This Guest Post is by Dioclese, who won DeadPool2
Neighbours are cunts. No – not those Neighbours, my fucking neighbours!
Their dogs piss on my plants, they park their cars on the pavement in front of my door, try to steal my garden ornaments, drop oil on our drive and generally behave like a bunch of self-opinionated, egocentric fucking arseholes.
And they’ve all got big houses on 110% mortgages, flash cars on the never never, maxed out credit cards, and important jobs. Well, I’m glad the cunts are important at work because they’re fuck all round here.
And when I complain, it’s my fault their dogs have nowhere else to piss, my fault that they have to pay for the car park next door. It’s always my fault whatever they do, the cunts. The other day one of the cunts came banging on my door because I complained he’d parked in front of my garage door and I couldn’t get my car out. Apparently that was my fault because he couldn’t find anywhere else to park! Then the cunt told me that all my neighbours hate me and I should fuck off and live somewhere else. Well, fuck him, the cunt! Fuck ’em all. I’ll stay here and outlast the bastards.
But what really gets me about these cunts is that they all think I should care what they think of me, but they don’t give a flying fucking fuck what I think of them because I don’t fucking count. What a bunch of cunts!
Fair Play, thats a good cunting. What a bunch of wankers.
2
Piss on their dogs..and cars. That’ll be good revenge.
Anyhow, The Clash are cunts.
Yeah, right on, fucking rich boys playing radicals, with their designer punk clothes. I wish that open topped cadillac had crashed and a bus had run over their fucking greasy heads.
The Cunts
1
Obviously you dont let your neighbours get to you, you cunt.
And the music business is full of posh rich cunts prending to be radical.
0
Have you ever thought of going for joint therapy Dioclese? Perhaps you just misunderstand each other.
0
banned – I rather suspect that D understands his neighbours only too well… They need to understand (it seems to me) that unless they wish to be introduced to the business end of a shovel they could do better than to buck their bloody ideas up a bit.. 😉
1
Poison their dogs. Mix rat poison with pedigree chum. No more piss. Job done.
1
Hack them all to death in a crazed attack with a bloody big Axe; then blame society, say sorry and you will probably get a 12 month Community Service Order.
1
Gary fucking Lineker is an incredibly annoying jug lugged smug Cunt. He even presents “Cunt of the Day” the twat.
Thank Christ his shitty Crisp adverts have been fucked off our screens, Walkers Crisps? More like Wankers Crisps. Fucking Cunt.
0
I feel better for getting this off my chest…
..well, I did. This morning the Waitrose van called to deliver me groceries. He pulled into the drive at the side of me house to turn round only to come face to face with my cunt of a neighbour turning in the other way. After an exchange of words during which the driver informed him she would quite happy to ‘fuck off’ if he would just move his car out of the way, he was forced to back up!
Naturally, he couldn’t resist banging on my door and havng a go at me. I was not in a witty mood so simply replied “For Christ sake just fuck off you stupid little man” and shut the door in his face.
I love it when a plan comes together…
2
I suggest you get a shotgun and poke the barrels out the letterbox as the fucker approaches your door.
2
sticks and stones etc…but a baseball bat across the melon nips most neighbourly disputes in the bud…..arrymonk
0
Striking Public Sector Workers are all greedy, lazy, bastard cunts, who don’t realise what lucky cunts they are to have a job with a pension. Selfish cunts every one of them.
0
Could you possibly have a crap on their doorstep? Under cover of darkness of course – oh, wait….they haven’t got one of those automatic security lights, have they? The ones that come on when anyone approaches……..in that case just nip out in the early hours and lob a turd over the fence. If you could aim at their car that would be an added bonus. Bon chance, mon brave!!!!
