Middle Lane Hoggers


It probably comes as no suprise to most that some middle-lane hogging cunt has been quite literally shunted out of it by a lorry on the M1, the driver of which was probably fed up with these fucking muggles who clog up the motorways on a daily basis. Lorry driver will obviously be demonised in the Daily Fail, lose his job, etc…

Predictably, the middle-lane moron had dashcams fitted and the whole thing is on camera.
Okay, so perhaps the lorry driver could have just carried on up the inside and undertook him whilst extending the universally accepted wanker gesture. But judging by the overtake seen on the footage – the dickhead in the car was pootling along at about 50mph in the middle lane so no wonder at least one person has lost thier cool. He says the lorry flashed him and drove to close and was ‘intimidating’ him – well that’s probably just a strong indication that you’re in the wrong fucking lane at the wrong fucking speed so move the fuck over! Instead, he obviously felt so ‘intimidated’ that he though the best thing to do was stay right there… cunt.

It’s these fucking imbeciles who cause most of the congestion on the roads, make everybody late, piss everybody right off and make me wish that the Mad Max world is real.

Lorries can sometimes piss me off a bit with the old 5 mile uphill overtake manoeuvre (but in fairness everybody on the road pisses me off at some point), not but half as much as the brain-dead fuckwits that struggle with the mental challenge of breathing in and out, let alone negotiating a busy motorway, plus I always try to remember that lorry drivers are people physically ‘at work’ trying to do their jobs and stick to delivery deadlines.

So I have no sympathy whatsoever for this dashcam douchebag, and I also have no doubt that he’ll soon be coining it in from some solicitor weasel for all the ‘sleepless nights’ he’s about to have. It wasn’t ‘your life’ that flashed before you mate – it was the headlights of the pissed off driver in your rearview mirror (that thing top-centre of your windscreen). And you can bet he’ll be back in that fucking middle lane in no time. (ps – since he recorded it on his twat-cam, shouldn’t the old bill be tapping him up for wee middle-lane hogging fine…?)

Middle-lane hoggers are cunts.

Nominated by: Nickleby

25 thoughts on “Middle Lane Hoggers

    • I have a dash cam, its bloody usefull!
      some twat drove the wrong way into my local supermarket and nicked the last place to piss me off.
      I blocked him in, walked home had a cup off coffee and came back to find an angry fat bloke and the store manager calling the police, to cut to the short fatboy wanted me banned from the shop, I suggested that he may have ignored the one way system to beat me to the last space he denied it, so I just downloaded the footage of him doing it, gave it to the store, Guess who is banned now!!! cunt
      next on the list is the lady in the fiat 500 who rear ended me in a traffic jam whilst texting. she didnt actualy rear end me she went under me and messed up her bonnet on my chassis.
      Any way being a gent I pulled over and she suggested we swap insurance details as “we” had an accident!
      I checked my car and calmly pointed out that “we” hadnt, she had, my car was fine but if her insurance people wanted the footage they could have it. she backed off on that idea.
      Dash cams (forward and rear camera) are very usefull, especialy with kamakazi cyclists on the road,

  1. Good Cunting.

    The picture says it all.

    Fun time. Pootle up the inside, do not pass, make eye contact, grip chest, slump forward with just a touch of right hand down a bit, hold your nerve and enjoy.


  2. When I took the IAM Advanced Driving Test, I was told that the safest place on a motorway was in the centre lane as it gives maximum room for manoeuvre in case of emergency.

    Mind you, they did say that you should pull over when traffic came up behind you to let them go and did qualify it further saying that it only applied in light traffic!

    • Not sure I agree with their logic, depends what they mean by light traffic. It’s the ones that are going at the same speed or even slower than those in the inside lane that bug me. Or simply in the midde lane with no traffic anywhere near them, forcing a queue to get round them, assuming nobody undertakes (IAM advice fair enough that they should move over). They’re probably safer behind a lorry since they’re slower (should suit most middle lan hoggers) and can see much further ahead. Plus the hard shoulder is usually available on most stretches of motorway.
      In an emergency being in the middle lane will leave many drivers with far too much choice as to where to go and they’re more likely to hesitate whilst deciding. Changing lanes in many emergencies can make a situation worse as other drivers are using the space to slow down – not ideal if some twat suddenly skips over with their brakes slammed on.
      You would hope that people had left enough distance from the car in front that they wouldn’t need to ‘escape’ into another lane, possibly causing more problems. If they have left enough distance then they can slow/stop safely without having to change lane suddenly.

