Euphemism users are Cunts.
I ran into an acquaintance who I hadn’t seen for a while. When I made the mistake of asking about his wife (a fine looking tart in her day and not overly burdened with morals), he told me that he’d “lost Jennifer over a year ago”…I nearly burst out laughing. It sounded like he’d left a bag of shopping on the bus or something, where it still was,forever doomed to an endless tour of rural Northumberland.
A few more….
Lazy,wobbly Fat-Fuck ….. cuddly
Thick Cunt……… educationally-challenged
Raving Nutter….. a character
Spazz…differently-abled
Gay….predatory homosexuals who behave and dress like drunken tarts on a Blackpool hen-night.
Normal people shouldn’t be forced to adopt these “polite” terms..Call a Spade a Spade (or Darkie), I say. After all,nobody is fooled for long,but sometimes I have to stop and try and decipher what the fuck people mean when they use these silly terms.
Fuck Off.
Nominated by Dick Fiddler
Mrs Time wanted an example of a double entendre so I gave her one.
I’ll get my coat
17
Veteran entertainer = washed up old has been
Racist = whiteman
Feminist = ugly fat lezzer
Nazi = anyone who isn’t a soft as shit snowflake
Cunt = Member of Parliament
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How do you give a remoaner directions?
You write them on the side of a bus because that’s the only thing they’ve ever fucking read.
How many remoaners does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. You leave the dead bulb there and hope it changes itself.
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Right wing mass popularity = Populism
Left wing mass popularity = A Movement
20
How about
Athletic = built like a Soviet era shot putter.
Bubbly = built like a Soviet era shot putter.
Career minded = built like a Soviet era shot putter and too ugly to find a partner.
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Dianne Abbott?
Or the Labour MPs known as the Eagle brothers?
9
Celebrity – someone you have never heard of unless you are a window licker.
Window licker – The viewers of ITV2, ITVb, BBC3, X Factor and all it’s clones.
Democratic – undemocratic decided by a few hundred Remoaners.
People (as in People’s Vote) – Remoaners
13
A native of Turkmenistan is a Turkmen.
A person from Uzbekistan is an Uzbek.
Somebody from Kazakhstan is a Kazakh.
People from Afghanistan/Tajikistan/Kyrgyzstan are Afghans/Tajiks/Kyrgyz.
So why on earth do PC people object to calling people from Pakistan Pa Keys?
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Does that mean that the inhabitants of Cltheroe are Clits and those of Scunthorpe are regularly on this site?
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Don’t forget the inhabitants of Peniston.
2
I believe the ending of these countries names (stan) means land. Therefore the phrase Paki land is a valid phrase & a Pakistani is therefore a Paki lander.
4
A sandwich short of a picnic = Anna Sourberries
Born with a silver spoon in his mouth = David Cameron
Equality = what some rich cunt says it is
14
And the worst euphemism of all comes from the gob of Treason May:
“Brexit means Brexit”.
Treason May is a lying cunt.
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They’re ALL lying cunts. The word politician is itself a euphemism for a lying cunt.
4
Cunstable beat me to the Democrat one, but here are a few more:
Liberal – Anything but
Celebrity – Anything but
That dress looks nice on you – No it doesn’t but I’m not risking the truth!
It’s a bargain – I don’t need it, and it will sit in my cupboard for 22 years, but it IS cheap!
11
Shabby chic = they saw you coming
13
Sorry to go off topic, but some negress uni professor (PhD is Saint Stephen if Lawrence studies) has told LBC that there is no link between young effnik men and knife crime when discussing stop and search.
Keeo your phone on love, Ayatollah Khan and Cressida strap on will start a bidding war for your next job ad kormunnideee advisor.
Fuck off back to the plantation and leave policing to uncle Tom.
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Condones murder, enslaves women, talk to a voice in his head, never works, has a constant, bilious odour
= anti-social Psychopath
Condones murder, enslaves women, talk to a voice in his head, never works, has a constant, bilious odour, Mùslim
= downtrodden victim.
17
The boss I was asked to see
He said sit down, would you like some tea?
No said I, haven’t you got a beer?
No’ said he, let me make it clear
Something you have to know
I have decided to let you go.
Go where? I asked in confusion
He said be under no illusion
It was not an easy decision to make
Certainly not a piece of cake
How can I make it simple and plain
Please do not come to work again.
You mean I’m fired you stupid cunt
Yes that’s it said he with a grunt
Well fuck you and your euphemism boss
Not working for you will be no loss
Now here’s a euphemism for you
Why are your balls on the end of my shoe?
Just came upon me while cutting out my Sun travel coupons.
20
The man arrested for 4 separate stabbings in Edmonton is black! MATRON:PASS THE SMELLING SALTS….
Hang on, professor uppity bint says black men are not involved in knife crime.
Da feds are well WWWWAAAAAYYYYYYYYCCCCCCCCCCCCIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTT.
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“ mental health issues”.
Whiteman? “far right extremist.”
12
“mental health issues” – traditionally from an effnick group that has an IQ lower than the midnight temperature in the desert.
6
Complaint : the man down the road called me ‘coloured’
Police reply : we do not tolerate racism, and will investigate this race hate crime.
Complaint : the man down the road called me ‘queer’
Police reply : we do not tolerate homophobia, and will investigate this hate crime.
Complaint : my ex gf down the road is stalking me, and has threatened to kill me several times.
Police reply : keep a written log of all the threats, as it will help if the matter ever gets to court, but we are limited in what we can do, unless they physically assault you. Rest assured that if you are murdered, we will investigate the matter.
equal rights means EQUAL rights.
9
Reminds me of the story I heard once (believe it is true) about a man who reported his house had been burgled and was told that someone MIGHT visit him in a few days, but were too short-handed to attend now. On ringing back a few minutes later and telling the Old Bill that the burglar was still on the premises and that “I have a shotgun”, guess what. 12 police on site in two minutes flat.
4
I never really knew him = Everyone at the BBC referring to Saville.
Kept himself to himself = Eveyone at the BBC referring to Saville.
It was before my time = Everyone at the BBC referring to Saville.
I cant believe or get my head around it = Everyone at the BBC referring to Saville.
He’s clearly a paedophile = Everyone not working for the BBC referring to Saville…..prior to his death. May peace be upon him.
7
Car crash – Mother Theresa’s Brexshit deal.
11
Australian fast-bowler with lots of character = cheating cunt
13
‘Upcycled’……AKA some piece of old, tatty shite that no bastard wants turned into another piece of old tatty shite that some cunt in Kensington, with more money than sense, will pay 500 quid for.
Upcycling = a euphemism for ‘money for old rope’.
13
Away with the fairies = Krav and Justin Bieber disappearing into the sunset.
18
I was out with the family enjoying a meal in this Restaurant when in walked this Carer with this aggressive loud mouthed Rasberry .
The Carer started to hand out cards warning us that this Lunatic could kick off at any moment. Well of course that in itself was enough to raise our anxiety levels through the roof.
But what got me was the euphemism she used for shouting. She said he’s being VOCAL. FFS. My brother was having none of it and said you should keep that loud cunt in a rubber room wearing a jacket that fastens at the back. ruined our evening.
13
It wasn’t by any chance Sourberry – Raspberry, was it, Fenton ??
You mention “he”, but that seems nearly irrelevant these days…
Am listening to Brahms’ 2nd symphony, composed by the shores of Lake Portschach; quite pastoral. Imagining a six ft. Austrian blonde rubbing sun-cream all over me…
3
I’m on fire today = illegal immigrant at Grenfell.
Money for nothing = illegal immigrant not at Grenfell.
My friend died in Grenfell = fucking lie told for political advantage.
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Aspiring….. – mortuary slab cunt.
10
Confirmed bachelor …. rampant shit stabber and / or kiddy Fiddler.
Good evening.
11
That should have been a small f.
3
Has anyone taken a look at the newly elected President of Slovakia?
I wpuld certainly have put my ballot in her box…
7
I wouldn’t. She’s a fucking libtard.
Probably a trannie.
1
She’s alright but no Pritti Patel.
Pritti can work hard on my Private Member’s bill anytime.
I wouldn’t lose the Whip in the chamber with her.
Pritti for PM.
5
She can job-share with Penny Mordaunt…
3
The old lonely hearts column used to be full of them, until they were finally decoded.
Cuddly – fat cunt
Bubbly – fat cunt
Good sense of humour – fat cunt
Wear my heart on my sleeve – gobby opinionated fat cunt
Busy mum of one – lazy fat lying cunt
Quiet nights in – too fat to leave the house, or too ugly to be seen in public
Dining out – All you can eat Harvester emptying greedy fat cunt
Petite – again, lying fat cunt
12
ISO…. = I have a dream. An impossible dream.
Friendly = town bicycle
Bubbly (alternative) = never stops talking
Loves children = has 16 dependent children, none of whose fathers are known to anyone but the police
Animal lover = are you into bestiality too?
Romantic = stalker. Impossible to shake off
Many interests = five-second attention span
3
From the housing sector.
Benefits from view of countryside – toilet window overlooks cemetery.
Innnovative design – two shipping containers welded together at right angles and painted purple….
(Et cetera ad infinitum)
Challenged – mong.
Subnormal – normal for Norfolk
Diverse neighbourhood – refugee camp.
4
Sem-detached = fully attached
3
Differently-abled?
Spastic, Mong, Window-licker.
Spastic’s a word guaranteed to get the snowflakes blubbing and the Twitterati onto the Non-crime Hate dept. of the local constabulary, staffed by a morbidly obese lesbian with one leg, a trans-fluid creature with rainbow hair and twigs for arms and a therapy dog called Liberace, with canine Tourettes.
And to think the hand-wringing ‘comedy’ cunts like Richard Herring had a problem with ‘mong’.
3
It’s always funny when Americans use it as an adjective and the geniuses on social media over here have a collective fit.
2
“He’s OK when you get to know him” = “He’s a cunt but you get used to it”
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