Dawdling Daydreaming Twats

Fucking cunts to a man (and woman, and all those gender fuckwits in-between for that matter!) You’ll find these cunts in shops, supermarkets, cinemas, restaurants, high streets, car parks… in fact you’ll find these bastards almost anywhere in the public domain.

They’re easy to spot because they just dawdle, shuffle, or just stand in the middle of whatever, and generally get in the way of everyone else who are trying to get from Place A to Place B as quickly as possible.

Of course they’re usually found in supermarkets, blocking the aisles with their trolleys containing a pint of milk and a tin of dog food; if they’re not blocking the aisles on their own then they’re blocking the aisles chatting to another dawdling cunt, thus making it doubly-hard to get past these bastards.

But supermarket dawdlers are old hat now. Ever since the invention of the smartphone, we now have a new breed of dawdling, daydreaming cunt that you’ll find on the high street. Glued to their fucking phones, they’re totally oblivious to fellow pedestrians, and don’t even bother to look up before crossing a busy fucking road, shuffling along while they fuck about with their phones.

Add to that car drivers taking the piss at 15 mph in a 30, or 20 in a 40, or 50 in a 70.

What the fuck is wrong with these cunts? Why can’t they get a move on like everyone else and get the fuck out of the way?

Sick to death of getting stuck behind these bastards (young or old, they’re all dawdling cunts). If I had my way I’d set the dogs on the bastards: that’ll make them move!

Nominated by Technocunt

61 thoughts on “Dawdling Daydreaming Twats

  1. Im a impatient man.
    Im aware of this.
    My missus tells me everyday.
    I was raised to ‘get it done, an do it now’.
    Feels sometimes like im dealing wi zombies.
    Pull yer finger out,focus an get the fuck out of the way yer dawdling dozy twat.

  2. Outstanding cunting, squire, outstanding. I’ll bet the cunt that just called us out as he couldn’t get through to his GP’s is a dawdler, too. The cunt.

    • Don’t envy you, trying to get to where you need to be with all these last-minute dawdling cunts getting in the way.

    • Christmas hats off to you, DCI Gene. How you tolerate these fuckers on a daily basis is beyond me.

      I spent a day out with an ambulance crew as part of my induction to A&E and I was staggered by the cuntery of most of the calls. An Asian old bat with a cough (whose dickhead offspring had dialled 999) a bunch of cunt teenagers who called as a prank and then the culprit who did the calling wouldn’t face the crew and hid upstairs, a drunk cunt who fell over and cut his head open, sat in the ambulance to get cleaned up, but then refused to go to hospital for head injury obs and the list goes on. I think in the entire day, there was perhaps TWO genuine calls.

      There are so, so many fuckwits who have no clue what an EMERGENCY actually is and just waste time and money. We had the same thing in A&E. Most of the cunts came in as they were either not registered with a GP or couldn’t get an appointment (usually for some utter shit like a stubbed toe or a cold, the fucking arseholes)

      Wishing you a Merry Christmas and hoping you get at least some well-earned time off.

      • I read the local paper today and the story that caught the eye was this cunt who, in the back of an ambulance, assaulted a paramedic and spat in a bobby’s face.
        This fucker will probably get a slap on the wrist instead of a lengthy jail sentence and an NHS ban.
        I’m not condoning racists at football grounds, but what type of society do we live in when any punishment will be harsher than that given to assaulting a public servant?

    • I fucking HATE emergency service abusers and time-wasters DCI. How you tolerate these wankers is beyond me.

      Hope you manage to get some good r and r over the holiday period mate. Well done and thanks to you and all your colleagues who lookafter us.

  3. In M&S on Sunday in Derby and they were out in force. The shop was packed, tempers were frayed and the cunts were still blocking the aisles with trolleys placed so as to cause maximum mayhem. Oblivious to every other fucker in the shop I am surprised no one thumped any of them.

  4. It’s dawdling Cunts in the Pub who boil my piss at the moment…fannying on asking about every real ale.. “Can I get a taster? Where’s it from? What’s the ABV/ etc”. After much deliberation they ask for a fucking half. They then move onto a white wine for “the Missus”…same shite about provenance ( although I did laugh when I heard the barmaid answer such an enquiry with ” I dunno…Tesco bargain bin,probably”) before finally asking for soft drinks for their phone-staring,bored children….and,of course,always ask for a half of Guinness last.
    I wouldn’t care but the Cunts are probably once-a-year “locals” who bang on about “the community” while ringing the Police to complain every time the Pub stays open half an hour beyond chucking-out time.

    Fuck them.

