Stupid Road Signs

A nomination for stupid road signs. Just spotted one today, due to roadworks, there is a sign showing two cute kids with the slogan ‘My mummy works in this town, please drive carefully’ yeah well when you’re crawling at 2mph you can’t do much else can you, stupid local council twats.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

37 thoughts on “Stupid Road Signs

  1. I like the ‘low flying aircraft’ one. Are you supposed to duck? Then there’s ‘falling rocks’ which I suppose you need to dodge. In your car. On a narrow road.

  2. Signs reflect today’s nanny state. That one a particularly bad example of how the snowflake generation have now leeched their psyche into what should be a simple warning. Fucking councils think they need a sign for everything. Better to have a sign in the inside of everybody’s front door saying ‘Don’t act like a cunt’ and remove every other sign clogging up roads, footpaths etc.

  3. While in India there were some great road signs, ‘WARNING TO TOURISTS – DO NOT LAUGH AT THE NATIVES’ and ‘DO NOT GOSSIP. LET HIM DRIVE’ among a few I remember.

    • Loads of hilarity in China of that kind too, I lived there for three years and not a day went by without a bit of free entertainment. Image search “chinglish signs” for a laugh.
      Apparently, Xi Jinping is having a “push” to put an end to the comedy before the 2022 winter Olympics, so get it while you can!

  4. Slight variation on this, but I once spotted what I regard as the daftest sign of all time. When on holiday on the Yorks dales, I went out for a long walk. A few feet behind a fence in a field was a post with a notice which read (I kid not) ‘DO NOT THROW STONES AT THIS SIGN’.
    Wtf? This struck me as so ludicrous that a took a photo as a keepsake, but sadly it’s gone missing.

  5. All these signs put up everywhere by the nanny state is something we will all have to put up with from now on.
    It’s a sign of the times..

  6. I saw something similar in the US Ron.
    ‘Please do not shoot at this sign’ and ‘caution! This sign has sharp edges.’.
    Saw a good one in a pub in town last year advertising that they could now show live sky football. It was written on too small a board with no room for spaces.
    ‘SKY,
    NOWHERE!’

    • Fuck me, I saw a similar sign in one of those big fuck off lay-bys in America. It said “no drugs, no alcohol, no shooting.”The sign was full of bullet holes and there were empty beer bottles all over the ground so I assumed this is where the local yoot gather to piss away the boredom of small town America.
      Crazy mixed up kids.

      • This strikes me a subtle psychological trick meaning all the pissed, drugged up Annie Oakleys all gather in one place and the police needn’t worry about anywhere else.

    • Bonkers CMC!
      Another one which bemused me was in a hospital. My wife went in to get a cataract op as a day patient in December, and I had to hang about. It was a piss horrible day, so I took to wandering about in the corridors. On one corridor wall was a huge, felt covered notice board, which was completely bare, except for a notice which read; ‘PLEASE DON’T PIN NOTICES TO THIS BOARD’.
      ??????????????????????????

      ?????…………………………..

    • I was quite optimistic when I saw a US layby signposted as a Gobbling Area. Sadly, my helmet remained unpolished.

  7. As a very young child, I used to be genuinely perplexed by the ubiquitous triangular warning signs showing a man opening an umbrella. I later realised they meant “roadworks ahead” (hence the ubiquity).
    Much later in life, and I now realise I was right first time round, see:
    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1pKvH0kH-Ua1p62mYp8qbsW3rcKDxRMa

    Stanshall’s album, although not exactly a commercial success, is slightly unusual in featuring Nigerian coffee tables as instruments and an unidentified West Indian taxi driver (and his unidentified friend) as musicians, inter alia.

    I have seen those excruciatingly fake-emotive signs: please drive carefully because “my daddy works here” kind of shite. As if I’m going to suddenly modify my supposedly apalling driving because of diddum’s daddy; it’s peculiarly insulting and curiously annoying.
    Good job I’m not carrying a Holland & Holland at such times; daddy might risk getting both barrels up his bleeding Gary.
    A valid cunting, MM.

  8. **Very important announcement from James O’Shithead**

    “I think it has already been publicly announced, but I’m on my holibobs next week… don’t worry though, cos standing in for me will be: Tom Watson MP, David Lammy, Emily Thornberry, Anna Sourbry, and Jess Phillips – all people of irreproachable integrity in their fact based analysis of issues…”

    What?… no Lord Adonis? No Tony Blair?

    So 15 hours of unashamed Remoaner political propaganda , no change there then. Except these cunts are all, with the possible exception of pretend Tory MP Anna Sourpuss, prominent Liebour politicians.

    Never mind, JR-M gets 1 hour.

    Btw, the cunt was earlier desperately trying to justify bringing that psychopathic ISIS bride back into this country. I think my next door neighbour might be prepared to give her house room under his patio.

    • 4 Labour wankers and the sour faced cunt, Tom Watson is so fucking wet he should live in swimming pool, Lammy is just a cunt, I hope he gets shit loads of calls about his previous fuck ups

      The other are women so they dont count 😂

    • “…holibobs…”

      How very winsome and inclusive, and what very infantile thought processes must be going on there. Needs a good kick in the genibobs.

      • If forced, who would you choose to have sex with, Jess Phillips or Angela Rayner?

        Akin to asking if you would rather die by gunshot or poisoning.

        • Be a hell of a job raising a hard on for these two gobby horrors. Would have to close my eyes and think of Abbottpotamus i think.

  9. Not a sign, but did see some strange labelling on some products when we stopped to do a bit of shopping in Liverpool.

    It’s not everyday you see a ‘steal-by’ date….

  10. I saw a sign next to a flight of stairs the other day advising people of caution and to “always hold the handrail.”
    First of all, the handrail was interspersed with vertical posts making it impossible to maintain a continuous handhold along it’s length; and second, what is the point of signs written in the queen’s english these days? Seems to me only twenty three of us use it anymore.
    The sign should read “your bad. Wait innit bruv” instead of give way, etc etc etc.
    Fucking hell, I can’t even look at a sign without my piss boiling steam out of my ears. This is going to have a detrimental effect on my life expectancy.

    • Golly gosh, now I know what I’ve been getting wrong in the handrail department for all these years.

      I use it for getting winnits out of my arse-crack.

    • Fucking filthy cunts. Culture eh? I fucking think not. It’s not rocket science. The behaviour of standing on a toilet bowl in order to shit is simply perversion.

      • I’ve just realised how ignorant my comment was. Of course, we should simply outfit all toilets with stirrups.
        At taxpayer expense

        • I worked in Holland with a load of other British students packing flower bulbs one summer many years ago. They took on a load of savages from the Dutch East Indies. The bog seats were absolutely covered in shit once they arrived. Dutch cleaners fucked off it was so disgusting.

  11. Not a roadsign but a few decades ago someone put a notice up in the Gents at work before smoking was banned in all buildings ..

    “Please Do Not Drop Cigarette Butts Into The Urinals”

    To which some wag scrawled “As It Makes Them Difficult To Light”.

    • Another oldie:
      (Toilet roll holder in any science department at any university):
      “Get your Arts degree here”

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