is a cunt

*Newsflash 5th Sept.2024*

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Royal Correspondent Ron Knee bringing you some astonishing breaking news concerning Prince Harry.

As we all know, Harry is sublimely happy with his Stepford Wife and his life in Monteshitshow, but ever dutiful, he has graciously condescended to consider ‘helping out’ with royal duties temporarily if asked to by the king.

There remains one huge stumbling block to Harry’s return to the fold however. Sources indicate that he will only put himself out if he receives an apology from his estranged brother Prince William.

When appraised of his brother’s self-sacrificing offer, the Prince of Wales apparently replied to members of his inner circle ‘hell will freeze over before one apologises to that arrogant, self-serving little prick. Up the Villa’.

So there we have it. It appears that a British public consumed with a sense of loss and longing for Harry’s return are sadly doomed to be disappointed. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Mirror

Nominated by Ron Knee.

A First Class cunting (but you can’t be sure it will arrive next day) for Royal Mail who on October 7th will for the second time this year rise the price of a First Class stamp to 1.65

This hideous company, whose chairmen in recent years are too incompetent to arrange a fuck in a brothel, are really taken liberties now. It will decimate the mail order business for one thing. Even now, it is not unusual for a 1st class letter to take two days to arrive.

Still I suppose it i all part of Adolf Starmer’s “progressive politics” – you notice not a word of recrimination for the governing party.:

Daily Express.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

I don’t mean to cause offence to the nice gentleman in the bar who is shouting “OI. You lookin’ at my bird?” He is, of course, not a cunt, and I’d better shut up or fucking else. Nononono. Something in my eye. Sorry.

My gripe is with the obvious butch lezza, cropped hair, 4’8″ tall, 4’9″ wide but not in dungarees, who was blocking my access to the milk in the Co-op today. “Could you excuse me a second?”, I asked. It moved grudgingly aside, and then, with the speed of a slug on Mandrax, a thought occurred to it, “Did you just call me ‘Sir’?” it enquired, with more than a soupcon of strop. I repeated what I had said, with extra clarity for the hard of understanding. It didn’t reply, and I moved on towards the ripen-at-home nectarines. Thinking.

Butch lezza was definitely looking for trouble. If I HAD called it Sir, I can only imagine that the next move would have been a call to the (thought) police. At the very least, I could have expected a loud lecture on gender identity, and instruction as to which precise category the cunt fitted, complete with silly pronouns. You don’t have to be a mind reader these days. If a complete stranger raises a gender-related issue for no apparent, or an invented, reason, they’re looking for trouble.

Be on your guard, cunters. It’s not just in the Co-Op. It’s global:

www.unesco

Nominated by Komodo.

The BBC & Climate Change ► “The Cunts That Keep On Giving

BBC Weather.

༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ IT`S OFFICIAL ! ! !

We`re all going to die !!!!!!!!!!!!!*

(*ᵇᵘᵗ ᵖʳᵒᵇᵃᵇˡʸ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵃˢ ᵃ ᶜᵒⁿˢᵉᑫᵘᵉⁿᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵃⁿʸ ʰᵉᵃᵗ⁻ʳᵉˡᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵉᵖⁱˢᵒᵈᵉ).

Nothing more to say really as its all been said before within these hallowèd threads – still, that doesn’t seem to bother the MSM who continue to regurgitate the same old rhetoric with monumental regularity for the benefit of the exploited masses.

Probably all `written` by AI these days anyway.

Nominated by : Sam Beau

Back in the day, manufacturers tried to encourage us to buy their products by promotioning them as ‘new!’ and ‘improved!’, better than the other guy’s ‘ordinary’ whatever-it-is.

They still do this of course, but in these times of social and environmental awareness, it’s no longer enough to push your product as merely superior to others. No, these days you’ve also got to demonstrate your virtue as a ‘responsible’ supplier.

This was brought home to me the other day as I unloaded the shopping when the wife and I got back from the supermarket. Take our Kleenex tissues for instance. The packaging assured us that ‘we want to do our bit to reduce our impact on the planet; our pack is 100% recyclable and we are looking to reduce and reuse as much plastic as we can’. Didn’t stop you from wrapping the twin pack in plastic film though did it?

Then there was our surface cleanser. These days it doesn’t just kill 99.9% of all bacteria, but ‘contains no bleach, no dyes, and is pH neutral’ (whatever the fuck that is’). To top things off, the ‘bottle is made with 50% recycled plastic’. The floor cleaner has its own angle. The container certifies it to be ‘cruelty free’ and ‘vegan’, as does that of the bathroom cleaner, which has the bonus of only containing ‘natural oils’.

Foodstuffs are just the same as well. I was pleased to learn that our ice cream contains ‘sustainably grown, handpicked bourbon vanilla; the container being ‘made with 93% less plastic’. Our ketchup contains ‘no artificial colourings, flavourings, preservatives or thickeners’, and is ‘gluten free, and suitable for vegetarians and vegans’. Well of course.

It turned out that just about every item had some blurb on the front which promoted it on the basis of one or another aspect of ‘responsible’ production. I’m heartened to see that manufacturers are now taking their obligations to both the consumer and to the planet seriously.

Of course, they might actually not give a toss. This could all be just another marketing ploy to make us feel better and more at ease psychologically, and therefore more inclined to buy. It could all be just about that bottom line. No… they couldn’t possibly be THAT cynical.

Could they?

Cheeky Panda Products.

Nominated by : Ron Knee