Golf (3)

Golf

Not the kind where a few mates go out with sticks and beer and play a can a hole.

Professional Cunts and those that follow them need a complete cunting. Followers and TV hosts going on and on about silver spoon cunts like Cunt McElory making his next million putting a fucking hole or that Tiger cunt coming back to life to win another title. Not to mention cunts like all of the ABBC morning show, that Nagga Manchetti half man woman going on about the cunts like she’s had her first finger behind the school shed. (She needs a cunting of her own).

Cunts that idolise these people are in the same league as those that cheer Murray on at Wimbledon. Another miserable millionaire sports cunt. Cunts the lot of them.

Nominated by King Cunt

56 thoughts on “Golf (3)

  1. Playing golf is OK and can be quite good fun.

    What is not OK, and chimes with your cunting, is the need to over-analyse every fucking swing, slice, tactic, thought, fart and follow-through, not just by the professional commentators, but by thousands of other boring cunts that think I might care.

    “Remember my cheeky downwind faded drop-shot draw onto the ninth?”

    No, you dull cunt, I don’t.

  2. I tend to hate solo-athlete sports slightly less than megasportsball team games, but golf truly merits this cunting. It’s a load of shit- put those greens to proper farming use or something- ANYTHING- besides that self-wank of a ‘sport’.

  3. The only good thing about watching golf on the TV is wishing the ball would hit one of those gormless spectators who just don’t understand the meaning “get the fuck out of the way you twat!”

    Other than that golf is a load of bollocks to actually watch for hours on end; a bit like cricket or American football – 20 minutes of fucking about followed by 20 seconds of action…. and repeat!

    • The fucking BBC has it on TV all afternoon into the evening on BBC2, on both channels, when they are not showing butch wimmin playing football – the lezzies dream game.

  4. Most sport is cunt for dull cunts.
    Golf – hit ball with stick into hole.
    Tennis – hit ball with bat.
    Cricket – hit ball with bat.
    Football – kick ball with foot.
    Rubgy – kick ball, occasionally carry it.
    Sprinting – run fast.
    Cycling – er, move legs, go fast.
    Darts – throw pointy thing at round thing
    F1 – drive fast. For ages.
    Rowing – move arms.
    Swimming – move arms and legs.
    Boxing – dull cunt hits dull cunt.

    I could go on, but the point is made.
    Sport is by definition a simple past time that is fun to take part in for the individual/s involved. Anyone that spectates or commentates a sport is a fucking truly dull piece of shit.
    And no, you cannot make it exciting with analysis of skill or strategy or leagues or bloody anything. It’s not. It’s still just a simple thing from which any fun at all is derived from actually doing it.

    • Totally agree, used to love playing some sports whilst at school but even the thought of watching it bores me shirtless.

    • Yeah I agree. I used to ski a lot and absolutely loved it – whizzing down the piste with the Eiger and Jungfrau in the background – but watching skiing on television was such a bore, even when I understood the rules.

    • Some memorable sports commentators:

      David Coleman
      Brian Moore
      Ron Pickering
      David Vine
      Harry Carpenter
      Barry Davies
      Richie Benaud
      Reg Gutteridge
      Murray Walker
      Dave Lanning

      Need I say more.

      • Outstanding list there Bill. I agree with each and every one of them. We clearly have similar opinions eg Barry Davies but not Motson, both the great boxing rivals, Benaud etc. And guess what sets them apart from today’s shitfests ? Answer : The ability to keep their mouths shut (Murray apart!!).

        I would add the two Peters O Sullivan and Alliss. Alliss may be well into his 80s now but he seldom misidentifies a player or a hole; is not cowed by political correctness and good luck to him for filling those lengthy Thursday afternoons sending messages to his old mates like Bunty at the 19th in Stoke Poges. He’s quite clearly an aficionado of some of the short-skirted American women too (see Ms Gublis)

  5. Sorry KC, cannot agree.

    Have played golf from quite a young age, never brilliant but got down to about a 12 handicap. Reckon I could have achieved a high single figure but that about it.

    Fortunate to have played with some low handicap players, and even some off scratch. Played once with a Lloyds Underwriter (sadly no longer with us), on a 7000+ yard par 72 course. He did not make a long put all day, but shot a gross 68. Outdrove me on average by about 75 yards. Compared to him I played like an absolute cunt but shot 80. A completely different game to the one I was playing. Realised that if I played every day for the rest of my life I would never be as good as him.

    The professionals you see on TV are simply fucking fantastic. Like most sports the top professionals make it look all so easy, clearly due to the years of practice and dedication they apply to being the best.

