliest catch is excellent, raw and very real. I’d warrant they’d be safely in port at Dutch harbour for Christmas.

      Also Bigfoot hunters, an ensemble of hillbillies investigating sightings play the hokey straight bat perfectly. In their Christmas special they’re tracking said quarry in a red and white suit!

      I can no longer sit in front of news or current affairs without erupting tourettesian bouts of abuse

      • 3 Strokes: It is indeed. I did catch an episode in the UK one time and some Scottish bloke does the narration. It was absolutely bizarre. Over here in Yankland Mike Rowe does the narration. It works. Maybe my ear has become too tuned into Yankspeak.

        King crab season should be done, then in early January they’ll venture out again for Opies. What a job! I know I couldn’t hack it, even at my youngest and fittest.

  4. Christmas TV, like Christmas of yesteryear, is now absolute toilet. Let the drinking commence!

    Merry Christmas everybody.

  5. Mr. Corbyn promised to “make Christmas t.v. great again” if he was elected…you lot have only yourselves to blame.

  6. Agree this is a pile of cunt. But Sky are pushing their films – ie Superfuckingheroes , toy stuff and Mary Poppins. Fuck all for a grown up. So they can get fucked if they think I would actually pay for it.

    Merry Xmas and fuck the lot of them.

  7. Back in the day we used to have the Black and White Minstrel show!

    Imagine if that got repeated! The snowflakes will be in fucking meltdown, as will the BBC servers with all the complaints and whinging.

  8. I think the BBC have remade Bram Stoker’s classic Dracula….and I think the old blood sucking count is now an uphill gardener…I fucking kid you not.

    Jonathan Harker Diary, Day 102

    “Washed ashore in a tremendous storm in Whitby and headed straight to the nearest Blue Oyster Bar”

    • They have Spanky an its by Mark Gatiss of League of Gentlemen.
      Hes a massive horror fan, so hoping its not ‘woke’.

      • Think you might be hoping against hope there MNC. I do like Gatiss though, League of Gentlemen was bordering on horror at times anyway! Did you see that film Ghost Stories from a couple of years ago – had high hopes as Jeremy Dyson was involved, unfortunately t’was bollocks

      • Took the in-laws to see Ghost Stories a couple of Cuntmasses ago. Father in law fell asleep on the 4th row of the stalls.
        Fucking garbage!

      • Don’t blame him, wasn’t far off myself! Call me a bluff old traditionalist but I am of the opinion that horror films should, I don’t know, have the capacity to horrify in some way

    • Here’s a prediction…. the Dracula remake will be utter shite.
      Now if a modern day version of Ingrid Tit, sorry Pitt and Madeline Smith were in it, Id be watching.

  9. Out here in sunny Spain I have an android box and mobdro app which allows us to watch loads of channels. I’m a bit of a boring old fart so its discovery channels, history, quest, yesterday type of stuff, which I have to say is also going down hill a bit but not a lot of effniks on them. I looked out of interest at the line up for the beeb and ITV over the next few days and could not believe what a fucking pile of festering shit they were dishing up.


    • I use Kodi on a VPN and have access to loads of channels that I like rather than the shite on Sky and the terrestrial channels. Some of these channels might be a crap but at least they’re free and not politically motivated.

  10. Christmas day TV . Oh dear . Its shit and piss.Nothing more to add really ,except I’ve just seen that the BBC have got everybody’s favourite cunt, Stormzy reading a passage from the Bible. No doubt it will be a verse that includes tyranny and slavery . Didn’t this immoral fucker just get caught cheating on his girlfriend . Hardly a beacon of morality but then again neither is the BBC. I despise the cunt but what I hate most about him is he looks like Ray Harryhausen’s attempt at a centaur.

  11. I would rather watch Flabbott doing a burlesque dance followed by Corbyn doing a standup routine than watch modern day Christmas tv.
    Dear impartial BBC. Why don’t you just fuck off and take your twatty wokeness with you.

    • I see that Jezza has done a Christmas message to be beamed out to the nation.
      The nation sent YOU a message recently Jezza, but in case you’ve forgotten, let me repeat it for you.

      ‘FUCK.RIGHT. OFF!!’

