(Compromise)

Compromise is a cunt, isn’t it?

As the old joke goes, my wife and I compromise on everything: She wanted to watch Downton Abbey but I wanted to watch the football – so we compromised and watched Downton Abbey. It’s an amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they both agree to let the wife have her choice.

When both sides yield, neither is the winner and nobody is content. It eventually becomes an unhappy medium which falls betwixt two stools.

Often there cannot be an acquiesce, or at least shouldn’t be. If a family of five wanted a pet, they might discuss and debate it before having a family vote. If the vote produces three votes for a dog and two votes for a cat, how can they compromise? The dog wins so a dog should be bought.
They shouldn’t purchase a gerbil; they shouldn’t search for a dog-like cat or a hybrid feline-hound; why reduce the demand with a bio-hacked mutant which satisfies nobody?

Fuck compromise.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

Cunts who use coupons at supermarkets. I was in Sainsburys earlier buying my parents a bottle of Heineken each for Christmas and was stuck behind a guy getting all his individual coupons out to save no more than a couple of quid for what felt like an age. When I come to power coupons will be banned – if you shop around like any reasonable person does there’s no need for them anyway.

Nominated by OpinionatedCunt

Vincent Lamb

“Who?” You might ask. Well until yesterday I had never heard of him either. According to his imdb page he’s an “award winning director and producer from Ireland”. He’s now come into the public eye thanks to his latest project, Detainment, which is about one of the most horrific crimes in the history of the UK; the murder of 3 yr old James Bulger. He claims the film was made to get a “deeper understanding” of the crime and the two 10 yr olds who did it, which to me translates into “humanise” them.
Lamb has also admitted that he’s never spoken to either of little James’ parents before making the film, stating that if he had spoken to them then it probably wouldn’t have been made. And now, to add an extra gut punch to them, the film has been shortlisted for an Oscar!!!
If Vincent Lamb had any measure of human decency he’d request the film to be pulled. But then again if he had any measure of human decency he never would have thought about using this topic to boost his career in the first place!!

Nominated by Cunt me in

A Public Service Announcement.

Audience members required.
BBC radio and television are seeking volunteers to watch, in the studio, various comedy and panel shows. These will include Mock the Week and Have I Got News for You on TV as well as various R4 comedies such as The News Quiz.
Refreshments and light reading matter will be provided (Organic hummus, the Guardian)
The successful applicant will:
Laugh uproariously at each and any attempt at comedy, however pathetic.
Copiously piss themselves at any mention of Brexit, Rees-Mogg, Boris Johnson. (special hygienic easy-wipe seating provided)
Evacuate their bowels at any reference or impersonation of Donald Trump.

Applications including postcode to the Director General, BBC.
Please note. For logistical reasons we are unable to take anyone residing outside the M25.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble