Life Coachs

Life coach’s are cunts, aren’t they?

If your life isn’t going well and you expect to be richer/sexier/more complete, why not try a life coach?  They’ll give meaning to your life.  They won’t just spout hackneyed gibberish like “Leave your comfort zone”, they’ll insist they have ” the secret” and will claim they know how to “harness your inner power”.  Not at all tired, condescending cliches.

This is another, wretched Yank import like Black Friday, the intense commercialisation of Halloween, fast food and awful spelling.  There are courses to take, workshops to attend, books to buy, these leeches will find a way to extract your money and you’ll consent to it.

This has to be one of the best scams of the 21st Century.  ” Take a journey to yourself” read one hollow, quasi-religious nonsensical headline.  All these smarmy parasites have done is had expensive haircuts, bleached their grinders until they shine, then casually googled a few Buddhist quotes.  They aren’t saviors, they’re frauds who feed on the depressed, the weak, and the insecure.

Captain Magnanimous advises, “Take a journey to fuck yourself, you parasitic cunts”.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

21 thoughts on “Life Coachs

  1. These life coaches aren’t just cunts who rip off rich fuckers who need someone to tell them how great they are. A lot of them are employed by the NHS. They tell chav slag mothers to stop smoking, drinking, getting their legs open for any scumbag with a cock, stop watching Jeremy Kyle and Love Island and get up off their lazy fat arses. They also give them detailed menus with instructions about how to healthily feed themselves and their dirty, unwashed, out of control, anti-social shit-arsed brats.
    You may as well invite Mr Fiddler to Brighton Gay Pride and expect the cunt to join in the festivities.
    It just ain’t gonna work is it?

    • Ha ha ha. Now that would be a sight to see…
      Fiddler getting down with all the girating men in leather pants…
      I think we’ve more chance of seeing England win the world cup.

  2. Interesting cunting ( and well deserved ) Cap’n. The application of the “Fraudulent Mediums Act” should be applied to these feckless twats. If you need a “coach” to see you through life, then I suggest you are fucked.! ( literally )

    • It’s a tricky one because can you prosecute against someone when they’re willingly visiting these ‘lectures’ and consenting to this turgid nonsense. They’re not placing an advert saying, “Are you a gullible, insecure wreck who wants some words of comfort? Send £500 today!”, though they might as well be.

  3. Worse still are the online mindset guru category of ‘coaches’ and i mean ‘coaches’ in the loosest form of the word.

    Always women targeting other women, but reading between the lines they are targeting dim, simple minded wannabe entrepreneurial women with the idea that;

    ‘If you give me 5k (or more with all the course up sells) you can be successful and glamorous as me!’

    Google ‘Women mindset coach’ for yourselves if you can be bothered, but parasitic charlatan fits the bill for most of them.

    They have got their hook well and truly in Mrs Byrne, I would post some of the culprits names but it would probably end in a law suit against ISAC.

  4. Life coaches are for silly people with too much money who need some reason to believe that the fact that they have failed in life isn’t their fault. They need someone to tell them that it’s not their fault that they are fat, or an alchoholic, or divorced etc. It must be because someone else hasn’t done the right thing by them.
    Load of bollocks. I’ve made numerous mistakes in my life,but I don’t need some gobshite ever so gently breaking it to me that I’ve been a fool. Anyone can look back and identify where things went wrong and how to remedy them. It doesn’t take an outsider on God knows how much per hour to work it out.
    People should take responsibility for their own actions and lifestyles.

    Fuck them.

  5. Good cunting. Something else I can’t stand is all this “spiritual” nonsense. The act of discovering your “inner self” and “raising your vibrations”. All this cobblers just turns borderline mental cases completely insane. Sitting in a dark room listening to whale sounds and poncing about with crystals isn’t going to get you very far in life. Get a fucking job.

    • Come on Jayniño, go to your safe, mind cave and release your inner animal.

      • I had some raised vibrations last night, I was up till 4am watching Japanese porn. Then I watched the Crawford / Horn fight on BoxNation to calm myself down.

    • I like to raise my vibrations occasionally…

      A Hitachi Magic Wand, surely one of Nippon’s greatest inventions.

      My GP discovered my inner self when she did a finger up the bum job
      (posts passim re arsegrapes &c.).

  6. Life coaches, from the same mould as Feng Shui consultants.

    In truth, I’m thinking about becoming a Feng Shui consultant.
    I know fuck all about it, but neither do the white middle class suburban set.

    If you have a room that has a particularly dark corner, especially in the evening….buy a lamp….

    • Yep, Masters of Parting Rich and/or Stupid Numbcunts with their Money- they are both certainly that. I confess I’m slightly jealous I didn’t embark on such a career 20yrs or so back, but on the other hand, I’d probably be in prison now after carving a whiny cunts pancreas out with a wooden spoon then shoving it up their anus.

  7. Its the same with “personal trainers”. Who the fuck needs someone to tell you how to do your exercises?
    Pro athletes need coaches to tell them what drugs they should be taking without getting caught. Your fucking airheaded bimbo needs a coach ‘cos she might want him (or her) to fuck her at some opportune time.
    Men who have personal trainers or life coaches should be packed up and sent to Afghanistan or some other Middle Eastern shithole, they’ll fucking well learn all they need to know after a couple of weeks out there

  8. Sad to say, the subject of this cunting is so self-evidently pure unalloyed cunt, along with crystal healers, ear-candlers, aromatherapists, reiki, colonic irrigators, feng-shui, homeopathy and inspirational management speakers…that original cunting of the same is next to impossible. There’s nothing the matter with any of the customers for these that a month working on an inshore trawler (or Fiddler’s farm) wouldn’t sort out. Which gives me an idea. Perhaps the Lamborghini lifestyle is within my reach after all.

  9. Has anyone else noticed that life coaches seem to live in crappy bedsits above kebab shops and feed on whiskas on toast. And other people’s failure?

Comments are closed.