Lofty will return with a heroin addiction and it turns out his dealer is Nick Cotton.
Arthur returns with a pyramid scheme involving timeshares in Magaluf, he will do a runner with the money before shagging Mrs Hewitt.
Sanjay & Gita will return on Ramadan and open an ISIS stall on the market much to Tricky Dicky’s disgust.
Dot will complain to Mr Popadopoulous and the laundrette will be converted in to a European brothel run by James Willmot Brown, cue another rape storyline
The Tavernier’s will return from Norwich as the token black family.
And of course, some of the classic woofters will return. Colin & Barry will return from Brighton looking to adopt kids but be forced to as Dot Cotton to be the surrogate.
Only a bunch of cunts could write this stuff!
Nominated by: Boaby
Thank god for a mother who had no time for such shit and fed us with fucking drama and got rid of us at the tender age
And i must admit being brought up with a mother who hated soaps is a fucking virtue
VOMIT INDUCING BULLSHITE
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So called craft beer is a cunt. Or specifically American craft brewers are cunts who produce some of the most obnoxious filth I have ever tasted in my extensive beer swigging life. Some of it is just undrinkable, like it has everything turned up to 11. So what if you know about strike temperatures and grist to liqour ratios and so what if you use only the most obscure 6 row barley specially imported from fuck knows where? It’s all a bit pointless if you can’t drink the fucking stuff. Jalapeno flavour beer? Coffee flavour beer? Pumpkin flavour beer? How about a beer flavour beer you fucking cunt? Or would that be too “traditional” for you, you bushy bearded base ball cap the wrong way round wearing tattooed cunt? And why make it 7% ABV? For fucks sake, how are you supposed to swig a gallon of 7% beer? And they are not shy with it either, 10 dollars a pint. They even have the same shit in Bangkok only its even more expensive here as its over 8 quid a pint which is more than most Thais see in a week. Cunts.
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If Eastenders were true to life, Albert Square would be invaded by ragheads, all shouting ‘Allahu Ackbar’ as they decapitate all non muslims, and burn down the Queen Vic.
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If Eastenders were true to life, Albert Square would have been invaded by hipsters, then bought up by the Chinese, each unit redeveloped by an interior designer aiming to recreate the look of an Arabic brothel, and would now be standing empty. I’d rather watch 30 minute shots of empty luxury housing developments than EastEnders.
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I give thanks every day that Mrs B despises all soap operas…..
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Who would want to watch this crap anyway?
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Brought up on Ena Sharples and Minnie Cauldwell making half a stout last an entire episode bitching about Elsie Tanner and harbouring unspoken sexual desires on Albert Tatlock. If you wanted good actresses and drama you didn’t have to look further than Ena and Elsie (Violet Carson and Pat Pheonix) who stood out above the rest with the simmering hostility between the two.
After they started filming in colour and I discovered girls I lost interest, the networks were churning out “soaps” in all forms of abismal efforts with implausible plotlines, Eastenders being perhaps the most ridiculous of the lot but provided a vehicle for the young ‘media stars’ churned out by the many actor schools around here.
About the best ‘soap’ program the BBC has broadcast was “The Road to Coronation Street” (ironic ain’t it) which was a one off and had a few Eastenders cast-offs in there along with some other well known (in the UK) names. Star of the lot was Jessie Wallace who showed what a fantastic actress she was once she had broken free of the shackles of humdrum soaps.
Soaps should be recycle centres for the young actors setting out on their careers (a year, no more) and retirement homes for the older luvvies who need to be close to their medication. Every other character inbetween those age ranges should be in an out swiftly as they move between the immigration holding centre built on Walford Green and some northern town they have been dispatched to so the Chinese and Arab States can buy up every square inch of the area.
“Mongrels” (BBC 3 puppet show that you should really have a look at, only lasted two series unfortunately) was more accurate and believable than Eastenders.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1b4Rw4EerU
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But… you are overlooking the creator cunts of mongrels were copying spitting image but they mostly copied Pets its basically stole everything from Pets add a dash of spitting image satire wahLa creates tasty Plagiarism Pie. 1st episode https://youtu.be/MjfhVbnU6Uw Enjoy
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Yep, correct on all points there TS but “Mongrels” is a personal preference as it is slicker, tighter, ruder, funnier and the voices/characters are better….. a little like “Drifters” is better than “Sex in the City” or shit streaked toilet paper is better than the Daily Mail.
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Wallace was good as Pat Phoenix in that Corrie thing… Wasted on a horrendous character like Kat the slag….
The one who played Kat’s sister (the battered wife one, Young Mo) is also a fine actress… Seen her in theatre productions twice… Very good…
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Not seen her Norman but will look out for her in stuff around the theatres.
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Have you noticed all the soaps have similar shite storylines. Do the respective script writers compare notes when they are giving each other a reach around ?
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BBC News is a bit like that
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They certainly do at the day nursery. It’s the only explanation for such mind numbing tedium. Do people have such wonderful lives they feel the need to watch made-up shite?. Perhaps all the soaps are for the delight and delectation of the top 1%ers to jack off to while taking their champagne enemas.
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Hopefully another large aircraft will fall out of the sky, Emmerdale style, onto Albert Square, preferably a fully laden B-2 Bomber….
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I remember an episode of NeverEnders where that thick cunt, Alfie Moon was on a promise from that knickerless orange hued slapper, Kat (who isn’t on a fucking promise from her?!): Alfie realises that he has no rubber johnnies (again, like Kat the slag ever uses them anyway!), so he goes out to get some… There’s none in the local shop, the machine in the Vic is knackered, and poor old Alfie can’t get a packet of three anywhere for love nor money… My mrs said to me, ‘Isn’t this supposed to be in London? Couldn’t he get on a tube or bus and buy a packet of condoms virtually anywhere in the capital?’ She was of course spot on, but this is NeverEnders… A whole half hour about a man who can’t find a pack of condoms in one of the biggest and busiest cities in the world, and all for a dirty slag who doesn’t even know what a condom is… Utterly laughable and spectacularly shite…
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To be fair the incestuous inbred cunts who inhabit the square never actually venture out its confines. Everyone works and plays within 50 yards of their home.
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Who writes this shit some white cunt with a double barrelled name.Then the Bbc want all the ethnics in it.Who wants to see fucking Muslims with stupid head scarves ,acting ‘normally’ covered from head to toe? The pc cunts do.Who wants the Whiteman to feel ashamed? liberal lefty,pc cunts who should all be murdered then I can go back to a healthy ,normal life in my own country.The storylines may be trying to cynically bring awareness in the pc world.But to me its just pc cunting hypocrisy while one hand looking down on others,forcing beliefs and opinions and on the other broadcasting a program showing everything from rape,murder etc .Political correctness will fail like all leftist revolutions but not without many casualties …
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