Cunts who live near volcanoes

Fogo, Cape Verde where some cunts actually live INSIDE a volcano


I cannot understand what part of me needs to care about a cunt who cannot figure out why their home has been evaporated by a river of molten lava, when they have clearly moved on to a mountain side that is going to explode, only with a question of when.

Any cunt in spewing distances of volcanoes Hawaii, Bali, Guatemala, Mt Etna, St Helens, Iceland, should either fuck off somewhere else as they should have done years ago, or bite the pillow and bear the pain – as its not like any one didn’t know. They are called Volcanoes for a reason.

Nominated by King Cunt

55 thoughts on “Cunts who live near volcanoes

    • Probably better value than all the wank that’s advertised on afternoon tv…
      Improbable family discussions about being responsible for your own funeral…
      “Our house just did the most amaaaaaazing thing – it fell into a sinkhole, and the cunts won’t pay out”

      At least an eruption brings a bit of colour into their drab lives before they get (free) cremation.

  1. Now come on, how on earth are the rest of us supposed to get a good bellyaching laugh if we don’t see the genuine despair?
    In fact, I’m feeling cheated already because the media won’t show the residents running around screaming with their hands in the air.

  2. Back in 2009 went to Kagoshima which is situated on the southern Japanese island of Kyushu.

    The resident active volcano is called Sakurajima, which translates into Cherry Blossom.

    Spewing out a lot of ash when we were there, which falls on the town, shops and people. Quite a strange and unique experience.

    The area itself is incredibly beautiful, lots of palm trees and exotic plants, the people are lovely, as us the climate. To be honest if given the choice of living in Londonistan with Mr Suckdick or next to the volcano in Kagoshima I would almost certainly choose next to the volcano and take my chances. This is with the knowledge that a major eruption, is long overdue, the last one being in 1914,

    • Fair Play. The cunting is not for people that live near them and accept or enjoy it. Its the cunts that expect international rescue to come collect them when the stomach starts to rumble. Or posts dilemas on them all over the internet wandering why their car is about to explode.

      • Fair comment KC.

        Similar to people who move close to the airport and then complain of the flight paths, or frequency or noise that the aircraft make.

        Was a member at my local golf course. Designed over 100 years ago by James Braid and first played by the late Henry Cotton. Some new houses were built on close proximity to one of the holes, and after only a few months the golf club received a letter from the residents of these new houses complaining that golf balls were landing in their garden and that they would like this to stop.

        Disappointingly the hole which had been in existence for close to 100 years has to be altered.

    • I believe the IJN had a major Naval base at Kagoshima and practiced the attack on Pearl there… just a bit of infill for you…

  3. Very worthy cunting…
    Don’t flop your bollocks on the grill and then complained when your sack gets singed..

  4. I remember holidaying in Malta in 2003. At the time I was with the long since dispensed Mrs Maskinback MK1. We took a day trip to Sicily and took a walk up Etna with the guides. It was incredible to view how far the modern Eyeties had built their homes and shops up the side of the volcano.

    I remember walking around the perimeter of the crater at the very top. You had to be a bit careful where you walked – there were some innocent looking grass-filled ditches located to the side of the path that when closer inspected showed some pretty fucking, bubbly hot material in them. At the time the whole top of the cone was baking hot and seemed to be pulsing gently with an indication that something fucking huge was about to blow.

    Well bugger me, two weeks after our visit, the bastard blew its hot lava everywhere. Like some 13 year old teenager with a bagful who had just discovered the joys of XHamster.

    My only regret is that I didn’t push the old bag (Mrs Maskinback MK1) into the crater. Would have saved me a shit load of solicitors bills and a fucking great payout.

    • Some good videos on youtube of people chucking things into volcanos. The garbage bag one is good, perhaps an easy one to mentally swap in Maskinback MkI.

  5. Appears May has just caved in to Tory Remoaners again, agreeing to “significant concessions” re Meaningful Vote amendment… Quelle surprise.

    • What a joke this whole Brexit farce is, no doubt it’ll drag on for a few more years and then they will extend the transition periods and then extend those already extended transition periods until we are in 2024 and the Brexit vote is a distant memory and the majority of the population (who are too busy on Cuntbook and Twatter) will lose the will to complain. What a pile of cunt.

    • I believe her days are numbered. Problem is, I don’t see an obvious successor to fuck the EU off.

