Boozed up Blighty

So Parliament once more is fingered for “inappropriate behaviour” and alcohol is made the culprit. Have staggered meself from function to function and can confirm the joint floats on a subsidised booze filled haze. The Mother orf Parliaments is a gin soaked old whore now setting the standard for national behaviour. Have motored after midnight through this fair land steering me old Bentley around groups orf slaughtered fillies, knickers doine, arses in the air and puking in the gutters, their ardent swains legless and incapable.

We now have bred an inebriated and knackered Blighty that cannot hold its liquor and that is a national tragedy.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

64 thoughts on “Boozed up Blighty

  1. I’m a Glaswegian. The people one sees nowadays rolling around after a few alcopops with there arses hanging out are a bunch of blouses. English scum doing what they do best, yes includes Oxford freshers. Going on since Hogarth’s days. You never see a Scots person rolling about drunk in the street.

    • Never say never old heart. Your standard drunk jocko is usually to be found in a piss soaked sleeping bag in a doorway in Oxford Street so technically not “rolling about”.

      • The chaps in shop doorways usually suffer from a mental illness as well as alcoholism. The real pros are the ones sitting around bonfires drinking cider and methylated spirits on a demolition site, or the SNP in the Westminster bars.

        That still leaves the Magaluf scum assaulting the polices in every shithole town in England come midnight.

    • ” You never see a Scots person rolling about drunk in the street”

      No, that’s because they’re all pissed flat on their face in the gutter, and if they are actually on their feet, they always sound pissed and as if they’ve got a mouthful of sick anyway.

    • Damn right, HJ !

      My grandfather was a Scot, a true professional in these matters, and his wife was neck-and-neck with the late HM The Queen Mother in the gin-drinking stakes. Never mind the quality, it was Peter Dominic’s Military, litre bottles, and the household had it delivered in by the vanload.

      They would have been appalled at this amateur behaviour !!

  2. I offered a solution but the ignorant sinners and hate filled want to remain in babylon. I pray for my people “And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her my people. That ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues and that you listen to my techno” -Revelation 18:4

    • Do Faust, Can, Stockhausen and Throbbing Gristle count as Techno, TitSlapper?

      Teetotal dope fiends of the world unite!

      • “Do Faust, Can, Stockhausen and Throbbing Gristle count as Techno, TitSlapper?”

        They are defined as proto techno/classic techno/psychdelia Faust,Can, sort of but not as much as say Kraftwerk the godfathers of techno, or Tangerine Dream inventors of ambient techno but lots of krautrock influenced techno, yes I’d say definitely

        Stockhausen had some really out there spacey stuff that kinda reminds me of Tom Disssevelt & Kid baltan so proto-electronica. Some of Throbbing Gristles songs like Hot on the heels of love, still walking and Six Six Sixties had a early techno flavor for what was early industrial synthpop

        “Teetotal dope fiends of the world unite!” Hack the planet nigga the world is a giant pussy waiting to be fucked http://dsbbsuploads.s3.amazonaws.com/original/3X/e/6/e6f64a1452b8609ab04a11e4ff5a20f3c208fb67.gif

        • Clicked on your link TS – all I could see was GOD…

          PS: got off seriously to TG’s 2nd Annual Report.

          TDFOTWU!!!

    • As one Steptoe episode had it…
      “Take courage, my friend”
      “And he’s been taking it ever since.”

  3. In my day, Newcastle’s Bigg Market was a placeto go for a really good Friday night, and yes we did get pissed, but very few behaved like the useless twats that infest the streets these days. Mind you, the cunts in the Bigg Market nowadays either come from Cambridge , Bath, Cardiff, Zimbabwe, Nigeria,Sudan, Syria,Jorda,Congo, Morrocco, and so fucking on. The fucking locals can’t get a fucking look in. The solution, simple. Napalm the fucking festering cunt of a University!