On a lighter note, I’d like to nominate that grinning cheesy faced twat Julie C Peasgood (aka Julie Cuntin’ Peasgood) to be officially elevated to the state of cuntitude, purely on the grounds of her annoying beaming voice and ridiculous crescent eyes – STOP BEAMING, YOU CUNT!!!! thank you
0
DIOCLESE, I have the same problem, but my neighbours are all cowardly bastards who can see shit happening all around,but won’t speak up!unless it affects them directly then their running round the neighbourhood trying to get a petition together and then dragging the whole lot into their problem !!! but if you have a problem they hide behind their doors and won’t come out !!! fucking cowardlt lot of two faced bastards !!!!!
2
I agree with you. I have just moved beside the local village twat. He’s a bit of a dip shit. I have made the front and back gardens look well, removed the dead and almost fallen trees. Basically received compliments from the villagers but oh no, not the gob-shite beside me. The ‘couple’ next door are anything but a couple. He drinks in a local bar in Haynes with another woman. They lead separate lives and are just unhappy. She, on the other hand is a tired, older and hide behind the curtains type of loner with a battered face and pretends to be in a loving relationship. This beggars belief, they are not married, there are no kids, yet she isn’t strong enough to kick his ass to the kerb. Then the neighbours on the other side of me are in the Witness Protection Programme with fecking CCTV all over the house and yet, they tell EVERYONE about this. Really? And so, at the left of me is the Jeremy Kyle audition type and the right is just the lowest, sleaziest, work shy weasel that the villagers call ‘the dickhead.’ Can’t believe I came to live here……they are so racist (I am Caucasian) and the same gob shite on the right is giving the poor Nigerian family absolute grief. Gonna sell the house and move a big family in with loads of kids in and drive them nuts but I know that wouldn’t be fair to the tenants. If I do any work to the house or if the Nigerain family have a BBQ, the gob shite next door gets on his motorbike (more like a fecking sewing machine) and revs the engine for 20 minutes. He goes nowhere and the truth is, we all laugh at this. He is a coward, he throws his toys out of the pram and stomps his foot. She runs after him like the weak mouse she is. Roll on the next few months and I will be gone. What ever happened to people being sorted out…..ya know what I mean! 😉
1
Funnily enough, I just had some good news today. The fucking Clampet cunts who rent number 12 are moving away!!
The other night the head of the house knocked on my door and demanded that I move my car so he could park. I was parked in the street FFS!! When I refused, he asked why. I said it was because I didn’t want to.
“But if you moved, other people could park!” says he. “Precisely” says I.
This is the same cunt who sat outside my door at midnight one night with his engine running. He drives a Subaru with a huge great exhaust on it. I asked him politely to turn his engine off because Mrs D was asleep upstairs. He told me to fuck off. Now every time he passes my door he revs the guts out of the engine just to wind me up.
Be glad to see the back of him and his shit ugly family. Fucking council house scum cunts the lot of ’em…
1
Oh, and this is interesting too…
http://chascmusic.wordpress.com/2012/07/17/neighbours/
0
Think you hit the nail on the head……these are a row of 10 semi detached properties…..wait for it, ex council houses. Some people have bought their respective homes but then you have the fag ash Lils, chip pan frying, yellow buck toothed, uneducated shite living beside you. The kids are so pale and underfed they look like they could star in ‘flowers in the attic’ the original show! They all complain about each other to social services. The kids aren’t too bad, it’s the parents and the men in their lives they call ‘Daddy’ for six months. The kids will grow up as ignorant as the ‘mother’ that spawned them. What is it about people and revving engines, never the guts nor balls to come and speak to you. No wonder the yanks go fucking postal….
1
PS. Congrats the clampit cunts beside u are pissing off. The gob shite next door is getting valuers in to price their house as they just did their bathroom up. Or, fingers fucking crossed, they move. Lots of us with fingers crossed around here. Just need to deal with the Jeremy Kyle witness protection fucks beside me and this will be a beautiful place to live! 😉
0
Great news…….
