I would like to nominate NPOWER for a massive cunting.

The bunch of utter heinous fucktards have mismanaged my father in law’s gas bill for god knows how long. Trying to speak with some cunt within that wankshitting abortion of an organisation to resolve their administrative fuck-ups is like trying to shit an adult woolly mammoth out of your arsehole.

As I type I have been placed in a make believe telephone ‘queue’ for 50 mins, waiting to speak with one of their scouse/Johnny Foreign/trained Chimp staff.

‘Thanks for your patience, we know you want to speak with us and we will help you as fast as we can’. Utter,insincere ballbaggery.

Cunts make my fucking blood boil!

Nomionated by Paul Maskinback.

28 thoughts on “NPower

  1. You hit the nail right on the head Mike. It’s foreign, its all aboutthe shareholders, and its a cash cow for the likes of Branson.

    All public utilities should be in the ownership of the state ( people ) and any profits to be invested within the economy.

    All politicians are complicit in this debauchery, and should be therefore executed on common land for the entertainment of the people. Cunts.

    • “My idea would be to keep vital services in public ownership but to employ quality management from the private sector.”

      But that’s precisely how they did it in the ’70s!

      What we should do with now is create democratically controlled regulators /watchdogs with REAL TEETH. Or any teeth at all would be a start…

      • Thing is Mike, Governments /Civil Service appointed the shit management in the ’70s, believing them to be quality. Do you really imagine our current crop of career cunt politicians would be any better qualified to appoint efficient managers with the national interest at heart? Much less the mindbogglingly incompetents Shadow Cabinet!

        Btw, why would a democratically created Government regulator /watchdog necessarily be in the pocket of big business? Unless we assume everyone is in the pocket of big business.

        As for John Lewis, it’s been moving in the direction of standard business practice for years now, compromising on its co-op type original principles in order to survive. And God help us if we had to endure Government advertising campaigns done by the same cunts John Lewis contracted.

        Would love to think your vision could be made to work in practice. Perhaps if we could overcome millions of years of human evolution and our lizard animal natures, we could be in with a shout.

        • Imagine the Flabbot would appoint Grenfellians and the like to look after these companies.

          Every phone call to complain would be met like a call of complaint to BT today…outsourced to a foreign land of choice…

          Bongo bongo drums play…

          “Ello, you call is din de queue and you will be the talked to when Mtembe’s get back with de bison piss, have dem bank details and de password for de accounts”…

          Bongo bongo drums resume.

  2. The real only good idea to come out Citizen Corblimeys gob is to take utility companies back into public ownership. Britain seems to be a sucker for letting is citizens be ripped to the Nth degree. Cunts.

    • Yes.

      Corbyn, Flabbott & McCluskey would do a much better job of running our utilities. According to McDonnell, Government bonds could be issued, so zero cost to the taxpayer, and we’d all be winners.

      Utilities are a necessity and should be free at the point of delivery, like the NHS and Nuclear Deterrence.

  3. Indeed, what cunts they are. Umfortunately, the system and the scripts are cleverly designed so that the further away from calm you get, the more difficult it is to be objective.
    I always say that if they’ve got you on hold you are now being messed around. There are two choices:
    1) endgame – getting problem solved.
    Demand the number for the customer retention team. These people can and will help you.
    2) endgame – burning both ends of the bridge you’re stood on and not giving a fuck. First, start drinking. Heavily. Next person you speak to ask “can I please speak to someone who speaks english”. Now interpret their reply, whatever it is, as a promise that they are gonna start making personal payments out of your bank account. Imagine its actually dianne abbot thats speaking to you. Make the decision and embrace it, that this conversation is going to be finished at the local nick.

  4. NPower conforms to power industry standards. Cuntitude is the norm and probably a requirement for the sector. They are all set up with customer service as a unwanted, reluctant function. Substitute any power company for NPower and the response is the same.

    • All so true, and so sad, CMC.
      I was thinking over breakfast that if the Liebore party ever get their own way, laughter would be a hanging offence. Because, as you say, laughter is a very good way of dealing with these humourless cunts. That, and an AK-47.

      All those god-awful freak-women – Harriet Harpie, Lady Weegee-Squeege, Yv-ET Cooper. They all take things so “deadly seriously”…
      Can’t imagine them EVER laughing.

      Contrast with the magnificent PM (no, not Treesa might…) who said “Cock” rather a lot in parliament. We need more girls like her: more power to her elbow, say I (and I reckon she’s probably got a bloody good grip, too !!)

    • She is a total fucking rocket who regularly makes a total cunt of herself on Sly News, The Pledge.

      How this nut job fails to cringe in embarrassment when she watches the program on air or sees her articles in newsprint, I do not know.

      Opens her mouth and lets her cunt rumble with no remorse or shame. Regularly bordering on racism if not across the line.

    • What do you expect to read in the ‘Pravda’ of Fleet St?
      ……Pravda was a Soviet fucking arsewipe so called
      newspaper, for the benefit of any snowflake sympathisers
      Advice don’t buy commie shit papers.
      Alibi Brown is one of their correspondents. Ugly cunt!

  5. Add to that the unwillingness to invest due to the need to maximise profits, and we wind up with wonderful projects like Hinckley B, to be built (one day, perhaps) by the Chinese and French with massive help from the taxpayer, just in time to remain inadequate due to the theoretical success of the electric car. Or, in another context, for the situation in which about a quarter of the water we now have to pay for is pissed out of the pipework en route to the customer – whose bill is inflated accordingly. Yes. Nationalise the utilities. Economies of scale, parliamentary accountability and joined-up planning are required.