    • Yes, it’s true.
      When I were a lad, getting pissed on a Friday or Saturday night was the conseqence of being out and about drinking all evening enjoying some beers ( pints of whatever you happened to prefer, not horrid gay bottles of trendy poofs piss) and not just quickly throwing ‘ Jaeger bombs’ down your neck to see how ridiculously ill and irritating you can make youself.
      Cunts

      • Oh, and as pissed up and boisterous and generally politically incorrect as we were, we still managed not to wreck other peoples property, rape or kill anyone, beat anyone up or blow anyone up.
        Fuck the world today. Cunts.

  4. British people have a long and proud history of drinking to excess and making pests of themselves. As do I. I’ve had some great times while pissed as a fart,and my behaviour has,on occasion,been deplorable. Fuck me,I’m still more than capable of getting pissed up and causing havoc. The day that I start criticising “Boozed Up Blighty” will be the day that I have to admit that hypocrisy and lack of self-awareness has finally triumphed.
    Wasn’t it just the other day that we Cunted “Selective Amnesia.?”

    • Oh dear missed me point old heart. Youth orf today are unable to hold their liquor and nose dive into stupefaction without ever attaining the supremely heroic state orf Rat Arsed that Blighty was justly celebrated for. Today’s filly tottering on her pin thin heels while simultaneously retching up Jaeger Bombs and pissing her pants is just a paralytic skank. No artistry, no capacity, a disgrace to the flag.
      Knew an old cunt who used to ride the circle line pickled in booze. Perfectly civil, watery blue eyes orf the professional drinker. Saw him a few times over the years settle back in his seat in a crowded train and project a perfect arc orf liquid puke across the carriage without hitting a soul. Now that man was an artist.

        • Don’t bother with DF Sir Stoke techno is not in his heart only the cruel games of drunken debauchery awaits this troubled man,.. that and thai prostitutes

          • I hope that you’re right,TS. I’d always thought that things might not turn out too well for me,but Thai whores and plenty of drink? Fucking good result…. Don’t know what techno music is,but bet it’s a right load of bollocks. 🙂 .

  5. Did anyone see This Week on the Al BBC last night. Apparently ugly drawers Harriet Harman told a joke, or she thought it was, about Jews. Andrew Neil seemed far from impressed. First I heard of it was as I was just flicking through the news on my mobile. Does this mean that this bint will be suspended by that cunt Steptoe, no I don’t believe it will happen, scummy fucking cunts.

    • Her joke wasn’t even funny….if she wants a few real snorters about Jews she’s welcome to get in touch with me. I know loads of offensive jokes about Jews.

      • Yes but it gave old brillo pad syrup the perfect oppo to out virtue signal Harman and recover in his safe space..

  6. Ah getting pissed, lovely. The cheap alcohol gets you a hangover the quality drink is best.
    Got pissed as a cunt in Lisbon last night, going out again tonight but not gonna make the mistake of mixing shots of Vodka, Rum and Beer, oh and eating before is a good idea.
    We Brits love getting pissed but it’s the stupid slaaaaags totally fucked that make me embarrassed, a lady drunk is nice but a slag staggering abaaaaaht is a cunt.

  7. Nice to see Comrade Corbyn looking so uncomfortable and shifty over what he knew re Labour sex crime allegations. Not all a complete waste of time then!

  8. wtf is going on at Westminster? a series of women make sexual assault allegations, then the men accused ‘ categorically deny’ those allegations . how the fuck is an outsider supposed to know who’s telling the truth?

    • Its dead easy Richard, none of the fuckers ever tells the truth. Fuck em all. The sooner that pile of shit explodes the fucking better.

      • Guy Fawkes did try this on this very day many moons ago.

        Bets he actually got caught by a couple of cunts from that era going to get up to something sordid in the sneaky secret undercroft beneath the house of lords.

  9. Labour luvvy moaned when chairing Have I got news for you that low level sexual abuse show.1)Get a sense of humour it is a fucking panel show.2)No one has ever even thought of harassing you.

  10. The most sickening thing I heard today was old Branston-Pickle declaring that: “Customers are not the most important thing in your business…”

    Going on to caveat that with: “…your employees are the most important thing because if you look after them they in turn will look after the customers!”

    What a sanctimonious cunt! I bet all those minimum-wagers in your outfit Richard are 100% behind you…cunt!

