Snow and Snowflakes

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DOUBLE CUNTING!!

Not prepared for snow & Snowflakes (Young people not the shit that falls from the sky) every year the white sub zero temperature pensioner killing shit causes havoc. Now call me a naive,or just a cunt but when winter rears its ugly head snow may be on the horizon, so please, pretty please prepare for it .

Now to justify my rant I have just been away in winter (my own fault for choosing this time I know) and queued for 12 hours at Zurich airport behind 6 snowflakes. By fuck did they make 12 fucking hours LONG. The floor was too hard, the floor was too cold (from my experience they generally are) then it was the free water given to you, then the free food, then being given “too much information!” Sorry but being given a constant update to me was welcome and then finally the uber whine they were not all give individual rooms free of charge!!

These swiss people had spotted they were 3 couples on a weekend so they were housed as 3 couples, now these evil free accommodation/food and beverage dolling out swiss cunts did not consider their feelings and “safe space!” requirements. At all. Just saved them and others from sleeping in minus 12 or in the airport terminal.

Nominated by Toryboy

Sofas

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Now we’ve had the Christmas TV adverts cunted, I would like to nominate the boxing day and New Years TV adverts for furniture outlets flogging cunt sofas on the never-never. We all know the quality of the lounging furniture is shit, using shit materials with lurid designs. All they are doing is selling interest rate derivatives using a crap sofa as the underlying asset. But, the thing that makes me throw stuff at the telly is that they only use professional female midget models to sit on the chairs and cross their legs. This way the blokes are too entranced trying to squint up her kilt to notice the deception.

The sofas are absolutely tiny and would only support one sink-estate lardass. Not three, unless they were midget models like jockey’s birds.

Nominated by Haywood Jablomee

Temporary Homeless Christmas Sympathy.

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From the Socialist Broadcasting Company (aka BBC):

-Homeless tuck into Christmas dinner at Euston Station
-A theatre in Plymouth is opening its doors to offer homeless people a place to stay. Locals have decorated the foyer of the Palace Theatre and donated practical items like coats, shoes, blankets and jumpers.
-Westlode Fisheries in Spalding, Lincolnshire, is opening on Christmas Day between 13:00 GMT and 15:00 GMT offering free hot meals for the “homeless, elderly or people who are struggling this Christmas”.
-Burnley’s Muscle Factory gym is opening at lunchtime offering shelter, food and haircuts so that “no one should feel alone on Christmas Day”.

First of all, there are actually a lot of homeless people who want to be homeless, or just can’t live a stable life, for whatever reason, not all, but some, if not a lot.

Now that FACT (fucking sympathy junkies) is out of the way, what the hell good is it to feed someone for 1 day apart from to make yourself feel better.

In the above example from the British Broadcasting Communists: “Burnley’s Muscle Factory gym is opening at lunchtime offering shelter, food and haircuts so that “no one should feel alone on Christmas Day”.”, But they can get fucked every other day of the year right?

If these tossers actually want to help people (which they fucking don’t), how about letting them live in your house? How about not spending your whole life feverishly worrying about the housing ladder so the prices are fucked because, let’s face facts, you and your family come first right?

Yeah toss some losers you couldn’t give 2 fucks about a few crumbs – that will make up for a lifetime of middle class self-deluded greed and ignorance won’t it cunt-face.

Did I say cunts?

Nominated by Cunting Rank Wags

Advocaat

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A heartfelt Cunting for Advocaat (the drink not the football manager)

This dreadful, mucus-like slime is only ever seen at Christmas when some senile old Great-Aunt drinks it before farting and frightening the dog (one of my happy childhood memories),

Seeing it for sale is truly the harbinger of the dreaded Christmas festivities. It’s not fucking Christmas trees, or Christmas fucking songs (I understand that Dio and Chas are making a shameless, but probably successful, attempt to usurp Slade as the voice of Christmas awfulness), or begging adverts about the homeless that lets me know that “the most wonderful time of the year” is upon us again,it’s the sight of that vile concoction being sold.

I’d have assumed that as the old fuckers died off,the demand for Advocaat would have dwindled…not a bit of it. The shelves are stuffed with it. Who the fuck is buying it – and why? If any Cunter has recently bought a bottle,I demand that you explain yourself.

Nominated by Dick Fiddler

Big Shaq

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Sometimes art isn’t subjective, or even art. If thistles is what people are listening to and enjoying, we’re fucked. How anyone can pen some of these lyrics and not immediately suicide is beyond me – examples:

Two plus two is four, minus one that’s three, quick maths
…
I trap, trap, trap on the phone, movin’ that cornflakes
Rice Krispies, hold tight my girl Whitney (my G)
…
Man can never be hot (never hot), perspiration ting (spray dat)
Lynx Effect (come on), you didn’t hear me, did you? (nah)
Use roll-on (use that), or spray
But either way, A-B-C-D (alphabet ting)

Fuck me is this actually happening? Are those lyrics? Am I awake?

Listen to this “song”, and I challenge you to not think that whoever made this isn’t an utter cunt.

Nominated by Cunting Rank Wags