Angelina Jolie, Hollywood superstar, is to be a guest-editor on Radio 4’s Today programme. She is planning a Refugee special.

Jolie, star of Tomb Raider and owner of a natural, huge mouth, said she is going to invite refugees and survivors of conflict to speak about their experiences.

Sigh.

Perhaps if she clubbed together with all her “humanitarian” millionaire cronies (Leo DiCrapriat, George Fucking Clooney) they could chip in billions of dollars to a cause of their choice. Clooney owns five houses. Yet no, they’d rather just educate the little people, admonish them then tell them to donate.

Well done, Jolie; you’ve won the 2018 Lineker Award. Merry Fucking Christmas.

Listen, TinselTown Tits, you live a multi-millionaire lifestyle and play act love stories and action films before returning to one of your many mansions and servants. Stop attempting to milk a bit of sympathy during your salty divorce proceedings with Brad. Stop lecturing people about refugees, real or otherwise, and stop pretending you don’t have a thoroughly pampered life, you pompous, trout-lipped hypocrite.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Georgia Hall

https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2018/dec/04/georgia-hall-paid-womens-tour-men-golf-interview

Golf is not my cup of tea but this gets my fucking goat. Yet Another female sportswoman moaning that their male counterparts earn loads more than them. I’m sure The woman is a brilliant golfer and talented beyond belief and has clearly spent hours and hours honing her talents and she deserves her rewards. But It’s simple Georgia, if you want to be the “champion golfer of the year” enter the men’s tour, win a load of tournaments and win a major, nobody is stopping you. Ask for a couple of wildcards into some male tournaments (the sponsors will be gagging for it) and go win them and walk off with the prize money. It’s what the men do. If you want equality in sport then let men play on the women’s tour. Until you do that please shut the fuck up about equality.

Nominated by Cuntsince1066

I’d like to nominate one of my university flatmates for a cunting. I won’t name him because :
1. it would be distasteful, and
2. it might lead to him or someone he knows discovering my little rant on here.

He’s a right fucking asshole. Always shouts REALLY LOUDLY whenever he’s on the phone, makes no attempts to control the noise level of his mates whenever he invites them round (anyone who knows me personally knows I find a situation like that rather frightening) and on top of that he always leaves the kitchen a mess and only cleans it when one of the rest of us (usually me because I’ve sort of taken on the mantle of enforcer with that kind of stuff) tells him to.

Oh, and he never takes any responsibility either – he usually just acknowledges the problem, addresses it when I tell him to then goes right back to the same behaviour all over again, sometimes whilst deflecting and blaming ME for stuff I haven’t done and occasionally even lying to try and avoid being called out on it. I’ve just had yet another go at him and forced him to clean the kitchen again after once again he forgot to do it, and I’ve made it clear in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t address this cuntish behaviour I WILL get Accommodation to move him to another flat – it would devastate him but it’s his own damn fault.

What a cunt.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

I would like to cunt the excessive use of the word “Artisan”.
Every cunt with a beard and gelled hair who starts a small business sneaks that fucking word into his advertising.
Sandwich Artisans
Carpentry Artisans
Bricklaying Artisans
Pot-making Artisans
Coffee Artisans
Signwriting Artisans
A mate lent me a copy of the new custom motorcycle magazine “Built” which is full to the brim with beardy check shirt wearing hipster cunts happily chopping up nice 1970s bikes into cut down knobbly-tyred matt-blacked exhaust-bandaged mutants that, in a few years time when the fad ends, will be worth fuck all except as spare parts. The dopey cunts will then probably have to pay someone like myself to restore them back to original, at great expense (I’ll make sure of that).
And if one of them refers to ME as an “artisan”, I’ll drown the cunt in his own hair products.
Utter bollocks all of it. Artisans my arse…

Nominated by Mr Bastard

Modern man at the bar

Took the mrs out last night to see some stand up and went for a post gig drink. There was a cunto (the collective noun for a group of men with sleeve tattoos and wanky haircuts) at the bar in front of me. No problem a quick order of five scoops and the cunto will be out of my way. But no one by one each of these twats ordered one beer for themselves and paid for it by card. Get a fucking round in you wankers. You are supposed to be mates but this behaviour just left me shaking my head. Left in disgust, went to another nearby pub, saw a middle aged colleague at the bar who just asked without hesitation what you having? He bought the mrs one as well. I of course returned the favour and we move on. Modern man at the bar get a fucking grip, get your cash out and buy a fucking round for your so called mates. They may then just do the same for you.

Nominated by Cuntsince1066