  11. just seen Labours Clive Lewis on Sky ‘ categorically denying ‘ he sexually assaulted a woman. i have to say i believed him but where does that leave the woman making the allegation?

  12. 007 ball breaker Grace Jones has jumped on the latest Hollywood victim bandwagon and was sexually harassed early on in her career. The sheman could eat any LA flunky for breakfast and fart them out in time for lunch, old smoothie Roger Moore didn’t stand a chance but kept the British end up.

    While I’m at it, people queuing for the new I-phone X for 3/4 days in the cold and paying £999 for the privilege are cunts.

  13. A quick ‘splash n dash’ cunting is in order for young bearded hipster men who insist on wearing their hair in a fucking pratlord manbun.

    Just popped in to Tesco and spied a bearded masturbateur with said manbun, mooching around aimlessly in a pair of grubby sandals.

    I must say, he looked a complete cunt.

    • Tony Hall,BBC director general is a blithering delusional old cunt who thinks that we are in serious danger of missing out on quality TV due to a shortfall in funding. This has absolutely nothing to do with their pension shortfall by the way,and heaven forbid that the Licence Fee might have to go up again to avoid this catastrophe. I don’t know how I’d manage not trying to figure out which country I’m in when the News is on or basically being called an ignorant racist wanker several times a day. There is a thread on their website with nearly 2000 comments on it,95% of which say the BBC is a pile of festering old cunt. Not surprisingly this has been moved off the first page!.

      • Hey I have sandals and flip flops, guess that makes me a triple cunt? and if I have a hawaiian shirt that I wear in the the dead of winter am I a quadruple cunt?! if thats the case fuck you then

  14. Drinking, like so many other things in life, has fallen foul of our narcissistic attitude towards effort.
    Apparently no-one wants to put the real work in anymore.
    Slinging tonnes of crap cheap booze down your neck makes you look the part, and really that’s all people want.
    The art of imbibing, in all its dignity, is slowly being shamelessly eroded just like everything else.
    Examples:
    Music. Apparently having no-one in the band that can play an instrument is ok. Just warble like a cat being raped and everyone will think you have soul.
    Work. How many people can you think of that imagine they work hard but in reality are the most tired lazy cunts of all time?
    Art. So you can spray paint a stencil onto other peoples’ property? Well done van goch.
    Culture. How many yoof think that dying their hair a funny colour and wearing trainers is their “culture”?
    Reading, gammar, spelling. Just look what text messaging has done for putting the effort in there.
    Education in general: why are there children who think meat grows on trees?
    Driving: why do people indicate AFTER overtaking? Why do young men feel the need to straighten one arm and bend their heads to one side when going round corners?
    All these things represent a distinct desire to do as little as possible. Its disgusting.
    When I was young you took LSD for sixteen hours of fucking crazy hardcore tripping. Now people take bath salts for a 5 minute buzz.
    When I drink I like 12-18 hours of drinking neat whisky like orange juice, whilst maintaining my british decorum. Most people these days achieve the pitiful scene pictured above on nothing more than carling black label.
    Tired, lazy cunts the lot of them. They fucking deservecthat gutter they are rolling towards because if you ain’t first you’re fucking last you cunts. Now fuck off.

    • So true. I love a good drop and don’t mind paying for the good stuff occasionally. Going out for a drink with the yooves these days, it’s all about sinking half a dozen pints of that fizzy piss and waking up with a stage 3 brain tumour (I’ve tried it)… Barely any of the piss swilling pussy fuckers wouldn’t last an hour on a proper all dayer. The stuff they drink (it’s all peroni and moretti by me) tastes like a failed chemistry experiment that’s been through a dirty soda stream. And that ponse crap that you get a brewdog is just the same but someone’s added a teaspoon of lemon juice or some such… They have no idea what a good ale even looks like, let alone tastes like, likely because they are skint, so can’t blame em too much. When I was there age I could do a 12 – 9pm session on 20 quid and get home. A place I frequent once a week with some older yooves , 20 gets you 3 peroni and a pack of crisps so I can see why they do what they do…

      • Well I hesitate to call meself a connoisseur (because I can’t spell it) but YT is orn to his third single malt and could get through the bottle this night. Truly ’tis quality, not quantity, that drifts a fellow down through the gentle clouds orf an amber tinted Teeling Single Malt. The angels and the leprechauns join together orn the tongue in an embrace orf fire and smooth delights. So to bed totally rat arsed and good night.