      • I see Channel 4 have got that cunt Bercow lined up for their “alternative” queen’s speech. Cunt’s speech more like.

      • Alternative Queen’s Speech? Maybe they should have gotten that fat, be-wigged cunt Dame Elton. The ludicrous cunt’s usually got something to say on just about anything, even when nobody’s asked for his opinion.

      • Well dear baby jesus was sired by non penetrative sex apparently and Elton has two sons which were not produced by his preference for waving the wand via the tradesman’s entrance, so you could argue a case for the old dear having something to say on the day

      • BBC money-pit and vile parade queen Graham Norton has already had the “exclusive and unmissable” interview with Reg a few days back.
        There’s another “exclusive and unmissable” interview with Dwight coming up with another oaf coming up later in the week too.
        Exclusive cunt.

  12. My wife said to me earlier, “You don’t seem to have much Christmas spirit” – to which I said, “take me back 35 years and I’ll show some Christmas spirit”. She didn’t get it. I’m 43 and Christmas time in the early 80’s (for me as a kid) was fucking great. The tv was great, the pressies were great, it used to snow almost every Christmas (well, it did in Liverpool back then) and the memories are great. Present day, it’s all shit. My 11 year old daughter acts like a spoiled teenager and gets on my fucking tits with her attitude – gets whatever she wants (not like that in my day – just me and my Dad in council house in Toxteth, Liverpool) and my wife who tries impose artificial Christmas spirit by trying too hard…I’ve gone completely off track here. Bollocks. Ignore me.

    • I too hate all that Hallmark Christmas shite. I choose to spend it alone with a couple of pizzas in the fridge, horror movies on the tele, and fuck all else to do but wait for the football on boxing day.

  13. I hate those shows where you think it’s going to be just some Two Ronnies or Porridge or something, then it turns out it’s a few 30 second clips of funny stuff and then the rest is a parade of cunts like Russell Howard, Josh Widdicombe, Sarah Millican, Nish Kumar, John Bishop etc. etc. blathering on about how good THEY think they are….. yes strangely enough we know, that’s why we want to watch them and not you you unfunny twats

    • The biggest cuntery I saw on that score was pompous poof Stephen Fry holding forth about Tony Hancock on a Channel 4 documentary a decade or so ago. He was talking down to us, as though he was Hancock’s longest serving and closest drinking companion – the insights, the attitudenizing about Hancock’s greatest fears and hopes. It was enthralling. Then you realised that when Hancock died in 1968 Fry was a mere 11 years old….

      • Perhaps there’s a strange side effect of drinking gallons of spunk that allows you to fraternise with ghosts .

  14. Thank God for Netflix
    Get Brexit done and dump the TV Licence Fee let the BBC sink or swim Gavin and Fucking Stacey Christmas Day enjoy I won’t be watching it 👎

  15. It will be interesting to see the BBCs round up of the year that they always do on New Years Eve. It was all going so well then that fucking election came along. I wonder how they are going to interpret that?
    I think we can guess.

    • I saw a clip of the ‘Brexit: Civil War’ documentary rubbish with like this really epic music over the top of the moment those remainer supreme court wanker judges said they would stop the PM proroguing parliament and can likewise imagine a really mournful end-of-the world tone to Al Bibi’s New Year round up.

  16. Well as we already have been told, Jeremy did win the argument. And Rebecca Wrong Daily will prove it doncha know!

  17. All Christmas shite off. Practising large dog impression (or maybe manic giggle) for carol singers. Tomorrow, Bach’s B Minor Mass on CD. Malbec down the hatch. If that runs out, the Rioja. Surfacing in the New Year. Expect incoherent posts meanwhile.

    • I’ve got Bach’s Mass on my phone but haven’t listened to it yet (a friend lent me her complete works CDs to rip). I’ll give it a listen tomorrow too. It’ll make a change from The Messiah. Cheers Komodo.

  18. Shot in the dark I know, but I’ll ask anyway.

    The time would be around the mid 80s I think. There was a play on Radio 4 broadcast around Christmas called Waters of the Moon by N.C. Hunter. Martin Jarvis played one of the characters, but I can’t remember much else other than it was absolutely brilliant. I know al-BBC repeated it at least once but it would seem it’s been condemned to the vaults forever.

