Stupid names

Back in maaaah day (colliery band plays the theme from the old ‘Hovis’ ad), when men were men an’t lassies were pleased ’bout it, people had PROPER names, like Mary and Jane, Tom or Bill.
But as time went imperceptibly by, an air of affectation crept in. James was no longer ‘Jim’ but ‘Jamie’, Robert was no longer ‘Bob’ but ‘Robbie’. Then it seemed that every chav was naming their female progeny ‘Kylie-Anne’ or ‘Chardonnay’.
Fast forward to the present, and utter naffness is often the rule. I offer two recent examples from my own experience by way of illustration. I was eating out in Edinburgh, and at the next table were a couple of pushy ‘yahoo’ types ( a great show was made over the wine selection) and their precocious brood, who rejoiced in the names of ‘Cosmo’ and (wait for it) ‘Cascade’. On the second occasion, I was in a playpark with my granddaughter when a fat scratter bawled out to her snot-nosed brat ‘c’mere NOW, Cheyenne!’.
Naturally in such matters, you can always depend upon the world of celebrity when it comes to making a tit of yourself. Who would think to call their kid ‘Bay Atlas’? step forward Kirstie Allsopp. How about ‘Rocket Zot’ (Sam Worthington),
‘Kal-El’ (Nick Cage), ‘Pilot Inspektor’ (Jason Lee), and ‘Daisy Boo’, ‘Buddy Bear’ and ‘Petal Blossom Rainbow’ (Jamie Oliver)? Bless.
There’s a lot of this nuttiness about. In dear old Blighty, there are hapless sods condemned to go through life burdened with the names ‘Superman’, ‘Gandalf’, ‘Pochohontas’, ‘z13’ (??) and even ‘Chlomidiya’, would you believe.
Some countries have even taken to banning certain monikers. The US has banned ‘Fish’ and ‘Chips’ (for twins, natch) and ‘Sex Fruit’. New Zealand has forbidden ‘Lucifer’, ‘V8′, ’89’, and ‘Talulah Does The Hula From Hawaii’, while inexplicably allowing ‘Number 16 Bus Shelter’. Some cunts in Denmark even wanted to call their kid ‘Anus’. It takes all sorts.
Is this wankery catching? Go on you tossers, cunt your own sprog by giving it a ludicrous handle so everyone can take the piss, and show the whole world that you’re a cunt yourself while you’re at it.

Must say that ‘Muhammed’ is a pretty cool name though… Most popular boy’s name in Britain in 2017 I gather…

Nominated by Ron Knee

105 thoughts on “Stupid names

  1. Noting the propensity of African Americans to make up girls’ names consisting of several syllables and always ending with the letter A, I am waiting for the first boxer to name his daughter Lepidoptera. You know, float like a butterfly………

  2. ‘Sir’ Lenny Of Henry delivered a letter to 10 Downing Street in an attempt to increase the number of women, BAME and disabled people working in film and TV…..
    The letter calls for tax relief to help boost diversity behind the camera…. Other skin colour cash-in cunts, Meera Syal and Adrian Lester also delivered the letter with ‘Sir’ Lenny…..

    More of them in film and TV?!! Like there isn’t enough of them already?!! What Sir Cunt means is he wants a Zimbabwe style takeover of film and TV in the UK…. And this not enough of them shite?… Has the cunt seen Doctor Who recently? Only two white people in it are the cockney bus driver (whose only purpose is to go on about great his dead black wife was) and Jiggy Jiggy Jodie: who was put in it to placate the PC Femstapo… Only a matter of time (if it isn’t axed) before the Doctor also becomes a Mills & Boon…. That should please Sir Chicken Of George, the cunt….

  3. Lenny Henry has also been bleating to the Guardian (who lap this shit up) about how lonely it is being the only macaroon behind the camera.

    Doesn’t this skidmark know that life (generally) is a meritocracy and special points shouldn’t be awarded for having pube hair, lilo lips, a wide nose and swarthy skin? ‘People of Colour were adequately represented on the ITV news last night – as the 2018 victims of stabby architect and quantum physician activity in Londonistan.

    Lenny, Many blacks are truly talented for their knife skills. Perhaps the Al Beeba should sit up and commission a celebratory series on their talents?

    • I did, and she was really rather cracking.
      About 5’10”, and looked right hot in jods. A magnificent seat.

  4. A deranged ex-acquaintance of mine gave her son the name ‘Neo’.
    Needless to say she and her social circle take pride in having tattoos that look as though they were done by inebriated chimps.

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