    • Boils my piss too Fiddler.only the other day, some cunts came in my local( once a year locals)and the fat woman asked if the Carlsberg was vegan…. the landlord is usually a good source of sarcasm , and his response was brilliant “ if you’re a vegan, then you should know what is and isn’t vegan before you go to a pub, it’s not my job to tell you” .

      • A pub near me was famous for it’s Sunday Hog Roast….landlord cooked a whole pig…no other choice, it was pig or nowt. When asked what the veggie option was he used to just tell them the name of the pub in the next village and walk off laughing….I liked him,he was a cracking host.

      • Shouldn’t that be a ‘crackling’ host.
        Sorry about that Dick. Still trying out my new joke book.

    • Check out ‘The Real Ale Twats’ in ‘Viz’ if you’ve never seen it Dick. You can find it in the Viz online archive.

      • I used to read Viz regularly when Chris Donald had it,Ron. Still read it online occasionally but it does seem to have lost it’s early edginess.

      • The only funny stuff in Viz these days is to be found on the letters page and the Profanisaurus, ie the bits the readers write. The rest of it is standard anti Trump / Mail / etc shite and unfunny shit that the fucking guardian pretends to like but isn’t fucking funny. Has been shit for at least 15 years.

      • Excellent RTP. I used to be one of those CAMRA bores 40 years ago. What a twat I was – driving miles to obscure pubs all over the place to sample the “real ale” and then driving back pissed not even considering what a danger I posed to other travellers.

      • To be fair Mr Polly, there are probably many more pissheads on the road who’ve drunk ten pints of lager than real ale drinkers.
        I, of course, am not condoning any drink driving, particularly at this time of the year.
        What has happened to all the drink driving adds we used to get at this time of the year?
        These campaigns don’t seem to be run anymore.

      • I have to confess to being partly in agreement with the ‘Real Ale Twats’. (which by the way is hilarious) But I am definitely not one of those beardy, geek types with a notebook and a Game of Thrones t-shirt.
        I live in Sheffield so there’s loads of good beers to try so I do like a taster or two. However, I never abuse my sampling privileges and I’ll never do it if the pub is busy or someone is waiting.

      • I’ve heard Sheffield is one of the places you can still get ‘Stones’ on tap is this true? round here it makes a brief appearance if ever then disappears

    • I was in a busy cake shop in Nottingham when an American visitor- female from California- insisted on questioning the poor Saturday lass as to the ingredients and calories of each cake,bun,pie,scone etc whilst telling the whole fucking world about her numerous maladies and why she had to be hyper careful or she might die. It didn’t occur to her that she might go to meet her maker due to a large French stick being stuck up her arsehole.
      Fucking Yanks ,especially Californians ,do have a talent in this area and should be avoided if at all possible.

  5. Sometimes it is like living in the midst of a George A Romero film.

    Best way to dispatch them is with something heavy that will see their bloodied head rolling across the supermarket floor, like a turnip in ketchup.

    • Zombies:Dawn of the Dead, was a great Romero film. All those dead shuffling, braindead cunts infesting a supermarket, and our heroes taking potshots with rifles, really made my day!

      If only………….

  6. Brilliant cunting. Well warranted.

    I went out yesterday and the cunts were everywhere. Dawdling around like fucking Wombles on dope. Mind you, I cannot fathom these feckless cunts who leave their Christmas shopping until the last minute anyway. What is wrong with these cunts?

    They make life hellish for every organised person who has got their shit together already and just need to pop out for something basic, like the large eggs I have to pop out for today to make Christmas cupcakes, because like a silly old cunt, i forgot to get them yesterday as I was frazzled by the copious amount of cunts in town (no doubt…that’s my excuse and I am sticking to it)

    You get the old people who just stop without warning as they enter the doorway, the fat cunts on mobility scooters who stop dead centre in an aisle, so no fucker can get around them, the babymammas and their ten children (including a fucking double buggy) who block aisles or shove the buggy right up your arsehole or into the back of your legs like the cunts they are, or just your plain old thick, gormless bastards aimlessly roaming the shop at the pace of a snail, not sure what fucking day it is, let alone what they are shopping for.

    Urrgh, I cannot abide this cuntery.

      • One of my dad’s favourite expressions was’ like a stunned duck’. Being ex RN he had a wide range of wonderfully descriptive terms.

  7. This morning I was in the local newsagents, and there was a mother with her two daughters (presumably). They’re at the sweet counter, which for some fuck-witted reason is right next to the only counter in the shop!

    As a consequence there was a bit of queue forming while mummy kept on asking what the two brats wanted from the sweet counter. And of course the kids wanted everything, while mommy said “No, put that back, you can’t have that and that and that. You can only have one thing!” And on and on it went while all three of them just fucked about completely oblivious to the queue behind them!

