Mystic Megs

Are you:-

– going through a loss?
– having problems with love?
– having problems with finance?
– getting divorced?
– unhappy with your work situation?
– lonely?
– feeling unattractive?
– feeling helpless?

Why not consult someone who, for a meagre sum, can look into the future and help you. With their gifts of insight, they’ll be able to predict your impending happiness, incoming partner or future fortune. They could even “make contact” with someone who you’ve recently lost.
Don’t worry if you aren’t able to find one of these talented experts locally as you can now speak to one on the telephone for a paltry low amount (and they won’t keep you on the phone for too long!). Just call up an advertised psychic, or contact one online, and you can obtain an instant perspective.

▫ Men – you could be shown expert business knowledge and how to make your first million.

▫ Women – were you a queen in a former life? Perhaps Cleopatra, Elizabeth I, a Russian princess or Marie Antoinette?

These shameless con artists’ tricks are obvious to most but they’re clever, devious cunts who prey on both the simple-minded and the emotionally-scarred. The job of a clairvoyant is to keep clients coming back, get them addicted to psychic readings, and keep taking their money.

Nonetheless, there are still no laws to prevent this chicanery, absolutely no legislation at all to prevent it. Clairvoyants, shamans, mediums, rune-readers, psychics, numerologists, intuitive astrologers, Spiritualists…
….Fuck Off you rapacious, barefaced lying imposter cunts.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

48 thoughts on “Mystic Megs

  1. “These shameless con artists’ tricks are obvious to most but they’re clever, devious cunts who prey on both the simple-minded and the emotionally-scarred.”

    A bit like priests, then?

          • Some of these fecking idiots who are taken in by this make believe shit have probably bred and may have a driving licence, i had always thought that you had to have a modicum of brain to drive, obviously not.

    • But unlike said shameless con artists the clergy do wait for grass to grow on the pitch before its playable Skiddy.
      PS – I was educated at a seminary in the North West of England and I joined at 12 years of age. I had already lost my cherry and came from a 2 up 2 down working class family. I would have noticed if anyone was after my rectum as I had experienced some really perverted cunts as a kid. My mate used to shag his sister who complained he was being “fucked to a frazzle” . At 14 years of age he was shagging his sister up to 10 times a day during the school holidays. His father enticed 6 of us into the front room to “check for spots” and his son stood guard at the door to prevent any protests from the unlucky cunts who were having their dick sucked and played with by his own father. I still see them often in town on a night out and they give me that “are you going to say anything about my twisted dad” look. I could write a fucking book, nay a tome, dedicated to unlawful and downright illegal happenings when I was a lad – none of them would include any involvement by Roman Catholic priests. And trust me, I would have known.

  2. Don’t forget all the online female mindset/business guru’s that have cropped up now that entrepreneurship and empowered women’s movement is all the rage.

    Shamelessly exploiting weak minded easily led women who think that just by handing over large sums to these rapacious reprehensible con artists that suddenly they will become this successful empowered woman business leaders/entrepreneurs. When, in fact, said guru just wants their credit card number

    Devoid of anything useful and practical for business, just filling the heads of gullible easily led women who should be nowhere near a business, with crap like ‘the secret’ and ‘ringing cedars’ skipping through the meadow in a perpetual summer old fucking hogwash. These guru’s are all over the internet these days.

    I do note that they only target women, two reasons I guess; 1. women are more agreeable than men and lap this kind of shit up and 2. men would just laugh and tell them to fuck off.

    Any daft mare that parts with cash gets what they deserve, just make sure that you hid it from your husband unless you want to get laughed out of the room. Or house.

    I really really hate con artists and scammers.

    • The proverb ‘A fool and his money are soon parted’ is centuries old. As long as there are idiots, there will be scammers. Serves them right.

    • I agree, Dick. As there’s no law against it, it carries on and will continue. Women are targeted, presumably, because they are more persuaded by chance and providence. The other reason is that blokes are more liable to lamp these devious cunts if they feel they’ve been fleeced.

      • That’s the problem, no laws and no qualifications required just ‘look at me aren’t I wonderful’.

        Just reading their about me pages is fist in mouth cringeworthy but dimwitted women seem to lap it up, women who part with cash must be as dim a Toc H lamp! (Shamelessly nicked phrase).

        I would post some links up to websites so you can all have a laugh but knowing that these narcissistic cunts will be googling their own names 10 times a day, any sniff of derogatory comments would probably give rise to a law suit.

        Just google ‘woman mindset coach’ and look at images and you will see what I mean, unless you have more important things to do like smash yourself over the head with a brick.

    • Mostly silly fecking women and salami swallowers that fall for all that shit.
      I asked a mate how the dead got in touch before the Victorians invented the Ouija board, no answer soppy minge, and why with the billions of lives gone before are we not carpeted wall to wall with spooks ghouls and all manner of long dead twats driving spiritualists into mega overtime.

    • re Innernashunal Wimminz Dae…

      #because wimmin have the right to be venal and stupid like some men…

      • Why do the ladies keep prattling on about ” empowerment” they fecking love the word, these groups get a word into their head and they use it for everything, all of them parroting the same right on words and phrases. Inappropriate, uncomfortable,empowering there must be dozens of words hijacked by the twats.

      • International Women’s Day was last Thursday. It was meant to be Wednesday but they took too long to get ready.

        • Isn’t banging on about “power” and “strength” all the time actually Fascism?
          Or is that just when white English males do it…?

    • Mentoring* wimmin entrepreneurs is a lucrative business ( and ties in with Business Development Managers, cunted earlier, too).

