is a cunt

The Red Princess
Holidays in Ibeeza.
Or, Gobshite goes Abroad.

Phone rings…

Angie: Hi Donnah, it’s Angeh ‘ere.
How about we book a girls trip to Ibeeza – we’ll ‘av a right larrf.

Donna: Oh that’s a great idea Angeh.
We could relive our yoof and weren’t it Ibeeza where we all conceived our kids, ya know wiv them lads we met?

Angie: Yeah that’s right I remember now. We were all council estate gals then weren’t we?

Donna: OK, I’ll get on to Wendah and Salleh they’ll be mad for it. But wait a minute, wouldn’t it look a bit bad you ‘aving a late summer break an’ disco dancin’ an’ all that when your lot ‘av condemned millions of old age pensioners to a cold miserable winter?

Angie: Nah that’s just politics. I’m exhausted after a few weeks in government and need some fun. I’ll dress very subtly in me red dress so ‘ardly anyone will notice.

Donna: OK then luv, see you at manchestar airport, make sure you’re all tanked up for the flight.

Angie: You bet darlin’. An’ by the way I’ve got some Oasis tickets for next year!!! Only paid 300 knicker each.

Donna: But isn’t that the amount of the winter fuel allowance?

Angie: So wot kid it’s only moneh! I’m on 150 grand a year now. Mad for it!

Sky news

Nominated by Lord Helpus.

The wife and I have got a little game which some might find odd but we love; it involves delving into your wank bank, or rub hub as she calls it. It’s great fun.

You and your partner or friend each name five people from your wank bank, and then select one, without specifying your choice. You take it in turns to let your imagination run riot where your selection is concerned, while the other does the necessary for a ‘happy ending’. It’s stimulating and relaxing. I recommend anyone to give it a go.

There is an odd proviso however. The game can lead to the revealing of some seriously odd wank bank suggestions, particularly where the fair sex is concerned. Take the night before last. I named the following as my five; the Anderson twins (Gillian and Pamela), Julia H-B, Polly Walker, and Alex Kingston. A seriously mouth-watering collection to fantasise over I’d say. But what about the wife? Well get this; Sean Connery, Adam ‘Kylo Ren’ Driver, android Cmdr Data from ‘Star Trek’, Bill Murray (‘Groundhog Day’ version), and that inexplicable fanny magnet Monty Don.

Talking afterwards, I wondered about her selections (okay, I’ll give her Connery, even though he’s brown bread), and got these responses; ‘sooo intense, and that dreamy voice’ (Driver), ‘every girl’s ultimate toy’ (Data), ‘so charismatic’ (Murray), ‘oooooh, being pawed by those big, rough hands!’ (Don).

Now it’s not just the missus with some weirdo choices in the bank. I’ve got some dear female friends who’ve also owned up over the years. Take my friend Maggie. All the choices she once named were slapheads, such as Dwayne Johnson, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham (‘he’s a brute’ she says, shivering in anticipation). She wants to massage their heads with warm oil. Then you’ve got Elaine. On one occasion, after she’d sunk over a bottle of red, she named Jimmy Nail (‘a bit of rough in Armani’), John Malkovich (who knows?), and heaven forbid, Peter bloody Dinklage (‘I’m just curious that’s all, what’s wrong with that?’). Last but not least there’s Vicky, who fantasises about being Gordon Brown’s underpants. Straight up.

Maybe by coincidence I just know some strangely imaginative women with an unorthodox mindset, but there’s a small selection of weirdo female wank bank contenders and no mistake. Men are from Mars etc. Any of you cunters know somebody with some odd fantasy fixation?

Anyhow, here you go Elaine my dear, have this one on me;

ebay

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Starmer should have been a headmistress at a girls school. Look what the silly bugger has done now:

Starmer attacked for ‘petty’ removal of Thatcher portrait from No 10

He finds the picture “unsettling” – he is frightened of a woman who has been dead for over a decade. It seems to me Labour is a party of old women of both sexes. I never thought I’d say it, but Blair was a saint compared to this jerk. He probably wet the bed the night he moved into Downing Street if the picture upset him that much. Blair invited Mrs T round when he moved in. Poor Lady Victoria had piss stains – and worse – on her night dress, where the silly cunt messed himself, after waking up from a nightmare. This is the face and actions of an elderly and decrepit soy boy. A closet poof. When they circumcised him they threw the wrong end away.

It is good to see the ridiculous old cunt getting down to really serious matters – stopping adults smoking out of doors for example,, taking away a picture of a woman who was a fucking sight better t and more of a man than this four eyed arsehole will ever be.

Who cares about energy bills going through the roof, increasing violent crime, depriving pensioners of their allowances, allowing undocumented “asylum seekers” to enter this country illegally , by their thousands, and the possibility of World War 3, when you have really serious problems like these to deal with. Pictures that scare a spineless old , where he has clambered an

Yet another layer added to this sick bastards ambition to be the Fuehrer. I never thought I would say it, but Blair would be a better alternative to this old queen, who is scared of his own shadow.

How much longer is even the Labour party prepared to put up with this clown?. When you think of him, you automatically think of the smell of shit, where he has clambered up so many EU arseholes.

If Kweer is terrified of a dead leader, we are fucked if Putin ever comes after us.

Sky news

Nominated by W.C.Boggs.