    I so wish I had a flame thrower!

  8. Went to Tesco at midnight last night FANTASTIC !!! no crowds, no fucking screaming kids, tons of helpful staff, all (todays) very fresh produce was being put on the shelves…even the veg was ice cold from storage and there were piles of bargains…two legs of lamb for price of one etc …loved it. I will be shopping at midnight more often it was like having a shop to myself and the staff packed my bags for me. A MERRY CUNTING CRIMBO TO YOU ALL X

  9. I bet The Grim Reaper is sick of waiting for this dawdling old bugger….https://youtu.be/eUHUXHQ2SBg

    Don’t know who has him in the deadpool,but reckon that you should have collected months ago by the look of him. No going gentle into that good night for Philip…he’ll be to drag kicking and screaming.

    I’m no Royalist but you have to give the contrary old buzzard his dues.

  10. Women with trolleys are a pain at any time, I am sure cunters have seen them, they amble along until they see something that takes their fancy. What happens next is beyond belief, they move close to the item or items and for no logical explanation swing the trolley out pointing to the centre of the aisle.

    What the fuck, why….. Cunts!

  11. Dawdling twats. I used to experience this every fucking morning when I used to get the bus to work. Same fucking middle aged woman cunts were always ahead of me at the bus stop. I’d have the right bus money in my hand ready to ditch into the change tray for the bus ticket – sensible, perfectly normal thing to do….not for these cunts though. Even though you can see the bus coming from the the top of the long road giving you a good minute or so warning that it will be at the stop on time, these fucking women would continue talking about utter, inconsequential shite right until bus arrived. Then they’d get on the bus and fuck around in their purses for the bus fare for a good minute each. It gets fucking tiresome after the first 5 years of it. If these twats were murdered, then world would be a slightly happier place.

    • It’s even worse when the cunts don’t actually know where they’re going. ‘Do you go to… does the bus stop in Suchansuch St.. which stop do I need for Marks…can you give me a shout…’. THEN they start fumbling in their fucking handbag for the purse or the bus pass.
      ‘Can you give me a shout’. Yes. FUCK OFF YOU CUNT!

    • Oh I can relate to that. They come to my ticket window after queueing for about 5 minutes, it’s “ can I get ( not “have” like it should be ) a single/return from ( not “to” like it should be) cunt central please?? Ok says I, that’s £X please. Right I’ll just have to find my purse / wallet. Another 2 to 3 minutes has gone by by now, they find their card or what ever means of payment it is. Then it’s ‘What time does the train leave?? ( these are regulars in the rush hour ). Then it’s “I’m travelling to cack city next Friday, what times are the direct trains ?” “Twenty past and ten to the hour” say I. “Can you write them down?” I give them a timetable, “no I prefer them written down I’m no good with those things” and on and on and on and on……and the queue is getting biblically long….. Total fucking fuckwitted cunts.

  12. Whole-heartedly agree with this cunting. The chosen pic for the nomination is very appropriate as 8 times out of ten the dawdling cunt in question is a wamen.

  13. Don’t forget the fucking CYBERMEN, you know the gormless cunts with a set of dustbin sized headphones completely oblivious to anything and anyone around them.

    Weaving all over the place, stopping and starting at any time, to look at their fucking phones, usually right in front of you so you nearly bump into them.

    I just love it when some cybercunt walks out in front of my car causing me to jam on the anchors and open the window, when I will call out, “I say old bean, do look out, there’s a good chap” or more likely “Oi! ORGAN DONOR OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES.
    Forget the Hunger Games. . We should play “Extinction” with £500 credited to your pension fund for every useless fucker taken out, saving the NHS and other departments, a fortune.

    Dozy CUNTS, take the headphones OFF or get a 2 ton dose of iron running over you. Oh yes, and FUCK OFF too

  14. I fully agree with this. For me, the supermarket is a gauntlet of hate. I can somewhat turn the other way if it’s coffin-dodgers, but not with this rabble:

    Overweight, shitty-estate, scratter vermin women with ten sprogs.
    Brats trying to control trolleys – and failing.
    Two groups of cunts who have decided to share life stories and catch-up’s right in front of the fucking products you want.
    Groups of Jack-the-lads and office wenches on lunch breaks
    Towel-sporting peacefuls with their entire fucking family
    Sick cunts coughing (loudly and seldom use of their hands covering their mouths) all over the fresh produce and shuffling around getting in the way (usually peacefuls)
    Those cunts who argue with the till assistance over something trivial and hold up everyone else (usually peacefuls)

    The above have no excuse for holding up those with common sense, jobs and consideration. I hate stupid people. I hate stupid parents, I hate kids and I especially hate fucking peacefuls. CUNTS.