Clampit cunts from number 20 are moving. House up for sale….she is shitting herself in case I stick a couple of republican songs on loudspeaker. They are like fucking mice with tails between legs fearing I will retaliate when prospective buyers come. The for sale sign went up, my mate and I did a river dance jig in the living room to a good ‘ra’ song. I have been the quietest neighbour ever, it was only until they rattled my cage that I still kept quiet, never said a word for fear of him poisoning my dogs. But the day the sign went up……yeeeee ha. My mate and I roared with laughter dancing around. The thing is that ‘couple’ are breaking up…..he will shack up with the woman he drinks with from Haynes. She will fuck off to Scotland and live off her soon to be dead mother and fathers money. So if u see a wizened, dried up, ugly runt of a woman, grey haired, red poc marked face who is only 52 but looks 72, she will fuck anyone as her self esteem is hung like the loose elastic in her knickers. All the neighbours and I are in such good humour….thanks for the rant on this….it kept me sane in an insane street! Next, the witness protection fuckers can just stay put and have more babies and having more children that my husband and I work for to feed, clothe and house. Stop having babies if u can’t afford to raise them !!
0
Be careful what you wish for! We had a bunch of cunts at number 20 in our street and celebrated when they moved out.
Guess what? We ended up with an even bigger load of cunts! House rental should be illegal. If they can’t afford to buy a home, they should fuck off to Romania…
1
Think you are right ‘be careful what you wish for.’ After 3 days on the market, she pulled out of the sale…..I was gutted, the street was gutted…..our celebrations were short lived my friend. Ouch, it hurt like a bastard…..their TVs started blaring, his exaggerated sneezes (amplified, like the music), revving his bike……it all kicked off again. Nightmare….until that it is, my hubby moved abroad to work for 3 months, I knew I would join him….can’t wait, I see him in 48 hours and we move PERMANANTLY. Then, the next day we move….the best bit? Private buyer wants to buy our house…..there is someone looking out for us. I can finally leave the witness protect. Program shit neighbour, her fecking kids and low life out of work dosser boyfriend with their fecking CCTV cameras shining in my front and back gardens. Yes, a live POLICE stream in case her ex comes and half kills and rapes her again. Great, this rapist is out of jail in the next few months and wait for it…….his prison mates write to her on his behalf. How the fuck does that happen under WPP???? House rentals should be banned…..Escape to the Country my ass…..more like Escape to the Cunts……..
0
From HurlingDervish
My missus is a sad cunt, she watches that jungle celebrity shite on ITV. I had to fuckin’ laugh though, and nominate those two geordie cunts PJ and Spunken, or Ant and ‘fuck me someone’s put the Mekon on telly, lightbulb, Swan Vesta headed cunt’ Dec.
That fucking prick Dec or whatever his name is has surely escaped from a Hermann Munster convention plus, it’s blessed with a truly Tefal proportioned fucking cranium, someone give him his own hover chair for fucks sake so the cunt can go round chasing Dan Dare!!!!!
0
Just an update……two years later and living in the Middle East, tax free and no friggin low life neighbous. It’s a great place to be……it’s illegal her to be in debt or have no job, there is no dole, no handouts….so right away that eliminates the chavvy bastards on the dole. Educated people of good morals are around you. No ‘up the duffs’ No witness protection programme and her pale face bastard kids that call everyman that enters the house “daddy”. No, I don’t miss the shouts over the fence asking for a fiver to feed their kids……I have been blessed, I am out of that situation……never again when someone mentions living in a conservation area will I think it is trouble free…..no, I will question how many paedos and witness protection, dole loving cunts they are hiding…….goodbye Shillington, Hertfordshire…….you have all the charms of quaintness but have the low life fucks we couldn’t wait to move quick enough from. My advice……do your bloody research…….if you get a feel that the place has a few cunts around you…..drive past, don’t even view the house.
1
I would like to nominate alicia dixon, as she dosent know, what the fuck she is talking about and is a gobshite jobsworth massive bleeding, gaping, gunge infested fucking gloryhole of a cunt, cunt, cunty, cunt cunt cunt!