      Much of the Cherie Blair Foundation for Women’s work involves ‘mentoring’ wimminz entrepreneurz in Africa to use mobile phones to run banking services for their deprived sisters in the bush. Cherie is closely connected with mobile phone companies, and governments.

      Has Cherie been cunted lately?

      *A term with uncertain meaning, if any.

      • Mentoring often seems to offer dubious sexual activities to pervs.

        See under football / sports trainers, vicars &c.

  3. Telephone psychics…making a fortune without the ability to tell ones’ fortune…
    Too many mugs….

  4. I loved Brian Conley’s pisstake of Mystic Meg – Septic Peg, especially the laboured, monotonous delivery and the wonky eye.

    A different cunting to the norm and most refreshing.

    Mystic Meh, Jonathan (Co)Cainer and all the other chicken-bone – tossing, muttering, mumbo-jumbo merchants. Far cough you rancid bag of cow’s cunts.

  5. You’re a typical (insert zodiac sign here). You’re very good at breathing, and you may well have had sex sometiimes. Eating comes naturally to you, and those around you are often impressed by your ability to read simple text.

    Madame Komodo’s Prediction:
    Your Frog is on the cusp of the Third Pineapple, with Woo in opposition to Venus. This means that you are currently viewing Is A Cunt. You may well become less gullible as a result, so please do not forget to renew your monthly payment order before this happens. Moving on, I see a darkskinned stranger helping your phone to change ownership, and there may be financial problems when you spend the housekeeping on scratchcards.

    Sign in or register to see your detailed horoscope for today.

    • Ha ha, spot on.

      “Jupiter’s moon is in Uranus, which is what I talk out of. Someone is trying to contact you…their name begins with…T…or S…or perhaps D or M. Or L. It was either a male relative or…a female one. You’re feeling vulnerable at the moment….. £25 please.”

    • Beware of bees !

      Especially 73b… You might die of old age waiting for one.

      Conductress / on-board hostess = Hysteric Smeg

  6. There was also that fat little bender. wasn’t there? Russell fucking Grant!

    “I foresee a large heavenly body entering Uranus this evening….”

    • Yes, where is that spherical homo these days? I expect his anus perished a long time ago. Cunt indeed.

    • … Just a thought, but he may have attained his Schwarzschild Radius and gravitationally imploded and is now a `cunt singularity` from which nothing escapes, not even shite.

      • Possibly Russel Grant transcended to a different spiritual plane; from a chubby, camp, bullshitter on breakfast tv to a chubby, camp, bullshitter in an old peoples’ home.

    • What the shit? Is that really THE Dr.Jordan Petersen pedalling this spiritual bollocks? Fuck me, he must need a new kitchen!

  7. There was a psychic evening advertised at our local pub but it had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

    • I ….KNEW someone would say that! 👻 Wooo….

      Perhaps I’M a Clairvoyant. Captain “Zar Zar” Magnanimous.

  8. Apologies in advance.

    What do you get if you put your hands down Mystic Meg’s knickers? Your palm read once a month.

    Rather suspect the joke is probably not still valid.

  9. While we are on the subject of psychics then the biggest cunt among this group and really deserves a cunting all of his own is the Liverpudlian con man ghost hunter and psychic Derek Acorah.

  10. A friend of my sister always (and I mean fucking always!) gives it the psychic shit, but only after the event… Anything on the news, sport, even TV show plots… It’s always ‘I knew that was gonna happen!’ and ‘I had a feeling about that!’ and It has always irritated the fuck out of me… Truth is she’s a useless cunt who couldn’t predict rain with black clouds in the sky…

    • One of the best (or worst?) ones was the last Doctor Who at Christmas… Capaldi regenerates into sweet tits Jodie, and said psychic bullshitter says ‘I knew that! I had a feeling it was going to be a woman!’ So did every other fucker: as it had been in every newspaper, all over social media, and on every website, every news channel etc…

      What a cunt…

  11. Why is she wearing a cat on her head? I remember she got her talons into the lottery programmes and one evening I was idly switching channels and saw this apparition on the screen and it was definitely not Halloween. Her “predictions” included the statement that somebody wearing red and others living in Brighton and environs would win something (unspecified). FFS how many people in Brighton bought a ticket or in the nation were wearing red? Yet they treated her like the Prophet Ezekiel. Now had she said nobody meeting these criteria would win anything and it occurred, THEN I would be impressed.

  12. Recently with my ectoplasm and my special Tarot cards and some part-time communication between the spirits of the dead, I predict that over the next few months many people will be accused of being cunts on this site. Spooky I know but prove me wrong.
    That will be £50.00 only cash, please!

  13. In an attempt to get in a girl’s knickers,I accompanied her when she went to see a Medium who she believed was giving her messages from a dead parent. The Medium told her that her (dead) parent approved of me and then gave me several messages from my dead relatives. Death had obviously done wonders for their opinion of me. When alive,they detested me,and I detested them. How refreshing to hear that they loved me and were always “looking over my shoulder” ( What a treat for the moaning,judgmental Cunts). I,to my eternal pride,managed to keep a straight face and subsequently reaped the reward due to anyone prepared to use a girl’s grief and gullibility to get a fuck.

  14. “Well Mr Rebel, I see times of hardship and loss ahead.”

    “Shit, are you a psychic?”

    “No, I’m from HM Revenue & Customs. What the fuck do you expect if you work every hour Allah sends, some fucker has to pay for Mohamed’s chosen few and their 8 kids (each) and so that’s you, you hard-working, soft, infidel cunt!”

  15. Actually I don’t blame them. Most people who use them know that it’s bollocks but they would rather believe a lie. This is the way it is. People are fucking idiots, that much is obvious, there will always be a market for Charlatans.

    Only the greedy get conned!

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