    Golf still has a tremendous amount of etiquette and sportsmanship, good manners and fair play. Yesterday sat for several hours watching the Masters, ands will again tonight. Absolutely love it, although when the TV licence is not renewed (now decided unanimously by all family members) I will of course miss it.

    Tiger Woods without doubt the greatest golfer we will ever see. Better than Nicklaus, Player, Palmer and those of an earlier era. All right, he was a cunt a few years ago off the course and initially I hoped we would never see him play again because of this, but following his injuries even I think it is good to see him working hard to make his way back where he belongs.

    Not all millionaire sportsmen or women are cunts. But by the law of averages some must be, this applies to people in all walks of life.

    Totally agree about Rory Mcilroy, he is a complete up himself prize cunt. Cannot stand the bastard. Or Andy Murray. Or Serena Williams.

  6. The best quote about golf is ‘ a good walk spoiled’ or words to that effect.
    Televising a bunch of cunts walking with a crowd of cunts watching takes it to another level of cuntitude.

    • “A lot of old Jewish people play golf. You drive around the course in an electric buggy..when you do have to walk, you’ve got a stick in your hand to lean on…what’s not to like?” [ Jackie Mason ]

  7. You have to play golf to understand it. I can score a brilliant goal on Sunday morning but i’m only playing against a bunch of cunts still pissed from the night before.
    However I can hit a ball from 140 yds to within inches, I can chip in from off the green and I can sink a 45 foot putt. Ok it doesn’t happen very often but it DOES fucking happen!
    And when it does happen could Tiger have done any better? No he fucking couldn’t. Therefore, for a few minutes I am fucking as good as Tiger fucking Woods.
    Suck on that.

      • No, I can only do those shots 5% of the time, a professional can do them 95% of the time. That’s why they’re multi millionaires and i’m a cunt.

        • I’ve only ever tried pitch’n’putt and a couple of times on a range and I wasn’t too bad but it wasn’t enough to generate any further interest plus I found it’s not exactly cheap.

          • ‘Practice makes perfect’, as they say, but I think some sports you’re naturally good at, or you aren’t.
            I tried pitch&put on holiday.. I nearly killed 3 people – balls would fly 90 degrees from where I was aiming. I even missed the ball but let the club slip out of my hand, which nearly took somebody’s head off.
            The manager warned me against pissing about but I wasn’t…I was just unbelievably shit ! 🙁

  8. “Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening – and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented”. Arnold Palmer.

    “Anyone can shoot a 67, its doing it when it matters that’s important”. Jack Nicklaus.

    “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron”. Lee Trevino

    “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps”. Tiger Woods

    “The object of golf is not just to win. It is to play like a gentleman, and win”. Phil Mickelson

    “No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfer’s mind”. Tom Watson

    Golf- only the best sport there is. Sorry if fellow cunters cannot appreciate how fucking brilliant it is. Have had some great laughs when I first started playing and was absolute shit, to some great competitive moments even winning small competitions when I improved.

    What’s not to like about golf specifically compared to other sports? I can appreciate and watch most, with the possible exception of horse racing/riding (sorry Dick), equestrian, water aerobics, tennis (because of the grunts and continuous shots of the celebrity crowd) and Formula 1 because of earring cunt chops Hamilton. Golf I can (and do) watch for hours.

    • Golf has too much walking to be a good game, and just enough game to spoil a good walk

      [Harry Wilson, 1904]

      What’s not to like, in my experience, WS, is more the golfers than the golf. Not so much a “good walk spoiled¹”, more an excellent lunch severely impaired by the endless pompous braying about some intricacy of a recent round by a twat on the adjacent table.

      ¹attrib. Mark Twain (incorrectly)

    • “The object of golf is not just to win. It is to play like a gentleman, and win”. Phil Mickelson…..

      Fuck Me, I don’t know how Mickelson, of all golfers, can rattle on about playing like a “gentleman” He’s a complete bell-end who cost me a decent sum when I backed him a few years ago..an utter Cunt.

      Fuck him.

  9. Back in the 1970s I could never quite get my head round the idea of Alice Cooper playing golf, let alone with cunts like Bob Hope and President Ford.

  10. I don’t get it ?
    Grown men getting excited about knocking a small ball in a small hole ?? And Cunts that get even more excited about watching it.. Another mind numbingly boring sport that is on par with golf is indoor bowls.
    All the old Cunts playing it wearing there whites with piss stains down the front because of there enlarged prostates.
    Christ , give me a break. Golf is fucking boring !!!

    • Quite like watching indoor bowls although never played it despite being invited to. And enjoy playing and watching darts.