0
From HurlingDervish
I would put the boot into that useless cunt Gary Barlow, but his fuckin’ simian mate Robbie ‘I’m a David Dickinson real deal sized cunt’ Willams should really take the dog shit dipped biscuit just for being a wanky, smelly looking, ugly, fucking massive gobbed cunt of a prince cunt amongst cunts. Waazaaaa!
0
I can’t believe nobody’s nominated that Gloria Hunniford woman (Gloria Hunniford). Why, she’s an overly coiffed, gruff voiced, parsnip legged, inexplicably besequinned on a daily basis, QUNT of a man-woman. For feck’s sake, woman, relax your fucking hair, dress more casually sometimes (Dennis fucking Basso doesn’t fucking need your fucking cunting endorsement 24/7) fuck me blind…….(deep, even breaths)……..now fuck off…….
0
From HurlingDervish.
A bit harsh on old Gloria. What’s she ever done except present holiday programmes? dunno about that one…
Anyway, I had the missfortune to tune into that fat right wing arse licking, murdoch worshiping breakfast LBC radio presenting cunt Nick ‘geezer, man of the people’ Farrari this morning.
Surely this cunt speaks for all the cunt wafting black cab drivers with his pearls of pure racism and sexism, whilst all the time sucking up to Cameron and his oily fuckin’ cronies.
I have honestly never listened to such a control freakery type fat, enormous Pillsbury dough boy of a ‘can’t climb more than two sets of stairs without heart palpitations’ type fat prick in all my days.
Ferrari you have cuntishness ingrained in you like the grain in a plank of wood you thoroughbred fatcunt.
0
From HurlingDervish
…Oh, and I forgot that he’s a mate of that himalayan Daily Mail loving cunt Calvin McKenzie.
Another fuckin’ murdoch zombie.
I would like to insert a small thermo nuclear device up his anal cavity by delivery off the end of my steel toecapped boot.
0
The Welsh are all cunts. The fucking lot of them. They sell you a cottage, take your money to renovate it, then burn it down and charge you to rebuild it.
And when you criticise them, they winge on and on and on, taking no fucking notice of what you are saying and accuse you of being a bigot. The bastards hate everyone but themselves.
And have you noticed that when you go into a welsh pub, they all stop talking English and revert to Welsh! Fucking ignorant cunts!
No wonder a sheep tied to a lamp post passes for a leisure centre in Cardiff. Inbred, ignorant, xenophobic, self-opinionated cunts the lot of them!
And the cunts can’t sing either.
0
From HurlingDervish
…..your Euro MP, apparently there are fucking 7, yes 7 for my area. Are all a bunch of freeloading fucking raking it in off our wages, fucking sly hiding in the shadows on 150 grand a fucking year plus pensions and massive fucking perks including a cocaine expense account.
My god, what the fuck is going on?????
These cunts are the maggots in the rotten apple! the cunts aren’t elected by me for fucks sake.
What happened there? I feel sick….
Surely that whole Euro parliament is a fucking rotten nest of cunitng cunt fucking fuckers.
Dirty cunts!
0
Bonita Friedland is Lake Forest, Illinois’s hottest cunt! Bonita Friedland was called the “big-nosed Italian broad” in high school and quit school to escape her tormenters. But Bonita Friedland got her revenge when she opened the Friedland Event in Lake Forest, a sex toys shop. The Friedland Event has some of the most erotic sex toys in Lake Forest.
0
Good cunting! Had a run in with my dead mother in laws neighbours, sticking their massive proboscis in our fucking business and making judgements without the full facts, not that it’s any fucking business of the bastards any fucking way. Bunch of cunts all of em.
0
Adrian hollister is a total CUNT
0
Perhaps you could be a little more specific – especially as we’ve ever heard of the cunt?
0
Is that the Green Party cunt who lists “face painting for charity” as an interest?
0