      • Treesa May
        Treesa Might
        Treesa Won’t, no way !

        No doubt she’ll get her Charlemagne EU potty-training prize. The bitch.

        JRM is a pretty engaging cove, and seriously, he couldn’t be any worse…

        “Strong and headmaster-ish.”

        • JR-M couldn’t be any worse, except he never has anything but praise for Treeza… considers (re Brexit) she’s doing “an excellent job…”

          Really?

          And “I have long been an admirer of Boris Johnson. He is a first-class and charismatic individual with a popular touch that other politicians look upon.”

          So not altogether convinced he’s a cove of sound judgement…

          • Sounds like a politician to me. X is my valued colleague and there is much to be said for his opinion, which I deeply respect…I wonder whose that knife is projecting from his back?

          • From the Ruff Tuff Guide to Politicians:

            “I can’t tell if they’re telling the truth.”
            “They’re not.”
            “How do I know anything they say is true?”
            “You don’t.”

  6. Volcanoes are like massive poisonous cunt holes. Anyways anyone see Kim Jong un’s suit at the Historic summit… When Kim reads the slating he gets abaaaaaht his suit I have no doubt the Tailor will ‘Disappear’.

      • “A truly historic summit”…

        But what did those two guys do to piss their hairdressers off so much ?

  7. It’s not as if the residents aren’t told repeatedly by their governments and NGOs that living atop a magma chamber might be more than a little perilous. Or not even that a lot of volcanoes are monitored continually for the characteristic seismic patterns that may indicate something is about to happen. -often in time if anyone took any notice. Problem is, volcanoes produce very fertile soil and they’re great for cash crops. Well known problem, solution hard to implement. And never underestimate sheer idiocy – see the recent footage from Fuego, in which residents may be seen gawping at a hot ash cloud heading straight down the ravine in which they are standing. Wonder how many got cooked.

  8. Could the Krankie like Sturgeon be flung into the caldera by an honour guard of furiously Wanking Buckfast drinking Neds…

  9. What a cunt.

    https://www.bbc.com/news/amp/uk-england-leeds-44458051

    The scumbag will serve only 14 months of the 28 month sentence with good behaviour.

    For those interested the sentence is one month for every £31,000 he took. The amount he took equates to well over £500k gross if applying the basic tax rate. Not bad.

    14 months in prison for stealing £500k. Who was it who said that crime doesn’t pay exactl?

    • ‘A prodigious loser’. What a cunt slap that must have been for him to be called that by a judge.

      I don’t get gambling logic. Do these people realize that if they ever make it big they’re liable to just gamble that all away too? Play the lotto once a week and don’t ever expect to win, and be content with that ya greedy cunt!

  10. It’s like the cunts over here who live in Oklahoma and Kansas and cry their eyes out when a giant fuck off tornado does some remodelling of their neighbourhood. Hey morons – it’s called Tornado Alley for a reason. If you accept the risk then fine. Just don’t whine when the weather turns your house into a plane. Cunts.

  11. Volcanoes are one of many, many reasons why it is so sensible to be British. If there is a God it’s an odds on bet that he’s British. It’s no coincidence that it’s foreigners that get fried by volcanoes, swept away by tsunamis, swallowed by earthquakes and parched to death by droughts, along with a whole host of other natural calamities.But God, in his benevolent, Anglo Saxon manner, spares us these horrors ,and just sends us copious amounts of light rain and drizzle as a gentle reminder that we have been born into something sacred. He probably comes from Lincoln or Salisbury or some other such place.
    Good evening.

    • Well said Jack. I’m not normally religious, but I’m really partial to the image of an old testament jehovah ripping open the san andreas fault or bursting yellowstone like some cosmic pimple. And not because he’s vengeful, no not at all. But because the locals deserve it for being dirty and not being British.

      • I cannot but agree with your excellent analysis Cuntflap. The Red Sea pedestrians have got it all wrong, it is the British who are the Chosen Ones. I suppose one should feel some sympathy, but then again ………

        • It is a well known fact that God is an Englishman.

          When I was a callous youth His name was Clapton.

          Not sure what name He might go by in these God forsaken times.

          That pikey cunt Bonio can get fucked.

