are cunts.

Now I know that I am about to cunt kids but have decided that the big brained throbbing Mekon-headed baby Einsteins’s can no longer go on hiding in the shadows.

I have always found them creepy, a bit unnerving. A little bit of devil child Damien from The Omen or those twin girls from The Shining. They may be weak in body but their minds are like supercomputers! Don’t let the thick glasses and penchant for wearing bowties when reciting 280 digits of pi fool you, oh no.

Who goes to Harvard University at fourteen or tells jokes in classical Greek and masters calculus before puberty? Teaches themselves ancient Hebrew for fun or invents their own language?

I may find them weird and have pants older than them but I don’t hate them for being geniuses. Precocious maybe. I wonder what kind of childhoods they have? Do they interact with ‘normal’ kids of their own age? I mean you don’t want to raise some poindexter thinking he is going to colonise Mars and save humanity and then decides to become the next Ted Kaczynski because he didn’t go BMXing with bald tyres and no brakes in the woods with his mates.

They may be a nine year old chess grandmaster or a published author on quantum mechanics but it won’t be much use against the school bully who is an expert in their field on dishing out wedgies.

wonders list

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

Feeding yourself without food waste is a cunt and virtually impossible, if you’re single.

Daily Fail.

I live alone, have done for over 10 years, and like a lot of older people, my appetite has diminished.

Eating healthy is really hard. What are supposed to be single portions are too much for me.
Ready prep meals for one are so tasteless without a ton of salt and Hendos, they defeat the object!

I try not to waste food, after all I’m a pensioner on a fixed income, but why can’t supermarkets do a reasonably priced bag of veg for one? You know, three baby spuds, florets of cauli, half a peeled carrot?

And don’t give me shite about frozen veg, lettuce doesn’t freeze!
(and has the nutritional value of air – NA)

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

Cunters will be well aware of the furore caused when the BBC recently aired a *cough* ‘documentary’ about Gaza, which turned out to have been narrated by the son of a Hamas government minister.

Enter stage left one Deborah Turness, CEO of News and Current Affairs at al-Beebra, who recently ‘earned’ a hefty payrise to take her salary north of £430k a year. In a transparent attempt to cast a veneer of impartiality over the documentary and justify it being aired, Thickness stated ‘it’s really important that we are clear that Abdullah’s father is a deputy agriculture minister, a member of the Hamas-run government. I think it’s important to continually remind people of the difference’. Ah, so there’s a distinction to be drawn between that worthy organisation’s ‘military’ and ‘political’ wings then. Good show, and thanks for pointing that out.

Well here’s the thing Debs. It may have escaped your attention but Hamas as an organisation is proscribed by the UK government as a terrorist organisation IN ITS ENTIRETY, military wing and political wings both. As William James put it, ‘a difference which makes no difference is no difference at all’. Abdullah’s dear dad didn’t get to be a senior official of Hamas by virtue of being one of the good guys, bent on a policy of peace and reconciliation and growing stuff. It’s like saying that Hitler and Goebbels were a couple of okay guys you’d have a pint with because they were head of the Nazi party’s political wing.

This is a blatant attempt by Turness to excuse the BBC’s lack of editorial rigour, or indeed what may well be deliberate bias, by trying to draw a meaningful distinction where none actually exists. To this day, al-Beeb still refuses to refer to Hamas as a terrorist organisation. I draw my own conclusion from this with regard to Mzzzz Turness and the Beeb, as you no doubt will draw yours.

telegraph

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Security guards on supermarket doors are cunts, aren’t they.

Twenty years ago, there were no guards outside shops or lurking at the entrance, eyeballing you as you entered like you’re a dirty shoplifter. It began about a decade ago.

Do they prevent much crime?
If Jamal and his mates want to go nicking, will this podgy bloke in a white shirt make any difference? When chavs make a five-finger discount from the booze section, is this bored chubster going to make chase?

Mostly, these portly Afreekans don’t look like they could even walk 100 yards, let alone run it. They saunter round the shop like overfed ducks, usually browsing on their mobile. Once, I saw one tucked away in a corner watching the football on his phone. It reminds of that quote in Snatch: “I thought you said he was the getaway driver. What the fuck can he getaway from?” (Certainly not a buffet – NA)

I suppose the supermarkets just add the cost of these do-nothings to their items making groceries even more expensive.

Fucking useless.

Nominated by : Captain Magnanimous

Link to the header pic provided by Sam Beau who added the following:
@ADMIN – perhaps I can be a professional link-adder? How much does that pay?
Be my guest, SB. You’d be on the same rate as us Admins….fuck all – NA.