  6. Eldest daughter moved into shared short term rental accommodation in Reading some years ago. Three other people at the same address, all from overseas.

    Landlord put the utilities in my daughters name, which she had not agreed to. Found out when the bills started arriving. From NPower, gas and electricity.

    She called NPower to tell them she did not want the bills in her name as she had not given permission, and they told her nothing could be done to change it. Unbeknownst to her the landlord had sent copies of details she submitted to him in order to get the flat.

    Anyway, after about a year or so my daughter decided to move out of the flat and relocate. She called and asked NPower for a final meter reading and bill for both gas and electricity.

    She received a bill and asked the other three flat mates for their share. They all paid the bill was paid in full. A couple of weeks later (after my daughter had moved out) she was advised that NPower were sorry but had made a mistake and had only sent through the bill for the gas, the electricity bill was an additional £200 or so. My daughter contacted the three other people who refused to pay.

    She contacted the dodgy landlord ad he said not to worry, as he would not refund the three deposits until they had paid. Unfortunately they did not pay, and the landlord returned the three deposits leaving my daughter with the bill.

    Spoke to NPower and asked whether they required permission to set up an account at an address in a persons name without their permission. A senior manager from NPower advised me that they did!!!

    They must have called and sent threatening letters regularly for about a year and a half, each time they were told that my daughter had moved and did not have a forwarding address. Never paid the fuckers for their initial oversight.

    NPower, fucking cunts of the very highest order.

  7. Off point but:
    Brexit scare with a twist.
    It seems to have finally dawned on the French that punishing the UK will have a detrimental affect on their economy and Channel ports. Macron is coming up against reality in his own country at last. The cunt.

    • Macron can shove his Châteauneuf Du Pape up his arse too, when I’m off the pills and get back on the bottle, its going to be Wolf Glass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon & Shiraz with some experimental bottles from South America in between.

      I would have had Italian merlot but having not heard much from the Morris Itals other than ice cream van chimes, I won’t be financing their government who is not doing enough to stop the arrival of the peacefuls at the start of their cross European journey to Calais.

  8. Absolutely spot on Mr Stroker, n power are shitstains on the underpants of the world. We had exactly the same issue in our last apartment, crap billing, wanker of a landlord who had wired our flat to pay for the lighting in the communal areas without telling us. Fucking N Power sent bills from £200 to £3200 (!!). In the end they sent a 6ft thick as shite but fucking nasty africunt debt collector with a warrant of entry to collect £38 – on my girlfriends birthday out of spite ( they knew it was) – unfortunately for him npower didn’t reckon on a bigger ex forces white cunt being at home to deal with him ie. me.
    Nasty Nasty cunts.
    Corbyn is twat, but he is right about utilities should be state owned.

  9. The Irish energy minister has laughed off proposals for an offshore wind farm, believing that generating more wind in the Irish sea to be a waste of electricity…

    • How about e derived from hopeless farts.

      Seemingly the world’s biggest untapped resource.

      Berlaymont could power the whole feckin universe

  10. It seems that all utility companies are staffed and led by limp useless twats. I had the misfortune of setting up 88 accounts with EDF for a new build scheme. On Christmas Eve I received 528 separate pieces of correspondence (each in its own envelope) – it took 3 hours on Boxing Day just to open this shit. I think, by the end of it, they sent me over 3,000 separate letters.

    Issued a complaint in December 2016 and received a response that they would not be able to respond before December 2017. Thought that was an obvious mistake but sadly not.

    In the end the fuckers tried to charge me £310,000 ‘estimated’ against an actual use of £1,700. Ended up getting the CEO’s email address and gave him a polite cunting. He put someone onto it in the Executive’s Office who eventually sorted it out – even he admitted they were a bunch of useless Cunts.

    Oh, and the joy when I did receive a call a month ago about the 2016 complaint – I just took enough time to explain what a shower of cunts EDF were before telling them to fuck off.

    • Staggering incompetence and inefficiency.

      Companies that offer service like this deserve to fold or be shut down.

      Useless French cunts.

  11. Fuck all the utilities companies. They aren’t ‘utilities’ either, they are fucking essential services, that you can’t live without, hence no real competition. All this shopping around bollocks, like we can find a really good deal, when as soon as you sign up, there goes a 7% rise. The water companies can get double fucked, because by the virtue of their very existence, they own all the water in your area. If you collected rain in a leaky hat, they would send you a bill, because they even own the fucking rain. It really doesn’t matter if they are private or public companies selling us these essentials, the working people of this country will always be getting rinsed.
    I remember a few years ago, getting a letter from British Gas, saying they were sorry I was leaving them, and could I provide them with a final meter reading. This was news to me, as I hadn’t even looked into shopping around for a better deal. As it turned out, one of those chipper looking CUNTS with a badge on a lanyard had without even speaking to me, signed me up to a competitor. I had to go through with officially leaving British Gas, and then leaving the cunts, who without even a signature, had signed me up, causing me hassle, and costing me time and money to sort this bollocks out. Now, every time a cunt with a lanyard knocks my door, they get told in no uncertain terms to FUCK RIGHT OFF.

  12. EON are cunts. Telephone agent I spoke with earlier say I was RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCIIIIIIIIIIIUSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTT becausr I asked to speak with someone who could speak English : he patently could not.

    • Surely not a lot to ask FFS, after all ENGLISH is the chosen language of the indigenous population.

      I wonder sometimes (as many of the utility/mobile phone companies) outsource to India for reasons more than just cheaper labour costs.

      Rather suspect that some customers will simply give up with their problem if faced with someone who they cannot communicate with.

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