          • Probably Donald Lancaster, or something equally Home Counties.
            The Irish are damned …….seriously .
            (When I was typing damned the predictive text was suggesting damaged, how the fuck does it know ? )

          • Evening Jack. Donald Lancaster God? How the Almighty have fallen.

            Not surprising though… considering the state of this once great Nation.

          • I think it’s quite restrained, in a typically British fashion. Doesn’t attract attention .I mean, if he was in the phone directory under the listing ‘Almighty God ‘ he’d be mithered to death by people wanting their leprosy cured, or a plague of frogs to be unleashed on Aunt Mabel. He just keeps a low profile, probably volunteers at the local library.

          • At least NOT Paul Francis God.

            Donald Lancaster God sounds quite…dentisty.

            Maybe Paul Francis Mohammed… similar behavioural traits.

          • Next time you go for a filling and the kindly man smiles at you benevolently . . . .

          • RTC, have you not noticed all the citizens referred to by the wonderful, unbiased BBC as German, Danish, Belgium… all Ali Snackbar-Mohammeds ?

            Maybe a good diddler name like P F might help them integrate into Jimmy Savile House.

            Am wondering if there has been a Pope PF (in name terms, rather than deviancy).

    • Great post Jack with empirical data to support👍

      Btw has anyone seen the ‘news’ tonight?

      Far right activist called Jack Renshaw getting a disproportionate amount of coverage.

      Apparently he planned to fuck up his local MP who was White.

      I can only imagine the wall to wall coverage had she been Peaceful.

      • The grief-jackers wont know which way to turn this month, Grenfell on the 14th, St Jo Cox Day on the 16th, and Finsbury Park on the 19th. If it had been a peaceful or any effnick they would now be up there with Nelson Mandela and MLK with a statue in Parliament Square.

      • Renshaw is a pathetic stupid little cunt who gives the mejia an excuse to ignore the real cunts. The cunt.

        • The new Darren Osbourne.

          According to Al-BBCeer….

          “You see the problems just as bad from the far right, regardless of the fact he didn’t plan to detonate himself in a gig packed with thousands of innocent teenage girls and instead targeted a Labour MP that he despised, the fact is one targeted victim is just as bad as hundreds of innocents”.

          That is unless it’s your kids that get blown up.

          Fucking cunts

    • Oddly, Grimsby has just had an earthquake, and a few years back, Market Rasen had one, allegedly 90x stronger, that was felt in Aberdeen.
      Someone in Grimsby thought it was her husband falling out of bed.

      Now, do a “Strath Report” on the millions of lives that would be lost if The Flabbott fell out of bed. Gusts of fart knocking buildings over, particulate matter carried thousands of miles by said death-fart, toxicity, noise levels (“Waaaaaaayciiiist!!”)…

      • The centre of Grimsby was devastated. Estimates are up to £30 worth of damage.

        • I never realised that, officially (a bit like Kingston upon Hull), it is GREAT Grimsby.

          As in “Great Grimsby, old boy, you’ve just kicked me in the farmers.”

    • We agree. Just deleted three of his OTT comments

      In moderation until he changes his tone

  12. Stupid as it may be, I’d sooner give alms to cunts in a boat escaping a volcano than those ‘escaping’ life in a country where breeding the next colony of rabbits, and then trying to transplant themselves to Europe, is the plain and simple number one mission of expediency. FUCK the Italian reverse-V-fingered boat, fuck whatever happens to them henceforth, and may I live in hope that Italy is going to now lead the way in clawing back whatever ravages are left of the already decimated Europe in the only one, everyone-knows-what-it-is-but-won’t-call-it-by-name fight.

    • A bit off-topic, but re. “rabbit colonies” there are some lovely vids on youtube of the Japanese rabbit island, where surviving rabbits (from the Jap army war gas research labs) bred, well, like slimes, and they are now wall-to-wall. I find them rather cute, other cunters of a more practical nature (eg in the NE) may see a stew and pie opportunity…

    • Surely if the sole aim of these charity boats is to deposit said migrants in safety, the nearest coastline is Libya not Italy, Malta or Spain?

  13. Funnily enough I watched a YT video of ‘strangest places on earth’ earlier whilst shaving (as you do, some aural and askance visual input help me pass the interminable time the task takes), and it had one of those Japanese rabbity islands quite high up the ranking, fellow South Walian. Bright Eyes, burning with hope that Italy’s kick-starting something good…

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