    • And add to that list the millenial cunts who have to read the label of every food package to ensure the produce is ethical/vegan/vegetarian/halal/kosher/LBGT certified/organic…..

  15. Happened to me today in the supermarket,
    Fucking whole tribe of peaceful’s in front of crisps selection.
    Do you think they’d move!
    Did they fuck, just totally ignored me.
    It’s like trying to get a fried chicken leg out of Flabbott’s trotter.

  16. What we need is a good civil war, Almost 20 years after the fact I still wont stand in door ways or join crowds, and on the road, I am mr fucking keep away from me!
    Sad thing I know, but fuck sake do you have to stop in the narrowest area causing a log jam ? do you have to wander round at a slow pace ?
    example today, I had to go to Tesco, I tend to look at things from a distance and then take my selection, I don’t shelf shop like a librarian I find it quicker to screen shop and select from a shelf.
    Now I was checking out the Polish section, various pickles, hams, some ready made stews and fazoule! (bean stew) my favorite! when a family of 4 1x trolley 1x push chair 2x off spring decide to park up in front of the section and debate their next maneuver round the shop, Some would assume that this is some racially motivated slight against the poor polish bloke trying to make his selection. but I am not Polish and the hue of their skin makes them incapable of racism.
    They were to be precise “Day dreaming cunts”, I say this with authority, because Dad ran over one of his kids with their bizarre all terrain child buggy thing, as they moved off.

  17. First-rate and hideously true cunting. Just as the day’s started going more or less right, I inevitably run into one or other of the numerous classes of dawdlers lovingly described above, and develop pretraumatic stress disorder. On the roads, on their phones, in the supermarket, unable to get on a bus, all are cunts and it should be legal to boot the cunts out of the way.

    May I take this opportunity of wishing all cunters a Merry Christmas / bah humbug, fuck off (delete as appropriate)? And may 2020 be a distinct improvement on the year we have just endured.

  18. When I pop down to town a brisk 10 min walk on a weekend, the only time I can, what would be a pleasant experience (more so without the weekend crowds) is invariably spoiled by a whole regiment of individuals who have decided to do likewise, accompanied by their dog(s) who are all tethered on twenty foot leads.
    Suffice to say these cunts like nothing better to do than form dozens of groups so they can have a natter whilst their dogs either yap or lick each others arses whilst their ever extending leads form trip hazards for everybody else.
    There is one cunt who loves to wander down town with the ‘hound of the baskervilles’ which ceaselessly drools gallons of spittle sometimes in gobbing distance of the fruit and veg stall , I have oft felt like having a word but the threat of this monster ripping a limb asunder is palpably real, you Sir are a cunt

    • The extending dog lead merits a cunting of its own. And I think most dogs would agree. I have to label or remove trip hazards at work, (thanks H&S cunt, I shit on your mother’s grave) so how has some cunt with a roaming (insert name of small bundle of fluff presently considered trendy and containing canine DNA here) got the right to endanger the stability of innocent pedestrians? Take the damn thing to a livestock-free field* and let it run around a bit, you heartless cunt. And train the cunt to walk to heel everywhere else.

      *Nowhere near Fiddler Towers, obviously.

      • Komodo, take care as there are many dog lovers on this site!
        I’ve been quite critical in the past but I think I’ve got away with it!
        However, I do have to concede that most IsAC dog owners are RESPONSIBLE.

      • St.Maj. I always thought you were! When my dad was in world war 2, he had a lion dog when he fought in Egypt in the 8th Army – Fuck knows why. However, after that we never had a dog as a pet.

      • I’ve just found out that dogs were used in N. Africa to detect land mines in WW2. Didn’t know that.

      • Must have given the wrong impression. I am 100% a dog person, and was in fact brought up as a German Shepherd – my mother trained them. It’s some of the owners who grip my shit.

  19. If anybody see’s the bird in the pink top in the photo down the supermarket and she’s looking for some cock, tell her I’m hiding behind the cornflakes

  20. My pet hates are the cunts peering into their mobiles as they dawdle along. Got stuck behind a bloke the other day hogging middle of the pavement swaying side to side as he looked on his phone blocking whichever side I tried to overtake.

    People walking 3/4 wide blocking the pavement as they move at snail’s pace also are a pet hate.

    Cunts on pushbikes dinging their bell in the pavement usually get a comment of ‘it’s illegal to cycle on the pavement so don’t ring your bell cunt!’ Only ones that annoy me more than dawdling pedestrians.

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