        • Brilliant, Cunfflap… Sums up Britscum in a nutshell…

          Loads of crappy tattoos? Check!

          Watch X-Factor/Strictly/Bake Off? Check!

          Cheap as fuck vending machine thong instead of classy lingerie? Check!

          Talk in Wigga ‘patois’? Check!

          Listen to Adele Arbuckle/Gargoyle Sheeran/Rita Oral/Kunty Perry? Check!

          Dye hair twatty luminous colour(s)? Check!

          Drink crap like WKDs just to ‘get hammered’ and behave like a total cunt? Check!

          • Sing ‘Don’t Look Back In Anger’ and have a daft bumble bee sticker/tattoo every time a sandwog commits an act of terrorism? – Check!

            See the Beckhams/Rooneys/Kardashians.Beyonce and Jay Z as royalty? Check!

            Whore themselves, their kids, their tattoos (again), and everything they do (no matter how stupid or boring) on Twitter and Facebook? Check!

  15. Interesting statement by Kelvin Hopkins regarding sexual harassment scandal.Convincing statement bar one key point.He says I still wish Ava the best for the future.I dunno about you but had someone falsely accuse me of sexual harassment I would never wish them well.Very strange words.

    • Politicians very strange people, always desperate to keep on the right side of everyone – including those who wrongly accuse them of sexual harassment. Either that or he’s guilty as fuck.

  16. That sort of language strikes me as very odd.No one could be so saintly as to look past a serious allegation.

  17. It was better in the old days with the old licensing laws in place…. Pubs are dying because of the smoking ban and because cunts can buy cheap booze in supermarkets any time… And a lot of folk just also want to avoid the type of cunts that go in them these days… I may be a cynical old(ish) cunt, but I don’t get today’s lot… Me and my mates would go out on the lash and, even if it did get a little boisterous, there was no trouble… Now there are twats who deliberately go out, don’t even slowly enjoy a pint, but neck down shitloads of sambucca to ‘get hammered’ and behave like fucking scum….

  18. Just remembering the dreadful Hart to Hart for some reason…
    Well, I say dreadful… But I wanted to bang the fuck out of Stephanie Powers when I was a laddie….

    • I quite enjoyed Hart to Hart as a lad. It harked back to a gentler age of entertainment where shows like these didn’t have to feature a headless corpse or a goat molestation scene just to pull in viewers.

      • I agree… Everything from Ripper Street to Game Of Cunts has to out-fuck and out-gore other programmes…It’s either that or identikit PC crap like Doctor Who, Sherlock and bollocks like that…

        I was a Starsky & Hutch man… Great episodes like the one where the crippled actor kills cab drivers, Hutch gets hooked on heroin, and the crazy Irish debt collector… Great stuff… S&H also featured a parade of top totty: Veronica Hamel, Lynda Carter, Melissa Steinberg, Roz Kelly etc…

  19. People who were more arsed about The Great Cuntish Bake Off than yet another sandwog on yet another murder spree in New York the other day…. Yeah, them c u n t s!

  20. Whats all this moderation on my posts today? its because I preach the of gospel of techno isn’t it? this is pure hatred of my political/musical/religious beliefs and now I will be the victim of hate crimes just because the colour of my skin #ItsOkayToWhite

  21. When I was younger going out and having a skinfull was just that… We didn’t brag about it…It wasn’t a competition and having a few pints with your mates was no big deal… Now these modern day chavs and archetypal Britscum see getting bladdered as an achievement and a badge of honour… Hearing tosspots saying, dead pleased with themselves, ‘I’m gonna get fuckin’ pissed tonight!’ or ‘I was fuckin’ hammered last night!’… Talking like they’ve given a young Liz Taylor one while smoking Peru’s finest on a luxury yacht… It’s not big and it’s not clever… Getting ratarsed and acting like thick as pigshit scum cunts is nothing to shout about…

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