      I know it’s wrong, but it’s so tempting to drive loops round them with the universally accepted wanker gesture extended from the window.

      • Don’t shoot the messenger!
        I think the US system is better. You can overtake either side but it’s an offence not to signal when changing lane. Over here it seem obligatory to not signal from what I’ve seen…

  3. Personally I just like to make them look like a right cunt by approaching in the inside lane, getting to within safe distance, indicating right, indicating right again and then overtaking at a speed not exceeding the road limit.

    Following a smooth overtaking maneuver I indicate left, once I can see both of the hogger’s headlights in the rear view mirror.

    I then indicate left again, changing back into the inside lane, having checked over my shoulder.

    Confuses the fuck out of them.

  4. I don’t drive, never learnt, but, for what it’s worth why not just put the fucker in reverse?

  5. Im the only one allowed to hog the middle lane, anyone who gets in my way is a cunt.

  6. Sometimes you have to stay in the middle lane due to the sheer number of Lorries and other slow moving cunts in the slow lane. If you follow the rules and stay in the slow lane move out to the middle and fast lanes to overtake and then return to the slow lane you would be constantly moving from lane to lane probably making the journey more dangerous. There are usually Lorries every 200 yards so I leave that lane to those cunts middle and fast lanes for me. They should increase the speed limit (fast lane) to 90mph and make all Lorry drivers drive at night. The roads are shit, they are always doing some roadworks on the M4, widening it or whatever the fuck it is those hardly ever seen road working cunts get up to.

    • They should include motorway driving on the driving test instead of pissing about reversing round corners!

    • I agree, but I think the OP is referring to the lazy brain dead cunts who just stay in the middle lane no matter what, and don’t even consider that decision, or anyone else

  7. The M4 is a cunt,

    If you live in Bristol and London or travel between the two or for whatever reason you use the M4 it is a boring fucking journey, especially when you have driven it a thousand times like me. They are always up to some fucking crap like adding an extra lane here or there, or closing two lanes and slowing you down to 50mph when there is no cunt working. Then there are those massive digital signs on the road side telling you to go 50, 40, or even 30mph! Then they say ‘Congestion’, well of course there is you stupid cunts, if you slow every cunt down there will be congestion. They always seem to be doing ‘works’ on certain sections overtime Im driving on it. By the time they finish all this work the road will need re surfacing and they will be closing lanes down again. The cunts.

    • You’re not wrong! I once did Wales to London on the M4… I was stopping at every services out of boredom, I must have smashed 3000 calories down by the time I got home!

  8. Just a small point to thick cunts that go on about slow, middle and fast lanes. One is supposed to keep left unless overtaking. This translates to ” Oi stupid cunt. No!” you can’t spend all day in “the middle lane” its an overtaking lane the same as the other fucking lanes. Truckers are only allowed to use lane 1 and 2, so if you insist on pootling along at your liesurely 49.6 mph in lane 2 you are in fact committing an offence as it is expected that you return back to lane 1 when safe to do so. Have never understood why coaches are allowed to travel at such high speeds with their human cargo in all lanes while the driver is giving a running commentary. Would have thought that was as dangerous as using a mobile. Cunts!

    • Exactly!
      If people adhered to that then they would not need to switch back to the left lane cutting people up because they are going to miss their exit!
      You see that shit all the time on the M25

  9. Middle lane cunts driving at 60 mph are fucking annoying. But also as annoying are those wank stains that sit in the overtaking lane, (also known incorrectly as the supposed ‘fast lane’), and seem incapable of moving across to either middle or left lane despite there often being fuck all in said lanes. However, as soon as these annoying cunts think you’re going to draw level with them, they decide to speed up , at least for a while until you draw level again.
    I think it should be allowed by the law to equip your car with fucking machine guns so you can shoot those pricks off the road.

  10. traffic police in fast unmarked cars are cunts, they normally zip up to you, give you the come on and then nick you when you take up the offer (seen em do it)
    the tell tale is the little coiled wire hanging top right in the back window, its attached to a drop down led board with “Police Stop” writen on it,

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