    I would love to hear it again. Anyone here got a recording of it or know where one exists. I’ve been searching the interweb for years without so much as a sniff.

      • Evening RTC. Gosh, I’d forgotten about that on YT. Thanks for the reminder. I’ve never watched it, so I’ll enjoy that over the festive period. Thank you again so much for this. I really appreciate it.

        Nope, my memory is spot on as WCB (below) can testify. I very clearly remember this radio play. I even remember where I was when I heard it both times it was broadcast. It is truly wonderful. If/when I track it down, I’ll post back to ISAC. It’s well worth a listen.

        Picture the scene….it’s mid to late evening, cold outside with a chill wind. You’re by an open fire, listening to it crackle as you settle down in your favourite arm chair with a cozy rug and a glass of something special. The gentle sound of a mellow 50s orchestra plays the introduction to a story of a time gone by. Ahhhh…wonderful.

        A very Merry Christmas to you too.

      • Marjorie Westbury – I remember her as the wife of Paul Temple, who was called Steve (though I bet if Wireless 4 were rash enough to revive it Steve would become a male played by David Lammy or one of his friends). She had a lovely speaking voice, though she made Emily Thornberry look small. Still, a golden voice in the days when the BBC produced good quality non PC stuff. They occasionaly repeat Paul Temple on Radio 4 Extra

    • I remember that play. I think it was set in a small hotel, in the early 1950s, a bit like one of those residential ones in Seperate Tables No. 7 (The Boregarde) by Rattigan?.

      I would imagine that Radio 4 Extra would be the best chance of a repeat. It is possible as Martin Jarvis and his wife run their own production company and sell their work to the BBC that they might have a copy. I think her name is Rosalind Adams.

      • WCB – yes, it was set in a small hotel, way back several decades. Probably the 50s as you say. I have a huge smile knowing you also remember this play. The first time I heard it was completely by chance. It was absolutely captivating. If memory serves the BBC repeated it the following year. I remember searching for it in the Radio Times, spotted it and was determined to record it on cassette. I was delayed for some reason and didn’t get to a radio until after it had started, so I didn’t bother to record it. I figured it would be on again and I’d get it next time. I never saw it listed in the RT ever again.

        Thanks for the tip though. I’ll continue my search for it and as mentioned to RTC, will post here if I ever track it down.

        Cheers and Merry Christmas.

  19. Appraising the upcoming festive TV wankfest schedule you’ll have to wait until january the 2nd for anything half decent but this one is more than that, top notch ITV-4 at 2310hrs ‘Get Carter’

  20. Fucking classic British film, Caine at his finest.
    “I’d forgotten about your eyes Eric……like piss holes in the snow.” 😁

  21. Upon looking further into the wankfest TV schedule that awaits us, a trip to the local mosque starts to look appealing, that would entail a trip to a neighbouring town, as thankfully we are not yet blessed with such an appendage to raise our hackles

  22. Listen, there’s no need to subject yourself to this crap over Christmas. Get yourself a VPN and watch what you want.
    There’s some great music about. It’s better subscribing to a music service with fantastic memories from the past than wasting your time on tv.

  23. I remember Paul ’19’ Hardcastle doing this huge megamix called ‘Peace On Earth’ in the mid 80s…. It was a satirical look on Christmas and the world and it combined Christmas carols with samples of Thatcher, Paisley, Reagan, Scargill, and loads more… It was done without any SJW agenda and it was pretty good for its time… Very unlikely those cunts at Radio 1 will ever repeat it though….

  24. Nothing wrong with a bit of Dolly.


    I’ve got my blonde wig and fake boobs ready. I shall be watching with a nice glass of dry martini.

  25. Telly is at least 90% shit most of the year, then at Christmas they don’t even bother trying, reasoning that people will be too pissed / noisy to watch it properly.
    Not a new phenomenon, most Christmas Specials from the past have been lazy shite, especially National treasure ™ Only Fools and Horses which was fucking shit after Granddad died. Fuck you CUNTS.

    And incidentally, a Happy Christmas to all of you at home!.

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