      Perhaps I need to visit the doctor for a finger up the arse Fenton?

      In any case, accept that so far looking at the responses I am very much in the minority here and must indeed be a cunt. Thought my fellow cunters would be more civilised. Smiley face.

      • Your no cunt Willie. I always enjoy your posts on here and always agree with . Sorry if I offended anyone of the Golf fraternity. Miserable old Cunt that I am.

        • Absolutely no need for apologies Fenton, rarely take offence at other peoples opinions to which they are duly entitled.

          From a fellow miserable old cunt.

    • Agree JR. Usually yelled out by fucking stupid ignorant fat American cunts.

      Why do they do it? Hardly original, and the golf ball is an inanimate object so cannot change the flight or direction of the ball once hit.

      Cunts.

  11. Tiger Woods: The Messiah.

    He is followed by his disciples.
    Down the fairway.
    The crowd gathers (five thousand say).
    A holy silence reigns.

    Accompanied by an acolyte (the caddy)
    He enters sacred space (the green).
    Goes down on one knee (reverently)
    To guage the distance.
    His soul in a hole.

  12. Crazy golf is infinitely more fun and takes up infinitely less room.

    Golf courses are a criminal waste of space. What was once forest or ecologically diverse habitat, now nothing but fucking short grass that nothing but ants and wankers in trousers can use. And it’s not like it’s being constantly used either.

    Fuck golf. Carry your bag of faggots off a cliff.

  13. I love the golf. Watching the Masters now so fuck off!

    P.S. Rory is pretty fucking far from being a silver spoon cunt. His Mam and Dad are working class folk who sacrificed a lot to give Rory a chance at pro golf. A mate of mine from school was also mustard at golf and his Mam and Dad did the same thing, alas he wasn’t as talented as Rory. Even so he makes a healthy living from the game as a PGA professional.

    Just saying.

  14. well done Tiger!! absolutely brilliant!. i play a LOT of Golf and you know what? i am well aware its all about getting a small white ball in a hole . we golfers know that!. we still love it though. if you’ve never played i understand why you can’t see that.

  15. Not a fan of German cars. “Golf GTi” is perilously close to an anagram of “Flog It”…

    The 2nd Tee at Bala golf course sits, temptingly, within twatting distance of the lake. As a rash, callow youth, amongst similarly-minded and 6th Form-dodging friends, we made numerous attempts to drive golf balls into the water. Bounced a fair few off the main road between the golf course and the lake, mind….

  16. You’re right about Naga fucking Munchetti. She might be half man but an annoying humourless one thats for sure. Do the beeb specifically look for boring no personality cunts like her?

    • Pixie Munchetti?

      Yeah she’s a cunt but her cuntitude pales into comparison compared to Kuntsberg, Maitlis and Derbycunt.

  17. If you need a bag full of handcrafted metallurgical technology AND some other cunt has to carry it round an essentially sterile wasteland, it makes considerably more sense to get your underkeeper to act as loader while you shoot rabbits on the course with your matched pair of Purdeys. Costs less, too.

    Golf? No class.

  18. I’m with Willie Stroker who clearly has a depth of knowledge and understanding of the game. Totally agree on that list of the great commentators.

    Don’t play it myself as I’m pretty shite but I’m a decent armchair golfer on the two days of the year it’s on my TV.

    Yes some but relatively few golfers are Bell-end cunts (I’ll include Mickelson, Johnson D, Woods but generally speaking the Ryder Cup is the best three days in all sport and we’re pretty good at it.)

    The Tango man likes it and apparently he nearly rivals his mate Kim Jong Un’s incredible feats of golf in holding a scarcely believable course record 48 which included 9 holes in one. Get in the hole “the Kim”

    PS I had a tenner on Molinari at 22/1 and it was looking bloody good until the 12th yesterday afternoon! Bugger it.

  19. The best thing about golf is that the cunts who miss the cut dont get paid.Not a farthing.Sandy Lyle has probably missed the cut in every tournament for the past 20 years.His savings must be severely depleted.

    • Er surely that’s not true is it?

      I’dve thought even last place would trouser $10,000 minimum at Augusta.

      Good point about Sandy though. Despite the officials giving him big hints like being first out at dawn or being forced to play on his own he continues to show up year in year out and good luck to him. He’ll always be revered by me for being the first Brit to win it.

  20. The only golf ive ever played is at a windy seaside holiday park in Devon and it involved windmills and a fibreglass hippo.

    The real thing is not for me, but if i take up criminal activity then retire to the Costa del Sol, i might take it up as a daily hobby, after necking a few screwdrivers over breakfast.

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